Tag: clipper

Hair Puns

Welcome to the Punpedia entry on hair puns! ✂️ 👩🏻 ✨

Our hair puns have to be seen to be be-weaved. Rest a-sheared that no matter the hairstyle or pun you’re into, our pun list is a cut above the rest! We have puns ranging from general hair terms to styling materials to technical classifications of hair texture. Comb on in and enjoy!

While this list is as comprehensive as possible, it is specific to hair. We have included some facial hair puns too, but not a whole lot as we have a separate beard pun list on the way.

Hair Puns List

Each item in this list describes a pun, or a set of puns which can be made by applying a rule. If you know of any puns about hair that we’re missing, please let us know in the comments at the end of this page! Without further ado, here’s our list of hair puns:

  • Here → Hair: As in, “I’ve been hair before” and “Fancy meeting you hair” and “I’ve had it up to hair” and “Hair and there” and “Hair comes trouble” and “Hair goes nothing.”
  • Hire → Hair: As in, “Hair and fire” and “Not for hair.”
  • Air → Hair: As in, “Hair kiss” and “A breath of fresh hair” and “Clear the hair.”
  • Bare → Hair: As in, “The hair necesseties.”
  • Bear → Hair: As in, “Hair a grudge” and “Hair a resemblance” and “Hair in mind” and “Hair with me.”
  • Care → Hair: As in, “Handle with hair” and “I couldn’t hair less” and “Intensive hair” and “Customer hair.”
  • Dare → Hair: As in, “Hair for more” and “Hair to be different” and “How hair you.”
  • Fair → Hair: As in, “All’s hair in love and war” and “By hair means or foul” and “Hair trade” and “Hair and square.”
  • Scare → Hair: As in, “Running haired” and “Hair quotes” and “Haired out of your wits” and “Haired to death.”
  • Spare → Hair: As in, “Can you hair a dime?” and “Hair no effort.”
  • Stare → Hair: As in, “Hair into the abyss” and “It’s not polite to hair.”
  • There → Hair: As in, “As if hair were no tomorrow” and “And then hair was one” and “Be hair or be square.”
  • Where → Hair: As in, “All dressed up and nohair to go” and “Any time, any place, any hair” and “Home is hair the heart is.”
  • Very → Hairy: As in, “Be hairy afraid” and “Before your hairy eyes” and “It was a hairy good year.”
  • Fraternity → Fro’ternity: As in, “Fro’ternity brothers.”
  • For → ‘Fro: As in, “At a loss ‘fro words” and “Bat ‘fro both sides” and “Down ‘fro the count.”
  • To pay → Toupee: As in, “There’ll be hell toupee!” and “Rob Peter toupee Paul” and “There’s this much left toupee.” Note: a toupee is a type of hairpiece.
  • Fairy → Hairy: As in, “Hairytale ending” and “Hairy lights.”
  • Come over → Comb over: As in, “Would you like to comb over tonight?”
  • Save → Shave: As in, “A penny shaved is a penny earned” and “Shave the next dance for me” and “Here to shave the day.”
  • Brave → Shave: As in, “Shave new world” and “Fortune favours the shave” and “Put a shave face on.”
  • Grave → Shave: As in, “Silent as the shave” and “Dig your own shave” and “From the cradle to the shave” and “One foot in the shave.”
  • Pave → Shave: As in, “Shave the way” and “The road to hell is shaved with good intentions.”
  • Rave → Shave: As in, “Rant and shave” and “Shave reviews.”
  • Wave → Shave: As in, “Don’t make shaves” and “Heat shave” and “On the crest of a shave” and “Shave the white flag.”
  • Har* → Hair*: Replace the “har” in certain words with “hair”: “In loving peace and hairmony” and “The hairbinger of doom” and “Autumn hairvest” and “Hairbour resentment” and “This is hairassment!”
  • *her* → *hair*: Replace the “her” in words with “hair”: “Hairitage site” and “Hairald good news” and “Nursing a hairnia” and “All togethair now!” and “Whethair or not” and “I’d rathair not” and “Let’s have anothair.”
  • Harbour → Barber: As in, “Safe barber” and “The Sydney Barber Bridge” and “Barber a grudge.”
  • Condition → Conditioner: As in, “The human conditioner” and “In tip top conditioner” and “In mint conditioner.”
  • Gel: Here are some hair gel-related puns:
    • Bell → Gel: As in, “Clear as a gel” and “Sound as a gel” and “Gels and whistles” and “Doesn’t ring a gel.”
    • Cell → Gel: As in, “Gel division” and “In a padded gel.”
    • Fell → Gel: As in, “In one gel swoop” and “Gel off the back of a lorry” and “Little strokes gel great oaks.”
    • Hell → Gel: As in, “All gel broke loose” and “A cold day in gel” and “Come gel or high water” and “For the gel of it.”
    • Sell → Gel: As in, “Buy and gel” and “Past the gel-by date” and “Gel down the river.”
    • Smell → Gel: As in, “Bells and gels” and “Come up gelling of roses” and “A keen sense of gel” and “Gel ya later.”
    • Spell → Gel: As in, “Cast a gel” and “Gel it ou.”
    • Tell → Gel: As in, “Can you gel the difference?” and “Every picture gels a story” and “Kiss and gel.”
    • Well → Gel: As in, “Exceedingly gel read” and “Get gel soon” and “As gel as can be expected.”
  • Mess → Mousse: As in, “Stop mousse-ing about” and “Don’t mousse with me” and “A frightful mousse” and “Hot mousse” and “Mousse-ing around.”
  • Miss → Mousse: As in, “Blink and you’ll mousse it” and “Hit and mousse” and “I’ll be mousse-ing you” and “Mousse-ing in action.”
  • Moss → Mousse: As in, “A rolling stone gathers no mousse.”
  • Goose → Mousse: As in, “Wild mousse chase.”
  • Loose → Mousse: As in, “All hell broke mousse” and “At a mousse end” and “Let mousse.”
  • Made → Pomade: As in, “A match pomade in heaven” and “Have it pomade” and “Pomade for each other” and “I’m not pomade of money.”
  • Spray → Hairspray: As in, “Say it, don’t hairspray it.”
  • Tango → Tangle: As in, “It takes two to tangle” and “The horizontal tangle.”
  • Angle → Tangle: As in, “What are you tangling for?”
  • Brush: Brush-related phrases can double as hairbrush puns: “Brush it off” and “Brush up on” and “A brush with death’ and “A brush with the law.”
  • Blush → Brush: As in, “At first brush” and “Spare your brushes.”
  • Crush → Brush: As in, “Have a brush on” and “A brushing defeat.”
  • Rush → Brush: As in, “After the gold brush” and “A brush job” and “Sugar brush” and “A brush of blood to the head.”
  • Come → Comb: As in, “After a storm combs a calm” and “All good things must comb to an end” and “As tough as they comb” and “Comb and get it!”
  • Came → Comb: As in, “I comb, I saw, I conquered” and “As it comb to pass” and “There’s more where that comb from.”
  • Home → Comb: As in, “Bring it comb to you” and “From a broken comb” and “A house is not a comb.”
  • Wag → Wig: As in, “Set tongues wigging” and “Chin wig.”
  • Big → Wig: As in, “A wig ask” and “Wig brother” and “Wigger bang for your buck.”
  • Dig → Wig: As in, “Can you wig it?” and “Wig deep” and “Wig for victory” and “Wig your heels in.”
  • Jig → Wig: As in, “The wig is up!”
  • Bond → Blonde: As in, “My word is my blonde.”
  • Fond → Blonde: As in, “A blonde farewell” and “Absence makes the heart grow blonder.”
  • Pond → Blonde: As in, “Little fish in a big blonde” and “Blonde life.”
  • Wand → Blonde: As in, “Wave your magic blonde.”
  • Binge → Fringe: As in, “Fringe eating.”
  • Fringe: These fringe-related phrases can double as hair puns: “Fringe benefits” and “On the fringe.”
  • Early → Curly: As in, “Bright and curly” and “Curly adopter” and “Curly days” and “Curly to bed and curly to rise.”
  • Pearly → Curly: As in, “Curly whites.”
  • Care → Curl: As in, “Be curlful how you use it!” and “I couldn’t curl less” and “Customer curl” and “Handle with curl” and “Intensive curl” and “Like I should curl.”
  • Girl → Curl: As in, “Atta curl!” and “A curl’s best friend” and “Curl with a pearl earring.”
  • Whirl → Curl: As in, “Give it a curl” and “Take it for a curl.”
  • Busy → Frizzy: As in, “Frizzy as a beaver” and “Frizzy bee” and “Get frizzy living” and “Let’s get frizzy.”
  • Dizzy → Frizzy: As in, “Scaling frizzy heights.”
  • Term → Perm: “On bad perms with” and “On your own perms” and “Come to perms with” and “Perms and conditions apply.”
  • Firm → Perm: As in, “A perm statement” and “With a perm grip.”
  • Worm → Perm: As in, “Can of perms” and “The early bird catches the perm.”
  • But/t → Cut: As in, “No ifs and cuts” and “Cutter fingers” and “Cut in” and “Bread and cutter.”
  • Gut → Cut: As in, “Greedy cuts” and “A cut feeling” and “Cut reaction” and “The cutless wonder” and “No cuts, no glory.”
  • Nut → Cut: As in, “Sweet as a cut” and “From soup to cuts” and “A tough cut to crack.”
  • Shut → Cut: As in, “An open and cut case” and “Put up or cut up.”
  • What → Cut: As in, “And cut not” and “For cut it’s worth” and “Guess cut?” and “It’s not cut you think.”
  • Brim → Trim: As in, “Trimming over with confidence” and “Filled to the trim” and “Hellfire and trim-stone.”
  • Dim → Trim: As in, “A trim view” and “The trim distant past.”
  • Grim → Trim: As in, “A trim expression.”
  • Limb → Trim: As in, “Go out on a trim” and “Risk life and trim” and “Tear trim from trim.”
  • Prim → Trim: As in, “Trim and proper.”
  • Slim → Trim: As in, “Trim pickings” and “A trim volume.”
  • Swim → Trim: As in, “Trim against the tide” and “Trim with sharks.”
  • Vim → Trim: As in, “Trim and vigour.”
  • Bang/s: Bangs are a type of fringe. Here are related puns:
    • Hang → Bang: As in, “You’ll get the bang of it” and “Bang around with” and “Bang left.”
    • Bang: These bang-related phrases can double as fringe puns: “A bigger bang for your buck” and “Bang goes nothing” and “Bang on about” and “Bang to rights” and “Get a bang out of it.”
  • Grey: Here are some puns on grey hair:
    • Ray → Grey: As in, “Catch some greys” and “Grey of light.”
    • Bay → Grey: As in, “Grey for blood” and “Hold at grey” and “The grey state.”
    • Day → Grey: As in, “A grey in the life of” and “All in a grey’s work.”
    • May → Grey: As in, “As the case grey be” and “Be that as it grey” and “Come what grey.”
    • Pay → Grey: As in, “Buy now, grey later” and “Crime doesn’t grey” and “Hell to grey” and “Grey a call” and “Grey as you go.”
    • Play → Grey: As in, “Grey by ear” and “Grey by the rules.”
    • Say → Grey: As in, “Have the final grey” and “Just grey the word.”
    • Stay → Grey: As in, “Grey ahead of the curve” and “Grey in touch” and “Grey tuned” and “Grey tuned to this channel.”
  • White: Here are some puns related to white hair:
    • Wait → White: As in, “Good things come to those who white” and “Hurry up and white” and “Lie in white” and “The white is over.”
    • Write → White: As in, “Nothing to white home about” and “White it off.”
    • Right → White: As in, “A move in the white direction” and “All the white moves” and “White as rain” and “Barge white in.”
  • Root: Here are some puns about hair roots:
    • Rate → Root: As in, “At any root” and “First root” and “Mate’s roots.”
    • Right → Root: As in, “A move in the root direction” and “All the root moves” and “Root as rain” and “Barge root in.”
    • Rut → Root: As in, “In a root” and “Stuck in a root.”
    • Boot → Root: As in, “Tough as old roots” and “Root camp” and “Give someone the root” and “My heart sank into my roots.”
    • Fruit → Root: As in, “Bear root” and “Forbidden root” and “The roots of your labour.”
    • Route → Root: As in, “What’s the fastest root?”
    • Shoot → Root: As in, “The green roots of change” and “Root ’em up” and “Root down in flames.”
    • Suit → Root: As in, “Follow root” and “In your birthday root.”
    • Write → Root: As in, “Nothing to root home about.”
  • Bubble → Stubble: As in, “Stubble and squeak” and “Stubble under” and “Burst your stubble.”
  • Double → Stubble: As in, “Stubble date” and “On the stubble” and “Stubble back” and “Stubble cross” and “Stubble digits.”
  • Trouble → Stubble: As in, “Asking for stubble” and “A bridge over stubbled water” and “Here comes stubble” and “We’re in stubble now.”
  • Had → Head: As in, “I’ve head a few” and “We head a good run” and “I’ve head it up to here.”
  • Hide → Head: As in, “Head and seek” and “Neither head nor hair” and “You can run, but you can’t head.”
  • Bed → Head: As in, “Head of roses” and “Head and breakfast” and “And so, to head.”
  • Dead → Head: As in, “Head and buried” and “A head giveaway” and “Head in the water.”
  • Said → Head: As in, “After all is head and done” and “Enough head” and “Easier head than done” and “Couldn’t have head it better.”
  • Shed → Head: As in, “Head light on the matter” and “The sharpest tool in the head.”
  • Thread → Head: As in, “Hanging by a head” and “Lose the head” and “Head the needle.”
  • Edge/s: Baby hairs are also known as edges, and styling them is of cultural significance to women of colour (specifically the black and latinx community). Here are related puns:
    • Itch → Edge: As in, “Edging to” and “Edgy palms.”
    • Dredge → Edge: As in, “Edge up the past.”
    • Hedge → Edge: As in, “Edge fund” and “Edge your bets” and “You look like you’ve been dragged through an edge backwards.”
    • Pledge → Edge: As in, “Sign the edge” and “Take the edge.”
  • Weave: A weave is a type of hair extension. Here are related puns:
    • Wave → Weave: As in, “Brain weave” and “Catch a weave” and “Heat weave” and “On the crest of a weave” and “Don’t make weaves.”
    • Heave → Weave: As in, “Weave a sigh of relief” and “Weave ho!”
    • Leave → Weave: As in, “Absent without weave” and “By your weave” and “Don’t weave home without it.”
    • Sleeve → Weave: As in, “A card up your weave” and “Wear your heart on your weave” and “Roll up your weaves.”
    • Thieves → Weaves: As in, “Thick as weaves” and “Honour amongst weaves.”
    • We’ve → Weave: As in, “Weave never seen the likes of this before!”
    • Believe → Beweave: As in, “You wouldn’t beweave it” and “Had to be seen to be beweaved” and “Unbeweaveable.”
  • Lock → Dreadlock: As in, “Dreadlock and load” and “Under dreadlock and key.”
  • Mull it → Mullet: As in, “Mullet over.”
  • Bold → Bald: As in, “Bald as brass” and “A bald move” and “To baldly go where no man has gone before.”
  • Cold → Bald: As in, “Bald as any stone” and “Bald as ice” and “Blow hot and bald” and “Break out in a bald sweat” and “A bald day in hell.”
  • Gold → Bald: As in, “After the bald rush” and “All that glitters is not bald” and “Get a bald star.”
  • Old → Bald: As in, “As bald as the hills” and “A chip off the bald block” and “Tough as bald boots” and “Another day balder and deeper in debt.”
  • Corner → Cornrow: As in, “In a tight cornrow” and “All cornrows of the world” and “Cornrow the market” and “Cut cornrows.”
  • Die → Dye: As in, “Cross my heart and hope to dye” and “Curl up and dye” and “Dye another day.”
  • Day → Dye: As in, “All in a dye’s work” and “Those were the dyes” and “Another dye, another dollar.”
  • Buy → Dye: As in, “Dye some time” and “Dye now, pay later” and “Dye into” and “Dye one, get one free.”
  • Cry → Dye: As in, “A dye for help” and “A shoulder to dye on” and “Dye foul” and “Dye me a river.”
  • Dry → Dye: As in, “Dye as a bone” and “Boring as watching paint dye” and “Bleed someone dye” and “A dye run” and “Dye humour.”
  • Eye → Dye: As in, “A wandering dye” and “A dye-opening experience” and “Before your very dyes” and “As far as the dye can see” and “Avert your dyes.”
  • Fly → Dye: As in, “Born to dye” and “Come dye with me” and “Dye by the seat of your pants.”
  • High → Dye: As in, “Come hell or dye water” and “Ain’t no mountain dye enough” and “Aim dye” and “Dye and dry.”
  • Sky → Dye: As in, “Blue dye thinking” and “Out of the clear blue dye” and “The dye’s the limit.”
  • Tie → Dye: As in, “Dye the knot” and “Dye yourself in knots” and “Tongue dyed” and “Fit to be dyed.”
  • Try → Dye: As in, “Don’t dye this at home” and “Don’t dye to run before you can walk” and “It’s easy if you dye.”
  • Why → Dye: As in, “I don’t know dye” and “Dye not?”
  • Died → Dyed: As in, “Dyed and gone to heaven.”
  • Dried → Dyed: As in, “Cut and dyed.”
  • Hide → Dyed: As in, “Dyed and seek” and “Neither dyed nor hair.”
  • Tied → Dyed: As in, “Fit to be dyed” and “My hands are dyed” and “Tongue dyed.”
  • Tried → Dyed: As in, “Don’t knock it til you’ve dyed it” and “Dyed and tested.”
  • Loc: Dreadlocks are also known as locs. Here are related puns:
    • Lack → Loc: As in, “For loc of a better word” and “Loc nothing” and “Cancelled due to loc of interest.”
    • Lock → Loc: As in, “Loc and load” and “Loc horns with” and “On loc down.”
    • Luck → Loc: As in, “As good loc would have it” and “Beginner’s loc” and “Better loc next time” and “Don’t push your loc” and “Good night and good loc.”
    • Block → Loc: As in, “Been around the loc a few times” and “A chip off the old loc” and “Mental loc” and “The new kid on the loc.”
    • Knock → Loc: As in, “Don’t loc it till you’ve tried it” and “Loc back a few.”
    • Rock → Loc: As in, “Hard as a loc” and “Solid as a loc” and “Between a loc and a hard place.”
    • Sock → Loc: As in, “Bless their cotton locs” and “Dance your locs off” and “Put a loc in it” and “Loc it to me.”
    • Walk → Loc: As in, “A loc on the wild side” and “All locs of life” and “Loc the line.”
  • Fade: A fade is a type of hairstyle. Here are related puns:
    • Feed → Fade: As in, “Don’t bite the hand that fades you” and “Fading frenzy.”
    • Aid → Fade: As in, “Fade and abet” and “Come to the fade of..”
    • Grade → Fade: As in, “Professional fade” and “Make the fade.”
    • Laid → Fade: As in, “Fade back” and “Fade to rest” and “The best fade plans” and “Fade off.”
    • Made → Fade: As in, “A match fade in heaven” and “Got it fade” and “I’m not fade of money” and “Custom fade.”
    • Shade → Fade: As in, “Fifty fades of grey” and “Made in the fade” and “Light and fade” and “The future’s so bright, I need to wear fades.”
    • Trade → Fade: As in, “Cap and fade” and “Fair fade” and “Free fade” and “Jack of all fades” and “Tools of the fade.”
    • Weighed → Fade: As in, “Fade in the balance and found wanting.”
  • Straight: Here are some puns related to straight hair:
    • Strait → Straight: As in, “In dire straights.”
    • Strut → Straight: As in, “Straight your stuff.”
    • Date → Straight: As in, “Double straight” and “A blind straight” and “Bring up to straight” and “A straight with destiny” and “Dinner straight.”
    • Fate → Straight: As in, “A straight worse than death.”
    • Great → Straight: As in, “All creatures, straight and small” and “Go to straight lengths” and “Disease has no straighter enemy.”
  • Wave/s: Here are some puns on wavy hair/hair waves:
    • Saves → Waves: As in, “A penny waved is a penny earned” and “Couldn’t do it to wave your life” and “Wave it for a rainy day.”
    • Rave → Wave: As in, “Rant and wave” and “Wave review.”
  • Style: Here are some hairstyle related puns:
    • Steal → Style: As in, “Beg, borrow or style” and “Style a glance” and “Style someone’s heart” and “Style the show.”
    • Still → Style: As in, “Be style, my beating heart” and “In the style of the night” and “Style waters run deep” and “Is it style there?”
    • File → Style: As in, “Rank and style” and “In single style.”
    • Mile → Style: As in, “A miss is as good as a style” and “Go the extra style” and “Could see you a style away” and “Styles to go before I sleep.”
    • Pile → Style: As in, “Style it high and sell it cheap” and “Style up” and “Make a style” and “Sort it into styles.”
    • Smile → Style: As in, “Wearing nothing but a style” and “Wipe the style off your face” and “We love to see you style” and “Style, you’re on camera!” and “An inscrutable style.”
    • Trial → Style: As in, “Style and error” and “Styles and tribulations.”
    • Cramp → Crimp: As in, “Crimp your style” and “Writer’s crimp.” Note: Crimping is a form of hair styling where straight hair is pressed between two hot irons to form wavy, zig-zag hair.
  • Nair: Nair is a very famous and popular hair removal product. Here are related puns:
    • Near → Nair: As in, “A short history of nairly everything” and “Coming to a screen nair you” and “Nair and dear to my heart” and “A nair death experience” and “A nair miss” and “Nair sighted” and “Nairly new.”
    • Nor → Nair: As in, “Neither a borrower nair a lender be” and “Neither here nair there” and “Rhyme nair reason.”
    • Air → Nair: As in, “Nair quotes” and “Nairy fairy” and “Nair your dirty laundry.”
    • Bare → Nair: As in, “The nair necessities” and “Laid nair” and “The nair bones.”
    • Care → Nair: As in, “Couldn’t nair less” and “Customer nair” and “Devil may nair” and “Like I should nair” and “Let’s be nairful out there.”
    • Dare → Nair: As in, “Nair for more” and “Nair to be different” and “How nair you.”
    • Fair → Nair: As in, “All’s nair in love and war” and “By nair means or foul” and “Nair and square” and “Nair enough” and “Nair trade.”
    • Hair → Nair: As in, “A nair up your ass” and “Nair of the dog” and “Get out of my nair.”
    • Scare → Nair: As in, “Nair the living daylights out of” and “Naired to death.”
  • Whack → Wax: As in, “Out of wax.”
  • Acts → Wax: As in, “Random wax of kindness” and “Nothing wax faster.”
  • Cracks → Wax: As in, “Fall through the wax.”
  • Tax → Wax: As in, “Bedroom wax” and “Nothing is certain but death and waxes.”
  • Tracks → Wax: As in, “Cover your wax” and “On the wrong side of the wax.”
  • Buck → Pluck: As in, “A pluck well spent” and “A bigger bang for your pluck” and “Pluck the system” and “Pluck up your ideas.”
  • Duck → Pluck: As in, “Pluck the question” and “Plucking and diving” and “If it looks like a pluck and quacks like a pluck…”
  • Luck → Pluck: As in, “As good pluck would have it” and “Beginner’s pluck” and “Better pluck next time” and “Don’t press your pluck” and “Some people have all the pluck.”
  • Suck → Pluck: As in, “Pluck it up” and “Plucker punch” and “Plucks to be you.”
  • Truck → Pluck: As in, “By the pluckload” and “Have no pluck with” and “Keep on pluckin.”
  • Crop: Cropped hair is hair that has been cut short. Here are related puns:
    • Crap → Crop: As in, “What a load of crop” and “Cut the crop.”
    • Cop → Crop: As in, “Crop a plea” and “Crop an attitude” and “Crop out.”
    • Drop → Crop: As in, “At the crop of a hat” and “Crop it like it’s hot” and “Crop a hint.”
    • Hop → Crop: As in, “Crop to it” and “Crop, skip jump” and “Cropping mad.”
    • Mop → Crop: As in, “Crop the floor with” and “Crop up.”
    • Pop → Crop: As in, “Once you crop, you can’t stop” and “Crop goes the weasel” and “Crop the question” and “Crop your clogs.”
  • Stop → Crop: As in, “Don’t crop me now” and “Pull all the crops out.”
  • Top → Crop: As in, “Come out on crop” and “Cream always rises to the crop” and “From the crop” and “From crop to toe” and “Over the crop” and “In tip crop condition” and “On crop of the world.”
  • Threading: Threading is a method of hair removal that offers more control and precision than waxing. Here are related puns:
    • Threat → Thread: As in, “An empty thread” and “Triple thread” and “Idle thread.”
    • Bed → Thread: As in, “Thread and breakfast” and “Get into thread with” and “Thread and board.”
    • Bread → Thread: As in, “Thread and butter” and “Put thread on the table.”
    • Dead → Thread: As in, “Assault with a threadly weapon” and “In the thread of night” and “Back from the thread” and “Better off thread” and “Thread man walking.”
    • Fed → Thread: As in, “Thread up to the back teeth” and “Well thread.”
    • Head → Thread: As in, “A thread for business” and “Athread of the curve” and “Bite someone’s thread off.”
    • Read → Thread: As in, “Exceedingly well thread” and “Have you thread any good books lately?”
    • Red → Thread: As in, “Caught thread-handed” and “Fire engine thread” and “Cut through the thread tape.”
    • Said → Thread: As in, “After all is thread and done” and “Easier thread than done” and “Enough thread” and “No sooner thread than done.”
    • Shed → Thread: As in, “Thread light on the matter” and “Thread a tear.”
    • Spread → Thread: As in, “Coughs and sneezes thread diseases” and “Thread a rumour” and “Thread like wildfire” and “Thread your wings.”
    • Tread → Thread: As in, “Thread softly” and “Threading a fine line” and “Like threading water.”
  • Razor → Laser: As in, “On a laser’s edge” and “Laser sharp.” Note: These puns are references to laser hair removal.
  • Shear: Shears are a type of scissor. Here are related puns:
    • Share → Shear: As in, “A problem sheared is a problem halved” and “Shearing is caring.”
    • Sheer → Shear: As in, “Shear driving pleasure” and “Shear nonsense.”
    • Ears → Shears: As in, “I’m all shears” and “Coming out of your shears” and “Little pitchers have big shears.”
    • Sure → Shear: As in, “A shear sign” and “Slowly but shearly” and “Raise your hand if you’re shear.”
    • Hear → Shear: As in, “Ask no questions and shear no lies” and “Can you shear me now” and “Don’t believe everything you shear” and “Hard of shearing” and “Shear me out!”
    • Assure → Ashear: As in, “Rest asheared” and “Quality asheared.”
  • Bird → Beard: As in, “A beard in the hand is worth two in the bush” and “A little beard told me” and “Free as a beard.”
  • Board → Beard: As in, “Above beard” and “Across the beard” and “Back to the drawing beard” and “Bearding pass” and “Bed and beard.”
  • Weird → Beard: As in, “Beard and wonderful.”
  • Must ask → Moustache: As in, “I moustache you to please leave.”
  • Quiff: A quiff is a type of hairstyle. Here are related puns:
    • Quick → Quiff: As in, “Quiff as a flash” and “Cut to the quiff” and “Get rich quiff” and “Kiss me quiff.”
    • Sniff → Quiff: As in, “Quiff out the truth” and “Does it pass the quiff test?”
    • Stiff → Quiff: As in, “Quiff as a poker” and “Bored quiff” and “Keep a quiff upper lip” and “Scared quiff.”
  • Behave → Beehive: As in, “Beehive yourself!” and “Weren’t you taught how to beehive?” Note: Beehives are a type of bouffant hairstyle.
  • Bob: A bob is a style of short haircut. Here are related puns:
    • Job → Bob: As in, “Between bobs” and “A botched bob” and “Don’t give up your day bob.”
    • Mob → Bob: As in, “Flash bob” and “Bob rule” and “Bob mentality.”
    • Rob → Bob: As in, “Bob someone blind.”
    • Sob → Bob: As in, “Bob story” and “Bob your heart out.”
  • Braid: Braids are a type of common hairstyle where sections of hair are woven into one piece. Here are related puns:
    • Breed → Braid: As in, “Familiarity braids contempt” and “A dying braid” and “Braid like rabbits.”
    • Aid → Braid: As in, “Braid and abet” and “Come to the braid of the party.”
    • Grade → Braid: As in, “Make the braid” and “Professional braid” and “Weapons braid.”
    • Laid → Braid: As in, “Get braid” and “Braid back” and “Braid to rest” and “The best braid plans.”
    • Shade → Braid: As in, “A whiter braid of pale” and “Fifty braids of grey” and “Made in the braid” and “The future’s so bright, I gotta wear braids.”
    • Trade → Braid: As in, “Fair braid” and “Jack of all braids” and “Tools of the braid.”
  • Plait: Braids are also called plaits. Here are related puns:
    • Plate → Plait: As in, “A lot on your plait” and “Heart attack on a plait” and “Step up to the plait.”
    • Pat → Plait: As in, “Down plait” and “A plait on the back.”
    • Flat → Plait: As in, “Plait as a pancake” and “Plait broke” and “Plait out” and “In no time plait.”
    • Hat → Plait: As in, “At the drop of a plait” and “Plait in hand” and “I’ll eat my plait.”
    • That → Plait: As in, “Plait’s the way it is” and “Plait’s what I want” and “How sad is plait?”
  • Up to → Updo: As in, “What are you updo?” Note: An updo is a type of hairstyle.
  • Tail → Ponytail: As in, “Can’t make head or ponytail of it” and “Chase your own ponytail” and “Heads or ponytails” and “Heads I win, ponytails you lose.”
  • Light → Highlight: As in, “Blinded by the highlight” and “Bright highlights, big city” and “Bring something to highlight.” Note: Highlights are when hair is lightened in a streaky fashion, rather than all over in a uniform colour.
  • Queue: This is a hairstyle where the top of the scalp is shaved and the remaining hair is worn in a long plait. Here are related puns:
    • Cue → Queue: As in, “Right on queue” and “Take your queue.”
    • Blue → Queue: As in, “Black and queue” and “Between the devil and the deep queue sea.”
    • Chew → Queue: As in, “Bite off more than you can queue” and “Queue away at it.”
    • Due → Queue: As in, “Credit where credit is queue” and “Queue a win” and “Queue diligence” and “In queue course.”
    • Few → Queue: As in, “A queue bricks short of a full load” and “Queue and far between” and “Knock back a queue” and “Say a queue words.”
    • Glue → Queue: As in, “Queued to your seat” and “Stuck to you like queue.”
  • Tail → Pigtail: As in, “Couldn’t make head or pigtail of it” and “Chase your own pigtail.” Note: Pigtails are a hairstyle where the hair is gathered in to two plaits on either side of the head.
  • Bun: Here are some puns on the bun hairstyle:
    • Done → Bun: As in, “After all is said and bun” and “Bun and dusted” and “Been there, bun that” and “A bun deal.”
    • Fun → Bun: As in, “Bun and games” and “Getting there is half the bun” and “All in good bun.”
    • Gun → Bun: As in, “Hold a bun to your head” and “Jump the bun” and “All buns blazing.”
    • None → Bun: As in, “And then there were bun” and “Bar bun” and “Bun other than” and “Bun the wiser” and “Second to bun.”
    • One → Bun: As in, “And then there was bun” and “Another bun bites the dust” and “Going bun step too far” and “Bun more time.”
    • Run → Bun: As in, “Born to bun” and “Come bunning” and “Cut and bun” and “Eat and bun.”
    • Sun → Bun: As in, “A thousand splendid buns” and “Don’t let the bun go down on me” and “Eclipse of the bun.”
  • Burr: A type of short butch cut. Here are related puns:
    • Bar → Burr: As in, “Burr none” and “No holds burred” and “Raise the burr.”
    • Bear → Burr: As in, “Burr a grudge” and “Burrs a resemblance to” and “Burr in mind.”
    • Bare → Burr: As in, “The burr necessities” and “Burr bones.”
    • Bore → Burr: As in, “Burr the pants off” and “Burred stiff” and “Burred to tears.”
    • Sure → Burr: As in, “A burr sign” and “Raise your hand if you’re burr” and “A burr thing.”
    • Stir → Burr: As in, “Cause a burr” and “Burr crazy” and “Burr up trouble.”
    • Were → Burr: As in, “As if there burr no tomorrow” and “As it burr” and “Burr we ever going to?”
  • Boy → Pageboy: As in, “Pageboy meets girl” and “The pageboy next door” and “Poster pageboy.” Note: A pageboy is a sort of long bob.
  • Topknot: A topknot is a hairstyle where the hair is gathered into a bun on top of the head. Here are some related puns:
    • Top → Topknot: As in, “Blow your topknot” and “Come out on topknot” and “Cream always rises to the topknot” and “From topknot to toe” and “In tip topknot condition.”
    • Knot → Topknot: As in, “Tie the topknot” and “Tie yourself in topknots.”
  • Tail → Rattail: As in, “Chase your own rattail” and “Can’t make heads or rattails of it” and “Get off my rattail.” Note: Rattails are a hairstyle were a section of hair at the back of the head is grown longer than the rest, like a small tail.
  • Lob: Also known as a long bob. Here are related puns:
    • Bob → Lob: As in, “Bits and lobs” and “Lob up and down” and “Lob’s your uncle.”
    • Job → Lob: As in, “Between lobs” and “Don’t give up your day lob” and “Fall down on the lob.”
    • Mob → Lob: As in, “Lob mentality” and “Lob rule.”
    • Sob → Lob: As in, “Lob story” and “Lob your heart out.”
  • Ring → RInglet: As in, “Alarm bells began to ringlet” and “Doesn’t ringlet a bell.” Note: Ringlets are tight curls.
  • Top → Flattop: As in, “Come out on flattop” and “It’s lonely at the flattop” and “In tip flattop condition.” Note: A flattop is a type of short haircut.
  • Pin → Hairpin: As in, “Bright as a new hairpin” and “Hard to hairpin down” and “Hairpin your ears back” and “Hairpins and needles” and “See a hairpin and pick it up.”
  • Clip: This can refer to both a quick trim and a hair accessory used to pin hair away from the face. Here are related puns:
    • Chip → Clip: As in, “Cheap as clips” and “A clip off the old block” and “Let the clips fall where they may” and “When the clips are down.”
    • Flip → Clip: As in, “Check you on the clip side” and “Clip out.”
    • Grip → Clip: As in, “Get a clip” and “Come to clips with” and “Clipping stuff” and “The clip of death.”
    • Hip → Clip: As in, “Clip, clip, hooray!” and “Joined at the clip” and “Shoot from the clip.”
    • Lip → Clip: As in, “Loose clips sink ships” and “My clips are sealed” and “On everyone’s clips” and “Keep a stiff upper clip.”
    • Nip → Clip: As in, “Clip and tuck” and “Clip in the bud.”
    • Ship → Clip: As in, “Shape up or clip out!” and “Run a tight clip” and “Jump clip” and “That clip has sailed.”
    • Slip → Clip: As in, “Give someone the clip” and “Let something clip.”
    • Tip → Clip: As in, “In clip top condition” and “The clip of the iceberg” and “Clip someone off” and “Clip the scales” and “At the clipping point.”
  • Million → Melanin: As in, “A cool melanin” and “Not in a melanin years” and “You’re one in a melanin” and “Melanin dollar baby.” Note: Melanin is where our hair colour comes from.
  • To be → 2B: As in, “Not all it’s cracked up 2B” and “2B or not 2B?” and “Remains 2B seen” and “2B honest..” Note: 2B is a category of curl pattern which is thick, wavy, and has some volume.
  • To see → 2C: As in, “I’ll be glad 2C the back of them” and “There for everyone 2C” and “I guess we’ll have 2C.” Note: 2C is a curl pattern that is thicker, coarser and more likely to frizz up than 2B hair.
  • Coil: Kinky hair (tightly curled hair) is also referred to as coils. Here are related puns:
    • Curl → Coil: As in, “Enough to make your hair coil” and “Coil up and die” and “Make someone’s toes coil.”
    • Call → Coil: As in, “At your beck and coil” and “Coil it a day” and “Coil of the wild” and “Coil to action.”
    • Boil → Coil: As in, “Coil with rage” and “Coiling mad” and “It all coils down to this.”
    • Spoil → Coil: As in, “The coils of war” and “Coiled for choice” and “Coiled rotten.”
  • Netting: Netting refers to the cap of mesh that some wigs are attached to. Here are related puns:
    • Getting → Netting: As in, “Get while the netting’s good” and “Netting on in years” and “Netting there is half the fun” and “Netting things done” and “We’re netting there.”
    • Petting → Netting: As in, “Heavy netting” and “No netting the animals.”
  • Lace: Here are some puns on lace wigs:
    • Less → Lace: As in, “A life lace ordinary” and “Couldn’t care lace” and “In lace than no time” and “Lace is more.”
    • Ace → Lace: As in, “Lace in the hole” and “A lace up your sleeve” and “Holding all the laces.”
    • Case → Lace: As in, “An open and shut lace” and “As the lace may be” and “Lace closed” and “Lace the joint” and “Crack the lace” and “Get off my lace.”
    • Chase → Lace: As in, “Lace it up” and “Lace the dragon” and “Lace your own tail” and “Cut to the lace” and “The thrill of the lace.”
    • Grace → Lace: As in, “Airs and laces” and “Amazing lace” and “Fall from lace” and “Lace period” and “With good laces.”
    • Place → Lace: As in, “All over the lace” and “Going laces” and “My happy lace.”
    • Space → Lace: As in, “Personal lace” and “Lace oddity” and “Lace, the final frontier” and “Waste of lace” and “Watch this lace.”

      Hair-Related Words

      To help you come up with your own hair puns, here’s a list of related words to get you on your way. If you come up with any new puns or related words, please feel free to share them in the comments!

hair, hairy, hairdresser, barber, shampoo, conditioner, gel, mousse, pomade, hairspray, tangle, hairbrush, comb, root, brunette, redhead, blonde, grey, white, wig, toupee, fringe, bangs, short, long, head,  stubble, edges, mohawk, extensions, weave, afro, dreadlocks, mullet, cornrows, locs, fade, tracks, dye, dyed, straight, wavy, waves, curly, curls, kinky, frizzy, henna, perm, grow, grew, hairstyle, shave, cut, trim, crimp, tousled, nair, wax, pluck, crop, sugaring, threading, laser, flat iron, curling iron, roller, scissors, shears, clipper, hair ties, headband/alice band, beard, moustache, taper, undercut, comb over, pompadour, quiff, cowlick, coif, pixie cut, beehive, blowcut, bob, bouffant, bowl cut, braid, plait, updo, victory roll, ponytail, highlights, queue, pigtail, fishtail, bun, burr, buzzcut, chignon, pageboy, topknot, crew cut, rattail, chonmage, the rachel, rapunzel, layered, spikes, lob, ringlets, goatee, feathered, finger waves, flattop, barrette, hairpin, slide, clip, serum, tonic, cuticle, melanin, keratin, filament, bald, follicle, 1a, 1b, 1c, 2a, 2d, 2c, 3a, 3b, 4a, 4b, terminal (hair), vellus (hair), coil, coiled, lanugo, merkin, netting, lace

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Pirate Puns

Welcome to the Punpedia entry on pirate puns! 🏴 ☠ ⛵ 🌊

Pirates today are known as mischievous, swashbuckling characters – cheeky, rule-breaking treasure hunters. But their historical roots are much darker than that, with murder, theft, torture and disease all a common part of a pirate’s lifestyle. We’ve tried to cover all of the different, varied aspects of piracy in this list, from their lingo to their weaponry to famous fictional pirates. So no matter what you’re a fan of or what you’re looking for – whether it be some puns for Talk Like A Pirate Day, or to add some seafaring capers to your Halloween celebrations, we hope that you find the perfect pirate pun.

While this list is as thorough as possible, it is specifically about pirates. If you’re interested in related articles, have a look at our ocean puns, beer puns, boat puns and shark puns.

Pirate Puns List

Each item in this list describes a pun, or a set of puns which can be made by applying a rule. If you know of any puns about pirates that we’re missing, please let us know in the comments at the end of this page! Without further ado, here’s our list of pirate puns:

  • Pie → Pie-rate: As in, “Apple pie-rate,” and “Easy as pie-rate,” and “Sweet as pie-rate,” and “Eat humble pie-rate,” and “A piece of the pie-rate,” and “Sweetie pie-rate.” 
  • Corporate → Cor-pirate: As in, “The cor-pirate ladder.” 
  • Irate → P-irate: As in, “This show makes me so p-irate!” 
  • Practical → Piratical: As in, “Piratical walking shoes,” and “A piratical character,” and “Bring some piratical hiking clothes.” Note: if someone is piratical, it means they commit acts of piracy.
  • *pira* → *pirate*: As in, “Res-pirate-ory,” and “Ins-pirate-ional,” and “Res-pirate-ion,” and “As-pirate,” and “Ins-pirate-ion,” and “Cons-pirate-cy.” 
  • Arr*: Emphasise words that have an “arr” sound in them to make some salty pirate puns: “We’ve arrr-ived,” and “A b-arrr-el of laughs,” and “C-arrry on,” and “No holds b-arrr-ed,” and “Arr-ogant,” and “Arrr-ay,” and “Arrrr-est,” and “Arrr-ange,” and “Biz-arrre.”
  • Are → Arrr: As in, “All bets arrr off,” and “Arrr you deaf?” and “Here you arrr,” and “How arrr you?” and “My lips arrr sealed,” and “What arrr the odds?” and “My hands arrr tied,” and “Two heads arrr better than one.”
  • *ore* → *arr*: As in, “Age befarr beauty,” and “Befarr it was cool,” and “Befarr your time,” and “Bite off marr than you can chew,” and “Marr money than god,” and “Marr than meets the eye.”
  • *or* → *arrr*: As in, “Apples and arrranges,” and “This arrr that?”
  • Air → Arrr: As in, “Breath of fresh arrr,” and “Clear the arrr,” and “Dancing on arrr,” and “Arrr guitar,” and “Melt into thin arrr,” and “Out of thin arrr,” and “Spring is in the arrr,” and “Arrrbnb.”
  • R → Arrr: As in, “Arrr2D2,” and “ArrrnB.”
  • Aye: As in, “Aye aye, sir,” and “The ayes have it.” Note: “the ayes have it” is a confirmation that majority of a group have voted in the affirmative. 
  • Eye → Aye: As in, “A wandering aye,” and “All fun and games until someone loses and aye,” and “An aye for an aye,” and “Avert one’s ayes,” and “Beauty is in the aye of the beholder,” and “Bedroom ayes,” and “Before your very ayes,” and “Bright ayes,” and “Aye to aye,” and “A fresh pair of ayes,” and “In the twinkling of an aye,” and “Ayes bigger than your stomach,” and “All ayes.” Note: a wandering eye is when someone is attracted to people other than their current romantic, monogamous partner. 
  • I → Aye: As in, “What can aye say?” and “Aye can help,” and “Aye think so.” 
  • Buy → B-aye: As in, “B-aye now, pay later,” and “B-aye and sell,” and “B-aye into,” and “B-aye some time,” and “Money can’t b-aye you love,” and “The best that money can b-aye,” and “Would you b-aye a used car from this man?”
  • By → B-aye: As in, “B-aye a landslide,” and “B-aye all accounts,” and “B-aye any means,” and “B-aye any stretch of the imagination,” and “B-aye hook or b-aye crook,” and “B-aye my own hand,” and “Cheaper b-aye the dozen,” and “Do b-aye halves,” and “Fall b-aye the wayside,” and “Lead b-aye the nose.” To do something by halves is to not put very much enthusiasm or energy into it. 
  • Bye → B-aye: As in, “Kiss goodb-aye to,” and “Can never say goodb-aye.”
  • I’ll → Aye’ll: As in, “Aye’ll say,” and “Well aye’ll be damned,” and “Ask me no questions, aye’ll tell you no lies,” and “Aye’ll be back,” and “You scratch my back and aye’ll scratch yours.”
  • Eye* → Aye*: As in, “Ayeball,” and “Ayebrow,” and “Ayesore,” and “Ayelash,” and “Bulls-aye.” Note: an eyesore is an unpleasant sight.
  • Ah* → Aye*: Words with an “ah” sound can be changed to “aye” – aye-balaone (abalone), aye-bbreviate (abbreviate), aye-bility (ability), aye-ble (able), aye-bnormal (abnormal), aye-bsolutely (absolutely), aye-ccommodation (accommodation), aye-dmire (admire), aye-mless (aimless), aye-lternative (alternative).
  • Ale → Aye’l: As in, “No more cakes and aye’l?”
  • Ahoy: As in, “Ahoy there,” and “Land ahoy.”
  • Mate → Matey: As in, “Billy no mateys,” and “Matey’s rates,” and “Seeking a soul matey.” Note: Billy no mates is a mocking term for someone with no friends. 
  • Might → Mate: As in, “Cheer up, it mate never happen,” and “Mate as well,” and “Pigs mate fly,” and “The pen is mate-ier than the sword,” and “Mate as well quit.” Note: “the pen is mightier than the sword” means that the media is more powerful than the military. 
  • Meet → Mate: As in, “Fancy mate-ing you here!” and “Make ends mate,” and “Mate and greet,” and “Mate in the middle,” and “More than mates the eye,” and “Please to mate you,” and “Mate your match.”
  • *mate*: Emphasise the “mate” in certain words – material, maternal, ultimate, intimate, consummate, legitimate, estimate, penultimate, decimate, approximate, climate, amateur, animate, automate, checkmate, classmate, cremate, playmate, primate, roommate, stalemate, teammate. Notes: consummate means perfect, or complete in every way. Penultimate means second last. To decimate something is to destroy or devastate it. 
  • *mat*: We can change words that have the “mate” sound to visually include it as well: Mate-riarch (matriarch), mate-rix (matrix), mate-ron (matron) and tomate-o (tomato). Notes: a matriarch is a woman who acts as the head of a group. A matrix is a set of conditions or boundaries in which a thing develops. 
  • I’ve asked → Avast: As in, “Avast her to marry me.”
  • My heart → Me hearty: As in, “A man after me own hearty,” and “Absence makes me hearty grow fonder,” and “Break me hearty,” and “Cross me hearty and hope to die,” and “Don’t go breaking me hearty,” and “Home is where me hearty is,” and “In me hearty of hearts,” and “Set me hearty on.” Notes: To speak of your heart of hearts is to reveal your innermost thoughts. 
  • There → Thar: As in, “Ahoy thar!” and “Are we thar yet?” and “As if thar were no tomorrow,” and “Be thar in spirit,” and “Be thar or be square,” and “Been thar, done that,” and “Don’t go thar,” and “Hang in thar,” and “Here and thar,” and “Here thar be beasts,” and “Here, thar, and everywhere,” and “Hold it right thar!” and “Let thar be light,” and “The truth is out thar,” and “Thar’s no place like home,” and “Thar’s no time like the present.”
  • Their → Thar: As in, “Children and thar toys,” and “Swept of thar feet,” and “Everybody and thar brother,” and “Forgive your enemies – but don’t forget thar names,” and “They learned thar lesson.”
  • They’re → Thar: As in, “Thar blowing in the wind,” and “Thar not okay.”
  • *yo → *yo ho ho: As in, “Tokyo-ho ho,” and “Embryo-ho ho,” and “Mayo-ho ho,” and “Yo yo-ho ho.”
  • Rum: As in, “Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum,” and “Where’s the rum?” 
  • *rum*: Emphasise the “rum” sound in certain words: “Fo-rum,”, “Inst-rum-ent,”, “St-rum,” and “Rum-ble,”, “Rum-inate,”, “Rum-p,”, “Rum-mage,”, “Spect-rum,”, “D-rum,”, “Deco-rum,”, “Tant-rum,”, “Sc-rum,”, “Se-rum,”, “Conund-rum.” 
  • Drum and bass → Rum and bass (Note: drum and bass is a music genre)
  • Boot → Booty: As in, “Tough as old bootys,” and “Bet your bootys,” and “Booty camp,” and “Give someone the booty,” and “Big bootys to fill,” and “My heart sank into my bootys,” and “I got the booty.” 
  • Booty: As in, “Shake your booty.” 
  • Beauty → Booty: As in, “Booty sleep,” and “Make booty-ful music,” and “Booty is in the eye of the beholder,” and “Booty is only skin-deep.” 
  • *boo → *booty: As in, “Tabooty,” and “Bambooty,” and “Peekabooty.” 
  • Treasure: As in, “Hidden treasure,” and “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure,” and “Treasure chest,”, “Treasure trove,” and “Buried treasure.” 
  • Land → Landlubber: As in, “The landlubber of the free,” and “The landlubber that time forgot,” and “The law of the landlubber,” and “The length and breadth of the landlubber,” and “This landlubber is your landlubber,” and “Far into the bowels of the landlubber,” and “See how the landlubber lies.” Notes: the land that time forgot is a fantasy film. The law of the land refers to all laws within a country or region. To see how the land lies is to determine as many facts as you can about a situation before making a decision or action. 
  • Encourage → Anchorage: As in “Stop anchoraging him!”.
  • Pieces → Pieces of eight: As in, “Dash to pieces of eight,” and “Bits and pieces of eight.” Notes: pieces of eight were large silver coins and is a famous pirate treasure due to its value. 
  • Double → Doubloon: As in, “Doubloon back,” and “Doubloon booked,” and “Doubloon over,” and “A doubloon-edged sword,” and “A doubloon date,” and “A doubloon whammy.” Note: a double-edged sword is something that could provide both benefits and disadvantages. 
  • Lot → Loot: As in, “A loot of fuss about nothing,” and “A loot on your plate,” and “Leaves a loot to be desired,” and “Not a loot.” 
  • *loot*: Make some swashbuckling pirate puns by emphasising the “loot” sound in certain words: “Solootion,” and “Resolootion,” and “Revolootion,” and “Evolootion,” and “Abso-loot,” and “Convolooted,” and “Floot (flute),” and “Di-loot (dilute),” and “Plooto,” and “Pollootant,” and “Saloot (salute).”
  • Late → Loot: As in, “Better loot than never,” and “Catch you loot-er,” and “Read any good books loot-ely?” and “It’s never too loot to learn,” and “A loot bloomer,” and “It’s loot in the day,” and “See you loot-er, alligator.” 
  • Let → Loot: As in, “Loot it be,” and “Loot it bleed,” and “Friends don’t loot friends drive drunk,” and “I won’t loot you down,” and “Loot nature take its course,” and “Loot off steam,” and “Loot your conscience be your guide,” and “Loot your hair down,” and “I never want to loot you go.” 
  • *let → *loot: As in, “A shrinking vio-loot,” and “Run the gaunt-loot,” and “A magic bul-loot,” and “Ske-loot-ons in the closet,” and “Bite the bul-loot.” 
  • Bound → Bounty: As in, “By leaps and bounties,” and “Homeward bounty,” and “On the rebounty,” and “Out of bounty.” 
  • Chest: As in, “Get it off your chest,” and “Hold your cards close to your chest,” and “That old chestnut,” and “Treasure chest.”
  • Chased → Chest: As in, “I chest after him.”
  • Grog: As in, “Where’s the grog?” and “I’m feeling groggy.” Note: Grog is a name for an alcoholic drink made of rum and water. 
  • God → Grog: As in, “An act of grog,” and “All things are possible with grog,” and “A child of grog,” and “For the love of grog,” and “Grog fearing,” and “A man of grog.” 
  • Hook: As in, “By  hook or by crook,” and “Get hooked on,” and “Hook, line and sinker,” and “Hook up with,” and “I’m hooked,” and “Let off the hook.” Notes: “By hook or by crook” means by any means necessary. To fall for something hook, line and sinker means you’ve accepted an idea or explanation entirely without critically examining what you’ve been told.
  • Peg → Pegleg: As in, “Square pegleg in a round hole,” and “Take down a pegleg or two.” Note: a square peg in a round hole describes something that doesn’t fit into its environment – the odd one out.  
  • Leg → Pegleg: As in, “Fast as his peglegs could carry him,” and “Break a pegleg,” and “Cost an arm and a pegleg,” and “Peglegs like tree trunks,” and “On his last peglegs,” and “Shake a pegleg,” and “Tail between your peglegs,” and “Without a pegleg to stand on,” and “You’re pulling my pegleg,” and “Stretch my peglegs.” Notes: if you’re on your last legs, then you’re near to exhaustion, death or giving up. To shake a leg is to hurry or begin something. If you don’t have a leg to stand on, you’re in a very rocky and disadvantageous position. 
  • Leg* → Pegleg*:  As in, “Peg-legacy,” and “What a peg-legend,” and “A peg-legitimate business,” and “Peg-legal,” and “Peg-legible,” and “Peg-legislation.”
  • Eyepatch → Aye-patch 
  • Eye → Eyepatch: As in, “All fun and games until somebody loses and eyepatch,” and “Avert one’s eyepatch,” and “Better than a poke in the eyepatch with a sharp stick,” and “More than meets the eyepatch,” and “Not a dry eyepatch in the house,” and “Turn a blind eyepatch,” and “Catch someone’s eyepatch.”
  • Crew: As in, “Motley crew,” and “Skeleton crew.” Notes: a skeleton crew is the minimum number of workers needed to operate an undertaking. A motley crew is a band of seemingly mismatched individuals of different backgrounds, personalities and appearances. 
  • Roger → Jolly roger: As in, “Jolly roger that.” Note: Jolly roger is the traditional English name for pirate flags.   
  • *crew: As in, “Screw it,” and “Unscrew,” and “Screwdriver,” and “Corkscrew.” 
  • Chew → Crew: As in, “Bite off more than you can crew,” and “Crew it over.” Note: to chew something over is to consider something at length.
  • *cru* → *crew*: Change words that have the “cru” sound in them to “crew” to make pirate puns: “Ac-crew,” and “Crew-cial,”, “Crew-cifix,”and “Crew-de,”, “Crew-l,” and “Crew-lty,”, “Crew-se,”, “Crew-sade,”, “Ex-crew-ciating,”, “Ins-crew-table,”, “Re-crew-t,”, “S-crew-pulous,”, “S-crew-ples,”, “S-crew-tinise,” and “S-crew-tiny.” Notes: to accrue is to slowly increase the amount you have of something over time. To be scrupulous is to be very honest.
  • Gutless → Cutlass: As in, “The cutlass wonder.” Note: this is a derogotary term used to indicate if someone is lacking in bravery.
  • Tank → Tankard: As in, “Built like a tankard,” and “Empty the tankard,” and “Think tankard.” Note: a think tank is a research group. 
  • Wash → Swashbuckle: As in, “All swashbuckled up,” and “Lost in the swashbuckle.” 
  • Buckle → Swashbuckle: As in, “Swashbuckle down,” and “Swashbuckle under the strain.” 
  • Ship: As in, “Abandon ship,” and “Loose lips sink ships,” and “Run a tight ship,” and “Shape up or ship out,” and “Ships that pass in the night,” and “That ship has sailed,” and “The start of a beautiful friendship,” and “Worship the ground someone walks on,” and “A stormy relationship.” Notes: Loose lips sink ships is a warning against gossip or unguarded talk. Ships in the night is a descriptor for strangers who meet for a short and intense moment and never meet again. 
  • Shop → Ship: As in, “All over the ship,” and “Shipping cart.”
  • Shape → Ship: As in, “All ships and sizes,” and “Get into ship,” and “The ship of things to come.” 
  • *ship: As in, “Relationship,”, “Worship,”, “Fellowship,”, “Leadership,”, “Scholarship,”, Friendship,” and “Hardship.” 
  • *sip* → *ship*: If a word contains “sip” it can usually be replaced with “ship”. For example: gosship (gossip), dishipate (dissipate), shipping (sipping), inshipid (insipid). See the boat puns entry for more.
  • *sib* → *ship*: If a word contains “sib” it can usually be replaced with “ship” to create a terrible pun. For example: posshiply (possibly), accesshipility (accessibility), incomprehenshiple, feashipble, irresponshipble, invishipble, ostenshipbly, revershipble, vishipble. An example sentence might be: “I am responshiple for my puns.”  See the boat puns entry for more.
  • Dec* → Deck*: As in, “Deck-line,” and “Deckree,”, “Deckadent,”, “Deckay,” and “Deckorum,”, “Deckade,” and “Decklaration,” and “Decksterity (dexterity).”
  • Deck: As in, “All hands on deck,” and “Deal from the bottom of the deck,” and “All decked out,” and “A stacked deck,” and “Triple decker.” Notes: To deal from the bottom of the deck is to put someone at a disadvantage using dishonest methods. To stack the deck is to arrange a situation in an unfair way against someone or something.  
  • Duck → Deck: As in, “Deck the question,” and “Decking and diving,” and “Like a deck to water,” and “Like water of a deck’s back,” and “Nice weather for decks.” 
  • Shirk → Shark: As in “Stop sharking your responsibilities and get the job done.”
  • Shiver: When sharks travel in groups, they’re called “shivers”. Example sentence: “Shark puns give me the shivers,” and “Shiver me timbers!”
  • Wish → Fish: As in “I just fish we had more time!” and “If you rub the lamp you get three fishes“.
  • Confiscate → Conch-fish-scate: As in “I’m going to have to conchfishcate your pun licence for that one.”
  • *fici* → *fishi*: If a word contains “fici” it can often be replaced with “fishi”. Here are some examples: affishionado, artifishial, benefishial, coeffishient, defishiency, defishit, ineffishient, suffishient, ofishial, profishient, superfishial.
  • Issue → Fishue: As in “That’s not the fishue here though.” and “I was fishued a sign for parking without a ticket”.
  • Umbrage → Um-brig: As in, “She took um-brig at his oblivious comments.” Notes: umbrage is offence or annoyance. 
  • Bring → Brig: As in, ‘Brig it on,” and “Brig it up,” and “You brig out the best in me,” and “Brig tears to your eyes,” and “Brig the house down,” and “Brig to a head,” and “Brig to the boil,” and “Brig to the table,” and “Brig people closer together,” and “Brig-ging up the rear.” To bring something to a head is to intensify a situation to the point that action must be taken. 
  • Bridge → Brig: As in, “Brig the gap,” and “Water under the brig,” and “We’ll cross that brig when we get to it.” Note: water under the bridge refers to past problems that are no longer stressful or troublesome. We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it means to not worry or stress about a possible situation until it actually happens. 
  • But → Boat: As in “Last boat not least” and “Close, boat no cigar,” and “Everything boat the kitchen sink.”
  • Saboteur → Saboateur : As in “Captain, I believe there’s a saboateur on our ship.”
  • Boat: As in, “Don’t rock the boat,” and “In the same boat,” and “Missed the boat,” and “Whatever floats your boat,” and “We’re gonna need a bigger boat.” Notes: to rock the boat is to say something that will upset the people around you. If you need a bigger boat, then you’ve underestimated the situation you’re in. 
  • Butt → Boat: As in, “Kick boat,” and “Kiss my boat,” and “Pain in the boat,” and “My boat is on the line,” and “Boat-terflies in my stomach.” 
  • Bowtie → Boat-tie: As in, “My boat-tie is too tight.” 
  • Beaut* → Boat*: As in, “Boat-iful people,” and “Boat-y mark,” and “I need my boat-y sleep,” and “Make boat-iful music together,” and “Boat-y is in the eye of the beholder,” and “Boat-y is only skin-deep.”
  • About/Abode → Aboat: As in “What aboat the captain?” and “Welcome to my aboat!”
  • What about → Water boat: As in “Water boat we have tofu curry for dinner tonight?” and “Water boat Daisy? Does she want to come to the beach too?”
  • Captain: As in, “Captain Hook,” and “Only the best for the captain’s table,” and “The captain’s pick.” 
  • Sel* → Sail*: If a word starts with “sel” a boat pun can often be made by replacing it with “sail”: sailection (selection), sailect (select), sailf (self), sailling (selling), sail (sell), saildom (seldom), sailfish (selfish), sailfless (selfless), sailective (selective).
  • Assail: As in “We were assailed by pirates on our way here.” and “This ship is unassailable.”
  • Sale → Sail: As in “There’s a big sail down at the boat store.”
  • *sale* → *sail*: Words containing “sale” can be turned into sailing puns: presail, resail, sailsclerk, sailsperson, wholesail.
  • Sell → Sail: As in, “Buy and sail,” and “Past its sail-by date,” and “Sail your soul to the devil,” and “Sailing like hot cakes.”
  • Sail*: As in, “Hello, sailor,” and “Plain sailing,” and “Sail away,” and “Smooth sailing,” and “Take the wind from my sails,” and “That ship has sailed.” Notes: to take the wind from someone’s sails is to discourage or cause them to lose hope and momentum. If that ship has sailed, then an opportunity has been missed and cannot be returned to. 
  • Exhale → Ex-sail: As in, “Inhale, ex-sail.”
  • *sil*→ *sail*: Words with a “sil” sound can be changed to “sail”: “Imbesail (imbecile),” and “Reconsail (reconcile),” and “Sailence (silence).”
  • Reckon → Wrecken: As in “Do you wrecken we’ll make it through the storm?” and “I am a force to be wreckened with.”
  • *rec* → *wreck*: Use words that have a “rec” sound to make nautical pirate puns: “Di-wrecked (direct),” and “Di-wreck-tion (direction),”, “E-wrecked (erect),”, “Wreck-ognise (recognise),”, “Pre-wreck-quisite (prerequisite),”, “Wreckless (reckless),”, “Wreckommend (recommend),”, “Wreckord (record),”, “Wrecktangle,” and “Wrecktify (rectify).”
  • Wreck: The word “wreck” has a few meanings other than shipwreck, including slang ones (like “Ohhh rekt!” and “He’s an emotional wreck.”) and the regular, formal ones (Like “My wedding was wrecked by the storm”).
  • Sea: As in, “All at sea,” and “Between the devil and the deep blue sea,” and “Deeper than the deep blue sea,” and “A sea change,” and “Other fish in the sea,” and “Sea legs.” Note: to have to choose between the devil and the deep blue sea is to be in a dilemma where both outcomes are undesirable. Sea legs is the skill of keeping one’s balance when on a boat or ship. 
  • *Sea*: As in, “Backseat driver,” and “The best seat,” and “Break the seal,” and “My lips are sealed,” and “Strawberry season,” and “In search of,” and “Bursting at the seams,” and “Buckle your seatbelt,” and “I’m feeling nausea,” and “Guard against disease,” and “Do your research.”
  • See → Sea: As in, “As far as the eye can sea,” and “Be the change you wish to sea in the world,” and “Can’t sea beyond the end of your nose,” and “Can’t sea the wood for the trees,” and “Come and sea me,” and “Sea no evil,” and “I call ’em as I sea ’em,” and “Long time no sea,” and “Monkey sea, monkey do,” and “I’m not sea-ing anyone,” and “Nowhere to be sea-n,” and “Sea eye to eye (or sea aye to aye might be more appropriate),” and “Sea the bigger picture,” and “Sea what the future has in store,” and “Sea-ing is believing,” and “I’ve sea-n better days,” and “Plant a sea-d.” Notes: If you can’t see the wood for the trees, then you’re unable to see the bigger picture because you’re too focused on the smaller details of the situation. 
  • She → Sea: As in, “By George, I think sea’s got it!” and “Every little thing sea does is magic,” and “I’ll have what sea’s having,” and “Steady as sea goes,” and “Thar sea blows.”
  • *see/cy* → *sea*: If a word has the “see” sound in it, we can use it to make nautical (naughty) pirate puns: “Absorben-sea (absorbency),”, “Accura-sea (accuracy),”, “Accountan-sea (accountancy),”, “Adequa-sea (adequacy),”, “Advoca-sea (advocacy),”, “Agen-sea (agency),”, “Ant-sea (antsy),”, “Aristocra-sea (aristocracy),”, “Beseach (beseech),”, “Sea-ge (seige),”, “Sea-d (seed),”, “Boun-sea (bouncy),”, “Candida-sea (candidacy),”, “Sea-dar (cedar),”, “Sea-ling (ceiling),”, “Competen-sea (competency),”, “Conseal (conceal),”, “Conseat (conceit),”, “Conspira-sea (conspiracy),”, “Curren-sea (currency),” and “Diploma-sea (diplomacy).”
  • Se* → Sea*: Some words that start with just “se” also have a “sea”-ish sound, and the ones that don’t can usually be made into terrible puns anyway: seacret, searious, seargeant, seacretion, seacure, seacurity, seacondary, seacretariat, seaconds, seacrete, searum, searenity, searvitude, seanile, seadation, seaclusion, seacretive, seaze, seaquential, sealection, seacretly, seaquences, seanior, seaniority, seagregate, seaping, seacession, seariousness, seaminars, seaveral, seaxual, seaparation, seantimental, seansational, seaquential, seacluded, seacularist, seathing, seaquin, seasame, seaclusion.
  • Seizure → Seazure: As in “If I read one more ocean pun I’m going to have a seazure.”
  • Scenic → Seanic: As in “Let’s take the seanic route.”
  • Ocean: As in, “A life on the ocean waves,” and “A drop in the ocean,” and “The motion of the ocean.” Note: a drop in the ocean is a tiny amount compared to what is actually needed. 
  • *o-shun* → *ocean*: We can make pirate puns using words that have the “o-shun” sound in them: “M-ocean (motion),”, “Em-ocean (emotion),”, “N-ocean (notion),”, “L-ocean (lotion),”, “Expl-ocean (explosion),”, “P-ocean (potion),”, “Comm-ocean (commotion),”, “Dem-ocean (demotion),”, “Dev-ocean (devotion),” and “Prom-ocean (promotion).” 
  • *wobb* → *swab*: As in, “Throw a swab-bly,” and “The colly-swabbles.” Notes: A swab is another term for mops used in cleaning ship decks. Swabbing is another word for mopping, or cleaning ship decks, and a swabber is someone who performs this task.  
  • Parrot: As in, “Sick as a parrot,” and “Parrot-fashion.” Notes: to do something in parrot-fashion means automatically or mechanically, without thought or real understanding. To be sick as a parrot is to be extremely ill or disappointed. 
  • *part → *parrot: As in, “A fool and his money are soon parroted,” and “It was good in some parrots,” and “I’ve been sad since the day we parroted,” and “If you’re not a parrot of the solution, you’re parrot of the problem,” and “Drift a-parrot,” and “Fall a-parrot,” and “No-one in parrot-icular,” and “House-warming parrot-y,” and “Get the parrot-y started,” and “Life of the parrot-y,” and “Parrot-ing of the ways,” and “Worlds a-parrot,” and “What parrot of ‘no’ don’t you understand?” 
  • Prepared → Pre-parrot: As in, “Chance favours the pre-parrot mind,” and “Here’s one I pre-parrot earlier,” and “Be pre-parrot.” 
  • Paradise→ Parrot-ise: As in, “A taste of parrot-ise,” and “Fool’s parrot-ise,” and “Trouble in parrot-ise.”
  • Carrot → Parrot: As in, “Parrot and stick.” Note: the carrot and stick are metaphors for using a mixture of reward and punishment to teach certain behaviours. 
  • *rot → *parrot: As in, “Parrot in hell,” and “Spoiled parrot-ten,” and “One parrot-ten apple can spoil the barrel,” and “Parrot-ten to the core.” Note: a rotten apple spoiling the barrel is a metaphor for one single bad influence (whether it be a person, belief, or personality trait) wrecking the entire thing or group. 
  • Sea → Sea dog: As in, “Between the devil and the deep blue sea dog,” and “Sun, sea dog and sand.” Note: a sea dog is someone who is experienced at sea. 
  • Gallery → Galley: As in, “A new art galley.” Note: Galleys have two meanings: a kitchen in a ship, or a type of ship.
  • Alley → Galley: As in, “Galley cat,” and “Right up your galley.”
  • Cannon: As in, “Cannon fodder,” and “Loose cannon.” Notes: Cannon fodder is a  derogatory term for soldiers who are regarded by government as expendable. A loose cannon is a person who is likely to cause unintentional damage.
  • Cannibal → Cannonball: As in, “Corporate cannonballism.” Note: corporate cannibalism is where a company is seemingly “eating into” its own market of established products. 
  • Tears → Privateers: As in, “Blood, sweat and privateers,” and “Bathed in privateers,” and “Crocodile privateers,” and “Fighting back the privateers,” and “It will all end in privateers,” and “No more privateers.” Notes: a privateer is someone who is privately hired to engage in maritime warfare.
  • Wonder → Plunder: As in, “Gutless plunder,” and “It’s a plunder-ful life,” and “Nine days’ plunder,” and “A small plunder,” and “Where plunders never cease,” and “A one-hit plunder.” Note: to plunder is to loot and steal.
  • *anker → *anchor: most words ending in “anker” can be anchor puns: banchor (banker), tanchor (tanker), flanchor (flanker), hanchor (flanker), spanchor (flanker), danchor (danker).
  • Map: As in, “Mind map,” and “On the map,” and “All over the map.”
  • Mop → Map: As in, “Map the floor with.” Note: to mop the floor with someone is to thoroughly defeat them. 
  • Offer → Coffer: As in, “Open to coffers,” and “A coffer you can’t refuse.” Note: a coffer is a chest for treasure. 
  • Cover → Coffer: As in, “Blow your coffer,” and “Coffer to coffer,” and “Extra coffer,” and “We’ve got you coffered,” and “A startling dis-coffer-y!” 
  • Hold: As in, “Can’t hold a candle to,” and “Don’t hold your breath,” and “Got a hold on the wrong end of the stick,” and “Hold a grudge,” and “Hold a mirror up to society,” and “Hold a torch for,” and “Hold all the cards,” and “Hold at bay,” and “Hold back on,” and “Hold it right there!” and “No holds barred,” and “A sight to behold,” and “Lo and behold.” Notes: if you can’t hold a candle to something or someone, then you are very lowly in comparison to them. If there are no holds barred, that means that anything goes in a situation. Lo and behold is an exclamation demanding that one’s attention be directed to a certain thing. 
  • Cock → Coxswain: As in, “Coxswain and bull story.” Note: a coxswain is someone in charge of the navigation and steering of a boat. 
  • Board → Starboard: As in, “All above starboard,” and “Across the starboard.” Note: starboard refers to the right-side orientation on a boat. 
  • Plank: As in, “Take a long walk off a short plank,” and “Walk the plank.” Note: walking the plank was a method of execution used by pirates. Victims were bound so they were unable to swim, then made to walk off a wooden plank into the ocean. 
  • Blank → Plank: As in, “A plank slate,” and “Plank canvas,” and “A plank look,” and “Drawing a plank,” and “Point plank range,” and “I’m planking out,” and “Fill in the plank,” and “Wet plank-et.” Note: a wet blanket is someone that dampens enjoyment or excitement. 
  • Thank → Plank: As in, “Accept with planks,” and “Give planks,” and “Plank god it’s Friday,” and “Plank you for the music,” and “Planks for nothing,” and “Plank your lucky stars,” and “Be plankful.”
  • Sword: As in, “Cross swords with,” and “A double-edged sword,” and “Fall on your sword,” and “Put to the sword,” and “The pen is mightier than the sword.” Notes: a double-edged sword is a thing that provides both benefits and disadvantages. To put someone to the sword is to execute them. To say that the pen is mightier than the sword is to express that the the media is more powerful than the military.  
  • Sort → Sword: As in, “Last re-sword,” and “I’m out of swords,” and “Sword the wheat from the chaff,” and “Sword yourself out,” and “Sword of.” Note: to sort the wheat from the chaff is to sort valuable things or people from those that aren’t needed. 
  • Word → S-word: As in, “A picture paints a thousand s-words,” and “A s-word to the wise,” and “Actions speak louder than s-words,” and “As good as your s-word,” and “Don’t mince s-words,” and “Famous last s-words,” and “Get a s-word in edgeways,” and “The last s-word.” Note: to not mince your words is to not be gentle in your communications – to use blunt and direct language. 
  • Barely → Parley: As in, “Parley there,” and “Parley noticeable.” Note: to parley is to have negotiations with an opposing side. 
  • Sure → Shore: As in “Are you shore?” and “She shore is strong!” and “I shore will.”
  • Shore: As in, “Ship to shore,” and “Shore up.” Note: to shore up is to support something by placing something under or against it. 
  • Not → Knot: As in “Tell me this is knot happening.” and “Knot on my watch.”
  • Not → Naut: As in “I’m naut going to keep arguing with you,” and “Last but naut least,” and “Fear naut!”
  • Naughty → Nauty: As in “There’s that nauty sailor again”.
  • Specific → Pacific: As in “You need to be more pacific.” and “Are you sure you have the pacifications for this?” and “Pacifically, there are two apples and three nectarines.”
  • Passivist → Pascificist: As in “I’m a pascificst. Violence is never the answer.”
  • *ways → *waves: Words than end in “ways” can be made into bad wave puns: alwaves (always), railwaves (railways), sidewaves, pathwaves, lengthwaves, doorwaves.
  • Wave: “Wave goodbye” and “Mexican wave” and “Heat wave” and “Wave the white flag” and “Brain waves“.
  • Cog*: As in, “Cogito ergo sum,” and “Just another cog in the machine.” Notes: cogito ergo sum is a philosophical expression meaning “I think, therefore I am.” A cog is a type of ship. 
  • Clog → Cog: As in, “Clever cogs,” and “Cog up,” and “Pop your cogs.” Notes: Clever clogs is a disapproving way of saying that someone is clever, but in an irritating way. To pop your clogs is to die. 
  • *cog*: As in, “Cognitive,” and “Cognition,” and “Incognito,” and “Recognise,” and “Recognition.” 
  • Sooner → Schooner: As in “Schooner or later.” and “I’ll call her schoon“. A “schooner” is a sailing ship with two or more masts.
  • Slope → sloop: A “sloop” is a type of sailboat with one mast. Example sentence: “Hold on! This is a steep sloop.”
  • Fathom: A “fathom” is a unit of length equal to 6 feet (~1.8m) and is most commonly used in reference to the depth of water. Example sentences: “I can’t fathom what she means.” and “It’s completely unfathomable!”
  • Overboard: As in, “Man overboard!” and “This is going overboard.”
  • Tack → Hardtack: As in, “As sharp as a hardtack.” Note: hardtack is a type of hard biscuit/bread that was commonly eaten on voyages due to it being cheap and long-lasting. 
  • Kraken: As in, “Release the kraken!” Note: the kraken is a legendary sea monster that is popular in pirate stories and mythology. 
  • Cracking → Kraken: As in, “Get kraken!” 
  • Crack → Kraken: As in, “At the kraken of dawn,” and “Kraken a smile,” and “Have a kraken at it,” and “Snap, kraken, and pop.”
  • Afraid → Afeared: As in, “Afeared of your own shadow,” and “Afeared so,” and “Be afeared, be very afeared,” and “Everything you always wanted to know but were afeared to ask,”  and “I’m not afeared of death.” Note: “afeared” is a common bit of pirate lingo. 
  • Go out → Gout: As in, “Don’t gout of your way,” and “Gout on a limb,” and “Gout with a bang,” and “Gout like a light,” and “Good manners never gout of style,” and “I’d like to gout.” Notes: gout is a disease that commonly afflicted pirates due to their lifestyle. 
  • About → Agout: As in, “Agout time,” and “It’s not all agout you,” and “Beat agout the bush,” and “No two ways agout it,” and “Nothing to write home agout,” and “Out and agout.”
  • *goat* → *gout*: As in, “Scapegout,” and “Nice goutee.” Note: a scapegoat is a person who is blamed for the mistakes or wrongdoings of others. 
  • Got → Gout: As in, “I think you’ve gout it,” and “Cat gout your tongue?” and “Give it all you’ve gout,” and “She’s gout a flair for,” and “I’ve gout a soft spot for,” and “Gout it down to a fine art,” and “Hasn’t gout two cents to rub together,” and “Have I gout news for you,” and “The one that gout away.” 
  • Bulge → Bilge: As in, “Battle of the bilge.” Note: a bilge is the underwater part of a ship. Also used as a dismissive term for anything determined to be nonsense or rubbish.
  • Spot → Black spot: As in, “A leopard cannot change its black spots,” and “Got a soft black spot for,” and “Hit the black spot,” and “In a tight black spot,” and “X marks the black spot.” Note: a black spot is a marker of death in the pirating world. 
  • Dinghy → Dingy: A “dinghy” is a small boat and it sounds a bit like the word “dingy” which has multiple slang definitions including “gloomy and drab”.
  • Slope → sloop: A “sloop” is a type of sailboat with one mast. Example sentence: “Hold on! This is a steep sloop.”
  • *sk if → As skiff: If the word “if” follows a word that ends in “sk” then we can create a play on “skiff” (a type of shallow, flat-bottomed boat). Example sentences: “Before giving it to her, askiff she wants it.” and “We’ll be back by duskiff we can fix this motor.” Many more words fit this pattern: riskiff (risk if), deskiff (desk if), taskiff (task if), diskiff, maskiff, briskiff, flaskiff, kioskiff, baskiff, whiskif, muskiff.
  • *s if → As skiff: If the word “if” follows a word that ends in “s” then we can create a play on “skiff” (a type of shallow, flat-bottomed boat). Example sentences: “As skiff!” and “You sound as skiff you’re a bit sick?” and “Ask us skiff you need anything!” There are obviously thousands of words ending in “s” so you can create your own puns using this formula with the help of a list like this.
  • Y’all → Yawl: As in “How are yawl doing today?” A yawl is a type of sailboat.
  • Cuddle → S-cuttle: As in, “S-cuttle buddy,” and “Want to s-cuttle?” Note: to scuttle is to sink a ship. 

The following puns are based on popular fictional pirates.

  • Pearl → Black pearl: As in, “A string of black pearls,” and “Black pearls of wisdom.” Note: The Black Pearl is the ship in the first movie of the Pirates of the Carribean series. 
  • Jack → Jack Sparrow: As in, “All work and no play makes Jack Sparrow a dull boy,” and “Every Jack Sparrow has his Jill.” Note: Jack Sparrow is a fictional pirate from the Pirates of the Caribbean series. 
  • Hook → Captain Hook: As in, “By Captain Hook or by crook,” and “Captain Hook, line, and sinker,” and “I’m Captain Hooked.”
  • One → One Piece:  As in, “All for One Piece and One Piece for all,” and “An army of One Piece,” and “And then there was One Piece,” and “Down it in One Piece.” Note: One Piece is a wildly popular manga about pirates. 
  • Fluffy → F-luffy: As in, “A f-luffy bunny.” Note: Luffy is the Captain of the Straw Hat pirates and the main protagonist from One Piece. 
  • Tsunami → Tsu-nami: As in, “Wreckage from the tsu-nami,” and “There’s a tsu-nami coming.” Note: Nami is the navigator for the Straw Hat pirates from One Piece. 
  • Gold → Gol D. Roger: As in, “After the Gol D rush,” and “All that glitters is not Gol D,” and “As good as Gol.D Roger,” and “Fool’s Gol D,” and “Get a Gol D star,” and “A heart of Gol D,” and “A Gol D mine.” Note: Gol.D Roger is the legendary Pirate King in One Piece. 
  • Straw → Straw Hat: As in, “A drowning man will clutch at a straw hat,” and “The last straw hat,” and “Draw the short straw hat.” 

Pirate-Related Words

To help you come up with your own pirate puns, here’s a list of related words to get you on your way. We’ve split these words up into categories to make it easier to read and use. If you come up with any new puns or related words, please feel free to share them in the comments!

General: pirate, crew, rum, booty, treasure, pieces of eight, doubloon, loot, bounty, grog, tankard, boatswain, swashbuckle/swashbuckler, hook, pegleg, eyepatch, skull and crossbones, jolly roger, buccaneer, cutlass, mutiny, ship, deck, brig, flog, sea, blunderbuss, davy jones’ locker, jack, black spot, gout, hardtack, privateer, plunder, pillage, coffer, swab/swabber, scallywag, rapscallion, scuttle, sea dog, captain, ocean, boat, first mate, swab, hold, map, telescope, parrot, anchor, poop deck, bilge, coxswain, starboard, plank, sail, wreck, chest, scurvy, galley, cannon, marooned, hornswaggle, parley, shore, harbour, pier, nautical, clipper, cog, galleon, long boat, schooner, sloop, fathom, port, overboard, kraken

Lingo: arr, aye aye, ahoy, matey, avast ye, hearty, me hearties, shiver me timbers, landlubber, thar she blows, yo ho ho, cap’n, afeared, lily-livered, bilge rat

Fictional: black pearl, pirates of the carribean, jack sparrow, elizabeth swann, bluebeard, captain hook, flying dutchman,  one piece, luffy, nami, sanji, zoro, usopp, gol.d roger, straw hat pirates, tony chopper, nico robin, franky, brook, jimbei, captain feathersword

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