Chemistry Puns

Welcome to the Punpedia entry on chemistry puns! 🔬🧪🥽🔥

Continuing on the STEM related fun from our mega math pun list, we now have a chemistry pun entry for all of your highly technical (and corny) needs.

We’ve done our best to cover all chemistry-related jokes and topics, from equipment to theories and the periodic table – so no matter what you’re looking for, we hope to have you covered. If this list is too specific, we’ve got a general science list on the way too!

Chemistry Puns List

Each item in this list describes a pun, or a set of puns which can be made by applying a rule. If you know of any puns about chemistry that we’re missing, please let us know in the comments at the end of this page! Without further ado, here’s our list of chemistry puns:

  • At ’em → Atom: As in, “Up and atom!”
  • At → Atom: As in, “Atom the library” and “Where you atom?”
  • Platonic → Platomic: As in, “An platomic relationship.”
  • Verbatim → Verbatom
  • Mister → Chemist-er: As in, “No more chemist-er Nice Guy” and “Chemist-er Right is a myth.”
  • Missed → Chemist: “Chemist it by that much!” and “My heart chemist a beat.”
  • Signs → Science: “Vital science” and “Missed all the science.”
  • Lap → Lab: As in, “Lab it up” and “Lab of luxury” and “Lab of honour” and “Fall into your lab.”
  • Photo → Photon: As in, “A photon finish” and “Photon opportunity” and “Take a photon, it’ll last longer.”
  • Futon → Photon: As in, “Photon couch” and “Pack the photons away.”
  • Article → Particle: As in, “Newspaper particle” and “Particle of clothing” and “The genuine particle.”
  • Party → Particle: As in, “Bachelorette particle” and “Fight for the right to particle” and “Cuddle particle” and “The injured particle” and “It’s my particle and I’ll cry if I want to” and “Particle like it’s 1999″ and “Particle animal” and “Down to particle.”
  • Cool → Molecule: As in, “Molecule as a cucumber” and “Molecule as a mountain stream” and “Molecule your heels” and “Molecule, calm and collected” and “Lose your molecule.”
  • Eye on → Ion: As in, “I’ve got my ion you” and “What have you got your ion?”
  • Eye → Ion: As in, “Wandering ion” and “All fun and games until someone loses an ion” and “An ion-opening experience” and “Avert your ions” and “Bat your ions” and “Beauty is in the ion of the beholder” and “Bedroom ions” and “Before your very ions” and “Better than a poke in the ion with a sharp stick” and Do my ions deceive me?”
  • Iron → Ion: “Hard as ion” and “A cast ion alibi” and “Ion man” and “Ion out the wrinkles” and “Pumping ion” and “Rule with an ion first” and “Strike while the ion is hot.”
  • Particular → Particle-ar: “Not in particle-ar” and “Only for particle-ar people.”
  • Electric → Electron: As in, “Do android dream of electron sheep?”
  • Electronic (emphasise the “electron” in “electronic”).
  • *atum → *atom: We can sneak “atom” into words that have the “atum” sound for some atomically bad puns: Stratom (stratum) and ultimatom (ultimatum).
  • *lib* → *lab*: If a word has “lib” in it, we can change it to lab (as in laboratory): “Laberal arts” and “Not at laberty to say” and “Public labrary.” Other words that could work: labido (libido), laberate (liberate), delaberate (deliberate), gullable (gullible) and equilabrium (equilibrium).
  • *lob* → *lab*: Labster (lobster), labby (lobby) and labbyist (lobbyist).
  • *lub* → *lab*: Labricant (lubricant) and labricate (lubricate).
  • *lap* → *lab*: As in, “A labse in judgement” and “Secret labtop” and “Act as a labdog” and “Not much overlab.” Other words you could use: overlab (overlap), burlab (burlap), clab (clap), thunderclab (thunderclap) and collabse (collapse).
  • Matter: Matter has a couple of different meanings, but in science it refers to anything that has mass and takes up space. Here are some related puns:
    • Met her → Matter: As in, “No, I haven’t matter before.”
    • Metre → Matter: As in, “By the matter” and “50 matters to the left.”
    • *mat* → *matter*: As in, “Matterial possessions” and “Matterialise before your very eyes” and “Matternal instincts” and “Matternity clothes.”
    • *met* → *matter*: As in, “Mixed matterphor” and “Fixed paramatters” and “Sacred geomattery” and “Around the perimatter.”
  • Ass → Mass: As in, “Mass backwards” and “Blow smoke up your mass” and “Bust your mass” and “Get your mass into gear” and “Half massed” and “Get your mass over here.”
  • Maths → Mass: As in, “Mental mass” and “Late for mass class.”
  • Mess → Mass: As in, “Mass with your head” and “A frightful mass” and “Hot mass” and “Massing around” and “Massed up” and “Stop massing about.”
  • Miss → Mass: “Blink and you’ll mass it” and “Hit and mass” and “Give it a mass” and “I’ll mass you” and “Mass the boat” and “Massing link” and “Massing in action” and “Massing, presumed lost.”
  • Meant → Element: As in, “Element to be” and “Element to fly.”
  • *mas* → *mass*: “A Christmass miracle!” and “Massquerade ball” and “Bananas in Pyjamass.”
  • *mes* → *mass*: As in, “Mixed massages” and “A massy situation” and “Massmerised by you.” Other words that could work: massh (mesh), massenger (messenger), massiah (messiah), nemassis (nemesis) and domasstic (domestic).
  • *mis* → *mass*: Massogyny (misogyny), massion (mission), masstake (mistake), masscellaneous (miscellaneous), masschevious (mischevious), masschief (mischief), epidermass (epidermis), premass (premise), compromass (compromise), commassion (commission) and euphemassism (euphemism).
  • *mos* → *mass*: As in, “Buzzing around like a massquito” and “At the masst” and “The best in the cosmass.” Other words you could try: thermass (thermos), atmassphere (atmosphere) and animassity (animosity).
  • *mus* → *mass*: Masscle (muscle), masster (muster), masstard (mustard), hummass (hummus), litmass (litmus) and masslin (muslin).
  • *mac* → *mass*: As in, “Another cog in the masshine.” Other words you could try: masserate (macerate), masshete (machete), pharmassy (pharmacy) and emassiated (emaciated).
  • Charge: Protons and electrons will have either a positive or negative charge, so we’ve included charge in this list too:
    • Barge → Charge: “Don’t just charge right in.”
    • Large → Charge: As in, “Charger than life” and “At charge” and “By and charge” and “Looming charge.”
    • Change → Charge: As in, “A charge is as good as a rest” and “A leopard cannot charge its spots” and “A welcome charge” and “Charge for the better” and “Charge hands” and “Charge of heart” and “Charge of pace” and “Charge the subject.”
  • Positive: These positive-related phrases are in reference to positive charge, and are general enough to use as chemistry puns: “Positive thinking” and “I’m absolutely positive” and “Came back positive.”:
  • Negative: These negative-related phrases are about negative charge and can double as science puns: “Negative equity” and “A negative thinker” and “That’s a negative.”
  • pH: The pH level of a substance is the measure of how acidic or basic it is. Here are some related puns:
    • *pH*: If we emphasise a capital “H” in words that already have “ph” in them, it’s a quick and easy way to make pH puns: “Off to the pHarmacy” and “pHantom menace” and “Had an epipHany.” Other words that could work: elepHant, empHasis, pHenomenon, pHeasant, catastropHe, apostropHe, peripHeral, epHemeral, atmospHere, decipHer, pHilosopHy, pHilanthropy, sopHisticated and grapHic.
    • *f* → *pH*: Since “f” and “ph” have the same sound, we can swap the “f” in words for “ph” and emphasise the “h” for a quick pH pun: “On the sopHa” and “AlpHalfa sprouts” and “pHamily pHoto” and “Two-pHaced.” Other words that could work: pHactor (factor), benepHactor (benefactor), nepHarious, pHaith, lipHe (life), stripHe (strife), knipHe (knife), pHever, repHerence (reference), pHeature (feature), manipHest, pHeasible, pHeel (feel) and pHeign (feign).
  • California → Califormula
  • Solution: Solution has a couple of different meanings (the answer to a problem or a mix of different liquids). These solution-related phrases can double as chemistry puns: “If you’re not a part of the solution, you’re part of the problem” and “Time to think up some solutions.”
  • Iconic → Ionic: As in, “An ionic image” and “What an ionic outfit” and “Ionic celebrity.”
  • Sell → Cell: As in, “Buy and cell” and “Past the cell-by date” and “Cell out” and “Celling like hot cakes” and “The celling point.”
  • Shell → Cell: As in, “Come out of your cell” and “Drop a bombcell” and “In a nutcell” and “Cell out” and “Cell shocked.”
  • Bell → Cell: “Alarm cells begin to ring” and “Clear as a cell” and “Cells and whistles” and “Doesn’t ring a cell.”
  • Smell → Cell: “Come up celling of roses” and “I cell a rat” and “Cells like teen spirit” and “Stop and cell the roses.”
  • Spell → Cell: “Do I have to cell it out?” and “Fall under [someone’s] cell” and “Break the cell” and “A dry cell.”
  • Well → Cell: As in, “Exceedingly cell read” and “Get cell soon” and “Just as cell.”
  • Hehe → HeHe: (He is the symbol for helium)
  • Heal → Helium: As in, “Helium thyself.”
  • Lie → Li: As in, “Ask no questions and hear no Lis” and “A bald-faced Li” and “You’ve made your bed and now you must Li in it” and “Just wouldn’t let it Li” and “Hips don’t Li” and “Cannot tell a Li” and “The camera doesn’t Li.” Note: Li is the symbol for lithium, a chemical element.
  • Beryllium: Beryllium is a chemical element with the symbol Be. Here are some related puns:
    • Billion → Beryllium: As in, “Beryllium dollar deal” and “One in a beryllium.”
    • Bee → Be: “Busy as a Be” and “A Be in your bonnet” and “The birds and the Bes” and “Float like a butterfly, sting like a Be” and “Like a Be to a honeypot” and “Make a Beline for” and “Flight of the BumbleBe” and “The Be’s knees.”
    • Be: These be-related phrases can double as puns: “Happy as can Be” and “Not all it’s cracked up to Be” and “I’ll Be glad to see the back of” and “Be still my beating heart” and “Leave it Be.”
  • Boron:  Boron is a chemical element with the symbol B. Here are some boron-related puns:
    • Born → Boron: As in, “A star is boron” and “Naked as the day you were boron” and “Boron to fly” and “Boron free” and “Boron this way” and “Boron again” and “I was boron ready.”
    • Boring → Boron: As in, “Boron as a wet weekend” and “As boron as watching paint dry” and “A deeply boron subject.”
    • Moron → Boron: As in, “You utter boron” and “That would be boronic.”
    • Bee → B: “Busy as a B” and “The birds and the Bs” and “Float like a butterfly, sting like a B.”
    • Be → Be: As in, “B kind to yourself” and “Where would you like to B in five years?”
  • C: Carbon is an element with the symbol C. These puns are centred around carbon’s symbol:
    • Sea → C: As in, “C to shining C” and “An island of curiosity surrounded by a C of question marks” and “All at C” and “Between the devil and the deep blue C” and “Deeper than the deep blue C” and “On the high Cs” and “A C change” and “There’s plenty more fish in the C.”
    • See → C: As in, “As far as the eye can C” and “Be the change you wish to C in the world” and “Can’t C beyond the end of your nose” and “Can’t C the wood for the trees” and “Come up and C me sometime” and “I can C clearly now” and “Could C you a mile off.”
  • Night → Nitrogen: As in, “A hard day’s nitrogen” and “A nitrogen at the opera” and “In the dead of nitrogen” and “Dance the nitrogen away.”
  • Oh → O: As in, “O my goodness” and “O well.” Note: O is the symbol for oxygen.
  • Neon: Neon is a chemical element with the symbol Ne. Here are related puns:
    • Knee → Neon:  As in, “Cut off at the neons” and “Go down on bended neon” and “Weak at the neons” and “A neon jerk reaction” and “Shaking at the neons” and “The bee’s neons.” These will all also work for Ne, the symbol of neon: “weak at the Nes” and “Ne jerk reaction” and “Down on bended Ne.”
    • Be on → Neon: As in, “Be sure to neon time.”
    • *nee → *Ne: NomiNe (nominee), traiNe (trainee), assigNe (assignee).
    • *ni* → *Ne*: As in, “A funded iNetiative” and “An affiNety for” and “With grace and digNety” and “The dictionary defiNetion of…”
    • *ny → *Ne: misogyNe (misogyny), synoNem (synonym), compaNe (company), epiphaNe (epiphany), iroNe (irony), acroNem (acronym)m harmoNe (harmony), uncanNe (uncanny) and scrutiNe (scrutiny).
  • Sodium: Sodium is a chemical element with the symbol Na. Here are related puns:
    • Sodium → Podium: As in, “Get down from the sodium!”
    • Nah → Na: As in, “Yeah, but Na.”
    • *na* → *Na*: Emphasise the “n” in words that already have “na” (this tends to work better if the n is in the middle of the word): “Getting back to Nature” and “Control the Narrative” and “Not a Native to” and “After a thorough aNalysis” and “A hidden persoNa” and “Natural phenomeNa” and “Slipped on a baNaNa peel” and “Fresh in the areNa.”
    • *ne* → *Na*: Nafarious (nefarious), Namesis (nemesis), busiNass (business) and beNafit (benefit).
    • *ni* → *Na*: INatiative (initiative), affiNaty (affinity), digNaty (dignity) and defiNation (definition).
    • *no → *Na: PiaNa (piano), inferNa (inferno), casiNa (casino), rhiNa (rhino) and domiNa (domino).
  • I’ll → Al: As in, “Well, Al be” and “Al be a monkey’s uncle” and “Al be damned” and “You scratch my back and Al scratch yours” and “Ask no questions and Al tell you no lies.”
  • Silicon: Silicon is a chemical element with the symbol Si. Here are related puns:
    • Silly → Silicon: As in, “Laugh yourself silicon” and “Silicon season.”
    • See → Si: As in, “As far as the eye can Si” and “Be the change you wish to Si” and “Si no evil” and “Call them as I Si them” and “Could Si you a mile off” and “I can Si clearly now.”
    • Sea → Si: As in, “All at Si” and “Between the devil and the deep blue Si” and “From Si to shining Si” and “Deeper than the deep blue Si” and “On the high Sis” and “Si change” and “More fish in the Si” and “At Si level” and “Get your Si legs.”
    • She → Si: As in, “I think Si’s got it” and “He said, Si said” and “Is Si or isn’t Si?”
    • Say → Si: “Do as I Si, not as I do” and “Have the final Si” and “Just Si the word.”
  • Phosphorus: Phosphorus is a chemical element with the symbol P. Here are puns related to the symbol:
    • Pea → P: “Like two Ps in a pod” and “Easy as shelling Ps” and “P soup.”
    • Plea → P: As in, “P bargain.”
  • Sulfur: Sulfur is a chemical element with the symbol S. Here are related puns:
    • Suffer → Sulfur: As in, “Long sulfuring” and “When elephants make war, it’s the mice that sulfur.”
    • Stuffer → Sulfur: “Stocking sulfur.”
  • Argon: Argon is a colourless gas with the symbol Ar. Here are related puns:
    • Are gone → Argon: As in, “It’s too late, they argon.”
    • Are → Ar: “All bets Ar off” and “Chances Ar” and “Here you Ar!”
    • Argh → Ar
  • Titanium: This is a metal with the symbol Ti. Here are puns related to titanium’s symbol:
    • Tea → Ti: As in, “High Ti” and “I’d kill for a cup of Ti” and “It’s not my cup of Ti” and “Let’s have some Ti.”
    • Tee → Ti: “Fits you to a Ti” and “Ti it up.”
    • The → Ti: As in, “You’re not above Ti law” and “Absence makes Ti heart grow fonder” and “Ace in Ti hole” and “Add fuel to Ti fire” and “After Ti fact” and “Against Ti clock.”
    • Tie → Ti: “A black Ti event” and “Ti a ribbon on.”
  • Chromium: Chromium ias a chemical element with the symbol Cr. Here are related puns:
    • Chrome → Chromium: As in, “Chromium dome” and “Chromium pony.”
    • Comb → Chromium: As in, “Go through with a fine-toothed chromium.”
  • Eye on → Iron: As in, “Keep an iron the pot” and “Keeping an iron the situation.”
  • Fe: Fe is the symbol for iron. Here are related puns:
    • Fee → Fe: As in, “For a Fe” and “No hidden Fes.”
    • Free → Fe: “Fe as a bird” and “Born Fe” and “Buy one, get one Fe” and “Calorie Fe” and “Fancy Fe” and “A Fe for all.”
    • Flee → Fe: “Fe the scene of the crime.”
  • Go → Co: As in, “Nowhere to Co” and “Don’t Co there” and “Easy come, easy Co” and “From the word Co” and “Give something a Co” and “Co a long way” and “Co ahead” and “Co all out” and “Co along for the ride” and “Co back in time” and “Co back to the drawing board.” Note: Co is the symbol for cobalt, which is a chemical element.
  • Nickel: Nickel is a metallic chemical element with the symbol Ni. Here are related puns for you to play with:
    • Knee → Ni: As in, “Down on bended Ni” and “Weak at the Nis” and “A Ni jerk reaction” and “Learn at your mother’s Ni” and “Shaking at the Nis” and “The bee’s Nis.”
    • Tickle → Nickle: As in, “How nickled I am” and “Bit of slap and nickle” and “Nickle the piano keys” and “Nickled pink” and “Nickled to death” and “Whatever nickles your fancy” and “Nickle their funny bone.”
    • Fickle → Nickle: As in, “The nickle finger of fate.”
    • Trickle → Nickle: As in, “Nickle down economics.”
  • See you → Cu: As in, “I’ll Cu later!” Note: Cu is the symbol for copper, which is a metallic chemical element.
  • Sink → Zinc: As in, “Everything but the kitchen zinc” and “A zincing feeling” and “Hook, line and zincer” and “Loose lips zinc ships” and “Zinc like a stone” and “Zinc or swim” and “Zinc your teeth into it.” Note: zinc is a chemical element with the symbol Zn.
  • Stink → Zinc: As in, “Kick up a zinc” and “Zincing rich” and “Zincs to high heaven” and “All of the options zinc.”
  • Germanium: Germanium is a metallic element with the symbol Ge. Here are some related puns for you:
    • Geranium → Germanium: As in, “Growing germaniums” and “How to care for your germaniums.”
    • Gee → Ge: As in, “Golly Ge” and “Ge whiz.”
  • Arsenic: This is a metallic element with the symbol As. Here are some related puns:
    • As: Use As in place of “as”: “As a rule” and “As long As” and “As far As you know” and “Cute As can be.”
    • Has → As: As in, “i nine lives” and “Every dog As his day” and “Every rose As a thorn” and “Every stick As two ends” and “Well, somebody As to do it.”
    • Ass → As: As in, “Bust your As” and “Don’t give a rat’s As” and “Kiss my As.”
  • Selenium: This is a chemical element with the symbol Se. Here are some related puns:
    • See → Se: As in, “As far as the eye can Se” and “Can’t Se beyond the end of your nose” and “Can’t Se the wood for the trees” and “Come up and Se me sometime” and “I can Se clearly now” and “I just call ’em like I Se ’em.”
    • Sea → Se: As in, “All at Se” and “Between the devil and the deep blue Se” and “Deeper than the deep blue Se” and “Se change” and “Sun, Se and sand.”
    • She → Se: “I think Se’s got it” and “Is Se or isn’t Se?” and “That’s all Se wrote.”
  • Bromine: Bromine is a chemical element with the symbol Br. Here are a couple of related puns:
    • Mine → Bromine: As in, “I scratch your back, you scratch bromine” and “Make bromine a double” and “Victory is bromine!”
    • Brr → Br
  • Yttrium: Yttrium is a metallic chemical element with the symbol Y. Here are related puns:
    • Atrium → Yttrium: As in, “Waiting in the hotel yttrium.”
    • Why → Y: As in, “I don’t know Y” and “That’s Y” and “I wonder Y” and “Y walk when you can ride?”
    • Way → Y: As in, “All the Y” and “And that’s the Y it is” and “Surely there’s another Y?” and “Born this Y” and “By Y of explanation” and “Change your Ys” and “Doing it the hard Y.”
  • Sir → Zr: As in, “That’ll do nicely, Zr” and “Aye aye Zr!” and “Yes Zr.” Note: Zr is the symbol for zirconium.
  • Mo: Mo is the symbol for the chemical element molybdenum. Here are related puns:
    • No → Mo: As in, “All bark and Mo bite” and “All dressed up and nowhere to Mo” and “By Mo means.”
    • Know → Mo: As in, “That’s all I Mo” and “Don’t I Mo it” and “Be the first to Mo” and “Want to Mo a secret?” and “Goodness Mos.”
    • More → Mo: As in, “One Mo time” and “Mo in sorrow than from anger” and “Bite off Mo than you can chew” and “Come back for Mo” and “Dare for Mo” and “For a few dollars Mo” and “Couldn’t agree Mo” and “Just one Mo thing” and “Less is Mo.”
  • Technician → Technetium: As in, “Audio technetium.” Note: technetium is a chemical element with the symbol Tc.
  • Ru: Ru is the symbol for the chemical element ruthenium. Here are some related puns:
    • Are you → Ru: As in, “Ru sure?” and “Ru leaving soon?”
    • Rue → Ru: As in, “Ru the day!”
    • You → Ru: As in, “As Ru know” and “Back at Ru” and “Believe Ru me” and “Bless Ru” and “Crawl before Ru walk.”
    • Who → Ru: As in, “All things to those Ru wait” and “Abandon hope all ye Ru enter here.”
  • Seedy → Cd: As in, “A Cd situation.” Note: Cd is the symbol for the chemical element cadmium.
  • In: These phrases are general enough to use as puns: As in, “Ace In the hole” and “Back In the day” and “As In” and “I’m back In the game!” Note: In is the symbol for the chemical element indium.
  • Tin: Tin is a chemical element, so we’ve included it in this list:
    • Ten → Tin: “Count to tin” and “Eight out of tin prefer it” and “Hang tin” and “A perfect tin.”
    • *tan* → *tin*: As in, “In tindem” and “Tingible benefits” and “Tintamount to” and “Throwing a tintrum” and “Off on another tingent.” Other words you could try: charlatin (charlatan), cosmopolitin (cosmopolitan), spartin (spartan), tartin (tartan) and metropolitin (metropolitan).
    • *ten* → *tin*: As in, “Love me tinder” and “The five tinets of…” and “Tintative glances.” Other words that could work: tinure (tenure), tinacious (tenacious), tinacity (tenacity), oftin (often), smittin (smitten), threatin (threaten), kindergartin (kindergarten), enlightin (enlighten), glutin (gluten), potintial (potential), pretintious (pretentious), consistint (consistent), existintial (existential) and maintinance (maintenance).
    • *ton* → *tin*: As in, “A hot buttin issue” and “100% cottin” and “Skeletins in the closet” and “Gluttin for punishment.”
    • *din* → *tin*: Coortinate (coordinate) and extraortinary (extraordinary).
  • Tellurium: This is a metallic chemical element with the symbol Te. Here are some puns about tellurium for you:
    • Delirium → Tellurium: As in, “In a sleep-deprived tellurium.”
    • Tea → Te: As in, “Afternoon Te” and “Put the kettle on and we’ll have Te” and “Spill the Te.”
    • Tee → Te: As in, “Te shirt” and “Te it up” and “Suits you to a Te.”
    • The → Te: As in, “Above Te curve” and “Not above Te law” and “Absence makes Te heart grow fonder” and “Ace in Te hole” and “Across Te board” and “Adding fuel to Te fire” and “Against Te grain.”
    • Tree→ Te: As in, “Partridge in a pear Te” and “Difficult as nailing jelly to a Te” and “Barking up the wrong Te” and “Can’t see the wood for the Tes” and “Charm the birds out of the Tes” and “Family Te” and “Legs like Te trunks” and “Make like a Te and leave” and “Lit up like a Christmas Te.”
  • Case in → Caesium: As in, “Caesium point.” Note: caesium is a chemical element.
  • Bury him → Barium: As in, “Barium in legal fees!” Note: barium is a chemical element.
  • Tongue → Tungsten: As in, “Acid tungsten” and “Bite your tungsten” and “Cat got your tungsten?” and “Hold your tungsten” and “Keep a civil tungsten in your head” and “Mother tungsten” and “On the tip of my tungsten.” Note: tungsten is a chemical element.
  • We → Re: As in, “Here Re go again!” and “This is where Re come in.” Note: Re is the symbol for the element rhenium.
  • Gold: Gold is a chemical element, so we’ve included it in this list. Here are some related puns for you:
    • Gold: These gold-related phrases can double as puns: “Gold rush” and “Good as gold” and “Fool’s gold” and “Pot of gold” and “Gold star” and “Go for gold.”
    • Cold → Gold: “Gold as blue blazes” and “Blow hot and gold” and “Break out in a gold sweat” and “Catch a gold” and “Gold comfort.”
    • Goal → Gold: “With a gold in mind” and “Moving the goldposts” and “Score a gold.”
    • Bold → Gold: As in, “Gold as brass” and “A gold move” and “Goldly go where no man has gone before.”
    • Old → Gold: “Gold as the hills” and “Tough as gold boots” and “A chip off the gold block” and “For gold times’ sake” and “I’m growing gold.”
  • Lead: Lead is a heavy metal on the periodic table, so we’ve included it on this list:
    • Led → Lead: As in, “Led around by the nose.”
    • Lid → Lead: As in, “Blow the lead off” and “Flip your lead” and “Keep a lead on it.”
    • Lit → Lead: As in, “I lead a fire” and “Her face lead up.”
    • Let → Lead: As in, “Buy to lead” and “Don’t lead the bastards grind you down” and “Just wouldn’t lead it lie” and “Lead it be” and “Lead down” and “Be lead into the secret” and “I won’t lead you down.”
    • Fled → Lead: As in, “Lead the scene of the crime.”
  • Bismuth: Bismuth is a chemical element with the symbol Bi. Here are puns related to both bismuth and its symbol:
    • Business → Bismuth: “A dirty bismuth” and “Back in bismuth” and “Bismuth acumen” and “Bismuth as usual” and “Bismuth before pleasure” and “Bismuth class” and “The bismuth end” and “Let’s get down to bismuth” and “Go about your own bismuth” and “Like nobody’s bismuth” and “Open for bismuth” and “Mind your own bismuth.”
    • By → Bi: “Not Bi a long shot” and “Won Bi a landslide” and “Bi and large” and “Not Bi any means” and “Don’t do it Bi halves” and “Know off Bi heart” and “Do it Bi hand.”
    • Buy → Bi: As in, “Bulk Bi” and “Bi and sell” and “Don’t Bi into it” and “Bi now, pay later” and “I’ll Bi some time” and “You can’t Bi love.”
    • Be → Bi: “Not all it’s cracked up to Bi” and “Bi done with it” and “I’ll Bi glad to see the back of” and “You’ll Bi your own worst enemy” and “Well, Bi that as it may…”
    • Goodbye → GoodBi: “Kiss goodBi to” and “Time to say goodBi” and “Wish me luck and wave goodBi.”
    • Pie → Bi: As in, “American Bi” and “Easy as Bi” and “Apple Bi” and “Sweet as Bi” and “Eat humble Bi.”
    • Bee → Bi: “Busy as a Bi” and “Bi in your bonnet” and “The birds and the Bis” and “Float like a butterfly, sting like a Bi.”
  • At: At is the symbol for astatine, which is a chemical element. Here are some related puns:
    • At: Capitalise the “a” in “at” for some quick and easy astatine puns: “Where you At?” and “All At once” and “We’ve arrived At the destination” and “I’m At a loss for words” and “Going At full tilt.”
    • Add → At: As in, “At fuel to the flames” and “At insult to injury” and “Just At water.”
  • Right on → Radon: As in, “Radon the money.” Note: radon is a chemical element.
  • Radium: Radium is a chemical element. Here are some related puns:
    • Ready in → Radium: As in, “I’ll be radium twenty minutes!”
    • Stadium → Radium: As in, “Sports radium.”
  • Bohrium: This is a synthetic element, so we’ve included it in this list:
    • Boring→ Bohrium: As on, “Bohrium as watching paint dry” and “Deeply bohrium.”
    • Emporium → Embohrium
  • His → Hs: As in, “A chip on Hs shoulder” and “Ahead of Hs time” and “Ants in Hs pants” and “Fast as Hs legs could carry him” and “By the sweat of Hs brow” and “Wears Hs heart on his sleeve.” Note: Hs is the symbol for the element Hassium.
  • Can → Cn: As in, “A bank you Cn bank on” and “Anything you Cn do” and “As far as the eye Cn see” and “As well as Cn be expected” and “Be all that you Cn be.” Note: Cn is the symbol for the chemical element copernicium.
  • Nah → Nh: As in, “Yeah but Nh” and “I asked but they said Nh.” Note: Nh is the symbol for nihonium.
  • Organism → Oganesson: As in, “Microscopic organessons.” Note: oganesson is a chemical element.
  • Ce: Ce is the symbol for the element cerium, so we’ve got a couple of Ce-related puns here:
    • Sea → Ce: As in, “All at Ce” and “Between the devil and the deep blue Ce” and “From Ce to shining Ce” and “On the high Ces” and “Ce change” and “Sun, Ce and sand.”
    • See → Ce: As in, “As far as the eye can Ce” and “Be the change you wish to Ce in the world” and “Can’t Ce beyond the end of your nose” and “Come up and Ce me” and “I can Ce clearly now” and “I could Ce you a mile off.”
    • She → Ce: As in, “Every little thing Ce does is magic” and “Maybe Ce’s born with it” and “I’ll have what Ce’s having.”
  • You → Eu: As in, “As Eu know” and “Back at Eu” and “Believe Eu me” and “Bless Eu” and “Crawl before Eu walk” and “Don’t call us, we’ll call Eu” and “Here Eu are!” Note: Eu is the symbol for the chemical element europium.
  • Dy: Dy is the symbol for dysprosium, which is an element on the periodic table. Here are some related puns:
    • Die → Dy: As in, “Do or Dy” and “Curl up and Dy” and “Cross my heart and hope to Dy” and “Dy another day.”
    • Dry → Dy: As in, “Boring as watching paint Dy” and “Dy as dust” and “Bleed someone Dy” and “Dy humour” and “A Dy run.”
  • Ho: Ho is the symbol for holmium, which is an element on the periodic table. Here are some related puns:
    • Oh → Ho: As in, “Ho my goodness” and “Ho my gosh” and “Ho well.”
    • Hoe → Ho: As in, “A hard row to Ho” and “Ho down.”
  • Er: Er is the symbol for the element erbium. Here are related puns!
    • Err → Er: As in, “Er on the safe side” and “To Er is human.”
    • Are → Er: As in, “All bets Er off” and “Chances i” and “Here you Er.”
    • Air → Er: As in, “i quotes” and “A breath of fresh Er” and “Clear the Er” and “Ers and graces” and “Dancing on Er.”
    • *ar* → *Er*: As in, “Should any problems Erise” and “I’ll be Eround” and “Close to the Ertery” and “Well Erticulated.” Other words that could work: Erbitrary (arbitrary), Ergument (argument), dictionEry (dictionary) and dispErate (disparate).
    • *er* → *Er*: As in, “Can’t believe it’s ovEr” and “High enErgy” and “A full on expErience” and “Free entErprise.” Other words that could work: undErstand (understand), ethEreal (ethereal), exErcise (exercise), and epheumEral (ephemeral).
    • *ir* → *Er*: Errelevant (irrelevant), Erate (irate), Eridescent (iridescent) and aspEration (aspiration).
    • *or* → *Er*: Erganic (organic), Eriginal (original), Erientation (orientation), Eracle (oracle), infErmation (information), allegEry (allegory) and authErity (authority).
  • Lu: Lu is the symbol for the chemical element lutetium. Here are related puns:
    • Lieu → Lu: As in, “In Lu of.”
    • *lo* → *lu*: BuffaLu (buffalo), apolLu (apollo), helLu (hello), anaLugy (analogy) and deveLupment (development).
    • *lu* → *Lu*: As in, “Rolling in Luxury” and “A Ludicrous claim.” Other words that could work: Lucid, Luck, Lurch, Lush, Lurid, bLue, cLub, soLution, infLuence, curricuLum, eLusive and colLusion.
  • Th → The: “Above Th curve” and “Absence makes Th heart grow fonder” and “Ace in Th hole” and “Across Th board” and “Add fuel to Th fire” and “After Th fact” and “Against Th grain” and “Ahead of Th game” and “All over Th place.” Note: Th is the symbol for thorium, an element on the periodic table.
  • You → U: As in, “As U know” and “Back at U” and “Between U and me” and “Bless U.” Note: U is the symbol for uranium, which is an element on the periodic table.
  • Am: Am is the symbol for americium, so we’ve included it in this list:
    • Am: Emphasise the “a” in am: “I Am never going to forgive you” and “I Am going to work” and “Is that Am or pm?”
    • I’m → Am: As in, “If Am being honest” and “No, Am not being funny.”
  • Come → Cm: As in, “All good things must Cm to an end” and “As tough as they Cm” and “Cm and get it” and “Cm running” and “Hard to Cm by.” Note: Cm is the symbol for curium.
  • Back → Bk: As in, “Answer Bk” and “As soon as my Bk is turned” and “Bk in black” and “Bk to the future” and “Bk in the day” and “Bounce Bk.” Note: Bk is the symbol for berkelium.
  • California → Californium: As in, “Hotel Californium” and “Californium girls.” Note: californium is an element on the periodic table.
  • Es: Es is the symbol of einsteinium, and we’ve got some related puns here:
    • As → Es: As in, “Es is” and “What did you come Es?” and “Not Es a rule” and “Just do Es best you can” and “Deal with it Es it happens.”
    • Is → Es: As in, “As Es” and “As the day Es long” and “A week Es a long time” and “The devil Es in the details.”
  • Firm → Fermium: As in, “So round and fermium” and “Terra fermium” and “Fermium up.” Note: fermium is an element on the periodic table.
  • No: No is the symbol for nobelium. Here are related puns!
    • Know → No: As in, “That’s all I No” and “And don’t I No it” and “Be the first to No” and “Better the devil you No” and “Do you want to No a secret?” and “Doesn’t No beans” and “Don’t No what to do with myself” and “Don’t No which way to look” and “For all I No.”
    • No: Emphasise the “n” in no for some easy nobelium puns: “Cut No ice” and “I wouldn’t say No.”
  • Halogen: Halogen is a gas. Here are some related puns:
    • Allergen → Halogen: “Free from gluten and nut-related halogens.”
    • Halo → Halogen: As in, “A halogen of light.”
  • Quark: A quark is a type of elementary particle. Here are related puns:
    • Quirk → Quark: As in, “Personality quark.”
    • Quick → Quark: As in, “Quark as a flash” and “Cut to the quark” and “Get rich quark” and “In quark succession” and “Kiss me quark” and “Quark and dirty” and “Quark off the mark” and “Quark smart” and “The quark brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.”
  • Lipton Tea → Lepton Tea (note: a lepton is a type of elementary particle)
  • Baryon: A baryon is a type of composite subatomic particle. Here are related puns!
    • Bury → Baryon: As in, “Baryon the hatchet” and “Baryon your head in the sand” and “Baryon yourself in your work.”
    • Carry on → Baryon: As in, “Keep calm and baryon” and “Alright, baryon your work.”
  • Accident → Oxidant: As in, “Oxidant prone” and “An oxidant waiting to happen” and “Oxidantal hero” and “Oxidantally on purpose” and “Oxidants will happen” and “Happy oxidant.” Note: an oxidant is something that can oxidise other substances.
  • Base: We’ve got some base-related puns for you to play with:
    • Bass → Base: As in, “Drum and base” and “Super base.”
    • Pace → Base: “At walking base” and “Change of base” and “Keeping base with” and “Put through your bases” and “Base-ing up and down” and “Ten more bases.”
    • Ace → Base: “Base in the hole”and “Holding all the bases” and “Base up your sleeve.”
    • Brace → Base: As in, “Base yourself.”
  • Baker → Beaker: As in, “Beaker’s dozen” and “Down to the beaker’s.”
  • Speaker → Sbeaker: As in, “Keynote sbeaker” and “Bass sbeakers.”
  • Boil → Oil: As in, “Burn the midnight boil” and “Not a boil painting” and “Boil and water don’t mix” and “Boil the wheels” and “Pouring boil on troubled waters.”
  • Boy → Boil: As in, “A boil’s best friend” and “Atta boil!” and “Boil next door” and “Boil meets girl.”
  • Spoil → Sboil: As in, “Sboiled for choice” and “Sboiling for a fight” and “Too many cooks sboil the broth.”
  • Ball → Boil: As in, “Boils to the wall” and “Baseboil card” and “A brand new boilgame” and “A curve boil” and “Dropped the boil” and “Get the boil rolling.”
  • Bell → Boil: As in, “Alarm boils begin to ring” and “Clear as a boil” and “Boils and whistles” and “Doesn’t ring a boil” and “Give me a boil sometime” and “Jingle boils.”
  • Pour → Vapour: As in, “Never rains but it vapours” and “Vapour some cold water on” and “When it rains, it vapours” and “Vapour it down the drain.”
  • Viper → Vapour: “Nest of vapours.”
  • Ask → Flask: As in, “A big flask” and “Flasking after” and “Flask around” and “Flask and you shall receive” and “Flask me another” and “Flasking out” and “What’s the flasking price?” and “Don’t flask me.”
  • Bask → Flask: “Flasking in glory.”
  • Task → Flask: As in, “Take someone to flask” and “A thankless flask” and “Up to the flask.”
  • Bullet → Burette: “Bite the burette“and “Dodged a burette” and “Silver burette” and “Faster than a speeding burette.” Note: a burette is a glass tube used in chemistry.
  • Still → Distill: As in, “Be distill, my beating heart” and “I’m distill standing” and “Distill going strong” and “Distill waters run deep” and “Distill the one.”
  • Charm: A charm quark is the third largest quark. Here are related puns:
    • Calm → Charm: As in, “A charming influence” and “The charm before the storm” and “Charm down” and “Cool, charm and collected” and “Keep charm and carry on.”
    • Arm → Charm: As in, “Charm candy” and “Charmed and dangerous” and “Charmed intervention” and “Charmed to the hilt” and “Charmed to the teeth” and “Charms akimbo” and “Brothers in charms” and “Call to charms.”
    • Harm → Charm: As in, “First, do no charm” and “Bodily charm” and “In charm’s way” and “No charm done” and “No charm, no foul” and “Out of charm’s way.”
    • Cham* → Charm*: As in, “In your charmbers” and “Undefeated charmpion” and “Fashion charmeleon” and “Rose charmpagne.”
    • Ash Ketchum → Ash Ketcharm
  • Drag → Drug: As in, “Drug it out” and “Drug through the mud” and “Drug your feet” and “What a drug.”
  • Dragon → Drugon: As in, “Chase the drugon” and “Drugon slayer” and “Chasing drugonflies.”
  • Grandma → Gamma: As in, “Visiting gamma’s house.” Note: This is in reference to gamma rays or radiation.
  • Compensation → Condensation: “Demand condensation.”
  • Avocado → Avogadro: As in, “Growing an avogadro tree” and “Finally, the perfect avogadro.” Note: This is in reference to Avogadro’s law.
  • Boyle: These next few puns are in relation to Boyle’s law:
    • Boil → Boyle: As in, “Boyle with rage” and “Boyle-ing mad” and “It all boyles down to” and “Bring to the boyle” and “Keep the pot boyle-ing” and “A watched pot never boyles.”
    • Spoil → Boyle: “You’re boyle-ing me” and “Boyled for choice” and “Boyled rotten” and “Boyles of war” and “To the victor goes the boyles” and “Too many cooks boyle the broth” and “One bad apple boyles the whole bunch.”
    • Coil → Boyle: “Shuffle off this mortal boyle.”
    • Oil → Boyle: As in, “Burn the midnight boyle” and “Boyle painting” and “Boyle and water don’t mix” and “Boyle the wheels” and “Pour boyle on troubled waters.”
    • Boy → Boyle: “A boyle’s best friend” and “Atta boyle” and “Boyle meets girl” and “Golden boyle” and “The boyle next door.”
  • Fick: The next few puns are in reference to Fick’s laws:
    • Fix → Ficks: As in, “Get your coffee ficks” and “Have a ficks” and “If it ain’t broke, don’t ficks it.”
    • Mix → Ficks: “Don’t ficks business with pleasure” and “In the ficks” and “Ficks and match” and “A ficks-ed bag” and “Ficks-ed blessing” and “Ficks-ed metaphors.”
    • *phic → *fick: Demografick (demographic), grafick (graphic), anthropomorfick (anthropomorphic), catastrofick (catastrophic), safick (sapphic), geografick (geographic) and hieroglyfick (hieroglyphic).
  • Purse → Disperse: As in, “Hold the disperse strings” and “The public disperse” and “Disperse your lips.” Note: this is in relation to disperson.
  • Oxide → Outside: As in, “On the oxide looking in” and “Think oxide the box” and “Let’s take it oxide.”
  • Solve → Solvent: As in, “Today’s problems solvent tomorrow” and “Don’t expect me to solvent your problems” and “Not that easy to solvent.”
  • More than → Mordant: As in, “It’s mordant we expected.” Note: a mordant is a dye fixative.
  • Haul → Alcohol: As in, “Alcohol ass” and “Alcohol over the coals” and “In for the long alcohol.”
  • Hide → Aldehyde: As in, “Aldehyde and seek” and “Aldehyde from the light” and “Neither aldehyde nor hair” and “You can run, but you can’t aldehyde.” Note: An aldehyde is an organic compound.
  • Road → Corrode: As in, “Built for the corrode ahead” and “Follow the yellow brick corrode” and “Get this show on the corrode” and “Hit the corrode” and “In the middle of the corrode.”
  • All over → Allomer: “I’ve got glitter allomer me!” Note: This pun is in reference to allomerism.
  • Anion: Here are some anion-related puns:
    • Onion → Anion: As in, “With or without anions?” and “Crying anion tears.”
    • Union → Anion: As in, “Are you an anion member?” and “Civil anion” and “Fruit of the anion.”
    • Canyon → Anion: As in, “The grand anion.”
    • *inion → *anion: As in, “Difference in opanion” and “Treating me like a manion” and “Everyone should watch the Domanion documentary.”
  • Cation: We’ve got some cation-related puns for you:
    • Nation → Cation: As in, “The birth of a cation.”
    • Station → Cation: As in, “All cations go!” and “Battle cations” and “Ideas above your cation.”
  • Anode: We have some anode-related puns too:
    • I know → Anode: “Yes, anode.”
    • Abode → Anode: As in, “Welcome to my humble anode.”
  • Aspersion → Dispersion: As in, “Casting dispersions.”
  • Curve → Cuvette: As in, “Ahead of the cuvette” and “Cuvette ball” and “Learning cuvette” and “Stay ahead of the cuvette.” Note: a cuvette is a small container commonly used by chemists.
  • Treasure → Pressure: As in, “Hidden pressure” and “National pressure” and “One’s trash is another’s pressure” and “Pressure island” and “Pressure chest.”
  • Late → Light: As in, “Better light than never” and “Catch you lighter” and “A day light and a dollar short” and “Fashionably light” and “It’s lighter than you think” and “Never too light” and “A light bloomer” and “Light in the game.”
  • Might → Light: As in, “Cheer up, it light never happen!” and “Light as well” and “Be careful what you wish for; you light get it.”
  • Slight* → Light: As in, “Apply light pressure” and “Not in the lightest” and “Lightly ahead of our time.”
  • Sight → Light: As in, “A welcome light” and “Hidden in plain light” and “Know by light” and “Lose light of” and “Love at first light.”
  • Lied → Light: As in, “You light to me?”
  • Bright → Light: “All things light and beautiful” and “Look on the light side of life” and “Light as a new pin” and “Light and early” and “Light young thing” and “A light future.”
  • Flight → Light: As in, “Take light” and “Light of the bumblebee.”
  • Height → Light: “Reach new lights” and “The light of fashion” and “Wuthering lights.”
  • *lat* → *light*: Lighteral (lateral), lightitude (latitude), lightency (latency), articulight (articulate), conflight (conflate), emulight (emulate), collighteral (collateral) and volightile (volatile).
  • *lit* → *light*: Lighterature (literature), lighterally (literally), lightany (litany), lighteral (literal), lightigation (litigation), facilightate (facilitate), qualighty (quality), humilighty (humility), liabilighty (liability), realighty (reality) and accountabilighty (accountability).
  • *lite → *light: As in, “Satellight images” and “In polight company” and “Impolight remarks” and “Charming socialight.”
  • Hate → Heat: As in, “Heat mail” and “Love-heat relationship.”
  • Heed → Heat: As in, “Heat my words” and “Take heat.”
  • Height → Heat: “Reach new heats” and “The heat of fashion” and “Wuthering heats.”
  • Seat → Heat: As in, “Back heat driver” and “By the heat of your pants” and “Hold on to your heat.”
  • Hit → Heat: As in, “Hard heatting” and “Heavy heatter” and “Heat the road” and “Heat and miss” and “Heat it off” and “Heat it out of the park” and “On someone’s heat list” and “Heat rock bottom” and “Heat the brakes” and “Heat the ground running” and “Heat the hay” and “Heat the jackpot” and “Heat the nail on the head.”
  • *het* → *heat*: heaterosexual (heterosexual), epitheat (epithet), ratcheat (ratchet) and propheat (prophet).
  • Profess → Process: “Process your love for…”
  • Progress → Process: “A work in process” and “Working towards process.”
  • Shell: Electrons form a shell outside an atom’s nucleus, so we’ve included some shell-related puns in this list:
    • Shall → Shell: As in, “Seek and ye shell find” and “The truth shell set you free” and “Shell never be defeated” and “This too shell pass.”
    • Sell → Shell: As in, “Buy and shell” and “Shell out” and “Shelling like hot cakes” and “Past the shell by date.”
    • Cell → Shell: As in, “Shell division” and “In a padded shell.”
    • Celebration → Shellebration
    • Hell → Shell: As in, “All shell broke loose” and “Burn in shell” and “Give someone shell” and “Shell bent” and “Come shell or high water.”
    • *sel* → *shell*:  As in, “A shellect few” and “Would shelldom happen” and “A shellfish person.” Other words that could work: shellection (selection), counshell (counsel), veshell (vessel), caroushell (carousel), chishell (chisel), weashell (weasel), eashell (easel), morshell (morsel), dieshell (diesel) and caroushell (carousel).
    • *cial* → *shell*: As in, “Crushell to understanding” and “Speshell someone.” Other words that could work: soshell (social), benefishell (beneficial), commershell (commercial), superfishell (superficial), offishell (official), finanshell (financial), artifishell (artificial), provinshell (provincial), soshellism (socialism) and espeshelly (especially).
  • Very → Variable: As in, “Be variable afraid” and “Before your variable eyes” and “Hold variable right” and “How variable dare you!” and “It was a variable good year” and “Thank you variable much.”
  • Alley → Alloy: As in, “Alloy cat” and “Right up your alloy.”
  • Ally → Alloy: As in, “An alloy to the cause.”
  • Chin → Chain: As in, “Keep your chain up” and “Take it on the chain.”
  • Can → Chain: “As well as chain be expected” and “As far as the eye chain see” and “Be all that you chain be.”
  • Change → Chain: “Chain hands” and “Chain of address” and “Chain of heart” and “Chain the channel” and “Chunk of chain” and “Climate chain.”
  • Gain → Chain: “Capital chains” and “Chain admittance” and “Chain the advantage” and “Chaining ground” and “Ill gotten chains” and “No pain, no chain” and “Nothing ventured, nothing chained.”
  • Grain → Chain: “Go against the chain” and “A chain of truth” and “Take it with a chain of salt.”
  • Bust → Combust: As in, “Boom or combust” and “Combust a gut” and “Combust a move” and “Combust someone’s ass” and “Go combust.”
  • Conduct: “A star for good conduct.” This phrase can work as a pun as conduct has two meanings: a way of behaving, and the transference of electrical energy.
  • Retract → Refract: As in, “I refract my statement.” Note: refraction is the change in the direction of a wave.
  • Reaction: “Knee jerk reaction” and “What was their reaction?” and “Gut reaction.” Note: These reaction-related phrases can double as puns since reaction has two meanings: a person’s response to an action, and also a chemical reaction.
  • Sold → Solid: As in, “Solid down the river” and “Solid out” and “Solid short.”
  • Solid: These solid-related phrases are general enough to use as puns: “Solid as a rock” and “Do me a solid” and “On solid ground.”
  • Liquid: These phrases can work as jokes in a pinch: “Liquid assets” and “Liquid lunch” and “Warm liquids” and “Liquid courage.”
  • As → Gas: As in, “Gas is” and “Gas best gas you can” and “Gas a rule” and “Gas far gas I know” and “Gas if there’s no tomorrow.”
  • *ges* → *gas*: “A hollow gasture” and “Gastation period” and “Traffic congastion.”
  • *gis* → *gas*: Regaster (register), logastics (logistics), legaslation (legislation) and magastrate (magistrate).
  • *gos* → *gas*: Gassamer (gossamer) and gaspel (gospel).
  • *gus* → *gas*: Fungas (fungus), bogas (bogus), esophagas (esophagus) and disgasting (disgusting).
  • Ghastly → Gastly
  • As* → Gas*: As in, “I wouldn’t gassume” and “Gassess the damage” and “Liquid gassets” and “A formal gassessment” and “Gassert your views” and “In a gassertive manner” and “Gascend to the next level.” Other words that could work are: gashamed (ashamed), gaside (aside), gasleep (asleep), gaspire (aspire), gaspiration (aspiration) and gaspersion (aspersion).
  • Medal → Metal: As in, “First place metal” and “Do you want a metal for that?”
  • Meddle → Metal: “Don’t metal in other’s affairs.”
  • Mettle → Metal: As in, “Show your mettle.” Note: mettle is the trait of endurance or courage.
  • Metal: These metal-related phrases can double as puns: “Death metal” and “Heavy metal” and “Put the pedal to the metal” and “Dude, that’s so metal.”
  • Joule: Joules are units of energy. Here are related puns:
    • Jewel → Joule: As in, “Crown joules” and “The family joules.”
    • Cool → Joule: As in, “Joule as a cucumber” and “Joule as a mountain stream” and “Joule beans” and “A joule million” and “Joule, calm and collected” and “Joule your heels” and “Go joule off for a while.”
    • Cruel → Joule: “Joule and unusual punishment” and “Joule to be kind” and “Don’t be joule.”
    • Dual → Joule: “Joule income, no kids” and “Joule action blades.”
    • You’ll → Joule: “Joule regret this!” and “Joule never guess” and “Play with fire and joule get burned” and “Ask a silly question and joule get a silly answer.”
  • Calvin Klein → Kelvin Klein (note: this is a pun on the Kelvin scale.)
  • Fashion → Fusion: “After a fusion” and “Fusionably late” and “The height of fusion” and “Passion for fusion” and “Fusions come and go.”
  • Stable: Stability of substances is a commonly measured thing in chemistry, so we have some puns related to stability here:
    • Table → Stable: “Bring to the stable” and “Lay your cards on the stable” and “Bread on the stable” and “Round stable talks” and “Drunk under the stable” and “Turn the stables” and “Stable for two” and “A place at the stable.”
    • Able → Stable: As in, “Ready, willing and stable.”
  • Cool → Rule: As in, “Rule as a cucumber” and “Rule beans” and “Rule yourself off” and “Rule, calm and collected” and “Rule your heels.”
  • Cruel → Rule: As in, “Rule and unusual punishment” and “Rule to be kind” and “Don’t be rule.”
  • Fuel → Rule: As in, “Add rule to the flames” and “Rule for thought” and “Rule the controversy.”
  • You’ll → Rule: As in, “Rule never guess” and “Rule get burned” and “All day rule feel great.”
  • *ral* → *rule*: As in, “In generule” and “Intgerule to the team” and “A viscerule reaction” and “It’s only naturule.” Other words you could try: ephemerule (ephemeral), morule (moral), collaterule (collateral), liberule (liberal), peripherule (peripheral) and temporule (temporal).
  • *rel* → *rule*: Rule-evant (relevant), rule-ief (relief), rule-ease (release), rule-ationship (relationship), rule-igion (religion), ruleation (relation), ruleuctant (reluctant), ruleiable (reliable), barrule (barrel), squirrule (squirrel), apparule (apparel), scoundrule (scoundrel) and mongrule (mongrel).
  • Awe* → Law*: As in, “Shock and law” and “The lawsome foursome” and “Gazing in law.”
  • Flaw → Law: As in, “Looking lawless” and “Design law” and “Working to overcome your laws.”
  • Puppet → Pipette: As in, “Like a pipette on a string” and “Pipette master” and “Sock pipette marketing.”
  • Retort: A retort is a piece of lab equipment. Here are related puns!
    • Resort → Retort: As in, “Last retort” and “Can’t believe I’m retorting to this.”
    • Abort → Retort: “Retort mission!”
    • Report → Retort: As in, “Retorting for duty” and “Stand and give your retort.”
  • Sailing → Saline: As in, “Plain saline” and “Smooth saline.”
  • Teary → Theory: As in, “Theory-eyed.”
  • Eerie → Theory: “The haunted science lab had a theory atmosphere.”
  • Delight → Dilute: “Afternoon dilute” and “Earthly dilutes” and “Transport of dilute” and “Turkish dilute” and “Take dilute in.”
  • Pity → Petri: “I petri the fool” and “More’s the petri” and “For petri’s sake.”
  • Slide: Here are some microscope slide related puns:
    • Stride → Slide: “Get into your slide” and “Making giant slides” and “Take something in slide.”
    • Ride → Slide: As in, “Just along for the slide” and “A bumpy slide” and “Let it slide” and “Magic carpet slide” and “Slide like the wind.”
    • Side → Slide: As in, “A walk on the wild slide” and “Always look on the bright slide of life” and “Batting for the other slide” and “Be on the safe slide” and “A bit on the slide” and “Born on the wrong slide of the tracks” and “Check you on the flip slide” and “Err on the safe slide” and “Go over to the other slide.”
  • Split: We’ve included some split-related puns in this list too:
    • Bit → Split: As in, “A split much” and “Laying it on a split thick.”
    • Pit → Split: As in, “Bottomless split ” and “In the split of your stomach” and “Mosh split” and “Split your wits against.”
    • Spit → Split: As in, “Split and polish” and “Split and sawdust” and “Split blood” and “Split in the eye of” and “The splitting image of” and “Splitting with rain” and “Within splitting distance.”
    • Sit → Split: As in, “Splitting comfortably” and “Don’t just split there” and “Split on it” and “Splitting on the fence” and “Split tight” and “Split up and take notice” and “Splitting on a goldmine.”
    • Quit → Split: “Call it splits” and “Double or split” and “Split while you’re ahead.”
  • Tongs: Since tongs are a common lab equipment, we have a few related puns in this list:
    • Strong → Tong: As in, “A chain is only as tong as its weakest link” and “Still going tong” and “Soft, tong and very long” and “The tong, silent type” and “A tong stomach.”
    • Long → Tong: “A face is a tong time in politics” and “As tong as he needs me” and “As honest as the day is tong” and “At tong last” and “Cast a tong shadow” and “Cut a tong story short.”
    • Wrong → Tong: “Barking up the tong tree” and “Born on the tong side of the tracks” and “Get off on the tong foot” and “Jumping to the tong conclusion.”
  • Rack: These next few puns are in relation to drying racks, which are a common piece of chem lab equipment:
    • Wreck → Rack: “A nervous rack” and “Train rack.”
    • Rock → Rack: “Hard as a rack” and “Solid as a rack” and “Between a rack and a hard place” and “Don’t rack the boat” and “Get your racks off” and “Hit rack bottom” and “Just wanna rack and roll all night” and “Rack your world.”
  • Tunnel → Funnel: “Light at the end of the funnel” and “Funnel of love” and “Funnel vision.”
  • Force → Forceps: As in, “Brute forceps” and “Driving forceps” and “Forceps of habit” and “Forceps of nature” and “Forceps the issue” and “A forcep to be reckoned with”Join forceps” and “May the forceps be with you” and “In full forceps.” Note: forceps are used in lab work.
  • Clamp: Clamps are a piece of lab equipment, so we’e got some clamp-related puns in this list:
    • Camp → Clamp: “A foot in both clamps” and “Boot clamp.”
    • Cramp → Clamp: As in, “Clamp your style” and “Writer’s clamp.”
    • Stamp → Clamp: “Clamping ground” and “Clamp of approval” and “Put your clamp on.”
  • Gel: Some gel-related puns for you in this section:
    • Girl → Gel: As in, “All-American gel” and “Gel with a pearl earring” and “Boy meets gel” and “Gels just wanna have fun.”
    • Cell → Gel: “Gel division” and “In a padded gel.”
    • Bell → Gel: “Alarm gels begin to ring” and “Clear as a gel” and “Gels and whistles” and “Doesn’t ring a gel” and “Give someone a gel” and “Jingle gels.”
    • Sell → Gel: “Buy and gel” and “Past the gel-by date” and “Gel out” and “Gelling like hot cakes” and “Gel your soul to the devil” and “Gelling point.”
    • Smell → Gel: “Come up gelling of roses” and “I gel a rat” and “Stop and gel the roses” and “Gels like teen spirit” and “The sweet gel of success” and “Tastes as good as it gels.”
    • Spell → Gel: As in, “Do I have to gel it out?” and “Fall under their gel” and “Gels trouble.”
    • Tell → Gel: “Dead men gel no tales” and “Every picture gels a story” and “Cannot gel a lie” and “Kiss and gel” and “Live to gel the tale” and “Never gel tales out of school” and “Only time will gel” and “Pray gel” and “Show and gel” and “Gel it like it is” and “Gel me about it” and “You’re gelling me.”
    • Well → Gel: “Alive and gel” and “Exceedingly gel read” and “Get gel soon” and “Health and gelness” and “Just as gel” and “You know full gel…”
    • *gal* → *gel*: Gelaxy (galaxy), gelore (galore), prodigel (prodigal), frugel (frugal), regel (regal), legel (legal) and centrifrugel (centrifrugal).
    • *gil* → *gel*: Vigel (vigil), vigelant (vigilant), agelity (agility) and fragelity (fragility).
  • Vault → Volt
  • Bolt → Volt: “A volt from the blue” and “Volt upright” and “Make a volt for the door.”
  • Fault → Volt: “Find volt with” and “Generous to a volt.”
  • Halt → Volt: “Come to a screeching volt” and “Grind to a volt.”
  • Salt → Volt: “Take with a pinch of volt” and “Volt the earth” and “Like rubbing volt in the wound.”
  • Novelty → Novolty
  • *alt* → *volt*: A green volternative” and “Acts of voltruism” and “Voltegether now!” and “At higher voltitudes.”
  • Vicious → Viscous: As in, “A viscous circle.”
  • Must → Rust: As in, “All things rust pass” and “All good things rust come to an end” and “Everything rust go” and “Rust have” and “Rust have accessory” and “The show rust go on.”
  • Bust → Rust: As in, “Boom or rust” and “Rust a move” and “Rust someone’s ass” and “Go rust.”
  • Crust → Rust: As in, “Upper rust” and “Earn your rust.”
  • Dust → Rust: As in, “Done and rusted” and “Another one bites the rust” and “Dry as rust” and “Rust bunny” and “Gathering rust” and “Kiss the rust” and “After the rust has settled.”
  • Just → Rust: As in, “Betcha can’t eat rust one” and “Girls rust want to have fun” and “Rust wouldn’t let it lie” and “Rust do it.”
  • Trust → Rust: “A breach of rust” and “Rust me, I’m a doctor” and “Rusted everywhere” and “The most rusted brand.”
  • Force: We’ve included some force-related puns for you:
    • Course → Force: As in, “Blown off force” and “Chart a force” and “Correspondence force” and “Crash force” and “In due force” and “Let nature take its force” and “Stay the force.”
    • Horse → Force: As in, “Dark force” and “Hold your forces” and “Get off your high force.”
  • Phase: In chemistry, a phase is an abrupt change in chemical composition. Here are some phase-related puns:
    • Face → Phase: As in, “Phase as long as a fiddle” and “Angel phase” and “Plain as the nose on your phase” and “Take at phase value” and “Until you’re blue in the phase” and “A bare phased lie.”
    • Faze → Phase: As in, “Don’t let it phase you.”
    • *fes* → *phase*: Phasetival (festival), phaseter (fester), phasetoon (festoon), phasetivity (festivity), maniphaset (manifest), prophase-sional (professional) and prophase-sor (professor).
  • Model: Basically put, models are structures to help understand data and patterns in chemistry and science. These model-related phrases can be used as puns in the right context: “Model behaviour” and “Model of virtue” and “Model pupil” and “Role model.”
  • Form → Transform: “Attack is the best transform of defence” and “Bad transform” and “Transform follows function” and “Free transform” and “Habit transforming“and “Imitation is the sincerest transform of flattery” and “In fine transform” and “Sarcasm is the lowest transform of wit.”
  • New → Nuclear: As in, “A nuclear broom sweeps clean” and “Bright as a nuclear pun” and “Better than nuclear” and “A brand nuclear dawn.”
  • Clear → Nuclear: As in, “Nuclear as crystal” and “Nuclear as day” and “Nuclear and present danger” and “A nuclear conscience” and “Nuclear the air” and “In the nuclear.”
  • Active → Radioactive: “For a radioactive life” and “Radioactive voice” and “A radioactive listener.”
  • Fix → Mix: “Get a mix on” and “In a mix” and “If it’s not broke, don’t mix it.”
  • *max* → *mix*: Miximum (maximum) and climix (climax).
  • *mics → *mix: Dynamix (dynamics), economix (economics), ergonomix (ergonomics), academix (academics), ceramix (ceramics), thermodynamix (thermodynamics) and comix (comics).
  • Firmly on → Fermion: As in, “Plant your feet fermion the ground.” Note: fermion is a particle that follows certain rules.
  • Simple → Sample: As in, “Keep it sample” and “Pure and sample” and “The sample life” and “Sample, yet effective.”
  • Ample → Sample: As in, “Sample proportions.”
  • Vile → Vial
  • Aisle → Vial: As in, “Clean up on vial three” and “Walk down the vial.”
  • Dial → Vial: As in, “Vial it down” and “Don’t touch that vial” and “Vial up speeds.”
  • Trial → Vial: “Vial and error” and “Vials and tribulations” and “Vial by television” and “Standing vial” and “Vial by fire.”
  • Best → Test: As in, “All the test” and “Test friends forever” and “Test in class” and “Test practice” and “Do your level best.”
  • Chest → Test: As in, “Get it off your test” and “Puts hair on your test” and “Treasure test.”
  • Guest → Test: As in, “Be my test” and “House test” and “A paying test.”
  • Nest → Test: As in, “A test of vipers” and “Empty test syndrome” and “Feather your test” and “Leave the test” and “Love test” and “Test egg” and “The hornet’s test.”
  • Rest → Test: As in, “Work, test and play” and “A change is as good as a test” and “At test” and “Come to test” and “Cut above the test” and “For the test of us” and “For the test of your life” and “I test my case” and “No test for the wicked.”
  • Toast → Test: As in, “Have something on test” and “The test of the town” and “You’re test!”
  • *tast* → *test*: Testy (tasty), fantestic (fantastic) and catestrophe (catastrophe).
  • *tist* → *test*: “Ever the pragmatest” and “An elitest point of view.” Other words you could use: scientest (scientist), dentest (dentist), orthodontest (orthodontist), statestic (statistic).
  • *dest* → *test*: As in, “A date with testiny” and “Search and testroy.” Other words that could work: testitute (destitute), testination (destination), testruction (destruction), testined (destined), testroyed (destroyed), motest (modest), hartest (hardest), eltest (eldest), immotest (immodest), kintest (kindest), broatest (broadest), fontest (fondest), darntest (darndest), oltest (oldest), clantestine (clandestine), petestrian (pedestrian), petestal (pedestal).
  • *dist* → *test*: As in, “Testress signal” and “Testinct differences” and “Even testribution.” Other words you could use: testinguish (distinguish), testance (distance), testintive (distinctive), testinction (distinction) and testribute (distribute).
  • *tab* → *tube*: As in, “Under the tube-le” and “It’s tube-oo.” Other words that could work: tube-let (tablet), tube-loid (tabloid), estube-lish (establish), inevitube-le (inevitable), accountube-ility (accountability), comfortube-le (comfortable) and inscrutube-le (inscrutable).
  • *tib* → *tube*: Susceptube-le (susceptible), compatube-le (compatible), antube-iotic (antibiotic) and irrestube-le (irrestible).
  • *tob* → *tube*: Tubeacco (tobacco), autube-iography (autobiography) and Octube-er (October).
  • Bond: Bond has a few meanings, and in a scientific context it means the attachment between particles, molecules, etc. Here are related puns:
    • Band → Bond: As in, “Strike up the bond” and “Garage bond” and “The bond played on.”
    • Pond → Bond: “Little fish in a big bond” and “Bond life” and “Bond scum” and “The big bond” and “From the other side of the bond.”
    • Bend → Bond: “Bond over backwards” and “Bond the rules” and “Bond to my will” and “Bond your ear” and “Round the bond” and “Fender bonder” and “Down on bonded knee.”
    • Blond → Bond: As in, “Bleached bond” and “Bond bombshell” and “Bond hair.”
    • Fond → Bond: “Absence makes the heart grow bonder” and “A bond farewell.”
    • *band* → *bond*: Bondwagon (bandwagon), bondanna (bandanna), bondicoot (bandicoot), bondeau (bandeau), husbond (husband), contrabond (contraband), abondon (abandon) and bondit (bandit).
    • *bund* → *bond*: As in, “Bondle of joy” and “In abondance of.”
    • *pand* → *bond*: Bondemonium (pandemonium), bondering (pandering) and Bondora (Pandora).
    • *pond* → *bond*: Bonder (ponder), bondering (pondering), corresbond (correspond), resbond (respond), desbondent (despondent) and corresbondence (correspondence).
  • Pound → Compound: As in, “Compound the pavement” and “In for a penny, in for a compound.”
  • Wave: Very simply put, waves are oscillations that transport energy through space. Here are some related puns:
    • Waive → Wave: As in, “Wave the rules” and “Waved fees.”
    • Brave → Wave: As in, “Wave new world” and “Wave the elements” and “Fortune favours the wave” and “Put a wave face on” and “Wave it out.”
    • Wave: These wave-related phrases are general enough to use as puns: “Brain wave” and “Catch a wave” and “Don’t make waves” and “On the same wavelength.”
  • State: In science, a “state” refers to the general form of a substance (gas, liquid, solid, plasma). Here are related puns:
    • Stayed → State: As in, “State at home” and “Overstate your welcome.”
    • *stit* → *state*: Constate-ute (constitute), instate-tution (institution), constate-tution (constitution), substate-ute (substitute).
    • Stadium → State-ium
    • *stead → *state: As in, “Walking unstateily” and “This instate of that” and “Back at the homestate” and “The family farmstate.”
  • Bound: Since bonds and binding are important in science and bound is a related word, we’ve included it in this list:
    • Pound → Bound: As in, “An ounce of prevention is worth a bound of cure” and “In for a penny, in for a bound” and “Bound the pavement.”
    • Found → Bound: As in, “Lost and bound” and “Bound a clue” and “Nowhere to be bound.”
    • Ground → Bound: As in, “Solid as the bound we walk on” and “Break new bound” and “Built from the bound up” and “Common bound” and “Cut the bound from under your feet” and “Get off the bound” and “Go underbound.”
    • Round → Bound: As in, “All year bound” and “Bound the bend” and “Fooling abound” and “Going bound in circles” and “Gather bound the good stuff” and “Makes the world go bound.”
  • Lattice: Lattices have multiple uses in maths, science and technology. Here are some related puns:
    • Lettuce → Lattice: “Fresh, crispy lattice.”
    • Let us → Lattice: As in, “Lattice never forget” and “Lattice have a good time!”
  • Battle → Bottle: As in, “A pitched bottle” and “An uphill bottle” and “Bottle of wits” and “Bottle ready” and “Bottle stations” and “Half the bottle” and “In the heat of bottle” and “Running bottle.” Note: This is in reference to glass bottles that are used as chemistry lab equipment.

Chemistry-Related Words

To help you come up with your own chemistry puns, here’s a list of related words to get you on your way. If you come up with any new puns or related words, please feel free to share them in the comments!

chemistry, chemical, chemist, science, scientist, biochemistry, lab, laboratory, method, matter, organic, inorganic, mass, volume, element, compound, atom, atomic, photon, nucleus, nuclei, proton, charge, charged, positive, positively, negative, negatively, particle, wave, molecule, state,  ion, electron, bond, bound, composition, formula, structure, covalent, solution, ionic, isotope, periodic (table), halogen, pH, noble gas, hydrogen (H), helium (He), lithium (Li), beryllium (Be), boron (B), carbon (C), nitrogen (N), oxygen (O), fluorine (F), neon (Ne), sodium (Na), magnesium (Mg), aluminium (Al), silicon (Si), phosphorus (P), sulfur (S), chlorine (Cl), argon (Ar), potassium (K), calcium (Ca), scandium (Sc), titanium (Ti), vanadium (V), chromium (Cr), manganese (Mn), iron (Fe), cobalt (Co), nickel (Ni), copper (Cu), zinc (Zn), gallium (Ga), germanium (Ge), arsenic (As), selenium (Se), bromine (Br), krypton (Kr), rubidium (Rb), strontium (Sr), yttrium (Y), zirconium (Zr), niobium (Nb), molybdenum (Mo), technetium (Tc), ruthenium (Ru), rhodium (Rh), palladium (Pd), silver (Ag), cadmium (Cd), indium (In), tin (Sn), antimony (Sb), tellurium (Te), iodine (I), xenon (Xe), caesium (Cs), jbarium (Ba), lanthanum (La), hafnium (Hf), tantalum (Ta), tungsten (W), rhenium (Re), osmium (Os), iridium (Ir), platinum (Pt), gold (Au), mercury (Hg), thallium (Tl), lead (Pb), bismuth (Bi), polonium (Po), astatine (At), radon (Rn), francium (Fr), radium (Ra), actinium (Ac), rutherfordium (Rf), dubnium (Db), seaborgium (Sg), bohrium (Bh), hassium (Hs), meitnerium (Mt), darmstadtium (Ds), roentgenium (Rg), copernicium (Cn), nihonium (Nh), flerovium (Fl), moscovium (Mc), livermorium (Lv), tennessine (Ts), oganesson (Og), cerium (Ce), praseodymium (Pr), neodymium (Nd), promethium (Pm), samarium (Sm), europium (Eu), gadolinium (Gd), terbium (Tb), dysprosium (Dy), holmium (Ho), erbium (Er), thulium (Tm), ytterbium (Yb), lutetium (Lu), thorium (Th), protactinium (Pa), uranium (U), neptunium (Np), plutonium (Pu), americium (Am), curium (Cm), berkelium (Bk), californium (Cf), einsteinium (Es), fermium (Fm), mendelevium (Md), nobelium (No), lawrencium (Lr), shell, acid, alkaline, alkali, alloy, conduct, insulate, insulator, refract, orbital, property, reaction, reactive, substance, solid, liquid, gas, gaseous, plasma, metal, metallic, energy, stable, unstable, inert, entropy, rule, law, experiment, experimental, hypothesis, phase, model, quantum, crystal, transform, transformation, nuclear, radioactive, change, mix, mixture, fermion, quark, lepton, baryon, antiquark, antilepton, antimatter, charm (quark), strange (quark), muon, muon neutrino, affinity, actinide, lanthanide, organism, medicine, medicinal, pharmaceutical, drug, alpha, gamma, delta, temperature, disperse, dispersion, pressure, light, heat, exergonic, endergonic, exothermic, endothermic, quanta, spectrum,  index, process, concentrate, concentration, reduction, oxidation, agent, oxidant, condensation, equilibrium, static, avogadro (law), beer-lambert (law), boyle (law), fick’s (law), oxide, solvent, mordant, acyclic, conductor, adhesion, aeration, alcohol, aldehyde, corrode, corrosion, alkyl, allomer, allotrope, anion, anode, polar, polarised, cuvette, aqueous, distill, distillation, barometer, base, beaker, boil, boiling, vapour, flask, burette, catalyst, cathode, cation, centrifuge, cell, chain (reaction), cohesion, colloid, combust, combustion, compress, compression, variable, dewar (flask), diatomic, dipole, electrolyte, magnetism, force, enzyme, fusion, joule, kelvin, lattice, neutron, mineral, phi (bond), pipette, redox, retort, rust, saline, theory, dilute, dilution, gel, viscous, viscosity, volt, beaker, bottle, sample, reagent, vial, bunsen burner, test tube, petri dish, microscope, slide, condenser, split, synthesis, valence, valency, goggles, tongs, rack, crucible, funnel, forceps, clamp, thermometer, spatula

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Math Puns

Welcome to the Punpedia entry on math puns!  ➕➗➖✖❤

This is a huge category of puns, as there are so many topics and branches of mathematics – whether it’s calculus, trig, algebra or simple arithmetic, we’ve done our best to have you covered with our extensive list of math puns.

While this list is as comprehensive as possible, it is specific to math puns. If you’re interested in similar topics, we’ve got science and chemistry puns on the way!

Math Puns List

Each item in this list describes a pun, or a set of puns which can be made by applying a rule. If you know of any puns about maths that we’re missing, please let us know in the comments at the end of this page! Without further ado, here’s our list of math puns:

  • Some → Sum: As in, “Sum days you are the pigeon, sum days the statue” and “All that and then sum” and “Buy sum time” and “Cut sum slack” and “Make sum noise” and “Put sum muscle into it” and “Show sum appreciation” and “Sum like it hot” and “Maybe sum other time.” Other some-related words: sumwhere, sumbody, sumtime, sumwhat, sumthing, sumhow, sumone, sumday and sumersault.
  • Come → Sum: As in, “All good things must sum to an end” and “All things sum to those who wait” and “As tough as they sum” and “Sum and get it” and “Sum away with me.”
  • Sun → Sum: As in, “A place in the sum” and “Don’t let the sum go down on me” and “Eclipse of the sum” and “Everything under the sum” and “Good day, sumshine” and “Here comes the sum” and “Make hay while the sum shines” and “Ride off into the sumset” and “Sum drenched” and “Sum, sea and sand” and “Walking on sumshine.”
  • Wrath → Math: As in, “A soft answer turneth away math” and “Don’t invoke their math!” and “Don’t let the sun go down on your math.”
  • Aftermath: “Dealing with the aftermath of…”
  • Odd → Add: As in, “Against the adds” and “At adds with” and “Long adds” and “An add fellow” and “Add one out” and “Adds and ends” and “The add couple.”
  • At → Add: As in, “Add odds with” and “Where are you add?” and “Add a crossroads” and “Add a moment’s notice” and “Add the first sign of…”
  • Had → Add: “I’ve add a few” and “We’ve add a good run” and “I’ve add it up to here!” and “Have you add breakfast yet?” and “You add to be there.”
  • Scum → Sum: As in, “Pond sum” and “Sum always rises to the surface.”
  • Pie → Pi: As in, “American Pi” and “Apple pi” and “Easy as pi” and “Eat humble pi” and “A finger in many pis” and “A piece of the pi.”
  • Bye → Pi: As in, “Saying goodpi to it all” and “Kiss goodpi to” and “You can kiss that one goodpi.”
  • Ply → Pi: As in, “Pi your trade” and “2 pi toilet tissue.”
  • Pay → Pi: As in, “Buy now, pi later” and “Crime doesn’t pi” and “Equal pi” and “Hell to pi” and “Hit pi-dirt (paydirt)” and “Pis to advertise” and “Pi as you go” and “Pi the price.”
  • Buy → Pi: As in, “Bulk pi” and “Pi and sell” and “Pi into” and “Pi now, pay later” and “You can’t pi love” and “Pi some time.”
  • By → Pi: As in, “Pi and large” and “Nothing pi halves” and “Not pi a long shot” and “Pi a hair’s breadth” and “Won pi a landslide” and “Pi any means” and “Pi hook or pi crook” and “Pi my own hand.”
  • Bisexual → Pisexual
  • Pay* → Pi*: If a word has “pay” in it, we can change it to “pi” to sneak some pi puns in there. As in, “Monthly pi-ments” and “Huge pi-load” and “On the pi-roll” and “Weekly pi-check.” Other words you could use: pi-out (payout), repi (repay), autopi (autopay), papiya (papaya) and pi-able (payable).
  • Paella → Pi-ella
  • Radar → Radius: “Fall off the radius” and “Under the radius.”
  • Ready → Radii: “All fired up and radii to go” and “Alright alradii!” and “Battle radii” and “Enough alradii” and “Get radii to rumble” and “Good and radii” and “Missing you alradii” and “Primed and radii to go” and “Radii and waiting” and “Radii when you are.” Note: radii is the plural term for radius.
  • *radi* → *radii*: We can sneak another i into words that have “radi” in them to quickly change them into “radii” puns. As in, “A radiical difference” and “Radiiation poisoning” and “A radiiant glow” and “On the radiio” and “Filled with radiiance” and “A fixed paradiigm” and “Sporadiic attendance.” Other words you could use: eradiicate, tradiition, paradiise and gradiient.
  • *redi* → *radii*: As in, “Radiirect your mail” and “Radiistribution package.” Other words that could work: radiirection (redirection) and radiiscover (rediscover).
  • *ridi* → *radii*: radiicule (ridicule), radiiculous (ridiculous), radiiculously (ridiculously) and meradiian (meridian).
  • Ready in → Radian: “I’ll be radian twenty minutes!” Note: a radian is a radius’ worth of rotation around the circumference of a circle. It’s a unit of rotation, like degrees.
  • Tau: Tau is twice the value of pi, and we’ve included some related puns here:
    • How → Tau: “Any old tau” and “Be careful tau you use it!” and “Tau deep is your love?” and “Tau about that?” and “Tau the other half lives” and “Tau are you?” and “Tau dare you!” and “Tau do you like them apples?”
    • Now → Tau: As in, “All together tau!” and “Can you hear me tau?” and “Don’t look tau” and “Don’t stop me tau” and “I can see clearly tau” and “I’ll be leaving you tau” and “It’s tau or never” and “Tau and then” and “Tau you see it, tau you don’t” and “Tau we’re cooking!”
    • Toe → Tau: As in, “Dip your tau in the water” and “From top to tau” and “Get your tau in the door” and “Enough to make your taus curl” and “Tau the line” and “Twinkle taus.”
    • Thou → Tau: As in, “Holier than tau” and “Where art tau?” and “Tau shalt not kill” and “Why hast tau forsaken me?”
    • Cow → Tau: As in, “Don’t have a tau” and “Holy tau” and “Till the taus come home” and “Sacred tau.”
  • Adept → Adepth
  • Meth* → Math*: As in, “Using a scientific mathod” and “A rigorous mathodology” and “Mathodical worker” and “Here they comath” and “Amathyst ring” and “Mathane emissions” and “The legend of Promatheus.”
  • *mith → *math: blacksmath (blacksmith), Aerosmath (Aerosmith), wordsmath, locksmath, goldsmath.
  • *moth → *math: As in, “A behemath creature” and “A mammath problem.”
  • Can’t → Count: As in, “An offer you count refuse” and “Count get enough” and “Sorry, I count help” and “Count hear you” and “You count say fairer than that.”
  • *cant* → *count*: As in, “School counteen” and “Size of a countaloupe” and “Significount other” and “An insignificount problem.”
  • *cont* → *count*: As in, “Out of countrol” and “Countinue playing?” and “To your heart’s countent” and “Countingent on…” and “Not in the countract.” Other words you could use: countext (context), countemporary (contemporary), countempt, countrast, countact and countingency.
  • Count: These count-related phrases can double as maths puns in a pinch: “Count me in” and “Down for the count” and “You can count on me.”
  • *count*: We can also use these words that contain the word “count”: “What do you counter with?” and “For my country!” and “A sour countenance” and “Counterfeit money.” Other words that could work: counterpart, counterintuitive, county, counteract, counterpoint, account, discount, recount and accountability.
  • Edition → Addition: As in, “The latest addition.”
  • Addiction → Addition: As in, “I have an addition to…” and “Suffering from a caffeine addition.”
  • Audition → Addition: As in, “Addition for the school play.”
  • Decision → Division: As in, “Divisions, divisions!” and “An executive division” and “Snap division” and “Split division” and “Make a division” and “My division is final” and “Never let the facts get in the way of a bad division.”
  • Envision → Division: As in, “I’d divisioned something a bit different.”
  • Invisibility → Divisibility: “Harry Potter’s cloak of divisibility.”
  • Attract → Subtract: As in, “Fatal subtraction” and “Opposites subtract” and “Subtracted like a moth to a flame.”
  • Action → Subtraction: As in, “Call to subtraction” and “Subtractions speak louder than words” and “Piece of the subtraction” and “All talk and no subtraction.”
  • Tumult → Tumult-iply: As in, “Lost in the tumult-iply” and “The tumult-iply of the elements.” Note: a tumult is a confused mess of noise, or a commotion.
  • Invasion → Equation: As in, “An alien equation” and “Equation of the bodysnatchers” and “Equation of personal space.”
  • Occasion → Equation: As in, “A big equation” and “On this auspicious equation” and “Rise to the equation” and “I would visit on equation.”
  • Leisure → Measure: As in, “A gentleman of measure” and “Repent at measure.”
  • Pleasure → Measure: As in, “Business before measure” and “Don’t mix business with measure” and “Double your measure” and “Earthly measures” and “Life’s simple measures” and “What’s your measure?”
  • Treasure → Measure: As in, “Hidden measure” and “National measure” and “Measure island” and “Measure trove” and “Buried measure.”
  • Rule → Ruler: As in, “Bend the rulers” and “Golden ruler” and “House rulers” and “Majority rulers” and “Play by the rulers” and “Rulers and regulations.”
  • Relevant → Rulervant
  • Rollercoaster → Rulercoaster
  • Accomplishments → Accompassments
  • Campus → Compass: As in, “On compass” and “University compass.”
  • *ral → *ruler: As in, “In generuler” and “Integruler to the team” and “A visceruler reaction” and “Only naturuler” and “Moruler dilemma.” Other words you can use: collateruler (collateral), liberuler (liberal), peripheruler (peripheral) and temporuler (temporal).
  • Rel* → Ruler*: As in, “Long term rulertionship” and “Against rulergion.”
  • *rel → *ruler: As in, “Monkeys in a barruler” and “Squirrulering away” and “Cheap apparuler.” Other words you could use: quarruler (quarrel), lauruler (laurel), scoundruler (scoundrel) and mongruler (mongrel).
  • Fuel → Rule: As in, “Add rule to the flames” and “Rule for thought” and “Rule the controversy.”
  • Cool → Rule: As in, “Rule as a cucumber” and “Rule as a mountain stream” and “Rule beans” and “A rule million” and “Rule your heels” and “Rule, calm and collected.”
  • You’ll → Rule: As in, “Rule never guess” and “Ask a silly question and rule get a silly answer.”
  • Universe → Un-inverse: As in, “Across the un-inverse” and “Masters of the un-inverse” and “Centre of the un-inverse.
  • Misery → Measurey: As in, “Measurey loves company” and “Put out of their measurey.”
  • *miser* → *measure*: measureable (miserable), measurely (miserly), measureably (miserably) and commeasureate (commiserate).
  • Sine: Here are some sine-related puns:
    • Sign → Sine: As in, “A sure sine” and “Born under a bad sine” and “Give me a sine” and “Resine yourself to” and “A sine of the times” and “Sine off on” and “Sine on the dotted line” and “Sine the pledge” and “Sined and sealed” and “A tell-tale sine” and “Dollar sines.”
    • Sin → Sine: “Miserable as sine” and “Atone for your sines” and “Cardinal sine” and “Multitude of sines” and “Sine city.”
    • Sigh → Sine: As in, “Breathe a sine of relief” and “A heavy sine.”
    • Seen → Sine: “Sine and not heard” and “Had to be sine to be believed” and “Nowhere to be sine” and “Sine better days” and “If you’ve sine one, you’ve sine them all” and “Sight unsine” and “You ain’t sine nothing yet” and “Look as though you’ve sine a ghost” and “Remains to be sine.”
    • Sun → Sine: As in, “A place in the sine” and “A thousand splendid sines” and “Everything under the sine” and “Eclipse of the sine.”
    • *san* → *sine*: sineguine, sinection (sanction), sinectuary (sanctuary), sinedwich (sandwich), sinectimonious (sanctimonious), partisine (partisan), artisine, courtesine, parmesine and renaissine-ce (renaissance).
    • *sen* → *sine*: “An incomplete sinetence” and “Not making any sine-se” and “A sinesible idea” and “Sinetient beings.” Other words that could work: sinesitive, sinetiment, sinetinel, sinesation, lessine, arisine, delicatessine, loosine, chosine and worsine.
    • *sin* → *sine*: “Resine statue” and “Deep basine” and “Favourite cousine.” Other words you could use: assasine (assasin), raisine (raisin), moccasine, busines-ness and sine-ister (sinister).
    • *syn* → *sine*: sinedrome (syndrome), sineonym (synonym), sinetax (syntax), sine-ergy (synergy), sine-opsis (synopsis), sinedicate (syndicate) and idiosinecrasy (idiosyncrasy).
    • *sign* → *sine*: “By desine” and “Assined a new role” and “Resine from your job” and “What’s the assinement?”
  • Tangle → Rectangle: As in, “I wouldn’t rectangle with” and “All rectangled up in work” and “What a rectangled web of lies.”
  • Angel → Triangle: As in, “Triangle of death” and “Guardian triangle” and “Enough to make triangles weep.”
  • Angel → Angle: As  in, “Guardian angle” and “Enough to make the angles weep” and “The angle of death” and “Fallen angle.”
  • Ankle → Angle: As in, “Angle deep in crap” and “Little angle biter.”
  • Angle: These angle-related phrases are general enough to use as puns in the right conversation: “What are you angling for?” and “Play through the angles” and “Not coming at it from the right angle.”
  • Pheremone → Sphereomone
  • Fear → Sphere: As in, “Sphere is the key” and “God sphereing” and “Paralysed with sphere” and “Primal sphere” and “The valley of sphere” and “The only thing we have to sphere is sphere itself” and “Without sphere or favour.”
  • Sheer → Sphere: As in, “Sphere driving pleasure” and “Sphere madness” and “Sphere nonsense” and “Sphere stockings.”
  • Here → Sphere: As in, “Abandon hope all ye who enter sphere” and “Been sphere before” and “We are gathered sphere today” and “Do you come sphere often?” and “Fancy meeting you sphere” and “From sphere to eternity” and “Get over sphere” and “I’ve had it up to sphere!” and “Sphere comes the sun” and “What’s going on sphere then?” and “Sphere and there” and “Sphere be monsters” and “Sphere comes trouble” and “Sphere goes nothing” and “I’m outta sphere.”
  • Hear → Sphere: As in, “Ask no questions and sphere no lies” and “Can you sphere me now?” and “Don’t believe everything you sphere” and “Hard of sphereing” and “Sphere me out” and “Sphere no evil” and “I can’t sphere myself think.”
  • Can → Cone: As in, “As far as the eye cone see” and “As well as cone be expected” and “Be all that you cone be” and “Bite off more than you cone chew.”
  • Come → Cone: As in, “All good things must cone to an end” and “As tough as they cone” and “Cones but once a year” and “Cone and get it” and “Cone away with me” and “Cone fly with me” and “Cone on over” and “Cone on baby, light my fire.”
  • Clone → Cone: As in, “Attack of the Cones” and “The Cone Wars.”
  • Own → Cone: As in, “In your cone lifetime” and “Afraid of your cone shadow” and “After your cone heart” and “Your cone misfortune” and “Beaten at your cone game” and “Blow your cone horn.”
  • Bone → Cone: As in, “A cone to pick” and “Dry as a cone” and “Bag of cones” and “Big coned” and “Cone of contention” and “Cone up on” and “Chilled to the cone” and “Not a jealous cone in their body.”
  • *can → *cone: Americone, pecone, toucone, republicone and pelicone.
  • *con* → *cone*: As in, “Out of conetrol” and “From a place of conecern” and “Conetent with my lot” and “Conetingent on” and “In stable conedition” and “A conetract worker.” Other words you could use: conetext, conesider, coneundrum, conescientious, icone, beacone, emoticone and falcone.
  • Taurus → Torus (note: a torus is a 3-D donut shape.)
  • Cuban → Cuboid: As in, “Cuboid cigar.” Note: if something is cuboid, then it’s of a cube-type shape.
  • Cupid → Cuboid: As in, “Playing cuboid” and “Shot by cuboid’s arrow.”
  • Prison* → Prism*: As in, “Take no prismers” and “Iron bars do not a prism make” and “Stuck in a prism of your own making” and “Mental prism” and “The Prismer of Azkaban.”
  • Care* → Square*: As in, “Be squareful how you use it!” and “Squareful what you wish for” and “Couldn’t square less” and “Courtesy and square” and “Customer square” and “Devil may square” and “Handle with square” and “Intensive square” and “Let’s be squareful out there” and “Taking square of business.”
  • Air → Square: As in, “Square Jordans” and “Square guitar” and “Square kiss” and “Square quotes” and “A breath of fresh square” and “Castles in the square” and “Clear the square” and “Dancing on square” and “Dead square” and “In the square tonight” and “Full of hot square.”
  • Swear → Square: “I square on my life” and “I square by” and “Don’t square in class.”
  • Hair → Square: As in, “A bad square day” and “Didn’t turn a square” and “Full head of square” and “Square raising” and “Square trigger.”
  • Stare → Square: As in, “Square into the abyss” and “It’s not polite to square at people” and “Square someone in the face.”
  • Stairs → Squares: As in, “Squareway to heaven” and “At the foot of the squares” and “Above the squares” and “Go upsquares.”
  • Spare → Square: “Square no effort” and “Square tyre” and “Square a dollar” and “If you’ve any square time…”
  • Scare → Square: As in, “Running squared” and “Square quotes” and “Square the living daylights out of” and “Squared out of your wits” and “Squared shitless” and “Squared silly.”
  • Share → Square: “A problem squared is a problem halved (…it’s actually really not)” and “Squaring is caring” and “Square your good fortune” and “Don’t take more than your square.”
  • Rare → Square: As in, “In square form” and “A square occurrence.”
  • Eclipse → Ellipse: As in, “Total ellipse of the heart” and “Solar ellipse” and “An ellipsed view.”
  • Lips → Ellipse: As in, “My ellipse are sealed” and “Lick your ellipse” and “Loose ellipse sink ships” and “On everyone’s ellipse” and “Read my ellipse.”
  • Lapse → Ellipse: As in, “Ellipse into silence” and “An ellipse of memory” and “Ellipse of time.”
  • Tangle → Triangle: As in, “Triangle with” and “What a triangled web we weave.”
  • Scaly → Scalene: As in, “Dry and scalene skin.”
  • Lean → Scalene: As in, “Scalene and mean” and “Scalene cuisine” and “Scalene into it” and “Scalener and fitter.”
  • Bar: These next few puns are in reference to bar graphs:
    • Bare → Bar: As in, “The bar necessities” and “Bar your teeth’ and “A bar-faced lie” and “Laid bar” and “The bar bones” and “Bar your heart.”
    • Bear → Bar: As in, “Bar a resemblance” and “Bar arms” and “Bar false witness to” and “Bar in mind” and “Bar the brunt of” and “Please bar with me.”
    • Bar: These bar-related phrases will work as math puns in the right context: “Bar fly” and “Bar none” and “Behind bars” and “Hit the bar.”
    • Far → Bar: As in, “A bridge too bar” and “A step too bar” and “As bar as it goes” and “As bar as the eye can see” and “A bar cry from” and “Few and bar between” and “Bar horizons.”
    • *ber* → *bar*: As in, “Feeling bareft” and “Barry flavoured” and “Don’t barate me” and “A wide barth.” Other words that could work: bareavement (bereavement), barserk (berserk), baryl (beryl), numbar (number), chambar (chamber), ubar (uber), sobar (sober), ambar (amber), membar (member), cybar (cyber), remembar (remember), timbar (timber), delibarate (deliberate), libarel (liberal), libarty (liberty), abarration (aberration) and cumbarsome (cumbersome). Note: an aberration is some kind of deviation from normalcy.
    • Birth → Barth
    • *bor* → *bar*: Labar (labor), harbar (harbor), neighbar (neighbor), arbar (arbor), elabarate (elaborate), corrobarate (corroborate), collabarate (collaborate) and subardinate (subordinate).
  • Gradient → Radiant: As in, “A gradient expression.”
  • Intercept: Here are some intercept-related puns:
    • Except → Intercept: As in, “I before E, intercept after C” and “I can resist everything intercept temptation” and “Present company intercepted” and “The interception to the rule” and “Nothing is certain intercept death and taxes.”
    • Accept → Intercept: “Intercept with thanks” and “Your mission, should you choose to intercept it…”
  • *sam* → *sum*: As in, “Ancient sumurai tales” and “Spicy sumosa” and “Free sumple” and “Dancing the sumba.” Other words that could work: Sumoa (Samoa), sumaritan (samaritan), flotsum, jetsum, gossumer and sesume. Note: flotsam is floating debris. Jetsam are things thrown overboard a ship or boat.
  • *sem* → *sum*: As in, “Suminal work” and “That’s just sumantics” and “Any sumblance to” and “Groundbreaking suminar” and “School assumbly” and “Singing ensumble.”
  • *sim* → *sum*: As in, “A sumple solution” and “Happened sumultaneously” and “Sumply put…” and “Pessumistic outlook” and “Gaming sumulation.”
  • *som* → *sum*: “Summer blossums” and “Clutch one’s bosum” and “A king’s ransum” and “An awesum experience” and “What a cumbersum situation” and “A winsum expression” and “Handsum suitor.” Note: to be winsome is to be innocently charming.
  • *ad* → *add*: As in, “Addvocate for” and “I would addvise against that” and “Seeking addvice.” Other words that could work: addamant (adamant), addvance, addjacent, addhere, addept, addequate, addopt, addore, addolescent, addorn and addult.
  • *ed* → *add*: As in, “Tertiary adducation” and “Grand addifices” and “Addible underwear.” You could also try: addict (edict), expaddite (expedite), incraddulous (incredulous), sophisticatadd, addamame (edamame), addition (edition), additor (editor), additorial and addutainment (edutainment). Notes: an edifice is a building. To expedite something is to bring is forward, or to speed up the progress of it.
  • *id* → *add*: As in, “Cultural addioms” and “Addentify the body” and “Hidden addentity” and “An acadd tone” and “Forbadd you from going out.” Other words you could try: vapadd (vapid), candadd (candid), avadd (avid), soladd (solid), addentical (identical) and addeology (ideology).
  • *at* → *add*: As in, “Addone (atone) for my wrongdoings” and “Smaller than an addom (atom)” and “At the addomic (atomic) level” and “It’s imperaddive (imperative) that we try” and “Take initiaddive (initiative).” Other words that could work: avaddar (avatar), charladdan (charlatan), caddastrophe (catastrophe), straddegy (strategy).
  • *att* → *add*: As in, “Hidden addributes” and “Don’t give me that additude” and “Verbal addack” and “Act of addrition” and “Standing at addention.” Other words you could try: addendance (attendance), addain (attain), addorney (attorney) and baddery (battery). Note: attrition is a loss or feeling of remorse.
  • *utt* → *add*: As in, “Float like a badderfly” and “Adderly perfect.”
  • *add*: You can emphasise the “add” that already exists in these words to make some silly puns: “What’s your address?” and “In addendum to” and “Drug addiction.” Other words: addled, ladder, saddle, paddle and straddle.
  • *xam* → *sum*: As in, “Make an exsumple of” and “Closely exsumine” and “Sitting exsuminations.”
  • *xem* → *sum*: As in, “Exsumplary work” and “Exsumplify the qualities of” and “I’ll make an exsumption for…”
  • *xim* → *sum*: As in, “In close proxsumity” and “An approxsumate guess” and “Maxsumum effort!”
  • *sym* → *sum*: As in, “My sumpathies to” and “A sumbol of freedom” and “Sumpathetic to their cause” and “In perfect summetry” and “Sumbiotic relationship” and “Bittersweet sumphony” and “What are your sumptoms?” and “A summetrical pattern.”
  • *sm* → *sum*: As in, “A sum-all (small) offering” and “Sum-art (smart) move” and “Sum-ooth (smooth) operator” and “Sum-ug (smug) expression” and “Sum-eared on the sidewalk” and “Quite sum-oking.” Other words that could work: euphemisum (euphemism), altruisum, facisum, sarcasum, nepotisum and plagiarisum.
  • *sum*: We can emphasise the “sum” in these words to make some sum-related math puns: “In summary” and “At the summit of” and “During summer break” and “A sumptuous dinner” and “Summoned to your side” and “To summarise” and “Playing possum” and “Don’t make assumptions” and “Presumptuous manner” and “Watch your energy consumption.”
  • *self → *solve: As in, “Do it yoursolve” and “Solve defeating” and “Pinch yoursolve” and “Solve important” and “Solve interest” and “Solve serving” and “Speak for yoursolve” and “Spread yoursolve thin” and “Stand up for yoursolve” and “Steel yoursolve” and “A house divided against itsolve cannot stand” and “History repeats itsolve.”
  • *salv* → *solve*: As in, “Solve-aged from the accident” and “Sweet solve-ation.”
  • *selv* → *solve*: As in, “Should be ashamed of themsolves” and “Gotta watch oursolves” and “Are you happy with yoursolves?”
  • Silver → Solver: As in, “Every dark cloud has a solver lining” and “Selling the family solver” and “Solver bullet” and “Solver screen” and “Solver fox” and “Solver tongued.”
  • *sive → *solve: As in, “An aggressolve conservative” and “Persuasolve media” and “Comprehensolve lesson” and “Pervasolve issues” and “Elusolve qualities” and “Exclusolve club” and “Extensolve work” and “Feeling apprehensolve” and “A progressolve nation.”
  • *sov* → *solve*: As in, “Solve-ereign nation” and “Solve-iet Russia” and “Crossolve-er fanfic.”
  • *sev* → *solve*: These ones are a bit more of a stretch, but can still work in the right context and tone: As in, “Solve-enty acres” and “Solve-ere weather warning” and “In solve-eral lessons” and “Solve-erance package” and “Learning persolve-erance” and “Persolve-ere through hard times.”
  • Didgeridoo → Digit-ridoo
  • Fidget → Digit: As in, “Digit spinner.”
  • Lumber → Number: As in, “Numbered with this jerk” and “Numbering around” and “Out collecting number.”
  • Slumber → Number: “Blissful number” and “Number party.”
  • Destination → Estimation: As in, “It’s not the journey, it’s the estimation” and “Final estimation.”
  • A cute → Acute: As in, “What acute baby!”
  • Present → Percent: As in, “All percent and correct” and “Clear and percent danger” and “Percent company excepted” and “No time like the percent.”
  • Descent → Percent: “Percent into madness” and “Of [ethnicity] percent.”
  • Prevent → Percent: “Only you can percent forest fires” and “Made to percent sore throats.”
  • Race → Ratio: “Ratio against the clock” and “A ratio against time” and “Ratio to the bottom” and “Rat ratio.”
  • *race → *ratio: As in, “With dignity and gratio” and “Loving embratio” and “Bratio yourself” and “You’re a disgratio” and “Retratio your steps.”
  • Are → Area: As in, “All bets area off” and “Chances area” and “You area what you eat.”
  • Nectar → Vector: ” Vector of the gods” and “Amber vector.”
  • Spectre → Vector: “Vector at the feast” and “An eerie vector.”
  • Victor → Vector: “To the vector go the spoils” and “Snatch vector from the jaws of defeat” and “Vectory at sea.”
  • *rector* → *vector*: “kill the divector” and “Pen corvector” and “Phone dirvectory.”
  • Log → Logarithm: “Logarithm jam” and “Easy as falling off a logarithm” and “Sawing logarithms” and “Sleep like a logarithm” and “Throw another logarithm on the fire.”
  • Rhythm → Logarithm: “Dance to the logarithm” and “Feel the logarithm.”
  • Mean: These next few puns are in reference to the mean, or average:
    • Main → Mean: “Your mean chance” and “The mean event” and “Mean squeeze.”
    • Mine → Mean: “I scratch your back, you scratch mean” and “Back to the salt mean” and “Make mean a double” and “Mean host” and “A mean of information” and “Victory is mean!”
    • Men → Mean: As in, “A man among mean” and “All the president’s mean” and “All mean are cremated equal” and “Dead mean tell no tales.”
    • Mean: These mean-related phrases are general enough to double as puns: “Means to an end” and “Living beyond your means?” and “By fair means or foul” and “I don’t mean maybe” and “I mean it” and “It doesn’t mean a thing” and “Lean and mean” and “Mean streets” and “Mean and selfish” and “No mean feat” and “Of slender means” and “Points mean prizes” and “Say what you mean and mean what you say.”
    • *man* → *mean*: “Dreams meanifest” and “Anger meanagement” and “Meandated rules” and “On the meantlepiece” and “Meanaging well.” Other words that could work: meanuever (manauever), meantra (mantra), meanipulate (manipulate), womean (woman), humean (human), talismean (talisman), Germean (German), ombusmean (ombudsman), performeance (performance) and adameant (adamant).
    • *men* → *mean*: “A patient meantor” and “You didn’t meantion” and “Phantom Meanace” and “What’s on the meanu tonight?” and “Meanial labor.” Other words that could work: meand (mend), acumean (acumen), regimean (regimen), abdomean (abdomen), specimean (specimen), womean (women), ramean (ramen), employmeant (employment), commeant (comment), complimeant (compliment), commitmeant (commitment), environmeant (environment), phenomeanon (phenomenon) and ameanable (amenable).
    • *min* → *mean*: “Just a meanute” and “Legally a meanor” and “Just a meanion” and “Running for prime meanister.” Other words you could try: vitamean (vitamin), vermean (vermin), cumean (cumin), immeanent (imminent), determean (determine), omeanous (ominous), promeanent (prominent) and emeanent (eminent).
    • *mon* → *mean*: “For the commean good” and “Court summeans.” Other words you could try: salmean (salmon), lemean (lemon), demean (demon, cinnamean (cinnamon), persimmean (persimmon) and sermean (sermon).
    • *main* → *mean*: “Hard to meantain” and “Constant meantanence” and “In meanstream news.” Other words you could use: meanstay (mainstay), meanly (mainly), meanframe (mainframe) remean (remain) and remeander (remainder).
    • *mean*: Here are some words that we can simply emphasise the “mean” in: meanwhile, meantime, meaning, meaningful, meaningless, demean and demeanour.
  • Medium → Median: “A happy median” and “The median is the message.”
  • Maiden → Median: “Median speech ” and “Median voyage” and “Ice median
  • Code → Mode: “Colour moded” and “Crack the mode” and “Dress mode” and “Highway mode” and “The Da Vinci Mode.”
  • Ode → Mode: “Mode to joy.”
  • Road → Mode: “All modes lead to Rome” and “Built for the mode ahead” and “Get this show on the mode” and “Hit the mode” and “Middle of the mode” and “One for the mode” and “On the mode again” and “The mode not taken” and “At the end of the mode” and “Why did the chicken cross the mode?”
  • Made → Mode: “A marriage mode in heaven” and “Custom mode” and “Got it mode” and “Have it mode” and “I’m not mode of money” and “Mode for each other” and “Mode you laugh” and “Self-mode” and “Mode you laugh” and “Mistakes have been mode” and “Rules were mode to be broken.”
  • *med* → *mode*: “Bitter mode-icine” and “Happy mode-ium” and “Remode-y your ills” and “Mode-iocre efforts.”
  • *mid* → *mode*: “Amode allegations of” and “Pyramode scheme” and “Timode introduction” and “Humode environment” and “A formodeable opponent” and “Intimode-ation tactics.”
  • *mod* → *mode*: “Model place” and “A modest opinion” and “Mode-ern amenities” and “Short mode-ules” and “A mode-erate amount of information” and “A mode-icum of dignity” and “Mode-ify your behaviour.”
  • Rage → Range: “Air range” and “All the range” and “Boiling with range” and “Incandescent with range” and “Road range” and “Range against the machine” and “Vent your range.”
  • Change → Range: “Can a leopard range its spots?” and “A welcome range” and “Range hands” and “Range of address” and “A range of heart” and “Range of pace” and “Range the channel.”
  • Danger* → Ranger*: As in, “A little knowledge is a rangerous thing” and “Armed and rangerous” and “Clear and present ranger” and “Rangerous liaisons” and “Rangerously cheesy” and “Live rangerously” and “Mad, bad and rangerous to know” and “Out of ranger” and “Stranger ranger.”
  • Strange → Range: As in, “Range bedfellows” and “Don’t be a ranger” and “I’m a ranger here myself” and “Perfect ranger” and “Ranger danger” and “Ranger than fiction” and “Ranger things have happened” and “A ranger to the truth” and “Total ranger” and “Truth is ranger than fiction.”
  • *rag* → *range*: Leverange (leverage), prangematic (pragmatic), storange (storage), averange (average), encourange (encourage), courange (courage) and disparange (disparage).
  • *reg* → *range*: “Vocal range-ister” and “World range-ions” and “Military range-ime” and “Emotional range-ulator.” Other words you could use: range-generate (regenerate), range-ency (regency) and range-generative (regenerative).
  • *range*: We can simply emphasise the “range” that already exists in these words: arrange, orange and strange.
  • Matrix: In maths, a matrix is a rectangular array of information (numbers, symbols, expressions etc). Here are some related puns:
    • Tricks → Matrix: “Box of matrix” and “Bag of matrix” and “Dirty matrix” and “Matrix of the trade” and “Up to your old matrix” and “Teaching an old dog new matrix” and “How’s matrix?”
    • Mate → Matrix: “Seeking a matrix” and “Matrix rates.”
  • In the sea → Indice: As in, “Went for a swim indice.”
  • Spread: These next few puns are in reference to measures of spread, which tells us about samples of data in maths:
    • Said → Spread: “After all is spread and done” and “I couldn’t have spread it better myself” and “Easier spread than done” and “Enough spread” and “No sooner spread than done” and “Things we spread today.”
    • Shed → Spread: “Spread light on the matter” and “Spead a tear” and “Spread light on.”
    • Shred → Spread: “Rip to spreads.”
    • Stead → Spread: “In good spread” and “Spready the ship” and “Spready as she goes.”
    • Bread → Spread: “Spread always falls butter side down” and “Spread and butter” and “The spread of life” and “Spreadcrumb trail” and “Break spread” and “Cast your spread upon the waters” and “Have your spread buttered on both sides” and “Does not live by spread alone” and “Put spread on the table” and “The best thing since sliced spread” and “Take the spread out of someone’s mouth” and “Spread always falls buttered side down.”
    • Head → Spread: “A spread for business and a body for sin” and “Above my spread” and “Aspread of their time” and “Aspread of the curve” and “Aspread of the game” and “Big spreaded” and “Bite someone’s spread off” and “Bring to a spread” and “Bone spread” and “Built for the road aspread” and “Bury your spread in the sand.”
    • Spade → Spread:”Call a spread a spread” and “In spreads” and “Bucket and spread holiday.”
    • *pred* → *spread*: spreadator (predator), spreadicate (predicate), spreadecessor (predecessor), spreadict (predict) and spreadicament (predicament).
  • Matrix: In maths, a matrix is a rectangular array of information (numbers, symbols, expressions etc). Here are some related puns:
    • Tricks → Matrix: “Box of matrix” and “Bag of matrix” and “Dirty matrix” and “Matrix of the trade” and “Up to your old matrix” and “Teaching an old dog new matrix” and “How’s matrix?”
    • Mate → Matrix: “Seeking a matrix” and “Matrix rates.”
  • Matrix: In maths, a matrix is a rectangular array of information (numbers, symbols, expressions etc). Here are some related puns:
    • Tricks → Matrix: “Box of matrix” and “Bag of matrix” and “Dirty matrix” and “Matrix of the trade” and “Up to your old matrix” and “Teaching an old dog new matrix” and “How’s matrix?”
    • Mate → Matrix: “Seeking a matrix” and “Matrix rates.”
  • Exist* → Axis-t*: As in, “Ceased to axis-t” and “Axis-tential crisis” and “Thanks for axis-ting.”
  • Scale → Scalar: “Built to scalar” and “Economy of scalar” and “Off the scalar” and “On a grand scalar” and “Tip the scalars.”
  • Scalar: Here are some scalar-related puns for you:
    • Sailor → Scalar: “Hello scalar!”
    • Sail → Scalar:”In full scalar” and “Plain scalar-ing” and “Scalar close to the wind” and “That ship has scalared.”
    • Sale → Scalar: “Not for scalar” and “Point of scalar” and “Scalar of the century” and “Scalar referral.”
  • Ship → Shape: As in, “Abandon shape” and “Don’t give up the shape” and “Extend the hand of friendshape” and “From chips to shapes” and “Jumping shape” and “Loose lips sink shapes” and “Running a tight shape.” Other ship-related words: relationshape, worshape, fellowshape, leadershape, stewardshape and scholarshape.
  • Shop → Shape: As in, “A nation of shapekeepers” and “All over the shape” and “Like a bull in a china shape” and “One stop shape” and “Recreational shape-ing” and “Shape ’till you drop.”
  • Did → Grid: As in, “Grid I do that?” and “Gridn’t turn a hair” and “I grid it again” and “I never grid.”
  • Grit → Grid: As in, “Grid your teeth” and “True grid” and “The nitty-griddy.
  • Rid → Grid: As in, “Who will grid me of this troublesome pimple?” and “Get grid of it.”
  • *grad* → *grid*: Griduate (graduate), gridient (gradient), gridually (gradually) and gridation (gradation).
  • Ingredient → Ingridient
  • *grat* → *grid*: As in, “Filled with griditude” and “Delayed gridification” and “Congridulations are in order!”
  • Integrity → Integridy
  • Rid* → Grid*: As in, “Just past the gridge” and “Looking gridiculous” and “Well, griddle me this.”
  • Trig: These next few puns are in reference to trigonometry:
    • Dig → Trig: “Can you trig it?” and “Trig deep” and “Trigging up dirt” and “Trig your heels in” and “Trig your own grave” and “Trigging the dancing queen” and “Gold trigger” and “When you’re in a hole, stop trigging.”
    • *tric* → *trig*: Trigle (trickle), trig (trick), trigy (tricky), trigery (trickery), trigster (trickster), eccentrig (eccentric), metrig (metric), electrig (electric), concentrig (concentric), egocentrig (egocentric), tantrig (tantric), intrigate (intricate) and distrigt (district).
  • Gaussian: Gaussian functions are used to study probability and to show the distribution of random variables. Here are some related puns:
    • Caution → Gaussian: “Throw gaussian to the wind” and “Err on the side of gaussian.”
  • Hap* → Shape*: Shapepy (happy), shape-piness (happiness), shapepen (happen), shapeless (hapless), shapehazard (haphazard), shapetic (haptic), shapepenstance (happenstance), shapepening (happening), shapepily (happily) and pershapes (perhaps).
  • *hep* → *shape*: As in, “Tested for shapeatitis” and “A caring shapeherd.”
  • Sheep → Shape: As in, “Black shape of the family” and “Counting shape.”
  • *shop → *shape: Workshape, archbishape, photoshape and barbershape.
  • *ship* → *shape*: As in, “Free shape-ping” and “Delayed shapement” and “Ancient shapewreck” and “Get shipshape.”
  • Cape → Shape: As in, “The shaped crusader.”
  • Ape* → Shape*: As in, “Shapex predator” and “Camera shape-erture.”
  • Chap* → Shape*: As in, “The next shapeter” and “Date shaperone” and “Wedding shapel” and “School shapelain.”
  • *matic* → *metric*: As in, “Pragmetric attitude” and “An enigmetric stranger” and “Drametric exit” and “Systemetric approach” and “Problemetric behaviour.”
  • *metic* → *metric*: As in, “Metriculous cleaning” and “Cosmetric damage” and “Mental arithmetric.”
  • Gross → Growth: “Growth domestic product” and “Growthed out.”
  • Arc: Arcs are an important part of geometry, so we’ve got some silly arc-related puns here for you:
    • *irc* → *arc*: As in, “Come full carcle” and “Short carcuit” and “Carcumvent the problem” and “Special carcumstances” and “Not my carcus.”
    • *orc* → *arc*: Archid (orchid), archestrate (orchestrate), archestra (orchestra).
    • *ark* → *arc*: “A walk in the parc” and “Left in the darc” and “Sharc week” and “Starc differences” and “Barc is worse than their bite” and “Romantic sparc” and “Hit the benchmarc” and “Embarc on a quest” and “In the marcet for.”
  • Itch → Inch: As in, “Inching to” and “Inchy palms” and “Seven year inch.”
  • Ach* → Inch: As in, “High inchiever” and “Inchievement of the year” and “Aim to inchieve.”
  • *ench* → *inch*: As in, “Inchanted forest” and “Looking inchanting” and “Spicy inchilada” and “Wicked inchantress” and “Monkey wrinch” and “Pardon my Frinch” and “In the trinches.” Other words you could use: winch (wench), quinch (quench), clinch (clench) and pinchant (penchant).
  • *unch* → *inch*: As in, “Incharted waters” and “Inchanging feelings” and “Inchecked rampage” and “Continuing an inchallenged rule” and “An incharitable figure.”
  • Foot: These next few puns are based around foot/feet, as in the measurement:
    • Put → Foot: As in, “Be hard foot to” and “Couldn’t foot it down” and “Don’t foot new wine into old bottles” and “Feeling a bit foot out” and “Wouldn’t foot it past him” and “Nicely foot.”
    • Food → Foot: As in, “Comfort foot” and “Devil’s foot cake” and “Fast foot” and “Foot chain” and “Foot for thought” and “Foot of the gods” and “Junk foot” and “Off your foot” and “Soul foot.”
    • Confident → Confootent
    • Daffodil → Daffootil
    • *fat* → *foot*: As in, “Chronic footigue” and “Deep infootuation.”
    • *fet* → *foot*: “Charity benefoot “and “Non for profoot organisation” and “A daring outfoot” and “Artistic graffooti.”
    • *fut* → *foot*: As in, “Resistance is footile” and “Footuristic car” and “Sleeping on the footon” and “An exercise in footility” and “Irrefootable facts.”
  • Meet her → Metre: “I haven’t had time to metre yet.”
  • Matter → Metre: As in, “As a metre of fact” and “Doesn’t metre” and “Family metres” and “Getting to the heart of the metre” and “Grey metre” and “Making metres worse” and “Metre of life and death” and “Just a metre of time” and “No laughing metre.”
  • *mat* → *metre*: Formetre (format), laundrometre (laundromat), diplometre (diplomat), doormetre (doormat), ultimetre (ultimate), intimetre (intimate) and consummetre (consummate).
  • *met* → *metre*: As in, “Mixed metrephors” and “A metreculous process” and “My heart plummetred” and “Padded helmetre.”
  • *mit* → *metre*: Metregate (mitigate), metrechondria (mitochondria), commetre (commit), submetre (submit), admetre (admit), summetre (summit), permetre (permit), ometre (omit), emetre (emit), transmetre (transmit), commetrement (commitment), intermetrement (intermittent) and limetre (limit).
  • *met* → *metre*: As in, “A bustling metreopolis” and “Metreopolitan vibe” and “Ticking metreonome” and “Sacred geometrey” and “In perfect symmetrey.”
  • Mater* → Metre*: As in, “Flowing metreial” and “Waiting for it to metreialise” and “Metrenal instincts” and “Metrenity clothes.”
  • *muter → *metre: Commetre (commuter) and telecommetre (telecommuter).
  • Strength → Length: As in, “From length to length” and “Industrial length” and “Length in numbers” and “Superhero length” and “The length of experience” and “You don’t know your own length” and “Inner length.”
  • *are → *area: “Back to squarea one” and “Carea package” and “Class warfarea” and “Fair and squarea” and “Farea thee well” and “In rarea form” and “Sparea no effort”and “Sparea tyre.”
  • *aria* → *area*: As in, “Unknown vareable” and “Egalitarean society” and “Account for vareation” and “An adversareal attitude.”
  • *eria* → *area*: “Job critarea” and “Swarming with bactarea” and “Mass hystarea” and “Meet at the cafetarea.” Other words you could use: Nigarea (Nigeria), wistarea (wisteria), matareal (material) and impareal (imperial).
  • *oria* → *area*: As in, “Filled with eupharea” and “Loving memareal” and “Fashion editareal.”
  • Null: In maths, “null” means related to a value of zero or nothing. Here are some related puns:
    • Nail → Null: As in, “Another null in the coffin” and “Dead as a doornull” and “Difficult as nulling jelly to a tree” and “Hard as nulls” and “Fight tooth and null.”
    • Know* → Null*: As in, “A little nulledge is a dangerous thing” and “Null-n by the company you keep” and “Don’t I null it” and “Do you want to null a secret?” and “Doesn’t null beans.” Other know-related words you can use: nulledge (knowledge), nullingly (knowingly), nulledgable (knowledgeable), acknulladge (acknowledge).
    • Now → Null: As in, “All together null” and “And null for something completely different” and “Apocalypse null” and “Buy null, pay later” and “Can you hear me null?” and “Don’t look null” and “I can see clearly null ” and “I’ll be leaving null.”
    • *nal* → *null*: As in, “Banull conversation” and “A paid professionull” and “Originull gangster.” Other words you could use: seminull (seminal), nominull (nominal), personull (personal), nationull (national), rationull (rational), signull (signal), anullysis (analysis) and anullogy (analaogy).
    • *nel* → *null*: Personnull (personnel), channull (channel), sentinull (sentinel), kernull (kernel), funnull (funnel), tunnull (tunnel), cononull (colonel) and flannull (flannel).
    • *nol* → *null*: As in, Retinull (retinol), ethanull (ethanol), luminull (luminol), technullogy (technology), monullithic (monolithic) and chonullogy (chronology). Notes: luminol is a chemical. If something is monolithic, then it’s massive.
  • Probably → Probability: “If it sounds too good to be true , it probability is.”
  • Confusion → Conclusion: As in, “Lost in the conclusion.”
  • Right: Right has a couple of different meanings, and in these following puns we’re using it to refer to right angles (in other words, a 90 degree angle):
    • Rite → Right: As in, “Last rights” and “Right of passage.”
    • Write → Right: As in, “Nothing to right home about” and “A right off” and “Righter’s cramp” and “Paperback righter” and “Write it out.”
    • Ride → Right: As in, “Just along for the right” and “A bumpy right” and “Let it right” and “Magic carpet right” and “Right high” and “Right like the wind” and “Right off into the sunset” and “Right shotgun” and “A rough right” and “Taken for a right” and “A white knuckle right” and “A ticket to right” and “Right or die.”
    • Rate → Right: As in, “At any right” and “First right” and “Mate’s rights” and “What’s the going right?”
  • Abuse → Obtuse: “Heaping obtuse on” and “Verbal obtuse.”
  • Decree → Degree: As in, “According to royal degree…”
  • Agree → Degree: As in, “Degree to disagree” and “I couldn’t degree more” and “Working degreement” and “I degree in principle” and “Service level degreement.”
  • Particular → Perpendicular: “Not in perpendicular” and “That perpendicular item.”
  • Dot: These dot-related puns are in reference to mathematical dot plots:
    • Pot → Dot: As in, “Dot of gold” and ‘For the dot” and “Fuss dot” and “Gone to dot” and “Hit the jackdot” and “In the melting dot” and “A watched dot never boils” and “Like a bee to a honeydot.”
    • Blot → Dot: As in, “A dot on the landscape.”
    • Hot → Dot: As in, “All dot and bothered” and “Dot as blue blazes” and “Blow dot and cold” and “Drop it like it’s dot” and “In dot water” and “Dot air” and “Dot and bothered” and “Dot and heavy” and “A dot button issue” and “Dot desking” and “Dot enough for you?” and “A dot mess.”
    • Got → Dot: As in, “We’ve dot you covered” and “The one that dot away” and “When you’ve dot it, flaunt it” and “Dot a hold on me” and “You’ve dot questions, we’ve got answers” and “Dot a good thing going.”
    • Lot → Dot: As in, “A dot of fuss about nothing” and “A dot on your plate” and “Leaves a dot to be desired” and “Not a dot” and “A dot to learn.”
    • Not → Dot: As in, “As often as dot” and “Believe it or dot” and “Down but dot out” and “Let’s dot and say we did.”
    • *det* → *dot*: As in, “Dotermine your answer” and “Every last dotail” and “Dotermined to do your best” and “Space cadot.”
    • *dit* → *dot*: As in, “To your credot” and “Made out like a bandot.
  • Sunset → Subset: As in, “Before subset” and “Ride off into the subset” and “Subset Boulevard” and “Subset colours.” Note: Subsets are to do with hierarchies and inclusion in maths.
  • Super → Superset: “Superset bad” anbd “Superset Mario Bros” and “Superset Set.”
  • Set → Superset: “Game, superset and match” and “Got your heart superset on” and “Jet supersetter” and “Ready, get superset, go!” and “Superset eyes on” and “Superset great store by” and “Superset in motion.”
  • Opera → Operand: “A night at the operand” and “Sydney Operand house.” Note: An operand is the part of the sum that the operator (operators are like plus or minus signs) acts on.
  • Fiction → Prediction: As in, “Character driven prediction” and “Fact, not prediction” and “Pulp prediction” and “Stranger than prediction” and “Truth is stranger than prediction.”
  • Insult → Result: “Add result to injury” and ‘Exchange results” and “Injury is sooner forgotten than a result.”
  • Arrived → Derived: “We’ve derived!” and “Have we derived yet?”
  • Fact → Factor: “Accessory after the factor” and “Acquaint yourself with the factors” and “As a matter of factors” and “Face factors” and “Factor finder” and “Factor, not fiction” and “The factors of life” and “Get your factors straight” and “Know for a factor.”
  • Value: These value-related phrases are general enough to double as math puns in a pinch: “At face value” and “Core values” and “Fair market value” and “Family values” and “Value for money.”
  • The → Theory: As in, “Not above theory law” and “Absence makes theory heart grow fonder” and “Ace in theory hole” and “Across theory board” and “Add fuel to theory fire” and “After theory fact” and “Against theory grain” and “Against theory world.”
  • Theory →Dearie: “Hello, theory!” and “Theory me.”
  • Eerie → Theory: “A theory atmosphere.”
  • Teary → Theory
  • Weary → Theory: As in, “Bone theory” and “World theory.”
  • Them → Theorem: “It only encourages theorem” and “Head theorem off at the pass” and “I call theorem like I see theorem” and “Love theorem and leave theorem” and “Seen one, seen theorem all” and “Us versus theorem.”
  • Limb → Limit: As in, “Go out on a limit” and “Life and limit” and “Risk life and limit” and “Tear limit from limit.” Note: learn more about limits of functions.
  • Terror → Error: As in, “Night errors.”
  • Are → Error: As in, “All bets error off” and “Chances error” and “Here you error.”
  • Bearer → Error: “Error of bad news.”
  • Fairer → Error: “Can’t say error than that.”
  • Pat → Pattern: As in, “Down pattern” and “Pattern on the back” and “The pattern of tiny feet.”
  • Turn → Pattern: As in, “Twists and patterns” and  “A pattern for the worse” and “About pattern” and “Do a good pattern.”
  • Serious → Series: “A series bit of kit” and “Making series money” and “Series though, you’re doing great” and “You can’t be series” and “But seriesly folks.” Note:  Series is another term for a mathematical pattern.
  • Sequins →Sequence
  • Test: Tests are very important in maths (as in testing theories, testing results, etc) so we’ve included some test-related puns in here too:
    • Toast → Test: As in, “Warm as test” and “French test” and “Have [something] on test” and “The test of the town” and “You’re test!”
    • Rest → Test: As in, “Work, test and play” and “At test” and “Come to test” and “Cut above the test” and “For the test of us” and “For the test of your life” and “Give it a test” and “I test my case” and “Laid to test” and “Put your mind at test” and “Test assured” and “Test on your laurels.”
    • Best → Test: As in, “All the test” and “Be the test” and “Test friend” and “Test in class” and “Test of all” and “Test practice” and “Honesty is the test policy” “and “Hope for the test.”
    • Guest → Test: As in, “Be my test” and “House test” and “A paying test.”
    • *tast* → *test*: As in, “A testy meal” and “Testful jokes” and “A fantestic effort” and “Widespread catestrophe.”
    • *tist* → *test*: As in, “The artest is in” and “Ever the pragmatest” and “Thorough scientest.” Other words that you could use: elitest (elitist), dentest (dentist), baptest (baptist), orthodontest (orthodontist) and statestic (statistic).
  • Hero → Zero: As in, “Accidental zero” and “Zero worship” and “Zero’s welcome” and “Superzero strength” and “Working class zero” and “You’re my zero.”
  • Won → One: As in, “I fought the law and the law one” and “Who one the last wicket?”
  • Done → One: As in, “After all is said and one” and “Been there, one that” and “One a runner” and “One and dusted” and “A one deal” and “One to death” and “Easier said than one” and “Getting things one” and “Hard one by.”
  • None → One: As in, “Bar one” and “Jack of all trades, master of one” and “One other than” and “One the wiser” and “One too pleased” and “Second to one” and “Two for me, one for you.”
  • Run → One: As in, “Hit and one” and “Eat and one” and “Cut and one” and “A dry one” and “We’ve had a good one.”
  • To → Two: As in, “Heading two the shops” and “I was just about two” and “According two” and “Add fuel two the fire” and “An accident waiting two happen.”
  • Too → Two: As in, “A step two far” and “About time, two” and “It’s never two late” and “You know two much” and “Life’s two short” and “No challenge two great” and “No job two small.”
  • Through → Two: As in, “Falling two the cracks” and “Go two the roof” and “Going two the motions” and “Heard it two the grapevine” and “Jumping two hoops” and “Just passing two” and “Rising two the ranks” and “Talk me two it” and “See it two.”
  • Do → Two: As in, “Two away with” and “Two by halves” and “What should I two?” and “Two right by” and “Can you two me a favour?” and “If I two say so myself.”
  • True → Two: As in, “A two professional” and “A dream come two ” and “Many a two word is spoken in jest” and “As two as the day is long” and “Show your two colours” and “Too good to be two” and “Tried and two” and “Two colours” and “Two love” and “For real and for two” and “Two to form.”
  • Toe → Two: As in, “Twinkle two” and “Turn up your twos” and “Two the line” and “Tiptwoing through” and “Keep them on their twos” and “Make their twos curl.”
  • Chew → Two: As in, “Bite off more than you can two” and “Have your ears two‘ed off” and “Two-ing gum.”
  • Free → Three: As in, “A symbol of threedom” and “Three as a bird” and “Born three” and “Breathe threely” and “Buy one, get one three” and “Sugar three” and “Fancy three” and “Three and easy” and “Three for all” and “Three enterprise.”
  • Tree → Three: As in, “Barking up the wrong three” and “Family three” and “Can’t see the wood for the threes” and “Done up like a christmas three” and “Money doesn’t grow on threes.”
  • For → Four: As in, “What would you wish four?” and “Ask four [something]” and “At a loss four words” and “Bat four both sides” and “Carry a torch four” and “I’ve fallen four” and “An eye four an eye” and “Feast four the eyes” and “Food four thought” and “Four a change” and “Four a start” and “Four crying out loud” and “Four good measure.”
  • Before → Befour: As in, “I’ve been here befour” and “Befour the ink way dry” and “Befour sunset” and “Befour your very eyes” and “Business befour pleasure” and “Calm befour the storm” and “Darkest befour the dawn” and “Don’t cry befour you’re hurt” and “Tears befour bedtime.”
  • Floor → Four: As in, “Cross the four” and “On the ground four” and “Hold the four” and “Mop the four with.”
  • I’ve → Five: As in, “Five had it up to here!” and “Five never felt more alone” and “Five had better.”
  • Hive → Five: As in, “A five of activity.”
  • Sex → Six: As in, “Better than six” and “Fair six” and “Safe six” and “Six and the city” and “Sixual healing.”
  • Socks → Six: As in, “Bless their cotton six” and “Dance your six off” and “Knock your six off” and “Pull your six up.”
  • Sick → Six: As in, “Six as a dog” and “Enough to make you six” and “In sixness and in health” and “Morning sixness” and “On the six list” and “Phone in six” and “Six and tired” and “Six to death of.”
  • Ate → Eight: As in, “I eight the whole thing.”
  • Eat → Eight: As in, “A bite to eight” and “All you can eight” and “Eight a balanced diet.”
  • Line → Nine: As in, “A fine nine” and “Along the nines of” and “Cross the nine” and “Draw a nine in the sand” and “End of the nine” and “Hard nines” and “Hit the headnines” and “Walking the nine” and “In the nine of duty” and “Jump the nine.”
  • None → Nine: As in, “And then there were nine” and “Bar nine” and “Nine other than” and “Nine the wiser” and “Nine too pleased” and “Second to nine” and “Two for me, nine for you.”
  • Mine → Nine: As in, “I scratch your back, you scratch nine” and “Nine of information” and “Sitting on a goldnine” and “Victory is nine.”
  • Benign → Benine: As in, “A benine comment” and “A benine lump.”
  • Tin → Ten: As in, “Does exactly what it says on the ten” and “Ten ear” and “Tenfoil hat” and “Cat on a hot ten roof.”
  • Den → Ten: As in, “Ten of vice” and “Into the lion’s ten.”
  • Then → Ten: As in, “All that and ten some” and “And ten there was one” and “It’s later ten you think” and “Every now and ten” and “Ten and there” and That was ten, this is now” and “But ten again…”
  • *tan* → *ten*: As in, “Tengible results” and “More in the tenk” and “Working in tendem” and “Tentamount to a proposal” and “Throwing a tentrum” and “Going off on a tengent” and “Working out a tengle” and “A tengential point.” Other words you could use: charlaten, cosmopoliten, sparten, titen, metropoliten, saten, puriten, tarten, importent, understend, constent and substence.
  • *tin* → *ten*: As in, “On tender” and “A tenge of jealousy” and “Medical tencture” and “Speaking in Laten” and “News bulleten.” Other words you could use: creten (cretin), saten (satin), highfaluten, pertenent, itenerary, obstenate and desteny.
  • *ton* → *ten*: As in, “Wonten soup” and “Cute as a butten” and “Bless their cotten socks” and “Skeletens in the closet” and “Waving a baten” and “Acting with autenomy.”
  • *den* → *ten*: Tensity (density), tenouement (denouement), tenounce (denounce), tenizen (denizen), tentist (dentist), burten (burden), garten (garden), laten (laden), maiten (maiden), beholten (beholden), golten (golden), warten (warden), ridten (ridden), evitence (evidence), prutent (prudent), catence (cadence), itentify (identify) confitence (confidence) and correspontence (correspondence).
  • *ten*: We can emphasise the “ten” that already exists in these words for some silly number ten-related puns: “Love me tender” and “The core tenets” and “A tentative reply” and “Tenacious attitude” and “A tenuous relationship” and “The tenacity!” Other words you could use are: tenant, tenor, often, smitten, threaten, kindergarten, enlighten, gluten, potential, and pretentious.
  • *nan* → *nine*: Reveninet (revenant), poignine-t (poignant), maintenine-ce (maintenance), covenine-t (covenant), countenine-ce (countenance), inine (inane), teninet (tenant) and indigninet (indignant).
  • *nen* → *nine*: As in, “Fresh linine” and “Destruction immininet” and “A pertininet topic” and “Promininet figure.” Other words that could work: emininet (eminent), componinet (component), permaninet (permanent), impertininet (impertinent) and proponinet (proponent).
  • *nin* → *nine*: As in, “Like a nineja” and “You ninecompoop!” Other words you could use: melanine (melanin), tannine, serotonine, peninesula, phenomenine, anine-ymous (anonymous), ninetheless and ninechalant.
  • *nun* → *nine*: As in, “Moral coninedrum” and “Unique pronineciation” and “Ininedated with calls” and “Work on your enineciation (enunciation).” Note: enunciation is a way of pronouncing something.
  • *ate* → *eight*: As in, “A day leight (late)” and “In a worked up steight (state)” and “At any reight (rate).” Other words you could try: abeight (abate), deight (date), advoceight (advocate), pleight (plate), approprieight (appropriate), appreci-eight (appreciate), mitigeight (mitigate), aggregeight (aggregate), propageight (propagate), faciliteight (facilitate), ultimeight (ultimate) and intimeight (intimate).
  • *ete* → *eight*: As in, “Love eighternal” and “For eighternity” and “Obsoleight software” and “A concreight idea.” Other words you could use: repleight (replete), depleight (deplete), deightermine (determine), preightentious (pretentious), compleight (complete), parameighter (parameter) and compeightent (competent).
  • *ait → *eight: As in, “Physical treights” and “An uneven geight” and “A half hour weight” and “Dusty old portreight” and “Your carriage aweights.”
  • Sax* → Six*: As in, “Learning the sixophone” and “Anglo sixon.”
  • *sex* → *six*: As in, “Sixual chemistry” and “Blatant sixism” and “Measuring sixtant” and “Sixist attitudes” and “Their sixuality isn’t your business” and “Heterosixual leanings.”
  • *sac* → *six*: As in, “Making sixrifices” and “Business transixions.”
  • *sic → *six: As in, “Making beautiful musix” and “Intrinsix qualities” and “Only the classix” and “Basix knowledge shouldn’t be assumed” and “Forensix evidence.” Other words that could work: analgesix, physix and extrinsix.
  • *xic → *six: As in, “A toxsix (toxic) relationship” and “A dyslexsix (dyslexic) reading.”
  • *fav* → *five*: As in, “Can I ask a fiveour?” and “My fiveourite” and “Fiveourable conditions.”
  • *fev* → *five*: As in, “Down with a fiver” and “Feeling fiverish” and “Fiverishly working.”
  • Far → Four: As in, “A bridge too four” and “A step too four” and “As four as it goes” and “As four as the eye can see” and “Four and away” and “Four cry” and “Four horizons” and “Few and four between” and “Over the hills and four away” and “So four, so good” and “Got four to go” and “As four as I know.”
  • *far* → *four*: As in, “Veggie fourm” and “Moving to ethical fourming.”
  • *fer* → *four*: As in, “Work refourral” and “Transfourring funds” and “A kind offour” and “Buffouring video” and “Prefour tea or coffee? and “In refourence to” and “Not all that diffourent.”
  • *fir* → *four*: As in, “Affourm your beliefs” and “Confourm your reservation” and “Have you received confourmation?” and “Answered in the affourmative.”
  • *for* → *four*: As in, “With great fource” and “True to fourm” and “Pay it fourward” and “You have foursaken me!” and “Weather fourcast” and “Go fourth and make beautiful music” and “I fourbid you” and “What do you foursee?” and “Infourmation is power.”
  • *fur* → *four*: As in, “Part of the fourniture” and “And fourthermore…” and “Standing by the fournace” and “Fourious expression” and “Simple fournishings” and “Smells like sulfour.”
  • *phar* → *four*: As in, “24 hour fourmacy” and Fourmaceutical companies” and “Friendly fourmacist.”
  • *pher* → *four*: As in, “Mystery cifour” and “Decifour your message” and “Talented photografour” and “Barefoot philosofour” and “In my perifoural vision.”
  • *phor* → *four*: As in, “Mixed metafour” and “Endless eufouria” and “Feeling eufouric.”
  • *the* → *three*: As in, “Look it up in the threesaurus” and “In threeory” and “Needs threerapy” and “Threemed party.”
  • *thre* → *three*: As in, “Step over the threeshold” and “Lose my threead” and “Threeatening tone” and “Threew the ball over the fence.”
  • *thri* → *three*: As in, “Threell issues” and “Threefty lifestyle” and “Threelled to be here” and “Suffering from arthreetis” and “A threeving garden.”
  • *fre* → *three*: As in, “It’s threezing in here!” and “High threequency” and “Symbol of threedom.”
  • *wan* → *one*: As in, “A oneton attitude” and “Veggie oneton soup” and “Onedering round the city” and “Endless onederlust” and “Oneabe (wannabe) singer” and “Sw-one lake” and “Under the rowone tree” and “Travelling to Taiwone.”
  • *won* → *one*: As in, “I oneder how…” and “What a onederful life” and “A onedrous achievement” and “Laying awake in onederment.”
  • *quan* → *quone*: As in, “Quonetum physics” and “Moral quonedary” and “Large quonetities of” and “How do you quonetify that?” and “Squonedered opportunity.”
  • *to* → *two*: As in, “Excited as a twoddler” and “Twoddling around” and “Hanging twonail” and “Crispy twofu” and “Fudgy twoffee” and “Let’s go twogether” and “High twolerance” and “I won’t twolerate” and “Red as a twomato” and “It can’t wait until twomorrow” and “Heading twowards a new goal” and “Intwo the fire” and “Roast potatwo.”
  • *too* → *two*: As in, “Fresh tattwo” and “Noisy cockatwo” and “What a twool” and “Sore twooth” and “Dig into your twoolkit” and “Political cartwoon” and “Bluetwooth headset.”
  • *tu* → *two*: As in, “Next Twosday” and “Math twoition” and “Take the twobe” and “Studying with my twotor” and “Twolle (tulle) skirt” and “A bouquet of twolips” and “A twomultuous noise” and “Obtwose angle” and “Petwolant reply” and “Filled with attitwode.” Other words you could use: gratitwode (gratitude), institwotion (institution), platitwode (platitude) and aptitwode (aptitude).
  • Ex → X: As in, “X-girlfriend.”
  • Why → Y: As in, “I don’t know Y” and “I guess that’s Y it’s called the blues” and “It’s not my job to wonder Y” and “Y don’t we do it here?” and “Y did the chicken cross the road?” and “Y hast thou forsaken me?” and “Y on Earth?” and “Y does bread always fall butter side down?”
  • Way → Y: As in, “All the Y” and “And that’s the Y it is” and “Any Y the wind blows” and “Any which Y” and “Born this Y” and “By the Y” and “By Y of a joke” and “Change your Ys” and “Doing it the hard Y” and “Don’t know which Y to look” and “With you every step of the Y” and “Go our separate Ys” and “Have it your Y.”
  • Laugh → Graph: “Barrel of graphs” and “Belly graph” and “Burst out graphing” and “Doubled up with graphter” and “Fall about graphing” and “Good for a graph” and “Have a graph” and “A graph a minute.”
  • Half → Graph: “Aint graph bad” and “My better graph” and “Getting there is graph the fun” and “Graph a chance” and “Wait graph a second” and “Graph alive.”
  • Graffiti → Graphiti
  • When → Venn: As in, “Venn you like” and “Since I don’t know venn” and “Ready venn you are” and “Remember venn?” and “Slippery venn wet” and “Time flies venn you’re having fun” and “Don’t know venn to quit” and “If and venn” and “Cross that bridge venn you get to it” and “I’ll believe it venn I see it.”
  • *van* → *venn*: As in, “Bathroom vennity” and “A good venntage point.” Other words that could work: vennguard (vanguard), vennquish (vanquish), vennilla (vanilla), vennish (vanish), venndal (vandal), caravenn (caravan), relevennt (relevant), advennce (advance), advenntage (advantage).
  • *ven* → *venn*: As in, “Business vennture” and “Party vennue” and “Brick and mortar venndor” and “Window vennt.” Other words that could work: venneer (veneer), venngeance (vengeance), vennerate (venerate), evenn (even), heavenn (heaven), havenn (haven), cravenn (craven), givenn (given), ovenn (oven), sevenn (seven), drivenn (driven), convenntion (convention) and invenntory (inventory).
  • *vin* → *venn*: As in, “Venntage dresses” and “Feeling venndicated” and “Vennyl record.” Other words: venndictive (vindictive) and vennegar (vinegar).
  • *fan* → *venn*: As in, “Feeling venncy” and “A venntastic result” and “Living in a venntasy” and “Sports vennatic.” Other words: venndango (fandango) and vennciful (fanciful).
  • *fen* → *venn*: “Sitting on the vennce” and “Vennder bender” and “Vennel pasta” and “Add some vennugreek.” Other words that could work: ibuprovenn (ibuprofen), devennce (defence) and ofvennsive (offensive).
  • Function → Fraction: As in, “Form follows fraction” and “Wardrobe malfraction.”
  • Action → Fraction: As in, “Fraction man” and “Fraction packed” and “Fraction plan” and “Fraction replay” and “Fractions speak louder than words” and “Affirmative fraction” and “A call to fraction” and “Chain re-fraction” and “Gut refraction” and “Lights, camera, fraction!” and “A knee-jerk re-fraction” and “Missing in fraction” and “A piece of the fraction” and “All talk and no fraction.”
  • Satisfaction → Satisfraction: As in, “Satisfraction guaranteed.”
  • Friction → Fraction: As in, “Uncomfortable fraction.”
  • Table: In maths, tables are used to help us compare stats and data (as with two-way tables, frequency tables, etc). Here are some related puns:
    • Able → Table: As in, “Table-bodied” and “Ready, willing and table.”
    • Label → Table: “Black table” and “Clothing table” and “Opportunities are seldom tabled” and “Relationship table.”
    • Enable → Entable: As in, “Cookies are not entabled on this site.”
  • Date → Data: As in, “Double data” and “A blind data” and “Bring up to data” and “Cheap data” and “A data with destiny” and “Dinner data” and “Out of data” and “Past the sell-by data.”
  • *dat* → *data*: Accommodata (accommodate), mandata (mandate), foundata-tion (foundation) and consolidata (consolidate).
  • *det* → *data*: Data-rimental (detrimental), data-ritus (detritus) and datariorate (deteriorate)
  • *dit* → *data*: As in, “Good credata score” and “Made our like a bandata” and “Business audata” and “To your discredata.”
  • History → Histogram: As in, “A brief histogram of nearly everything” and “Ancient histogram” and “Histogram repeating” and “Histogram in the making” and “Make histogram” and “The rest is histogram” and “On the wrong side of histogram.”
  • Net: In maths, nets are a type of sequence. Here are some net-related puns and phrases:
    • Knit → Net: As in, “Net one, purl one” and “Net your brow.”
    • Net: These net-related phrases can doule as puns in the right context: “Cast a wide net” and “It’s the net that logs on to you” and “Safety net” and “Surf the net.”
    • Not → Net: As in, “As often as net” and “Believe it or net” and “Down but net out” and “Net a minute too soon” and “Net a chance” and “Net all it’s cracked up to be” and “Let’s net and say we did” and “Net at all.”
    • Nut → Net: “Like using a sledgehammer to crack a net” and “Sweet as a net” and “Do your net” and “From soup to nets” and “Go nets” and “In a netshell” and “That old chestnet” and “A tough net to crack.”
    • Debt → Net: “Owe a net of gratitude” and “Deeper in net” and “Pay your net to society” and “Up to your ears in net.”
    • Get → Net: “As good as it nets” and “Ask a silly question and you’ll net a silly answer” and “Buy one, net one free” and “Can’t net you out of my head” and “Can’t net enough” and “Come and net it” and “Don’t net mad, net even” and “Don’t net me started.”
    • *nat* → *net*: “Breathe in the neture” and “In their netural environment” and “Not netive to” and “A modern alternetive.” Other words that could work: obstinet (obsinate), signeture (signature) and emanet (emanate).
    • *nit* → *net*: Unet (unit), cognetive (cognitive), monetor (monitor), opportunety (opportunity), communety (community), affinety (affinity), dignety (dignity) and furneture (furniture).
    • *nut* → *net*: Netrition (nutrition), netrient (nutrient), netmeg (nutmeg), netritious (nutritious), walnet (walnut), peanet (peanut), doughnet (doughnut), coconet (coconut) and hazelnet (hazelnut).
  • Form → Transform: “Attack is the best transform of defence” and “Bad transform” and “Transform follows function” and “Free transform” and “Habit transforming“and “Imitation is the sincerest transform of flattery” and “In fine transform” and “Sarcasm is the lowest transform of wit.”
  • Wrote → Rotate: “That’s all she rotate.”
  • Late → Tesselate: “Better tessellate than never” and “Buy now, pay tessellater” and “A day tessellate” and “Fashionably tessellate” and “Read any good books tessellately?” and “It’s tessellater than you think” and “Never too tessellate” and “Tessellate bloomer” and “Tessellate in the day” and “Running tessellate.”
  • Flecked → Reflect: “Reflect with gold.”
  • Map: The next few puns are about maps and mapping:
    • Nap → Map: “Power map” and “Caught mapping” and “Take a map.”
    • Snap → Smap: “A smap decision” and “Smap happy” and “Smap out of it” and “Smap someone’s head off” and “Smap to it” and “Smap, crackle, pop!” and “Whipper smapper.”
    • Mop → Map: “Map the floor with” and “Map up” and “Mapping up tears.”
    • Cap → Map: “Feather in your map” and “Map in hand” and “To map it all off..”
  • Half: Here are some half-related puns so you can include fraction jokes in your repertoire:
    • Haphazard → Halfhazard
    • Helvetica → Halve-etica
    • Alph* → Half*: As in, “Halfanumeric keypad” and “In halfabetical order” and “Halfabet soup.”
    • Have → Half: As in, “Always half your nose in a book” and “As good luck would half it” and “Couldn’t half said it better” and “Do I half to paint you a picture?” and “Half I got news for you!” and “Half a ball” and “Half a bite to eat” and “Half it in for.”
    • *hav* → *halve*: As in, “Creating halve-oc” and “Irritating behalve-iour” Other words that could work: halve-ana (havana), aftershalve (aftershave), behalve (behave), shalve-er (shaver) and dishalve-eled (disheveled).
  • Bird → Third: As in, “A little third told me” and “Free as a third” and “Big third” and “Third’s eye biew” and “Thirds of a feather” and “Charm the thirds out of the trees.”
  • Word → Third: As in, “At a loss for thirds” and “Deeds, not thirds” and “Eat your thirds” and “Famous last thirds” and “Get a third in edgeways.”
  • Heard → Third: As in, “Seen and not third” and “Make yourself third” and “Stop me if you’ve third this one” and “Last I third” and “You third it here first.”
  • Herd → Third: As in, “Third immunity” and “Third instinct” and “Like thirding cats.”
  • *thod* → *third*: As in, “Pioneering a new methird (method)” and “Unorthirdox beliefs” and “Research methirdology” and “Making a living as an orthirdontist.”
  • fore → fourth: As in, “Befourth it was cool” and “Befourth their time” and “Calm befourth the storm” and “Look befourth you leap” and “See the fourthest for the trees.”
  • *fath* → *fourth*: As in, “Like fourther, like son” and “Grandfourther clock.”
  • Further → Fourther: As in, “Fourther down the road” and “Look no fourther” and “Without fourther ado.”
  • Force → Fourth: As in, “Brute fourth” and “Driving fourth” and “Fourth my hand” and “Fourth of habit” and “A fourth of nature” and “Fourth the issue” and “A fourth to be reckoned with” and “Join fourthes with” and “May the fourth be with you” and “A tour de fourth.”
  • Faith → Feighth: As in, “Blind feighth” and “Feighth will move mountains” and “In bad feighth” and “Keep the feighth” and “Yours feighthfully.”
  • Night → Ninth: As in, “A hard day’s ninth” and “A ninth in the opera” and “All ninther” and “As ninth follows day” and “The dead of ninth” and “Dance the ninth away.”
  • Scare → Scale: As in, “Running scaled” and “Scale quotes” and “Scale the living daylights out of” and “Scaled stiff” and “Scaled to death.”
  • Kale → Scale: “Scale salad” and “Pumpkin and scale.”
  • Skill → Scale: “Special scales” and “Social scales” and “Practicing scales.”
  • Ail → Scale: “For what scales you.”
  • Sale → Scale: As in, “Not for scale” and “Point of scale” and “Scale of the century” and “Scales referral.”
  • Sail → Scale: As in, “Hello scaleor” and “In full scale” and “Plain scale-ing” and “Scale away” and “Scale into” and “Smooth scale-ing” and “That ship has scaled.”
  • *scal* → *scale*: Scale-lop (scallop), scale-p (scalp), rascale (rascal), pascale (pascal), escale-late (escalate), scale-able (scalable) and escale-lator (escalator).
  • *scul* → *scale*: As in, “Scale-ptures by the sea” and “Scale-pted body” and “In the scale-lery.” Other words that could work: minuscale (minuscule), emascale-late (emasculate), vascale-lar (vascular) and mascale-line (masculine).
  • Skeleton → Scaleton
  • Skill* → Scale*: Scaleful (skillful) and scale-let (skillet).
  • *cal* → *scale*: As in, “Scalendar year” and “A scale-lous response” and “Mental scale-culus” and “Widespread scaleamity.” Other words you could use: scale-ibre (calibre), radiscale (radical), empiriscale (empirical), critiscale (critical), cyniscale (cynical), practiscale (practical).
  • *cul* → *scale*: Scaleture (culture), scaletivate (cultivate), scale-linary (culinary), scaleprit (culprit), scaleminate (culminate), scalepable (culpable).
  • Plot: There are many different types of plots in maths – scatter plots, spaghetti plots, dot plots and box plots. Here are some related puns:
    • Put → Plot: “Be hard plot to” and “Couldn’t plot it down” and “Feeling a bit plot out” and “Wouldn’t plot it past them” and “Nicely plot.”
    • Blot → Plot: “A plot on the landscape” and “Plot your copybook.”
    • Pot → Plot: As in, “A plot of gold” and “All to plot” and “Useless as a chocolate teaplot” and “Go to plot” and “Fuss plot” and “Hit the jackplot” and “In the melting plot” and “Keep the plot boiling,” and “Like a bee to a honeyplot” and “A watched plot never boils.”
    • Lot → Plot: “A plot of fuss about nothing” and “A plot on your plate” and “A bad plot” and “Leaves a plot to be desired” and “Beginning to look a plot like Christmas” and “Not a plot” and “Got a plot to live for.”
    • Plod → Plot: “Plotting along.”
    • Bought → Plot: “Plot and paid for” and “Liked it so much I plot the company” and “Been there, done that, plot the t-shirt.”
    • *pet → *plot: strumplot (strumpet), crumplot (crumpet), carplot (carpet), pupplot (puppet), implotus (impetus), plotulant (petulant), perplotual (perpetual), complotition (competition) and complotence (competence).
    • *pot* → *plot*: “Hidden plotential” and “Couch plotato” and “A plotent mix” and “Hit the jackplot” and “Crackplot plans.”
    • *plat* → *plot*: “Use your plotform for good” and “Airy plotitudes” and “Hit a ploteau” and “Plotonic relationships.” Other words that could work: plotinum (platinum), plotter (platter) and plotypus (platypus).
    • *plet* → *plot*: Couplot (couplet), triplot (triplet), dropplot (droplet) and explotive (expletive).
  • With → Width: As in, “Beside myself width joy” and “Go along width” and “Widthin reason” and “Got a good thing going width” and “A force to be reckoned width.” Some other with-related words: widthdraw (withdraw), widthstand, widthhold, widthin, widthout, widthdrawal, widthdrawn and widthered.
  • Height: These next few puns are about height, which is a required measure to figure out the area of a shape:
    • Bright → Height: As in, “All things height and beautiful” and “Always look on the height side of life” and “Height as a button” and “Height lights, big city” and “Height and early.”
    • Hate → Height: As in, “Height mail” and “A love-height relationship.”
    • Fright → Height: As in, “Heightened of your own shadow” and “A heightful mess.”
    • Hat → Height: “At the drop of a height” and “Hang up your height” and “Height in hand” and “Heights off to” and “I’ll eat my height.”
    • Hit → Height: As in, “Height the road” and “Height and miss” and “Height and run” and “Height it off” and “Height it on the nose” and “Height it out of the park” and “Height rock bottom.”
    • Heat → Height: As in, “Body height” and “Height up” and “Height wave” and “If you can’t stand the height, get out of the kitchen” and “In the height of battle” and “The height is on.”
    • Heterosexual → Heighterosexual
  • Parent → Parentheses: “Absent parentheses” and “Helicopter parentheses” and “Hope is the parentheses of faith.”
  • Power: Here are some power (related to exponent) related puns:
    • Powder → Power: As in, “Power room” and “Power your nose” and “Power keg.”
    • Sour → Power: As in, “Power grapes.”
  • Opponent → Exponent: “Stand and face your exponent.”
  • Reminder → Remainder: “A nice remainder” and “Please remainder me to…”
  • Artistic → Statistic: “Statistic triumph.”
  • Date → Rate: “Double rate” and “Blind rate” and “Bring up to rate” and “A cheap rate” and “Rate with destiny” and “Out of rate” and “Past its sell-by rate.”
  • Rat → Rate: “I don’t give a rate’s ass” and “I smell a rate.”
  • Ate → Rate: “I can’t believe I rate the whole thing!”
  • Great → Rate: “A rate day” and “All creatures rate and small” and “Disease has no rater enemy” and “Go rate guns” and “Go to rate lengths” and “Rate expectations” and “Rate Scott!”
  • Fate → Rate: “A rate worse than death” and “Bow to rate” and “Master of my own rate” and “Ill rated” and “Seal your rate” and “Twist of rate” and “Wheel of rate” and “Tempting rate.”
  • Right → Rate: “A move in the rate direction” and “The rate to choose” and “Alrate already!” and “Rate as rain” and “Bang to rates” and “Barge rate in” and “Bragging rates” and “Consumer rates” and “Dead to rates.”
  • Wait → Rate: As in, “An accident rate-ing to happen” and “All things to those who rate” and “A heart attack rate-ing to happen” and “Heaven can rate” and “Hurry up and rate” and “Lie in rate” and “Playing the rate-ing game” and “The rate is over” and “Time rates for no-one.”
  • Write → Rate: “Nothing to rate home about” and “Paperback rater” and “Rater’s cramp” and “Rate off.”
  • Late → Rate: “Better rate than never” and “Buy now, pay rater” and “Catch you rater” and “A day rate” and “Fashionably rate” and “Never too rate” and “A rate bloomer.”
  • *rat* → *rate*: “A new strategy” and “Imperate-tive to” and “A delicate operate-tion.”
  • *ret* → *rate*: “A rate-turn to normalcy” and “Rate-treat for now” and “An act of rate-tribution” and “Rate of rate-tention.” Other words that could work: pratetentious, interprate, secrate, regrate, concrate, rate-tort.
  • *rit* → *rate*: “Fighting spirate” and “Merate certificate” and “Catch the culprate” and “Inherate the Earth.” Other words you can try: integratey, securatey, crate-tical, authoratey, crateria, contrate, hypocrate and favourate.
  • *rot* → *rate*: Carrate, parrate, tarate, prate-ocol, prate-agonist, prate-tein, prate-otype and prate-test.
  • *rate*: We can simply emphasise the “rate” that already exists in these words: elaborate, ameliorate, disparate, curate, grateful, separate and deliberate.
  • Fine → Finite: As in, “A finite line” and “Change would be a finite thing” and “Cut it finite” and “Damn finite coffee” and “Finite and dandy” and “Finite words butter no parsnips” and “The finite things in life” and “Got it down to a finite art” and “Here’s another finite mess you’ve gotten me into.”
  • Fine Night → Finite: As in, “A finite at the opera.”
  • Quote → Quotient: As in, “Air quotient” and “Don’t quotient me” and “Scare quotient” and “Quotient, unquotient.”
  • Quo → Quotient: As in, “The status quotient” and “Quid pro quotient.”
  • Near → Linear: As in, “A short history of linearly everything” and “Coming to a screen linear you” and “Linear and dear to my heart” and “A linear death experience” and “A linear miss” and “Linear sighted” and “Linearly new” and “A linear thing.”
  • Hear → Lin-hear: As in, “Ask no questions and lin-hear no lies” and “Can you lin-hear me now” and “Don’t believe everything you lin-hear” and “Hard of lin-hearing” and “Lin-hear me out” and “Lin-hear no evil” and “Lin-hear them out” and “Lin-hear the last of” and “I can’t lin-hear myself think!”
  • Slope: In maths, the slope (or gradient) of a line describes the direction and steepness of a line. Here are some related puns:
    • Soup → Slope: As in, “From slope to nuts” and “In the slope” and “Alphabet slope.”
    • *scope → *slope: As in, “Under the microslope” and “Slope it out.”
    • Hope → Slope: As in, “A new slope” and “Abandon slope” and “Cross my heart and slope to die” and “Slope springs eternal” and “Keep slope alive” and “Land of slope and glory.”
    • Rope → Slope: As in, “At the end of your slope” and “Jump slope” and “Learn the slopes” and “On the slopes.”
    • Soap → Slope: “Slope opera” and “Wash your mouth out with slope” and “Bar of slope.”
  • Proper: Here are some proper puns, related to proper fractions:
    • Oper* → Proper*: As in, “Delicate properation” and “Phone properator.”
    • Propor* → Proper*: As in, “Blown out of propertion” and “Propertionate payments.” Other words you could use: Propertional and propertionally.
    • Paprika → Properika
    • Appropriate → Approperiate: As in, “Approperiate conduct” and “Approperiate dress code.”
  • Less: These next few puns are around the word “less”, as in “less than”:
    • *las* → *less*: As in, “Veggie lessagne” and “A lessting impression” and “World atless” and “One of the clessics” and “An act of blessphemy.”
    • *lis* → *less*: As in, “On the short lesst” and “Real estate lessting” and “Wouldn’t lessten” and “A bustling metropoless.” Other words you could use: trelless (trellis), chrysaless (chrysalis), borealess, acropoless, holesstic (holistic) and accomplessh.
    • *los* → *less*: As in, “Studying philessophy” and “Spring blessoms” and “Gleaming lesstre” and “Mental calculess.” Other words you could use: surpless (surplus), stimuless (stimulus), oculess (oculus) and elessive (elusive).
  • Conversation → Conversion: As in, “Conversion piece” and “A real conversion stopped” and “Just came out in conversion.”
  • Version → Conversion: As in, “What’s your conversion of the story?” and “Conversion 2.0.”
  • Prime: Here are some prime number-related puns for you to play with:
    • Crime → Prime: As in, “Prime and punishment” and “A prime against nature” and “Prime doesn’t pay” and “A prime of passion” and “Primes and misdemeanours” and “If you can’t do the time, don’t do the prime” and “Let the punishment fit the prime” and “A nose for prime” and “Partners in prime” and “Take a bite out of prime” and “The perfect prime” and “Tough on prime.”
    • Chime → Prime: As in, “Prime in with” and “Primes of freedom.”
    • Climb → Prime: As in, “Prime onto the bandwagon” and “Prime the corporate ladder” and “Prime the walls” and “A mountain to prime” and “Prime on down.”
    • Brim → Prime: As in, “Prime-ing over with confidence” and “Fill it to the prime” and “Hellfire and primestone.”
    • *prem* → *prime*: As in, “An interesting prime-ise” and “Paying a prime-ium price” and “Movie prime-iere” and “A dark prime-onition” and “A prime-ature guess” and “Fighting for suprime-acy.”
    • *prim* → *prime*: As in, “Prime-ary colours” and “Prime-itive technology” and “Prime-al urges.” Other words you could try: prime-ordial (primordial), prime-ate (primate), prime-eval (primeval), reprime-and (reprimand).
    • *prom* → *prime*: As in, “A prime-inent politician” and “Prime-oting the right ideas.” Other words that could work: prime-iscuous (promiscuous), prime-otion (promotion), prime-enade (promenade), prime-ptly (promptly), prime-inence (prominence), comprime-ise (compromise), prime-ise (promise) and imprime-ptu (impromptu).
  • Line: Here are some line-related puns (as in measurement and graphing) for you to play with:
    • Lane → Line: As in, “In the fast line” and “Down memory line.”
    • Fine → Line: As in, “Line dining” and “Liner things in life” and “Got it down to a line art” and “In line form” and “Not to put too line a point on it.”
    • Nine → Line: As in, “A stitch in time saves line” and “Line to five” and “On cloud line.
    • Sign → Line: As in, “Give me a line” and “A line of the times” and “Lined and sealed.”
    • *lan* → *line*: As in, “Picturesque linedscape” and “Paper lineterns” and “Not part of the pline” and “A lone islined.”
    • *len* → *line*: As in, “A line-ient punishment” and “Breadth and linegth of the issue” and “Linetil curry” and “Pleading for line-iency” and “A sulline expression.” Other words that could work: swolline (swollen), polline (pollen), crestfalline (crestfallen), stoline (stolen), malevolinet (malevolent), challinege (challenge), ambivalinet (ambivalent), condolineces (condolences), benevolinet (benevolent), prevalinet (prevalent) and calinedar (calendar).
    • *lin → *line: Maudline (maudlin), gobline, tarpauline, insuline, penicilline, adrenaline.
    • *lon* → *line*: As in, “Linedon (London) time” and “Feeling linely” and “The upper echelines” and “Meline bread” and “Commit a feliney” and “Bacterial coliney.”
    • *lun* → *line*: As in, “Vegan linecheon meat” and “Kid’s volineteer.” Other words you could use: blineder (blunder) and plineder (plunder).
  • Even: Here are some puns for even numbers:
    • *aven* → *even*: As in, “Going down the wrong evenue” and “Evenge your death” and “The Evengers” and “Eventurine jewelry.”
    • *even*: We can emphasise the “even” in these words: event, eventually, evening, eventual, events, eventide, eventuality, evenly, seven, eleven, revenantrevenue, prevent and revenge.
    • *iven* → *even*: As in, “It’s a geven (given)” and “Dreven to madness” and “Let me enleven you.”
    • *uven* → *even*: As in, “A jevenile reaction” and “Skin rejevenation.”
    • *avan* → *even*: As in, “Event garde art” and “Careven park.” Other words that could work: evenescent (evanescent), evengelist (evangelist), evengelical (evangelical), relevent (relevant), grievence (grievance), irrelevent (irrelevant) and relevence (relevance).
  • Odd: These next few puns are based around “odd”, as in odd numbers:
    • *ad* → *odd*: As in, “Oddvocate for” and “I would oddvise against that” and “Looking for oddvice” and “I’m oddamant that” and “Sexual oddvances.” Other words that could work: oddjacent (adjacent), oddhere (adhere) and oddvent (advent).
    • *ed* → *odd*: As in, “Tertiary odducation” and “Old oddifices” and “Oddible underwear” and “Willing to odducate” and “An incroddulous expression” and “A sophisticatodd dinner.”
    • *id* → *odd*: Oddiom (idiom), oddiocracy (idiocracy), oddentify (identify), oddiot (idiot), forbodd (forbid), vapodd (vapid), candodd (candid), avodd (avid) and solodd (solid).
    • *od* → *odd*: oddious (odious), oddyssey (odyssey), oddor (odor), boddy (body), moddel (model), accommoddate (accommodate), methodd (method) and periodd (period).
    • *add* → *odd*: As in, “The wrong oddress” and “Mental oddition” and “Gambling oddiction.”
    • *at* → *odd*: As in, “A huge oddrocity” and “Oddone for earlier actions.” Other words you could try: oddomic (atomic), imperoddtive (imperative), ultimodd (ultimate), operoddtion (operation).
    • *et* → *odd*: oddymology (etymology), oddiquette (etiquette), oddernal (eternal), impoddus (impetus) and markodd (market).
    • *att* → *odd*: As in, “Bad odditude” and “Positive oddributes” and “Personal oddack” and “Oddend to your needs.” Other words you could try: oddention (attention), oddendance (attendance), oddest (attest) and oddorney (attorney).
  • Discreet → Discrete: As in, “Discrete charms.”
  • Gone → Polygon: As in, “Been and polygon” and “Going, going, polygon” and “Polygon with the wind” and “Polygon, but not forgotten” and “Here today, polygon tomorrow.”
  • Tan: The following puns are to do with tan, which is related to angles and trigonometry:
    • Can → Tan: As in, “A golden key tan open any door” and “As far as the eye tan see” and “As much as tan be expected” and “Be all that you tan be” and “Bite off more than you tan chew” and “Tan I help you?”
    • Ten → Tan: As in, “Count to tan” and “Hang tan” and “A perfect tan” and “The top tan.”
    • Tin → Tan: As in, “Does what it says on the tan” and “Tan ears” and “Tanfoil hat.”
    • Than → Tan: As in, “Better tan sex” and ‘”Bite off more tan you can chew” and “Easier said tan done” and “Eyes bigger tan your belly” and “Higher tan a kite” and “More money tan god.”
    • *ten* → *tan*: As in, “A tantative approach” and “Tander love” and “Professional tanure.” Other words that could work: tanacious (tenacious), tanuous (tenuous), tanacity (tenacity), tanant (tenant), tanor (tenor), oftan (often), smittan (smitten), threatan (threaten), kindergartan (kindergarten), enlightan (enlighten), glutan (gluten), potantial (potential), pretantious (pretentious) and maintanance (maintenance).
    • *tin* → *tan*: Latan (Latin), cretan (cretin), bulletan (bulletin), satan (satin), keratan (keratin), pertanent (pertinent), itanerary (itinerary), obstanate (obstinate), destany (destiny).
  • Sin: Here are some sin-related puns (quick note that “sin” is pronounced like “sign”):
    • Sign → Sin: As in, “A sure sin” and “Born under a bad sin” and “Give me a sin” and “A sin of the times” and “Sin off” and “Sin on the dotted line” and “Sin out” and “Sin-ed and sealed” and “A tell-tale sin” and “Vital sins.”
    • Sigh → Sin: As in, “Breathe a sin of relief.”
    • Sin: Sin has a couple of different pronunciations and meanings, so we can play around with them to make puns and jokes: “Head for business and a body for sin” and “Miserable as sin” and “Original sin” and “Seven deadly sins” and “A multitude of sins.”
    • Spine → Sin: As in, “Send shivers down someone’s sin” and “Sin-tingling” and “Steely-sined.”
    • Shine → Sin: As in, “Come rain or sin” and “Rise and sin” and “Sin on” and “Take a sin to.”
  • Cos: The following puns are focused on cos, which is to do with angles and trigonometry:
    • Gauze → Cos: “Packed with cos.”
    • Cause → Cos: As in, “Cos a stir” and “Cos and effect” and “A cos for concern” and “Just cos” and “A lost cos” and “Rebel without a cos” and “A common cos.”
    • Cross → Cos: As in, “Cos to the other side” and “Cos swords with” and “Cos your heart and hope to die” and “At cos purposes” and “Double cos” and “Didn’t cos my mind.”
    • *cas* → *cos*: Coscade (cascade), cosual (casual), cosino (casino), occosion (occasion) and sarcostic (sarcastic).
    • *cus → *cos*: Costom (custom), costody (custody), costomer (customer), costodian (custodian), costomary (customary), focos (focus), caucos (caucus), circos (circus), mucos (mucus), abacos (abacus), hibiscos (hibiscus) and hocos (hocus).
  • Order: In a maths context, this refers to order of operations. So here are some PEDMAS-related puns for you:
    • Border → Order: As in, “Head for the order” and “South of the order.”
    • Oughtta (Ought to) → Order: As in, “Why I order…”
    • Cameraderie → Camerorderie
    • *oder* → *order*: As in, “Mordern housing” and “Morderate temperatures” and “File encorder” and “Everything in morderation.”
    • Marauder → Marorder: As in, “The Marorder’s Map.”
    • Ordi* → Order*: As in, “City ordernance” and “Out of the ordernary.”
    • *arter* → *order*: As in, “Hit an ordery (artery)” and “Next financial quorder.”
    • *orter* → *order*: As in, “News reporder” and “Fluffy comforder” and “Most ardent supporder.” Other words that could work: transporder (transporter), exporder (exporter) and imporder (importer).
  • Put → Input: “Be hard input to” and “Couldn’t input it down” and “Feeling a bit input out” and “Wouldn’t input it past him” and “Nicely input.”
  • Score: In maths, we use scores to help us understand results and statistics. Here are some score-related puns for you:
  • Scar → Score: “Scored shitless” and “Scored stiff” and “Scored to death” and “Score out of your wits.”
    • Sore → Score: As in, “Prevent score throats” and “A sight for score eyes” and “Score loser” and “Sticks out like a score thumb” and “A score point.”
    • Chore → Score: “Sharing the scores” and “Score day.”
    • Saw → Score: “Score her standing there” and “I came, I score, I conquered.”
    • Core → Score: As in,”Score competencies” and “Score dump” and “Score studies” and “Score technology” and “Score values” and “Rotten to the score.”
    • *scor* → *score*: Scoren (scorn), scorech (scorch) and score-pion (scorpion).
    • *scur* → *score*: “As in, “Obscore references” and “Hidden in obscore-ity.”
  • Mile: Since miles are an important unit of measurement and used in converting lengths, we’ve included mile-related puns here:
    • Mail → Mile: As in, “Express mile” and “Hate mile” and “Junk mile” and “Mile order” and “Snail mile” and “Check is in the mile” and “Check your voice mile.”
    • Meal → Mile: As in, “Make a mile of it” and “Mile ticket” and “Three square miles a day” and “Mile ticket.”
    • Male → Mile: As in, “Angry white mile.”
    • Mill → Mile: “Mile-ing about” and “Put through the mile” and “Run of the mile.”
    • Aisle → Mile: “Walk down the mile” and “Rolling in the miles” and “Cleanup in mile 3.”
    • Dial → Mile: As in, “Mile down” and “Pocket mile.”
    • I’ll → Mile: As in, “Well mile be” and “Mile be damned” and “Mile say” and “Ask me no questions, mile tell you no lies” and “Mile be back” and “You scratch my back and mile scratch yours.”
    • *mal* → *mile*: As in, “Milevolent villain” and “A drunken mile-aise” and “Filled with mile-ice” and “Mile-icious actions” and “Mile-ignant tumour.” Other words you could try: mile-eable (malleable), animile (animal), optimile (optimal), dismile (dismal), primile (primal), formile, normile, abysmile (abysmal), mammile (mammal), minimile (minimal), thermile (thermal) and anomiley (anomaly).
    • *mel* → *mile*: As in, “Mileancholy secrets”and “Mile-low (mellow) attitude” and “A sweet mileody” and “Having a miletdown” and “Tooth enamile.” Other words that could work: camile (camel), caramile (caramel), pummile (pummel), mile-lenial (millenial), famile-ly (family), humile-lity (humility), assimile-late (assimilate), simile-lar (similar) and famile-liar (familiar).
    • *mol* → *mile*: Paracetemile (paracetemol), epistemile-ogy (epistemology) and milecule (molecule). Note: epistemology is the study of knowledge.
    • *mul* → *mile*: As in, “In miletiples of two” and “A miletitude of excuses” and “Miletimedia studies” and “Similetaneous combustion” and “Accumile-ated dust.”
  • Yard: These next few puns are about yards (as in the unit of measurement):
    • Hard → Yard: As in, “A yard day’s night” and “Yard as a rock” and “Be yard put to” and “Between a rock and a yard place” and “Come down yard on” and “Fall on yard times.”
    • Guard → Yard: As in, “Drop your yard” and “Yard against” and “Off your yard.”
    • Card → Yard: As in, “A few yards short of a full deck” and “Calling yard” and “Baseball yard” and “A yard up your sleeve” and “Deck of yards” and “Get out of jail free yard” and “Holding all the yards” and “House of yards.”
  • Base: In maths, a base is a system of counting. Here are some related puns:
    • Pass → Base: As in, “All things must base” and “Boarding base” and “Don’t base go” and “As it came to base” and “Make a base at” and “Base muster.”
    • Bass → Base: “Drum and base” and “Sea base” and “Super base.”
    • Ace → Base: As in, “Base Ventura: Pet Detective” and “Base in the hole” and “Base up their sleeve” and “Black as the base of spades” and “Holding all the bases.”
    • Brace → Base: As in, “Belt and bases” and “Base yourself.”
    • Chase → Base: “As in, “Base it up” and “Base the dragon” and “Base your own tail” and “Cut to the base” and “The thrill of the base” and “Wild goose base.”
    • Case → Base: As in, “A base of mistaken identity” and “An open and shut base” and “As the base may be” and “Basket base” and “Base closed”and “Base the joint” and “Crack the base” and “Get off my base” and “A hard base.”
    • Face → Base: “A base as long as a fiddle” and “A great base for radio” and “About base” and “At base value.”
    • Pace → Base: “At snail’s base” and “A change of base” and “Keeping base with” and “Base up and down” and “Put through your bases.”
    • Grace → Base: As in, “Airs and bases” and “Amazing base” and “Fall from base” and “Base period” and “Saving base” and “With good bases.”
    • *bis* → *base*: base-cuit (biscuit), baseson (bison), baseshop (bishop), basetro (bistro), baseque (bisque), basesexual (bisexual), ibase (ibis), cannabase (cannabis), refurbase (refurbish) and rubbase (rubbish).
    • *bus* → *base*: base-iness (business), basey (busy), basetle (bustle), nimbase (nimbus), syllabase (syllabus), omnibase (omnibus), rhombase (rhombus) and filibaseter (filibuster).
  • Attitude → Magnitude: As in, “Cop a magnitude” and “Bad magnitude” and “With a magnitude.” Note: the magnitude of something is to do with absolute or relative size of it.
  • Complicate → Calculate: As in, “Life’s calculated enough” and “It’s calculated.”
  • *val* → *value*: As in, “Happening in intervalues” and “Approvalue rating” and “Rivalue teams” and “Music festivalue.” Other words that you could try: carnivalue (carnival), evalue-ate (evaluate), equivalue-ent (equivalent), value-date (validate) and value-able (valuable).
  • Whole: These next few puns are based around the word “whole”, as in “whole numbers” or “whole values”:
    • Hole → Whole: As in, “Ace in the whole” and “Burn a whole in your pocket” and “Full of wholes” and “Hell whole” and “Whole in the wall” and “Picked wholes in” and “Riddled with wholes.”
    • Well → Whole: As in, “Alive and whole” and “Get whole soon” and “Exceedingly whole read.”
    • *hal* → *whole*: Wholecyon (halcyon), wholemark (hallmark), wholeoween (halloween) and wherewitwhole (wherewithal).
    • *hel* → *whole*: As in, “Wholep!” and “That’s not wholepful” and “Loosely whole-d.”
    • Hilarious → Wholearious
    • *hol* → *whole*: As in, “A firm wholed” and “Wholeistic approach” and “Whole-low promises” and “On whole-iday” and “Wholey crap.” Other words you can try: whole-ler (holler), whole-lly (holly), whole-der (holder), alcowhole (alcohol), menthwhole (menthol), threshwholed (threshold) and with-wholed (withhold).
    • *wol* → *whole*: Whole-verine (wolverine), wholef (wolf), wholefsbane (wolfsbane) and swhole-len (swollen).
  • Round: These next few puns are based around rounding (as in, rounding up or down to the nearest chosen unit):
    • Bound → Round: As in, “By leaps and rounds” and “Duty round” and “Homeward round” and “Muscle round” and “Out of rounds.”
    • *rand* → *round*: As in, “Completely roundom” and “Happening roundomly” and “Out doing errounds.” Other words that could work: operound (operand), memoroundum (memorandum) and groundeur (grandeur).
    • *rend* → *round*: As in, “Graphics rounder” and “Secret roundezvous” and “A stirring roundition.” Other words that could work: roundering (rendering), reveround (reverend), seroundipity (serendipity), surrounder (surrender), referoundum (referendum).
    • Tamarind → Tamaround
    • Rondo → Roundo
    • Rundown → Roundown
    • *wond* → *round*: Rounder (wonder), rounderful (wonderful), roundrous (wondrous), rounderment (wonderful) and rounderfully (wonderfully).
  • Finery → Binary: As in, “Decked out in your best binary.”
  • Ordinary → Orbinary: As in, “A life less orbinary” and “Break out of the orbinary” and “Out of the orbinary.”
  • Aggression → Regression: “Non regression pact” and “An act of regression.”
  • Trend: Here are some trend-related puns:
  • Tend → Trend: “Love me trender” and “Trender is the night” and “Trender loving care” and “Trender mercies” and “Double entrendre.”
  • End → Trend: “A good beginning makes a good trending” and “A means to a trend” and “Good things must come to a trend” and “All’s well that trends well” and “At a loose trend” and “At the trend of the day” and “At the trend of your tether” and “Burn the canlde at both trends” and “Can’t see beyond the trend of your nose” and “Come to a sticky trend” and “Classic hollywood trending.”
  • *rend* → *trend*: “Trender your voice useless” and “Secret trendezvous” and “A stirring trendition.”
  • Bias: Biases are used in statistics in maths. Here are some related puns:
    • Goodbye → Goodbias: “Hello, goodbias” and “Kiss goodbias” and “Time to say goodbias” and “Can kiss that one goodbias.”
    • Buy → Bias: “Bulk biasing” and “Bias and sell” and “Bias blind” and “Bias now, pay later” and “Bias one, get one free” and “Bias some time” and “Can’t bias love” and “The best that money can bias.”
    • By → Bias: “Bias a hair’s breadth” and “Not bias a long shot” and “Bias hook or bias crook” and “Bias no means” and “Bias no stretch of the imagination” and “Bias the book” and “Know it bias heart.”
    • Copious → Cobias: “A cobias amount” and “Cobias free time.”
    • *bes* → *bias*: Biaspoke suit” and “Biastow upon” and “That and biasides.”
    • *bis* → *bias*: biascuit (biscuit), biason (bison), biashop (bishop), biastro (bistro), ibias (ibis) and cannabias (cannabis).
  • Late → Simulate: “Better simulate than never” and “Buy now, pay simulater” and “Catch you simulater” and “A day simulate” and “Fashionably simulate” and “It’s simulater than you think” and “Never too simulate” and “Simulate bloomer” and “Never too simulate too learn.”
  • Difference → Inference: “Details make the inference” and “Doesn’t make a bit of inference” and “Make a world of inference” and “Pocket the inference” and “Same inference” and “Spot the inference.”
  • Ignorance → Inference: As on, “Inference is bliss” and “Willful inference” and “Inference is no excuse.”
  • Made → Model: As in, “Custom model” and “Got it model” and “Have it model” and “I’m not model of money” and “Model for each other” and “Model in the shade.”
  • Simple → Sample: As in, “It’s so sample” and “Keep it sample” and “Life’s sample pleasures” and “Pure and sample” and “Sample yet effective” and “The truth is rarely ever pure and sample.”
  • Ample → Sample: “Sample proportions.”
  • Example → Ex-sample: “Lead by ex-sample” and “Make an ex-sample out of” and “A textbook ex-sample.”
  • Unit: In this context, we’re using “unit” as in “unit of measurement”. Here are some related puns:
    • *nit* → *unit*: As in, “Down to the unitty gritty” and “Liquid unitrogen” and “Don’t unitpick the details.”
    • *init* → *unit*: As in, “Taking unitiative” and “The unitial plan” and “Unitiation night.”
  • Rhythm → Algorithm: As in, “With the algorithm and the beat” and “Dance to the algorithm.”
  • Pie: These pie-related puns can double as pie graph jokes:
    • Pie → Pie Graph: “American Pie Graph” and “Easy as apple pie graph” and “Sweet as pie graph” and “Eat humble pie graph” and “A finger in many pie graphs” and “A piece of the pie graph” and “Sweetie pie graph.”
    • High → Pie: As in, “Aim pie” and “Ain’t no mountain pie enough” and “Pie as a kite” and “Come hell or pie water” and Flying pie” and “Pie and dry” and “Pie and mighty” and “Pie five.”
    • Buy → Pie: As in, “Pie and sell” and “Pie into” and “Pie now, pay later” and “Pie one, get one free” and “Pie some time” and “Pie some time” and “Can’t pie love.”
    • By → Pie: As in, “Pie a hair’s breadth” and “Pie a landslide” and “Pie a long shot” and “Pie all accounts” and “Pie and large” and “Pie any means” and “Pie any stretch of the imagination” and “Don’t do it pie halves” and “Pie hook or pie crook” and “Pie the skin of your teeth.”
    • Fly → Pie: “Born to pie” and “Come pie with me” and “Float like a butterpie” and “Go pie a kite” and “Pie by night” and “Pie by the seat of your pants.”
    • Shy → Pie: “Camera pie” and “Fight pie” and “Once bitten, twice pie.”
    • Eye → Pie: As in, “As far as the pie can see” and “Avert your pies” and “Before your very pies.”
    • *pe* → *pie*: “At the piediatrician’s office” and “It’s my pierty and I’ll cry if I want to” and “”A new world pieradigm” and “Pieper flowers” and “Consistent pietterns.” Other words that could work: pietience (patience), pieradox (paradpx), pient (paint), pien (pain), pier (pair) and campiegn (campaign).
    • *pe* → *pie*: Piedantic (pedantic) and pieple (people).
    • *pi* → *pie*: As in, “Piene scented” and “In the piepeline” and “Out of the piecture” and “On autopielot” and “In good spierits” and “A turn of serendipiety.”
    • *ply → *pie: “Appie yourself” and “In good suppie” and “Compie with the rules and regulations” and “What are you trying to impie?” and “Late repie.” Other words that could work: simpie (simply), multipie (multiply) and deepie (deeply).
  • Root: Here are some square root related puns:
    • Route → Root: As in, “Get your kicks on root 66.”
    • Rude → Root: As in, “A root awakening” and “No need to be root.”
    • Fruit → Root: As in, “Bear root” and “Root cake” and “Forbidden root” and “The roots of your labour” and “Low hanging root” and “The root doesn’t fall far from the tree.”
    • Root: These root-related phrases can double as square root puns: “Grass roots” and “Lay down roots” and “The root of all evil” and “The root of the matter.”
    • Roof → Root: As in, “Go through the root” and “Hit the root” and “Raise the root” and “Up on the root.”
  • Clue → Cube: As in, “Don’t have a cube” and “Haven’t got a cube.”
  • Queue → Cube: As in, “Cube up” and “Jump the cube.”
  • Cue → Cube: As in, “On cube” and “Take your cube” and “Take your cube from.”
  • Curb → Cube: As in, “Kick to the cube” and “Cube your enthusiasm” and “Cube appeal.”
  • Plane: In maths, a plane is a flat, 2-d surface. Here are some related puns:
    • Pane → Plane: As in, “Clean the window plane.”
    • Pain → Plane: As in, “A world of plane” and “Doubled up in plane” and “Drown the plane” and “Feeling no plane” and “Growing planes” and “No plane, no gain” and “Old aches and planes” and “Plane in the butt” and “Planefully slow.”
    • Brain → Plane: As in, “All brawn and no planes” and “Plane drain” and “Planestorming session.”
    • Bane → Plane: “The plane of my life.”
    • Plain → Plane: As in, “Plane as day” and “Plane as the nose on your face” and “Hidden in plane sight” and “Plane sailing.”
    • Roof → Proof: As in, “Go through the proof” and “Cat on a hot tin proof” and “Hit the proof” and “Raise the proof” and “Shout it from the prooftops.”
  • City → Density: As in, “Bright lights, big density” and “Density lights” and “Density slicker” and “Inner density.”
  • Wise → Piecewise: “A word to the piecewise” and “Piecewise as an owl” and “None the piecewiser” and “Older and piecewiser” and “Street piecewise” and “Three piecewise men” and “A word to the piecewise” and “Piecewise beyond your years.” Note: A piecewise function is one defined by multiple sub-functions.
  • Instance → Distance: “For distance” and “How many distances?”
  • Drive → Derive: As in, “You can derive my car” and “Back seat deriver” and “Derive a hard bargain” and “Derive a wedge between” and “Derive by shooting” and “Derive safely.”
  • Dive → Derive: As in, “Took a nose derive” and “Derive right in” and “Take a derive.”
  • Mention → Dimension: “Don’t dimension it” and “Honourable dimension” and “Make dimension of” and “Not to dimension” and “Now you dimension it…”
  • Span: Since span is a commonly used unit of measurement and measurements and conversion are important in maths, we’ve included it in this list:
    • Spin → Span: As in, “Give it a span” and “Make your head span” and “Take it for a span.”
    • Pan → Span: As in, “Flat as a spancake” and “Down the span” and “Flash in the span” and “Out of the frying span, into the fire” and “Span out.”
    • Plan → Span: As in, “Action span” and “Business span” and “Cook up a span” and “Failing to span is spanning to fail” and “Game span” and “I have a cunning span” and “Span ahead.”
    • *spen* → *span*: As in, “Indispansible to the team” and “Soap dispanser” and “Suspanded membership” and “Kept in suspanse.”
    • *spin* → *span*: As in, “Spanach and ricotta” and “In a tailspan.”
    • *spon* → *span*: As in, “A spantaneous decision” and “Fundraising spansor” and “A terse respanse” and “In correspandence with” and “Take respansibility for” and “Moody and despandent.”
    • Pan* → Span*: As in, “Solar spanel” and “Black Spanther.” Other words you could try: spanda, spanoply, spanache and spantheon. Notes: a panoply is a full range of something and a pantheon is a temple dedicated to all of the gods in a particular religion.
  • League: As leagues are a unit of measurement, we’ve included a few related puns:
    • Lag → League: As in, “Jet league” and “League-ing behind.”
    • *leg* → *league*: As in, “Part of your league-acy” and “Bootleague copy” and “Learn to deleague-ate effectively” and “An eleague-ant solution” and “An alleague-orical story.”
  • Point: We’ve included some point-related puns for you:
    • Pant → Point: As in, “Ants in their points” and “Beat the points off” and “By the seat of your points” and “Caught with your points down” and “Fancy points” and “Keep your points on.”
    • Paint → Point: “A lick of point” and “A picture points a thousand words” and “Boring as watching point dry” and “Body pointing” and “Do I have to point you a picture?” and “Figure pointing” and “Landscape pointing” and “Point it black.”
    • Joint → Point: “Case the point” and “Point venture” and “Put your nose out of point.”
    • *pent* → *point*: “Point up rage” and “In the pointhouse” and “Repoint (repent) in leisure.”
    • *pot* → *point*: As in, “Filled with pointential” and “Pointato chips” and “A pointent mixture” and “Gained through nepointism.”
  • Ray: In maths, a ray is a line extending out indefinitely from a point. Here are some related puns:
    • Say → Ray: As in, “Computer rays no” and “Have the final ray” and “Have your ray” and “I’m hearing what you ray” and “As the raying goes.”
    • Stray → Ray: As in, “Waifs and rays” and “Lead asray.”
    • They → Ray: As in, “Ray lived happily ever after” and “Tough as ray come” and “Let the chips fall where ray may” and “The bigger ray are, the harder ray fall.”
    • *roy* → *ray*: rayal (royal), rayalty, rayalties, destray and corduray.
    • Vertebrae → Vertebray
    • *rie* → *ray*: As in, “An eeray movie” and “Stuck in a reveray” and “Bound together with camaraderay.” Other words you could use: menageray (menagerie), lingeray, experayence, proprayetary and orayentation.
    • *rai* → *ray*: As in, “Rayse the roof” and “Off the rayls” and “Standing in the rayn” and “Police rayd.” Other words that could work: raynbow, raylway and raylroad.
    • *rei* → *ray*: Rayiterate (reiterate), rayn (reign), rayinforce (reinforce), rayimbursement (reimbursement) and soverayn (sovereign).
    • *wri* → *ray*: Rayte (write), rayting (writing), rayng (wring), raythe (writhe), raynkle (wrinkle) and handrayte (handwrite).
  • Domain: Here are some domain-related puns:
    • Main → Domain: As in, “Domain chance” and “The domain event” and “My domain squeeze.”
    • Remain → Domain: As in, “Better to domain silent” and “Mortal domains” and “You have the right to domain silent.”
    • Again → Domain: As in, “All over domain” and “Born domain” and “Breathe domain” and “Come domain?” and “Do it domain.”
  • Direction → Directrix: “In which directrix?” and “A step in the right directrix.” Note: a directrix is to do with graphing parabolas.
  • Cyclic: The term “cyclic” is used in many different aspects of mathematics. Here are some related puns:
    • Psychic → Cyclic: “I don’t know, I’m not cyclic.”
    • Sidekick → Cyclic
    • Click → Cyclic: “Point and cyclic” and “Cyclic bait” and “Cyclic into place” and “Cyclic it or ticket” and “Cyclic with” and “Cyclic your fingers” and Double cyclic” and “We really cycliced.”
  • Tour → Contour: As in, “Magical mystery contour” and “Contour de force” and “World contour.”
  • Curve: Curves are common and important shapes in math, so we’ve included them in this list:
    • Nerve → Curve: As in, “A bundle of curves” and “Get on your curves” and “Lose your curve” and “Curves of steel” and “Touched a curve” and “What a curve.”
    • Carve → Curve: As in, “Curve your name with pride” and “Curve out a niche” and “Curve up” and “Curved in stone.”
    • Serve → Curve: As in, “First come, first curved” and “How may I curve you?” and “Curves you right” and “A dish best curved cold” and “Curve your time.”
  • You’ll → Euler: As in, “Euler never guess” and “Play with fire and euler get burned.” Note: Leonhard Euler is a mathematician.
  • Different → Differential: As in, “And now for something completely differential” and “Differential as chalk and cheese” and “Dare to be differential” and “A whole differential ball game” and “In a differential class” and “Enter a differential world” and “Refreshingly differential.”
  • National → Rational: As in, “Rational treasure.”
  • Real: The next few puns are in reference to real numbers :
    • Reel → Real: As in, “Real ’em in.”
    • Rail → Real: As in, “Ride the reals” and “Off the reals.”
    • *ral* → *real*: As in, “In genereal” and “Integreal to the team” and “A viscereal reaction.” Other words that you could try: natureal (natural), ephemereal (ephemeral), moreal (moral), collatereal (collateral), libereal (liberal), periphereal (peripheral) and temporeal (temporal).
    • *rel* → *real*: As in, “Can’t realate” and “Professional realationship” and “Breathe a sigh of realief.” Other words that could work: realay (relay), realease (release), realigion (religion), realuctant (reluctant), realiable (reliable), appareal (apparel), squirreal (squirrel), scoundreal (scoundrel) and mongreal (mongrel).
    • *ril* → *real*: Pereal (preil), tendreal (tendril) and Apreal (April).
  • Fourier: These next few puns are in reference to Fourier series:
    • Four → Fourier: As in, “Cast to the fourier winds” and “Down on all fouriers” and “Fourier by two” and “A fourier letter word” and “From the fourier corners of the Earth.”
    • For → Fourier: As in, “Asking fourier a friend” and “Carry a torch fourier” and “Bang fourier your buck.”
    • *fore → *fourier: As in, “Age befourier beauty” and “Befourier it was cool” and “Befourier your time” and “The calm befourier the storm” and “Look befourier you leap” and “Whys and wherefouriers” and “And therefourier…”
  • Fussy → Fuzzy: As in, “A fuzzy attitude.” Note: This is in reference to fuzzy mathematics.
  • *cad* → *code*: As in, “Musical code-ence” and “Acode-emic score” and “At the acode-emy” and “Decode-ent desserts.”
  • Cyber → Cipher: “Cipher sex” and “Cipher Monday.”
  • Tensor: In maths, a tensor is a type of geometric object. Here are some related puns:
    • Ten → Tensor: As in, “Count to tensor” and “Hang tensor” and “The top tensor.”
    • Sore → Tensor: As in, “Mad as a bear with a tensor head” and “Sight for tensor eyes” and “Tensor losers” and “Sticks out like a tensor thumb” and “A tensor point.”
  • Bayes: Bayes’ theorem is a rule used in probability theory and statistics. Here are related puns!
    • Bay → Bayes: As in, “Bayes for blood” and “Hold at bayes.”
    • Pace → Bayes: “At a snail’s bayes” and “A change of bayes” and “Keep bayes with” and “Bayesing up and down” and “Put through your bayes-es.”
    • Base → Bayes: As in, “All your bayes are belong to us” and “Bargain bayesment” and “Bayes jumping” and “Off bayes” and “Touch bayes” and “Steal third bayes.”
    • Blaze → Bayes: As in, “Bayes a trail” and “Go out in a bayes of glory.”
    • Days → Bayes: “Seen better bayes” and “”Those were the bayes” and “Your bayes are numbered” and “The happiest bayes of your life.”
    • Pays → Bayes: As in, “He who bayes the piper calls the tune” and “It bayes to advertise” and “Above my bayes grade” and “Crime doesn’t bayes.”
    • Ways → Bayes: As in, “Change your bayes” and Go our separate bayes” and “Have it both bayes” and “Swing both bayes.”
    • Obeys → Obayes
    • Boysenberry → Bayesenberry
    • Bazaar → Bayesaar

      Math-Related Words

      To help you come up with your own math puns, here’s a list of related words to get you on your way. If you come up with any new puns or related words, please feel free to share them in the comments!

math, count, add, addition, divide, division, divisibility, subtract, subtraction, multiply, multiplication, multiples, equation, sum, solve, solving, digit, whole number, rounding, zero, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, equal, problem, estimate, estimation, eliminate, elimination, order, magnitude, calculate, calculating, calculator, abacus, ones, tens, hundreds, thousands, place value, property, properties, expression, binary, solution, formula, number, numeral, numeric, negative, positive, integer, order of operations, pemdas, prime (number), arithmetic, discrete, even, odd, fraction, half, halves, quarter, third, fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh, eighth, ninth, tenth, numerator, denominator, proper, improper, equivalent, greater than, less than, decimal, convert, converting, conversion, coordinate, percentage, percent, area, length, height, width, line, ray, shape, triangle, pascal, event, de morgan, measure, adjacent, hypotenuse, ruler, protractor, compass, caliper, slide rule, measurement, metric, imperial, millimetre, metre, centimetre, kilometre, inch, foot, mile, yard, span, league, equilateral, isosceles, polygon, parallelogram, scalene, circle, ellipse, rectangle, rhombus, pyramid, cylinder, sphere, cone, torus, cuboid, prism, square, trapezoid, pentagon, hexagon, octagon, septagon, nonagon, decagon, polyhedra,  perimeter, circumference, arc, pi, 3.14, tau, volume, depth, radius, radii, radian, diameter, algebra, geometry, euclidean, point, translation, transformation, rotation, tessellate, tessellation, reflection, map, mapping, dilate, dilation, dilating, symmetry, trigonometry, trig, arcsine, arctangent, arcosine, domain, sinusoidal, vector, logarithm, scalar, matrix, matrices, row-echelon, jacobian, gaussian, ratio, golden ratio, absolute, growth, decay, quadratic, parabola, hyperbolic, directrix, vertex, vertice, rate, constant, evaluate, evaluating, parentheses, exponent, inequalities, remainder, statistics, average, mean, median, mode, range, interquartile, quartile, spread, variance, standard deviation, cumulative, z-score, parameter, scale, scatter plot, spaghetti plot, stokes, hexadecimal, base, cyclic,contour, parametric, correlation, coefficient, regression, trend, residual, model, modelling, sample, sampling, survey, population, bias, causal, causality, simulation, logic, boolean, random, randomness, inference, probability, subset, intersection, relative, superset, operation, operand, prediction, interpret, interpreting, result, tree diagram, permutation, combination, combinatorial, derived, differential, factor, factorial, factoring, value, binomial, theory, theorem, limit, error, interval, pattern, series, sequence, recursive, margin, proportion, hypothesis, test, testing, null, p-value, conclusion, unit, experiment, category, categorical, chi-square, analysis, variable, pictograph, pie graph, venn diagram, frequency, table, condition, distribution, relationships, data, representing, dot plot, graph, bar graph, gradient, intercept, grid, plotting, network, nets, histogram, stem and leaf, outlier, box plot, axis, acute, right, obtuse, angle, degree, quadrilateral, perpendicular, parallel, congruent, congruence, slope, plane, quadrant, proof, bisect, bisecting, density, distance, midpoint, segment, incline, cartesian, dimension, derive, derivative, secant, tangent, rule, composite, inverse, piecewise, motion, position, velocity, acceleration, minimum, maximum, convex, concave, curve, optimisation, horizontal, vertical, accumulation, riemann, euler, product, calculus, x, y, notation, approximate, approximation, substitution, substitute, rationalising, pythagoras, pythagorean, continuity, finite, infinite, quotient, linear, square, square root, cubed, polynomial, monomial, indice, power, tan, sin, cos, exponential, function, input, output, differentiate, rational, real, irrational, algorithm, imaginary (numbers), monty hall (problem), ergodic, fourier, fuzzy, topology, cryptography, code, puzzle, riddle, ciphertext, quantum, stochastic, tensor, bayes, kernel

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Funny Puns

Welcome to the Punpedia entry on funny puns! 🤡 😂 😆 This is obviously a very broad category, so we’ve tried to cover as many of our bases as possible with this entry. We’ve got jokes, one-liners and silly pun images too.

While this list is as thorough and comprehensive as possible, it’s specific to funny puns. If you’re after related puns, we also have puns about puns.

Funny Puns List

Here’s our list of funny puns! We’ve mixed groups of one-liners and jokes together and interspersed these with visual puns. If you know of any funny puns that we’re missing, please let us know in the comments at the end of this page! We hope you enjoy our list of funny puns:

pokemon pun

  • I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.
  • A good pun is its own reword.
  • Someone sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
  • How do you get Pikachu onto a bus? You Pokemon.
  • What did Zelda suggest to Link when he couldn’t open the door? Triforce!

maths tan line pun

  • The shovel was a ground-breaking invention.
  • How good are you at powerpoint? Because I excel at it.
  • My math teacher called me average. How mean!
  • Gravity jokes are getting old, but I fall for them every time.

moses coffee pun

  • Simba was walking too slowly so I told him to mufasa.
  • Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me. It means a lot.
  • Bad puns? That’s how eye roll.
  • I used to hate maths but then I realised decimals have a point.
  • Since I’ve quit soccer, I’ve lost my goal in life.

microsoft word pun

  • I wanted to be an astronaut but my parents told me the sky was the limit.
  • I tried suing the airport for misplacing my luggage, but in the end, I lost my case.
  • I felt lonely, so I bought some shares. It’s nicer having some company.
  • There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator – and only a fraction of people will find that funny.
  • The only thing flat-earthers have to fear is sphere itself.

mr t, mr tea pun

  • I wanted to grow herbs, but I couldn’t find the thyme.
  • The gym had to close as it just wasn’t working out.
  • I used to be a transplant surgeon, but my heart just wasn’t in it.
  • Did you hear about that cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de Brie!
  • A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, the nurse replied “No change yet.”

bowl pun

  • What’s so great about whiteboards? If you think about it, they’re pretty re-markable!
  • Geology rocks, but geography is where it’s at!
  • The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
  • Don’t trust atoms, they make up everything.
  • I wanna make a joke about sodium, but Na..

rye bread pun

  • I’ve been getting really claustrophobic in elevators, so I’ve started taking steps to avoid it.
  • I saw an ad for a “radio on sale, $1, volume stuck on full”. I thought, “I can’t turn that down.”
  • I used to sell computer parts, but then I lost my drive.
  • I’ve got a phobia of over-engineered buildings. It’s a complex complex complex.
  • I was inconsole-able when I lost my Playstation.

  • If you need an ark, I noah guy.  
  • I can’t stand Russian dolls. They’re so full of themselves.
  • England doesn’t have a kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
  • I knew a mathematician who couldn’t afford lunch. He could binomial.
  • A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says “Make me one with everything.”

guacamole puns

  • Did you hear about the fire at the circus? It was in tents!
  • The cost of the space program is astronomical.
  • No matter how kind you are, German children are kinder.
  • How did Darth Vader know what Luke was getting him for his birthday? He could sense his presents.
  • What did one cell say to his sister cell when she stepped on his toe? That’s mitosis.

a pun on figs and figures

  • The chicken couldn’t find her eggs because she mislaid them.
  • I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
  • I can’t stand sitting down.
  • “Elvis has died,” Tom said expressly. (Just in case you missed it – expressly = ex-Presley)
  • Did you see the headlines this morning? “Man in boxers leads police on brief chase”.
leek bucket, vegetable pun
A leeky bucket.
  • Mountains aren’t just funny – they’re hill areas. (hill areas = hilarious)
  • To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
  • Waking up this morning was an eye-opening experience.
  • I used to be a history teacher, but there was no future in it.
  • Santa’s elves are just a bunch of subordinate clauses.
hiding in the bushes pun.
Bill Clinton hiding in the Bushes.
  • My patience has stretch marks.
  • I wasn’t able to make reservations at the library – they’re completely booked.
  • I didn’t like having long nails, but they’re growing on me.
  • If you know of any good fish jokes, let minnow.
  • Be kind to dentists – they have fillings too.
broccoli puns
Barackoli!
  • Never discuss infinity with a mathematician, they can go on about it forever.
  • I don’t know if I just got hit by freezing rain, but it hurt like hail.
  • How did the picture end up in jail? It was framed!
  • I used to be a banker, but I lost interest.
  • Tennis players have a hard time in relationships because love means nothing to them.
carat/carrot pun.
A 14 carrot diamond.
  • I thought my nose was bleeding, but it’s not. (it’s not = it’s snot)
  • I hated my job at the fireworks factory. I got fired a lot.
  • To whoever stole my antidepressants, I hope you’re happy now.
  • Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
  • I love how the Earth rotates. It really makes my day.

lettuce iceberg puns

  • “The Rolling Stones are cancelling their show,” Harry said, disconcertedly.
  • After the birth of your first child, your role in life will become apparent.
  • I used to be afraid of hurdles, but I got over it.
  • A Freudian slip is when you say one thing, but you mean your mother.
  • When I got a universal remote control, I thought to myself, “This changes everything”.

step relation pun

  • “I’m going to California!” Ben restated.
  • I was working in a glue factory, but I couldn’t stick with it.
  • What should you do if you’re cold? Stand in the corner. It’s 90 degrees.
  • If you’re thinking about singing karaoke with a friend, just duet.
  • I tried to make a belt out of watches, but it was a waist of time.
unbearable, bear pun
To be fair, our jokes are pretty unbearable too.
  • “I’ve stopped wearing my wedding ring,” Terry said without abandon. (abandon = a band on)
  • I went to a peanut factory last week. The experience was nuts!
  • I would tell a history joke, but they’re too old fashioned.
  • I got fired from the candle factory because I refused to work wick ends!
  • What’s the definition of a will? (It’s a dead giveaway).

operating system pun

  • Did you hear the one about the baker? It really takes the cake.
  • The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray was a seasoned veteran.
  • I nearly drowned yesterday. It was a breath-taking experience.
  • I had a pizza joke, but it was too cheesy.
  • I wanted to learn to drive a stick shift, but I couldn’t find a manual.

gummy bear, bear pun joke, meme

  • Einstein developed a theory about space, and it was about time too.
  • My friend really changed when she become vegan. It’s like I’ve never seen herbivore.
  • If you love boys and girls but are still single, I suppose you’re just meant to be bi yourself for a while.
  • Something about subtraction just doesn’t add up.
  • Where did Noah keep his bees? In the ark hives.

sea mine pun

  • It’s OK to borrow a book from the public library once in a while, but try not to overdue it.
  • I was addicted to the hokey pokey, but I turned myself around.
  • One-fifth of people are just too tense!
  • What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter!
  • I own a pencil that used to be owned by William Shakespeare, but he chewed it a lot. Now I can’t tell if it’s 2B or not 2B.

oak pun, tree pun

  • A rubber band slingshot was confiscated in algebra class for being a weapon of math disruption.
  • If Americans switched from pounds to kilos overnight, there would be mass confusion.
  • “The grass is wet,” said Dan after due consideration.
  • Odourless chemicals just don’t make scents.
  • I used to be an electrician, but the pay was shocking.

valentines day pun

  • Why don’t programmers like nature? It has too many bugs.
  • I used to hate facial hair, but it’s been growing on me lately.
  • Our office defibrillator didn’t work. Nobody was shocked.
  • These giant squid jokes are kraken me up!
  • Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Because they lactose.

luke ryewalker

  • A book just fell on my head. I’ve only got my shelf to blame.
  • I made a graph of my past relationships. It has an ex axis and a why axis.
  • How do you throw a space party? You planet.
  • Spring is here! I’m so excited, I wet my plants.
  • Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It’s very time consuming.

pen/sword pun

  • My leaf blower doesn’t work. It just sucks!
  • Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink!
  • My housemate told me to take the spider out instead of killing it. We went out and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a web developer.
  • I’m positive I just lost an electron. Better keep an ion that.
loafers bread shoes pun
Stop loafing around!
  • I googled “how to start a fire” and got 869,000 matches.
  • 5 in 1 toys are Russian nesting dolls.
  • People who can’t distinguish between etymology and entomology bug me in ways I can’t put into words.
  • I wanted to take pictures of the fog this morning…But I mist my chance. I guess I could dew it tomorrow.
  • “You should leave,” Kevin pointed out.

meerkat pun

  • My flat-earther friend decided to walk to the end of the world to prove it’s flat. In the end, he came around.
  • Stalin should have known communism wouldn’t work. There were red flags everywhere.
  • I was going to look for my missing watch, but I couldn’t find the time.
  • What’s the difference between a nicely dressed man on a tricycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle? A tire.
  • The thing about shopping centres is that once you’ve seen one, you’ve seen a mall.

bread pit pun

  • “I’ve graded your test again,” Tom remarked.
  • Velcro is a big rip-off.
  • “I don’t have any flowers,” Tom said, lackadaisically.
  • I make apocalypse jokes like there’s no tomorrow.
  • Dogs can’t operate MRI scanners, but catscan.

blood pressure pun

  • How’s my long distance relationship going? So far, so good.
  • I’d tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn’t get a reaction.
  • A prisoner’s favorite punctuation mark is the period. It marks the end of their sentence.
  • When an escaped prisoner was caught camping out in the woods it was a clear case of criminal in tent.
  • “Bro, do you want this pamphlet?” “Brochure.” (brochure = bro, sure)

inbread cat pun

  • I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now.
  • If a plant is sad, do other plants photosympathise with it? Like, “I chlorofeel you man”?
  • Julie Andrews refuses to wear cheap lipsticks, especially ones that crumble easily and have a bad smell. She explained that “Super coloured fragile lipstick gives me halitosis.”
  • I’m glad I know sign language. It can come in pretty handy!
  • How do you invite a dinosaur for lunch? Tea, Rex?

blood cell puns

  • That baseball player was such a bad sport. He stole third base and then just went home!
  • “Let’s embark on that journey again,” Sarah requested.
  • I tried to call in sick because of diarrhoea, but I just got told to get my sh*t together.
  • The patient broke her left leg, but she’s going tibia all right.
  • The experienced carpenter really nailed it, but the new guy screwed everything up.

watermelon puns

  • My friend’s bakery burned down last night. Now his business is toast.
  • An untalented gymnast walks into a bar.
  • I wondered why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
  • Whenever the library gets messy, the librarian says we ought to be ashamed of our shelves.
  • The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar. It was tense!

labrador pun

  • Garbage collectors are rubbish drivers.
  • “Check out these bicycle wheels,” Jade spoke.
  • I was going to donate part of my stomach, but I didn’t have the guts.
  • How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.
  • Hearing about the haunted refrigerator was chilling.

stumped tree pun

  • I learned about electricity today. it was lit.
  • Why does lightning shock people? Because it doesn’t know how to conduct itself.
  • Mosquitoes are like family – annoying, but they carry your blood.
  • Puns about menstruation are not funny. Period.
  • A dung beetle walks into a bar. “Is this stool taken?”
eu pun
I see EU laughing
  • What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but their flag is a big plus.
  • Viagra shipment stolen. Cops looking for a gang of hardened criminals.
  • The can crusher quit his job because it was soda pressing.
  • I’ll do algebra, trig, and even statistics, but graphing is where I draw the line.
  • Which way did the programmer go? They went data way!

scale back on fish puns

  • I refused to believe my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker, but when I got home all the signs were there.
  • I try wearing tight jeans, but I can never pull it off.
  • A friend asked if they could use a little space on my usb. I told them I wouldn’t mind one bit.
  • To spell “panda”, you just need p and a.
  • Stairs are useful, but elevators are really next level.

beethoven pun

  • I’m working on a machine that can read minds. I’d love to hear your thoughts on it.
  • People tend to study gravity because it’s a pretty attractive field.
  • A friend said she did not understand cloning. I told her that makes two of us.
  • The therapist asked my wife why she wanted to end our marriage. She said she hated all the constant Star Wars puns. I look at the therapist and said, “Divorce is strong with this one!”
  • What do you call an imaginary colour? A pigment of your imagination.
junk in trunk tree looks like bum, pun
I’m only just twigging on to how beautiful nature is.
  • Archaeologists are always broke because their careers lie in ruins.
  • When math teachers retire, how do they deal with the aftermath?
  • Do people who climb the world’s highest mountain ever rest?
  • The answers to my anatomy test were inside me the whole time.
  • I wasn’t originally going to get a heart transplant, but then I had a change of heart.

medical/organ pun

  • I’m having so much trouble getting a pair of camouflage pants; I can never seem to find any.
  • My relationship with my chauffeur just isn’t going anywhere. It feels like he’s always trying to drive me away.
  • I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech’ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter, “Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite”.
  • Why didn’t the cat go to the vet? He was feline fine!
  • “I only have spades, diamonds, and clubs,” Chris said heartlessly.
cube root tree pun
A cubed root.
  • Password looks at itself in the mirror: “Don’t listen to Google. You are a strong, confident password.”
  • Why can’t you take anything balloons say seriously? They’re always full of hot air!
  • Coming up with weather puns is a breeze.
  • My tailor is happy to make a pair of pants for me – or at least, sew it seams.
  • How do you make a hotdog stand? You take their seat away.

herb pun

  • I used to be a shoe salesman until they gave me the boot.
  • “Use your own toothbrush,” Darren bristled.
  • The girl quit her job at the donut factory as she was fed up with the hole business.
  • I love jokes about eyes – the cornea, the better.
  • I was drinking my milkshake on a cliff and thought, “Wow. This is ledge and dairy.”

birches tipping, bitches tripping, tree pun

  • 6 was scared of 7 because 789. But why did 789? Because you’re supposed to eat 3 square meals per day!
  • My wife tripped and dropped the basked of clothes she’d just ironed. I watched it all unfold.
  • I’m managing my kleptomania pretty well. Whenever it gets bad, I take something for it.
  • I’ve often heard that “icy” is the easiest word to spell. Looking at it now, I see why.
  • Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking outside the box.

suitcase pun

  • My dad unfortunately passed away when we couldn’t remember his blood type… His last words to us were, “Be positive!”
  • Will glass coffins be a success? Remains to be seen.
  • I decided to get some velcro for my shoes instead of laces, because why knot?
  • I used to build stairs for a living, it’s an up and down business.
  • Met a girl on a dating site and we just clicked.

otter space, outer space, otter pun

  • I got a reversible jacket for my birthday – can’t wait to see how it turns out.
  • I’ve started sleeping in our fireplace. Now I sleep like a log!
  • Shout out to people who don’t know what the opposite of in is!
  • A plateau is the highest form of flattery.
  • It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.

sikh pun

  • No matter how hard you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
  • Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels.
  • I couldn’t remember how to throw a boomerang, but it came back to me.
  • I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
  • I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well actually, it’s more of a wrap.

Just pulling your leg, shark pun

  • A teacher asks a student, “Are you ignorant or just apathetic?” The kid answers, “I don’t know and I don’t care.”
  • I’m giving dead batteries away, free of charge.
  • Wounds heal better if they are covered. This is an example of gauze and effect.
  • Running in front of a car will make you tired, but running behind one is exhausting.
  • A life in politics is full of parties.
sale/sail pun
A sale boat.
  • What do you call a small mother? A minimum.
  • When you have a bladder infection, urine trouble.
  • I hate negative numbers. I’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
  • Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed.
  • People using umbrellas always seem to be under the weather.

Going in for the krill pun, whale pun

  • I had a joke about vacuums, but it sucked.
  • I got a pair of gloves today, but they’re both lefts. On one hand it’s great, but on the other, it’s just not right.
  • I couldn’t figure out how to put my seatbelt on, but then it clicked.
  • Apple is designing a new automatic car, but they’re having trouble installing Windows!
  • I told my wife that it was her turn to shovel and salt the front steps. All I got was icy stares.
dog pun
Let’s hit paws for a second and talk it out.
  • I was on the toilet, angry and late for work. I thought to myself, “I don’t have time for this sh*t.”
  • I really have to stop dropping things. It’s seriously getting out of hand.
  • I once got into so much debt that I couldn’t even afford my electricity bills. It was the darkest time of my life.
  • Have you ever tried blindfolded archery? You don’t know what you’re missing.
  • Pollen is when flowers can’t keep it in their plants.

Stay in school, fish pun

  • I can only remember 25 letters of the alphabet. I just don’t know why.
  • Why was it so hot in the stadium after the baseball game? All the fans left!
  • I lift weights only on Saturday and Sunday because Monday to Friday are weak days.
  • To the person that stole my Microsoft Office license, I will find you. You have my Word.
  • I have an intense fear of speed bumps, but I’m slowly getting over it.

dog pun

  • Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s okay. He woke up!
  • I listened to a song about the common cold. It was very catchy.
  • A friend wants to give up being a postman to become a comedian, but his delivery is awful.
  • The periodic table is elementary knowledge.
  • When time machines are finally invented, people will be taken aback.
Well, well, well, water pun
Just another well thought out pun.
  • For a fungi to grow you must give it as mushroom as possible.
  • An expensive laxative will give you a run for your money.
  • I finally got my book “How To Make Your Own Watch.” It’s about time.
  • Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the toilet? Because the “p” is silent!
  • What do you do with chemists when they die? Barium!

mist pun

  • How do construction works party? They raise the roof.
  • I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
  • I make terrible science puns, but only periodically.
  • I got angry when my phone battery died. My counsellor suggested that I find an outlet.
  • The invention of maths textbooks presented a lot of problems.

bob marlin, fish pun

  • I’m not sure if my ceiling is the best in the world, but it’s definitely up there.
  • Why are fish the easiest animals to weight? Because they come with their own scales.
  • I started a business selling yachts in the attic. Sails are through the roof.
  • The North Pole doesn’t import goods because it’s elf sufficient.
  • Last night, I kept dreaming that I’d written Lord of the Rings. My wife said I’d been Tolkein in my sleep.

pc computer pun

  • I know a lot of jokes about cash machines, but I just can’t think of one atm.
  • I was struggling to figure out how lightning works, then it struck me.
  • I’m not sure how long my new couch will last, but sofa so good.
  • I wouldn’t let my children go the the orchestra. There’s too much sax and violins.
  • I’ve written a book about sandpaper. It’s a work of friction.

Sealiest thing pun meme

  • I don’t usually owe gangsters money, but when I do it’s a matter of life or debt.
  • Cleaning mirrors is a job I can really see myself doing.
  • A physicist and a biologist had a relationship, but there was no chemistry.
  • What do you call a mean Egyptian ruler? Unpharaoh.
  • I hope “Fast and Furious 10” is called “Fast 10: Your Seatbelts”
UFO pun
I caught a UFO on tape.
  • Why did the angle divide its adjacent by its hypotenuse? Just cos.
  • I’m not really in the mode for maths puns.
  • The invention of drones really gave us a new perspective of things.
  • Why does it cost so much to put air in tyres these days? Inflation.
  • The invention of the wheel really got things rolling.

Beach better have my money meme pun

  • My friend says they’ve been suffering from migraines for a long time, but I think it’s all in their head.
  • On New Year’s Eve, make sure you have your left leg in the air so you can start the New Year on the right foot.
  • Hey, are you the ocean? Because I think we mermaid to be together.
  • My parents came out as antivaxxers. Their choices make me sick.
  • Not all maths puns are funny…just sum.
periodic table
The periodic table.
  • Remember when plastic surgery was a taboo subject? Now when you mention botox, nobody raises an eyebrow.
  • The first time I used an elevator it was really uplifting, then it let me down.
  • Marriage proposals are so engaging.
  • I broke one of my fingers at work today. On the other hand, everything is okay.
  • Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.

Seal pun

  • I love when candy canes are in mint condition.
  • Nothing tops a plain pizza.
  • I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner since it was just collecting dust.
  • The flower business is blooming!
  • The invention of cards gave us a lot to deal with.

Scandinavian pun

  • If it’s cold, stay close to others. Otherwise you might feel a bit ice-olated.
  • With great reflexes comes great response-ability.
  • Thor: “I forgot where I put Mjolnir, but then it came to me.”
  • What did the buffalo say to his son? Bison.
  • Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.

Blood vessel red cross boat pun, ship pun

  • Autocorrect makes me say things I didn’t Nintendo.
  • I tried taking a high resolution photo of a rice field, but it turned out really grainy.
  • I saw an ad for burial plots and thought to myself, “That’s the last thing I need!”
  • Whenever I undress in the bathroom…My shower gets turned on!
  • Architects are pretty good at coming up with concrete plans.
level pun
This is wrong on so many levels.
  • Knowing how to pick locks has really opened a lot of doors for me.
  • I don’t trust stairs because they’re always up to something.
  • Atheists don’t solve exponential equations because they don’t believe in higher powers.
  • I went to buy 6 cans of Sprite, but I accidentally picked 7 up.
  • Do backward poets write inverse?

Cap sized ship pun

  • I’m really good at being lazy. In fact, my doctor even said that if I continue being this lazy I should expect atrophy.
  • A man was accidentally buried alive. It was a grave mistake.
  • Why did the chicken go to the seance? To cross to the other side.
  • Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
  • Why did the scientist install a knocker on his front door? He wanted to win the No-bell prize!

signpost pun

  • Nuns wear the same outfit every single day. Must be a habit, I guess.
  • My girlfriend thought I’d never be able to make a car out of spaghetti…You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta!
  • I told my partner I felt like a deck of cards and they said they’d deal with me later.
  • 6.30pm is my favourite time, hands down.
  • I was fired from the keyboard factory for not putting in enough shifts.
There’s nowhere to go from here.
  • I’m pretty sure the hotel receptionist was checking me out.
  • I accidentally swallowed a bunch of Scrabble tiles. My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.
  • Did you hear about the English teacher who went to jail? She got a full sentence.
  • What does a clock do when it’s hungry? It goes back for seconds.
  • I’m reading a horror story in Braille. Something bad is about to happen… I can feel it.
carbonara food pun
Think vegan food is boring? Think again
  • I hear it’s easy to convince ladies not to eat Tide pods, but it’s harder to deter gents.
  • Somebody stole all my lamps.…and I couldn’t be more de-lighted!
  • Smaller babies may be delivered by stork but the heavier ones need a crane.
  • What do you call the wife of a hippie? A Mississippi!
  • This is my old recliner. We go way back.

dog/wood pun

  • Justice is a dish best served cold because if it were served warm, it would be justwater.
  • 19 and 20 got into a fight. 21.
  • There’s a new type of broom out. it’s sweeping the nation.
  • Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella? For drizzle.
  • I was walking through a quarry…I said to the foreman, “That sure is a big rock!” “Boulder,” he corrected me. So I stuck out my chest and shouted, “THAT SURE IS A BIG ROCK!!
nes/darkness pun
Hello dark NES my old friend
  • I watched a documentary about how boats are held together… riveting.
  • Two hats were hanging on a hat rack. One said to the other, “You stay here. I’ll go on ahead.”
  • I have a broken barometer that I need to sell. No pressure.
  • Every calendar’s days are numbered.
  • Two plates are sitting on a table. One says to the other, “Tonight, dinner is on me.”

mango pun

  • I mustache you a question, but I’ll shave it for later.
  • I was going to be a doctor, but I didn’t have enough patience.
  • Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, “Dam!”
  • What is Bruce Lee’s favourite drink? Watah!
  • A president with no thumbs is running unapposed.
beekeeper pun
Keepin’ a bee-ce of my heart
  • Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was out standing in his field.
  • What do you call a rapper who doesn’t follow their own advice? A hip-hopocrite.
  • An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are all standing watching a street performer do some excellent juggling. The juggler notices that the men have a very poor view, so he stands up on a large wooden box and calls out, “Can you all see me now?” “Yes.” “Oui.” “Sí.” “Ja.”
  • I, for one, like Roman numerals.
  • What do you call a pile of kittens? A meowtain!
thyme/time pun
I don’t have thyme for these terrible jokes
  • Have you thought about taking the elevator? I hear it’s a step up from taking the stairs.
    • Pun indented
  • Why didn’t the lifeguard save the hippie? Because he was too far out, man.
  • You’ll never guess who I bumped into on the way to the opticians! …Everyone.
  •  What do wooden whales eat? Plankton.

Blade/Bladerunner pun

  • The Pentagon was originally going to be a square, but the contractor kept cutting corners.
  • A week after Mozart died, his ghost was discovered trying to erase his music. When asked why, it replied, “I’m decomposing.”
  • What’s the difference between swine flu and bird flu? Bird flu needs tweetment while swine flu requires oinkment.
  • Is it me or are circles pointless?
  • Why do dogs float in water? Because they’re good buoys.
Stone/weight pun
When you’re two stone lighter than the day before
  • I’m a perfectionist with a procrastinator complex. Someday I’m going to be awesome.
  • We had an argument about which vowel is the most important. I won.
  • What happens if the average number of bullies at a school goes up? The mean increases.
  • Chinese takeout: $15.00. Fuel to get there: $1.50. Getting home to find out they’ve forgotten one of your dishes: Riceless.
  • If your iPhone runs out of charge, does that mean you’re out of apple juice?

Geology pun

  • Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Pixar movie collection except for one – he’s never gonna give you Up.
  • To whoever stole my broken bathroom scale, you’ll never get a weigh with it.
  • I burnt my Hawaiian pizza last night. I should have put it on aloha setting.
  • Did you hear about the thieves who robbed a theatre during a performance? They really stole the spotlight.
  • If you’re bad at haggling, you’ll end up paying the price.

table pun (visual)

  • Got a new job as a guillotine operator. I’ll beheading there shortly.
  • I used to work at an unemployment office. When they fired me, I still had to show up the next day.
  • Dad, are we pyromaniacs? Yes, we arson.
  • If you accidentally put salt instead of sugar in your tea, it becomes saltea.
  • I’m trying to organise a hide and seek tournament, but good players are really hard to find.

Christianity/Christian pun

  • My friends and I have named our band “Duvet”. It’s a cover band.
  • I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows and nuts. I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
  • What do you get when The Doctor goes back in time and meets himself? A pair of dox (a paradox)
  • I lost my partner’s audiobook, and now I’ll never hear the end of it.
  • Why didn’t Elsa’s parents teach her the full alphabet? They got lost at C.

english pun

  • I got fired from my job as an Uber driver. It turns out my customers didn’t like it when I tried to go the extra mile.
  • The first floor of my house is a complete disaster. The second floor – well, that’s a different storey.
  • Bono and The Edge walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Oh no, not U2 again.”
  • Just so everybody’s clear, I’m going to put my glasses on.
  • When I told my contractor I didn’t want carpeted steps, they gave me a blank stair.
pokemon pun
Don’t worry, we’ll Raichu all the prescriptions you need.
  • Writing my name in cursive is my signature move.
  • A commander walks into a bar and orders everyone a round.
  • I lost my job as a stage designer. I left without making a scene.
  • What’s the difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted.
  • As amazing as cliffs are, they’re often overlooked.

post malone pun

  • What do you call a pig with laryngitis? Disgruntled.
  • How do you find WIll Smith after a blizzard? Just look for the fresh prints.
  • Prison may be just one word to you, but for some people, it’s a whole sentence.
  • Scientists got together to study the effects of alcohol on a person’s walk, and the result was staggering.
  • How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced? A buccaneer.

calendar pun

  • My partner’s name is David, so we named our son Harley. This way he’s Harley, David’s son.
  • Why did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
  • Why is it unwise to share your secrets with a clock? Well, time will tell.
  • I tried to find a good skeleton joke for Halloween but none were humerus.
  • I once worked at a cheap pizza shop to get by. I kneaded the dough.
maths/cow pun
A quick lesson in mathemootics
  • What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunderwear!
  • Within minutes, the detective knew exactly what the murder weapon was. It was a brief case.
  • Never buy flowers from a monk. Only you can prevent florist friars.
  • I have a weird talent where I can tell what’s inside a wrapped present. It’s a gift.
  • Why is “dark” spelled with a k and not c? Because you can’t see in the dark.

quote pun

  • George Clooney, Leonardo DiCaprio and Matthew McConaughey got together to make a movie. George Clooney said, “I’ll direct.” DiCaprio said, “I’ll produce.” And McConaughey said, “I’ll write, I’ll write, I’ll write.”
  • I went to the toy store and asked the assistant where the Schwarznegger dolls are and he replied, “Aisle B, back.”
  • What did the surgeon say to the patient who insisted on closing up their own incision? Suture self.
  • I’ve started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes. It’s all about raisin awareness.
  • Why should you never fight a dinosaur? You’ll get jurasskicked.

chemistry/water/molecule pun

  • Do you believe in global warming? Because it would be a lot cooler if you did.
  • What do you say to comfort a friend who’s struggling with grammar? There, their, they’re…
  • Why do bees stay in their hives during winter? Swarm.
  • Saw a man standing on one leg at an ATM. I asked him what he was doing and he replied, “Just checking my balance.”
  • I really dig archaeology, but astronomers are the real stars.

pull out pun

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