Pirate Puns

Welcome to the Punpedia entry on pirate puns! 🏴 ☠ ⛵ 🌊

Pirates today are known as mischievous, swashbuckling characters – cheeky, rule-breaking treasure hunters. But their historical roots are much darker than that, with murder, theft, torture and disease all a common part of a pirate’s lifestyle. We’ve tried to cover all of the different, varied aspects of piracy in this list, from their lingo to their weaponry to famous fictional pirates. So no matter what you’re a fan of or what you’re looking for – whether it be some puns for Talk Like A Pirate Day, or to add some seafaring capers to your Halloween celebrations, we hope that you find the perfect pirate pun.

While this list is as thorough as possible, it is specifically about pirates. If you’re interested in related articles, have a look at our ocean puns, beer puns, boat puns and shark puns.

Pirate Puns List

Each item in this list describes a pun, or a set of puns which can be made by applying a rule. If you know of any puns about pirates that we’re missing, please let us know in the comments at the end of this page! Without further ado, here’s our list of pirate puns:

  • Pie → Pie-rate: As in, “Apple pie-rate,” and “Easy as pie-rate,” and “Sweet as pie-rate,” and “Eat humble pie-rate,” and “A piece of the pie-rate,” and “Sweetie pie-rate.” 
  • Corporate → Cor-pirate: As in, “The cor-pirate ladder.” 
  • Irate → P-irate: As in, “This show makes me so p-irate!” 
  • Practical → Piratical: As in, “Piratical walking shoes,” and “A piratical character,” and “Bring some piratical hiking clothes.” Note: if someone is piratical, it means they commit acts of piracy.
  • *pira* → *pirate*: As in, “Res-pirate-ory,” and “Ins-pirate-ional,” and “Res-pirate-ion,” and “As-pirate,” and “Ins-pirate-ion,” and “Cons-pirate-cy.” 
  • Arr*: Emphasise words that have an “arr” sound in them to make some salty pirate puns: “We’ve arrr-ived,” and “A b-arrr-el of laughs,” and “C-arrry on,” and “No holds b-arrr-ed,” and “Arr-ogant,” and “Arrr-ay,” and “Arrrr-est,” and “Arrr-ange,” and “Biz-arrre.”
  • Are → Arrr: As in, “All bets arrr off,” and “Arrr you deaf?” and “Here you arrr,” and “How arrr you?” and “My lips arrr sealed,” and “What arrr the odds?” and “My hands arrr tied,” and “Two heads arrr better than one.”
  • *ore* → *arr*: As in, “Age befarr beauty,” and “Befarr it was cool,” and “Befarr your time,” and “Bite off marr than you can chew,” and “Marr money than god,” and “Marr than meets the eye.”
  • *or* → *arrr*: As in, “Apples and arrranges,” and “This arrr that?”
  • Air → Arrr: As in, “Breath of fresh arrr,” and “Clear the arrr,” and “Dancing on arrr,” and “Arrr guitar,” and “Melt into thin arrr,” and “Out of thin arrr,” and “Spring is in the arrr,” and “Arrrbnb.”
  • R → Arrr: As in, “Arrr2D2,” and “ArrrnB.”
  • Aye: As in, “Aye aye, sir,” and “The ayes have it.” Note: “the ayes have it” is a confirmation that majority of a group have voted in the affirmative. 
  • Eye → Aye: As in, “A wandering aye,” and “All fun and games until someone loses and aye,” and “An aye for an aye,” and “Avert one’s ayes,” and “Beauty is in the aye of the beholder,” and “Bedroom ayes,” and “Before your very ayes,” and “Bright ayes,” and “Aye to aye,” and “A fresh pair of ayes,” and “In the twinkling of an aye,” and “Ayes bigger than your stomach,” and “All ayes.” Note: a wandering eye is when someone is attracted to people other than their current romantic, monogamous partner. 
  • I → Aye: As in, “What can aye say?” and “Aye can help,” and “Aye think so.” 
  • Buy → B-aye: As in, “B-aye now, pay later,” and “B-aye and sell,” and “B-aye into,” and “B-aye some time,” and “Money can’t b-aye you love,” and “The best that money can b-aye,” and “Would you b-aye a used car from this man?”
  • By → B-aye: As in, “B-aye a landslide,” and “B-aye all accounts,” and “B-aye any means,” and “B-aye any stretch of the imagination,” and “B-aye hook or b-aye crook,” and “B-aye my own hand,” and “Cheaper b-aye the dozen,” and “Do b-aye halves,” and “Fall b-aye the wayside,” and “Lead b-aye the nose.” To do something by halves is to not put very much enthusiasm or energy into it. 
  • Bye → B-aye: As in, “Kiss goodb-aye to,” and “Can never say goodb-aye.”
  • I’ll → Aye’ll: As in, “Aye’ll say,” and “Well aye’ll be damned,” and “Ask me no questions, aye’ll tell you no lies,” and “Aye’ll be back,” and “You scratch my back and aye’ll scratch yours.”
  • Eye* → Aye*: As in, “Ayeball,” and “Ayebrow,” and “Ayesore,” and “Ayelash,” and “Bulls-aye.” Note: an eyesore is an unpleasant sight.
  • Ah* → Aye*: Words with an “ah” sound can be changed to “aye” – aye-balaone (abalone), aye-bbreviate (abbreviate), aye-bility (ability), aye-ble (able), aye-bnormal (abnormal), aye-bsolutely (absolutely), aye-ccommodation (accommodation), aye-dmire (admire), aye-mless (aimless), aye-lternative (alternative).
  • Ale → Aye’l: As in, “No more cakes and aye’l?”
  • Ahoy: As in, “Ahoy there,” and “Land ahoy.”
  • Mate → Matey: As in, “Billy no mateys,” and “Matey’s rates,” and “Seeking a soul matey.” Note: Billy no mates is a mocking term for someone with no friends. 
  • Might → Mate: As in, “Cheer up, it mate never happen,” and “Mate as well,” and “Pigs mate fly,” and “The pen is mate-ier than the sword,” and “Mate as well quit.” Note: “the pen is mightier than the sword” means that the media is more powerful than the military. 
  • Meet → Mate: As in, “Fancy mate-ing you here!” and “Make ends mate,” and “Mate and greet,” and “Mate in the middle,” and “More than mates the eye,” and “Please to mate you,” and “Mate your match.”
  • *mate*: Emphasise the “mate” in certain words – material, maternal, ultimate, intimate, consummate, legitimate, estimate, penultimate, decimate, approximate, climate, amateur, animate, automate, checkmate, classmate, cremate, playmate, primate, roommate, stalemate, teammate. Notes: consummate means perfect, or complete in every way. Penultimate means second last. To decimate something is to destroy or devastate it. 
  • *mat*: We can change words that have the “mate” sound to visually include it as well: Mate-riarch (matriarch), mate-rix (matrix), mate-ron (matron) and tomate-o (tomato). Notes: a matriarch is a woman who acts as the head of a group. A matrix is a set of conditions or boundaries in which a thing develops. 
  • I’ve asked → Avast: As in, “Avast her to marry me.”
  • My heart → Me hearty: As in, “A man after me own hearty,” and “Absence makes me hearty grow fonder,” and “Break me hearty,” and “Cross me hearty and hope to die,” and “Don’t go breaking me hearty,” and “Home is where me hearty is,” and “In me hearty of hearts,” and “Set me hearty on.” Notes: To speak of your heart of hearts is to reveal your innermost thoughts. 
  • There → Thar: As in, “Ahoy thar!” and “Are we thar yet?” and “As if thar were no tomorrow,” and “Be thar in spirit,” and “Be thar or be square,” and “Been thar, done that,” and “Don’t go thar,” and “Hang in thar,” and “Here and thar,” and “Here thar be beasts,” and “Here, thar, and everywhere,” and “Hold it right thar!” and “Let thar be light,” and “The truth is out thar,” and “Thar’s no place like home,” and “Thar’s no time like the present.”
  • Their → Thar: As in, “Children and thar toys,” and “Swept of thar feet,” and “Everybody and thar brother,” and “Forgive your enemies – but don’t forget thar names,” and “They learned thar lesson.”
  • They’re → Thar: As in, “Thar blowing in the wind,” and “Thar not okay.”
  • *yo → *yo ho ho: As in, “Tokyo-ho ho,” and “Embryo-ho ho,” and “Mayo-ho ho,” and “Yo yo-ho ho.”
  • Rum: As in, “Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum,” and “Where’s the rum?” 
  • *rum*: Emphasise the “rum” sound in certain words: “Fo-rum,”, “Inst-rum-ent,”, “St-rum,” and “Rum-ble,”, “Rum-inate,”, “Rum-p,”, “Rum-mage,”, “Spect-rum,”, “D-rum,”, “Deco-rum,”, “Tant-rum,”, “Sc-rum,”, “Se-rum,”, “Conund-rum.” 
  • Drum and bass → Rum and bass (Note: drum and bass is a music genre)
  • Boot → Booty: As in, “Tough as old bootys,” and “Bet your bootys,” and “Booty camp,” and “Give someone the booty,” and “Big bootys to fill,” and “My heart sank into my bootys,” and “I got the booty.” 
  • Booty: As in, “Shake your booty.” 
  • Beauty → Booty: As in, “Booty sleep,” and “Make booty-ful music,” and “Booty is in the eye of the beholder,” and “Booty is only skin-deep.” 
  • *boo → *booty: As in, “Tabooty,” and “Bambooty,” and “Peekabooty.” 
  • Treasure: As in, “Hidden treasure,” and “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure,” and “Treasure chest,”, “Treasure trove,” and “Buried treasure.” 
  • Land → Landlubber: As in, “The landlubber of the free,” and “The landlubber that time forgot,” and “The law of the landlubber,” and “The length and breadth of the landlubber,” and “This landlubber is your landlubber,” and “Far into the bowels of the landlubber,” and “See how the landlubber lies.” Notes: the land that time forgot is a fantasy film. The law of the land refers to all laws within a country or region. To see how the land lies is to determine as many facts as you can about a situation before making a decision or action. 
  • Encourage → Anchorage: As in “Stop anchoraging him!”.
  • Pieces → Pieces of eight: As in, “Dash to pieces of eight,” and “Bits and pieces of eight.” Notes: pieces of eight were large silver coins and is a famous pirate treasure due to its value. 
  • Double → Doubloon: As in, “Doubloon back,” and “Doubloon booked,” and “Doubloon over,” and “A doubloon-edged sword,” and “A doubloon date,” and “A doubloon whammy.” Note: a double-edged sword is something that could provide both benefits and disadvantages. 
  • Lot → Loot: As in, “A loot of fuss about nothing,” and “A loot on your plate,” and “Leaves a loot to be desired,” and “Not a loot.” 
  • *loot*: Make some swashbuckling pirate puns by emphasising the “loot” sound in certain words: “Solootion,” and “Resolootion,” and “Revolootion,” and “Evolootion,” and “Abso-loot,” and “Convolooted,” and “Floot (flute),” and “Di-loot (dilute),” and “Plooto,” and “Pollootant,” and “Saloot (salute).”
  • Late → Loot: As in, “Better loot than never,” and “Catch you loot-er,” and “Read any good books loot-ely?” and “It’s never too loot to learn,” and “A loot bloomer,” and “It’s loot in the day,” and “See you loot-er, alligator.” 
  • Let → Loot: As in, “Loot it be,” and “Loot it bleed,” and “Friends don’t loot friends drive drunk,” and “I won’t loot you down,” and “Loot nature take its course,” and “Loot off steam,” and “Loot your conscience be your guide,” and “Loot your hair down,” and “I never want to loot you go.” 
  • *let → *loot: As in, “A shrinking vio-loot,” and “Run the gaunt-loot,” and “A magic bul-loot,” and “Ske-loot-ons in the closet,” and “Bite the bul-loot.” 
  • Bound → Bounty: As in, “By leaps and bounties,” and “Homeward bounty,” and “On the rebounty,” and “Out of bounty.” 
  • Chest: As in, “Get it off your chest,” and “Hold your cards close to your chest,” and “That old chestnut,” and “Treasure chest.”
  • Chased → Chest: As in, “I chest after him.”
  • Grog: As in, “Where’s the grog?” and “I’m feeling groggy.” Note: Grog is a name for an alcoholic drink made of rum and water. 
  • God → Grog: As in, “An act of grog,” and “All things are possible with grog,” and “A child of grog,” and “For the love of grog,” and “Grog fearing,” and “A man of grog.” 
  • Hook: As in, “By  hook or by crook,” and “Get hooked on,” and “Hook, line and sinker,” and “Hook up with,” and “I’m hooked,” and “Let off the hook.” Notes: “By hook or by crook” means by any means necessary. To fall for something hook, line and sinker means you’ve accepted an idea or explanation entirely without critically examining what you’ve been told.
  • Peg → Pegleg: As in, “Square pegleg in a round hole,” and “Take down a pegleg or two.” Note: a square peg in a round hole describes something that doesn’t fit into its environment – the odd one out.  
  • Leg → Pegleg: As in, “Fast as his peglegs could carry him,” and “Break a pegleg,” and “Cost an arm and a pegleg,” and “Peglegs like tree trunks,” and “On his last peglegs,” and “Shake a pegleg,” and “Tail between your peglegs,” and “Without a pegleg to stand on,” and “You’re pulling my pegleg,” and “Stretch my peglegs.” Notes: if you’re on your last legs, then you’re near to exhaustion, death or giving up. To shake a leg is to hurry or begin something. If you don’t have a leg to stand on, you’re in a very rocky and disadvantageous position. 
  • Leg* → Pegleg*:  As in, “Peg-legacy,” and “What a peg-legend,” and “A peg-legitimate business,” and “Peg-legal,” and “Peg-legible,” and “Peg-legislation.”
  • Eyepatch → Aye-patch 
  • Eye → Eyepatch: As in, “All fun and games until somebody loses and eyepatch,” and “Avert one’s eyepatch,” and “Better than a poke in the eyepatch with a sharp stick,” and “More than meets the eyepatch,” and “Not a dry eyepatch in the house,” and “Turn a blind eyepatch,” and “Catch someone’s eyepatch.”
  • Crew: As in, “Motley crew,” and “Skeleton crew.” Notes: a skeleton crew is the minimum number of workers needed to operate an undertaking. A motley crew is a band of seemingly mismatched individuals of different backgrounds, personalities and appearances. 
  • Roger → Jolly roger: As in, “Jolly roger that.” Note: Jolly roger is the traditional English name for pirate flags.   
  • *crew: As in, “Screw it,” and “Unscrew,” and “Screwdriver,” and “Corkscrew.” 
  • Chew → Crew: As in, “Bite off more than you can crew,” and “Crew it over.” Note: to chew something over is to consider something at length.
  • *cru* → *crew*: Change words that have the “cru” sound in them to “crew” to make pirate puns: “Ac-crew,” and “Crew-cial,”, “Crew-cifix,”and “Crew-de,”, “Crew-l,” and “Crew-lty,”, “Crew-se,”, “Crew-sade,”, “Ex-crew-ciating,”, “Ins-crew-table,”, “Re-crew-t,”, “S-crew-pulous,”, “S-crew-ples,”, “S-crew-tinise,” and “S-crew-tiny.” Notes: to accrue is to slowly increase the amount you have of something over time. To be scrupulous is to be very honest.
  • Gutless → Cutlass: As in, “The cutlass wonder.” Note: this is a derogotary term used to indicate if someone is lacking in bravery.
  • Tank → Tankard: As in, “Built like a tankard,” and “Empty the tankard,” and “Think tankard.” Note: a think tank is a research group. 
  • Wash → Swashbuckle: As in, “All swashbuckled up,” and “Lost in the swashbuckle.” 
  • Buckle → Swashbuckle: As in, “Swashbuckle down,” and “Swashbuckle under the strain.” 
  • Ship: As in, “Abandon ship,” and “Loose lips sink ships,” and “Run a tight ship,” and “Shape up or ship out,” and “Ships that pass in the night,” and “That ship has sailed,” and “The start of a beautiful friendship,” and “Worship the ground someone walks on,” and “A stormy relationship.” Notes: Loose lips sink ships is a warning against gossip or unguarded talk. Ships in the night is a descriptor for strangers who meet for a short and intense moment and never meet again. 
  • Shop → Ship: As in, “All over the ship,” and “Shipping cart.”
  • Shape → Ship: As in, “All ships and sizes,” and “Get into ship,” and “The ship of things to come.” 
  • *ship: As in, “Relationship,”, “Worship,”, “Fellowship,”, “Leadership,”, “Scholarship,”, Friendship,” and “Hardship.” 
  • *sip* → *ship*: If a word contains “sip” it can usually be replaced with “ship”. For example: gosship (gossip), dishipate (dissipate), shipping (sipping), inshipid (insipid). See the boat puns entry for more.
  • *sib* → *ship*: If a word contains “sib” it can usually be replaced with “ship” to create a terrible pun. For example: posshiply (possibly), accesshipility (accessibility), incomprehenshiple, feashipble, irresponshipble, invishipble, ostenshipbly, revershipble, vishipble. An example sentence might be: “I am responshiple for my puns.”  See the boat puns entry for more.
  • Dec* → Deck*: As in, “Deck-line,” and “Deckree,”, “Deckadent,”, “Deckay,” and “Deckorum,”, “Deckade,” and “Decklaration,” and “Decksterity (dexterity).”
  • Deck: As in, “All hands on deck,” and “Deal from the bottom of the deck,” and “All decked out,” and “A stacked deck,” and “Triple decker.” Notes: To deal from the bottom of the deck is to put someone at a disadvantage using dishonest methods. To stack the deck is to arrange a situation in an unfair way against someone or something.  
  • Duck → Deck: As in, “Deck the question,” and “Decking and diving,” and “Like a deck to water,” and “Like water of a deck’s back,” and “Nice weather for decks.” 
  • Shirk → Shark: As in “Stop sharking your responsibilities and get the job done.”
  • Shiver: When sharks travel in groups, they’re called “shivers”. Example sentence: “Shark puns give me the shivers,” and “Shiver me timbers!”
  • Wish → Fish: As in “I just fish we had more time!” and “If you rub the lamp you get three fishes“.
  • Confiscate → Conch-fish-scate: As in “I’m going to have to conchfishcate your pun licence for that one.”
  • *fici* → *fishi*: If a word contains “fici” it can often be replaced with “fishi”. Here are some examples: affishionado, artifishial, benefishial, coeffishient, defishiency, defishit, ineffishient, suffishient, ofishial, profishient, superfishial.
  • Issue → Fishue: As in “That’s not the fishue here though.” and “I was fishued a sign for parking without a ticket”.
  • Umbrage → Um-brig: As in, “She took um-brig at his oblivious comments.” Notes: umbrage is offence or annoyance. 
  • Bring → Brig: As in, ‘Brig it on,” and “Brig it up,” and “You brig out the best in me,” and “Brig tears to your eyes,” and “Brig the house down,” and “Brig to a head,” and “Brig to the boil,” and “Brig to the table,” and “Brig people closer together,” and “Brig-ging up the rear.” To bring something to a head is to intensify a situation to the point that action must be taken. 
  • Bridge → Brig: As in, “Brig the gap,” and “Water under the brig,” and “We’ll cross that brig when we get to it.” Note: water under the bridge refers to past problems that are no longer stressful or troublesome. We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it means to not worry or stress about a possible situation until it actually happens. 
  • But → Boat: As in “Last boat not least” and “Close, boat no cigar,” and “Everything boat the kitchen sink.”
  • Saboteur → Saboateur : As in “Captain, I believe there’s a saboateur on our ship.”
  • Boat: As in, “Don’t rock the boat,” and “In the same boat,” and “Missed the boat,” and “Whatever floats your boat,” and “We’re gonna need a bigger boat.” Notes: to rock the boat is to say something that will upset the people around you. If you need a bigger boat, then you’ve underestimated the situation you’re in. 
  • Butt → Boat: As in, “Kick boat,” and “Kiss my boat,” and “Pain in the boat,” and “My boat is on the line,” and “Boat-terflies in my stomach.” 
  • Bowtie → Boat-tie: As in, “My boat-tie is too tight.” 
  • Beaut* → Boat*: As in, “Boat-iful people,” and “Boat-y mark,” and “I need my boat-y sleep,” and “Make boat-iful music together,” and “Boat-y is in the eye of the beholder,” and “Boat-y is only skin-deep.”
  • About/Abode → Aboat: As in “What aboat the captain?” and “Welcome to my aboat!”
  • What about → Water boat: As in “Water boat we have tofu curry for dinner tonight?” and “Water boat Daisy? Does she want to come to the beach too?”
  • Captain: As in, “Captain Hook,” and “Only the best for the captain’s table,” and “The captain’s pick.” 
  • Sel* → Sail*: If a word starts with “sel” a boat pun can often be made by replacing it with “sail”: sailection (selection), sailect (select), sailf (self), sailling (selling), sail (sell), saildom (seldom), sailfish (selfish), sailfless (selfless), sailective (selective).
  • Assail: As in “We were assailed by pirates on our way here.” and “This ship is unassailable.”
  • Sale → Sail: As in “There’s a big sail down at the boat store.”
  • *sale* → *sail*: Words containing “sale” can be turned into sailing puns: presail, resail, sailsclerk, sailsperson, wholesail.
  • Sell → Sail: As in, “Buy and sail,” and “Past its sail-by date,” and “Sail your soul to the devil,” and “Sailing like hot cakes.”
  • Sail*: As in, “Hello, sailor,” and “Plain sailing,” and “Sail away,” and “Smooth sailing,” and “Take the wind from my sails,” and “That ship has sailed.” Notes: to take the wind from someone’s sails is to discourage or cause them to lose hope and momentum. If that ship has sailed, then an opportunity has been missed and cannot be returned to. 
  • Exhale → Ex-sail: As in, “Inhale, ex-sail.”
  • *sil*→ *sail*: Words with a “sil” sound can be changed to “sail”: “Imbesail (imbecile),” and “Reconsail (reconcile),” and “Sailence (silence).”
  • Reckon → Wrecken: As in “Do you wrecken we’ll make it through the storm?” and “I am a force to be wreckened with.”
  • *rec* → *wreck*: Use words that have a “rec” sound to make nautical pirate puns: “Di-wrecked (direct),” and “Di-wreck-tion (direction),”, “E-wrecked (erect),”, “Wreck-ognise (recognise),”, “Pre-wreck-quisite (prerequisite),”, “Wreckless (reckless),”, “Wreckommend (recommend),”, “Wreckord (record),”, “Wrecktangle,” and “Wrecktify (rectify).”
  • Wreck: The word “wreck” has a few meanings other than shipwreck, including slang ones (like “Ohhh rekt!” and “He’s an emotional wreck.”) and the regular, formal ones (Like “My wedding was wrecked by the storm”).
  • Sea: As in, “All at sea,” and “Between the devil and the deep blue sea,” and “Deeper than the deep blue sea,” and “A sea change,” and “Other fish in the sea,” and “Sea legs.” Note: to have to choose between the devil and the deep blue sea is to be in a dilemma where both outcomes are undesirable. Sea legs is the skill of keeping one’s balance when on a boat or ship. 
  • *Sea*: As in, “Backseat driver,” and “The best seat,” and “Break the seal,” and “My lips are sealed,” and “Strawberry season,” and “In search of,” and “Bursting at the seams,” and “Buckle your seatbelt,” and “I’m feeling nausea,” and “Guard against disease,” and “Do your research.”
  • See → Sea: As in, “As far as the eye can sea,” and “Be the change you wish to sea in the world,” and “Can’t sea beyond the end of your nose,” and “Can’t sea the wood for the trees,” and “Come and sea me,” and “Sea no evil,” and “I call ’em as I sea ’em,” and “Long time no sea,” and “Monkey sea, monkey do,” and “I’m not sea-ing anyone,” and “Nowhere to be sea-n,” and “Sea eye to eye (or sea aye to aye might be more appropriate),” and “Sea the bigger picture,” and “Sea what the future has in store,” and “Sea-ing is believing,” and “I’ve sea-n better days,” and “Plant a sea-d.” Notes: If you can’t see the wood for the trees, then you’re unable to see the bigger picture because you’re too focused on the smaller details of the situation. 
  • She → Sea: As in, “By George, I think sea’s got it!” and “Every little thing sea does is magic,” and “I’ll have what sea’s having,” and “Steady as sea goes,” and “Thar sea blows.”
  • *see/cy* → *sea*: If a word has the “see” sound in it, we can use it to make nautical (naughty) pirate puns: “Absorben-sea (absorbency),”, “Accura-sea (accuracy),”, “Accountan-sea (accountancy),”, “Adequa-sea (adequacy),”, “Advoca-sea (advocacy),”, “Agen-sea (agency),”, “Ant-sea (antsy),”, “Aristocra-sea (aristocracy),”, “Beseach (beseech),”, “Sea-ge (seige),”, “Sea-d (seed),”, “Boun-sea (bouncy),”, “Candida-sea (candidacy),”, “Sea-dar (cedar),”, “Sea-ling (ceiling),”, “Competen-sea (competency),”, “Conseal (conceal),”, “Conseat (conceit),”, “Conspira-sea (conspiracy),”, “Curren-sea (currency),” and “Diploma-sea (diplomacy).”
  • Se* → Sea*: Some words that start with just “se” also have a “sea”-ish sound, and the ones that don’t can usually be made into terrible puns anyway: seacret, searious, seargeant, seacretion, seacure, seacurity, seacondary, seacretariat, seaconds, seacrete, searum, searenity, searvitude, seanile, seadation, seaclusion, seacretive, seaze, seaquential, sealection, seacretly, seaquences, seanior, seaniority, seagregate, seaping, seacession, seariousness, seaminars, seaveral, seaxual, seaparation, seantimental, seansational, seaquential, seacluded, seacularist, seathing, seaquin, seasame, seaclusion.
  • Seizure → Seazure: As in “If I read one more ocean pun I’m going to have a seazure.”
  • Scenic → Seanic: As in “Let’s take the seanic route.”
  • Ocean: As in, “A life on the ocean waves,” and “A drop in the ocean,” and “The motion of the ocean.” Note: a drop in the ocean is a tiny amount compared to what is actually needed. 
  • *o-shun* → *ocean*: We can make pirate puns using words that have the “o-shun” sound in them: “M-ocean (motion),”, “Em-ocean (emotion),”, “N-ocean (notion),”, “L-ocean (lotion),”, “Expl-ocean (explosion),”, “P-ocean (potion),”, “Comm-ocean (commotion),”, “Dem-ocean (demotion),”, “Dev-ocean (devotion),” and “Prom-ocean (promotion).” 
  • *wobb* → *swab*: As in, “Throw a swab-bly,” and “The colly-swabbles.” Notes: A swab is another term for mops used in cleaning ship decks. Swabbing is another word for mopping, or cleaning ship decks, and a swabber is someone who performs this task.  
  • Parrot: As in, “Sick as a parrot,” and “Parrot-fashion.” Notes: to do something in parrot-fashion means automatically or mechanically, without thought or real understanding. To be sick as a parrot is to be extremely ill or disappointed. 
  • *part → *parrot: As in, “A fool and his money are soon parroted,” and “It was good in some parrots,” and “I’ve been sad since the day we parroted,” and “If you’re not a parrot of the solution, you’re parrot of the problem,” and “Drift a-parrot,” and “Fall a-parrot,” and “No-one in parrot-icular,” and “House-warming parrot-y,” and “Get the parrot-y started,” and “Life of the parrot-y,” and “Parrot-ing of the ways,” and “Worlds a-parrot,” and “What parrot of ‘no’ don’t you understand?” 
  • Prepared → Pre-parrot: As in, “Chance favours the pre-parrot mind,” and “Here’s one I pre-parrot earlier,” and “Be pre-parrot.” 
  • Paradise→ Parrot-ise: As in, “A taste of parrot-ise,” and “Fool’s parrot-ise,” and “Trouble in parrot-ise.”
  • Carrot → Parrot: As in, “Parrot and stick.” Note: the carrot and stick are metaphors for using a mixture of reward and punishment to teach certain behaviours. 
  • *rot → *parrot: As in, “Parrot in hell,” and “Spoiled parrot-ten,” and “One parrot-ten apple can spoil the barrel,” and “Parrot-ten to the core.” Note: a rotten apple spoiling the barrel is a metaphor for one single bad influence (whether it be a person, belief, or personality trait) wrecking the entire thing or group. 
  • Sea → Sea dog: As in, “Between the devil and the deep blue sea dog,” and “Sun, sea dog and sand.” Note: a sea dog is someone who is experienced at sea. 
  • Gallery → Galley: As in, “A new art galley.” Note: Galleys have two meanings: a kitchen in a ship, or a type of ship.
  • Alley → Galley: As in, “Galley cat,” and “Right up your galley.”
  • Cannon: As in, “Cannon fodder,” and “Loose cannon.” Notes: Cannon fodder is a  derogatory term for soldiers who are regarded by government as expendable. A loose cannon is a person who is likely to cause unintentional damage.
  • Cannibal → Cannonball: As in, “Corporate cannonballism.” Note: corporate cannibalism is where a company is seemingly “eating into” its own market of established products. 
  • Tears → Privateers: As in, “Blood, sweat and privateers,” and “Bathed in privateers,” and “Crocodile privateers,” and “Fighting back the privateers,” and “It will all end in privateers,” and “No more privateers.” Notes: a privateer is someone who is privately hired to engage in maritime warfare.
  • Wonder → Plunder: As in, “Gutless plunder,” and “It’s a plunder-ful life,” and “Nine days’ plunder,” and “A small plunder,” and “Where plunders never cease,” and “A one-hit plunder.” Note: to plunder is to loot and steal.
  • *anker → *anchor: most words ending in “anker” can be anchor puns: banchor (banker), tanchor (tanker), flanchor (flanker), hanchor (flanker), spanchor (flanker), danchor (danker).
  • Map: As in, “Mind map,” and “On the map,” and “All over the map.”
  • Mop → Map: As in, “Map the floor with.” Note: to mop the floor with someone is to thoroughly defeat them. 
  • Offer → Coffer: As in, “Open to coffers,” and “A coffer you can’t refuse.” Note: a coffer is a chest for treasure. 
  • Cover → Coffer: As in, “Blow your coffer,” and “Coffer to coffer,” and “Extra coffer,” and “We’ve got you coffered,” and “A startling dis-coffer-y!” 
  • Hold: As in, “Can’t hold a candle to,” and “Don’t hold your breath,” and “Got a hold on the wrong end of the stick,” and “Hold a grudge,” and “Hold a mirror up to society,” and “Hold a torch for,” and “Hold all the cards,” and “Hold at bay,” and “Hold back on,” and “Hold it right there!” and “No holds barred,” and “A sight to behold,” and “Lo and behold.” Notes: if you can’t hold a candle to something or someone, then you are very lowly in comparison to them. If there are no holds barred, that means that anything goes in a situation. Lo and behold is an exclamation demanding that one’s attention be directed to a certain thing. 
  • Cock → Coxswain: As in, “Coxswain and bull story.” Note: a coxswain is someone in charge of the navigation and steering of a boat. 
  • Board → Starboard: As in, “All above starboard,” and “Across the starboard.” Note: starboard refers to the right-side orientation on a boat. 
  • Plank: As in, “Take a long walk off a short plank,” and “Walk the plank.” Note: walking the plank was a method of execution used by pirates. Victims were bound so they were unable to swim, then made to walk off a wooden plank into the ocean. 
  • Blank → Plank: As in, “A plank slate,” and “Plank canvas,” and “A plank look,” and “Drawing a plank,” and “Point plank range,” and “I’m planking out,” and “Fill in the plank,” and “Wet plank-et.” Note: a wet blanket is someone that dampens enjoyment or excitement. 
  • Thank → Plank: As in, “Accept with planks,” and “Give planks,” and “Plank god it’s Friday,” and “Plank you for the music,” and “Planks for nothing,” and “Plank your lucky stars,” and “Be plankful.”
  • Sword: As in, “Cross swords with,” and “A double-edged sword,” and “Fall on your sword,” and “Put to the sword,” and “The pen is mightier than the sword.” Notes: a double-edged sword is a thing that provides both benefits and disadvantages. To put someone to the sword is to execute them. To say that the pen is mightier than the sword is to express that the the media is more powerful than the military.  
  • Sort → Sword: As in, “Last re-sword,” and “I’m out of swords,” and “Sword the wheat from the chaff,” and “Sword yourself out,” and “Sword of.” Note: to sort the wheat from the chaff is to sort valuable things or people from those that aren’t needed. 
  • Word → S-word: As in, “A picture paints a thousand s-words,” and “A s-word to the wise,” and “Actions speak louder than s-words,” and “As good as your s-word,” and “Don’t mince s-words,” and “Famous last s-words,” and “Get a s-word in edgeways,” and “The last s-word.” Note: to not mince your words is to not be gentle in your communications – to use blunt and direct language. 
  • Barely → Parley: As in, “Parley there,” and “Parley noticeable.” Note: to parley is to have negotiations with an opposing side. 
  • Sure → Shore: As in “Are you shore?” and “She shore is strong!” and “I shore will.”
  • Shore: As in, “Ship to shore,” and “Shore up.” Note: to shore up is to support something by placing something under or against it. 
  • Not → Knot: As in “Tell me this is knot happening.” and “Knot on my watch.”
  • Not → Naut: As in “I’m naut going to keep arguing with you,” and “Last but naut least,” and “Fear naut!”
  • Naughty → Nauty: As in “There’s that nauty sailor again”.
  • Specific → Pacific: As in “You need to be more pacific.” and “Are you sure you have the pacifications for this?” and “Pacifically, there are two apples and three nectarines.”
  • Passivist → Pascificist: As in “I’m a pascificst. Violence is never the answer.”
  • *ways → *waves: Words than end in “ways” can be made into bad wave puns: alwaves (always), railwaves (railways), sidewaves, pathwaves, lengthwaves, doorwaves.
  • Wave: “Wave goodbye” and “Mexican wave” and “Heat wave” and “Wave the white flag” and “Brain waves“.
  • Cog*: As in, “Cogito ergo sum,” and “Just another cog in the machine.” Notes: cogito ergo sum is a philosophical expression meaning “I think, therefore I am.” A cog is a type of ship. 
  • Clog → Cog: As in, “Clever cogs,” and “Cog up,” and “Pop your cogs.” Notes: Clever clogs is a disapproving way of saying that someone is clever, but in an irritating way. To pop your clogs is to die. 
  • *cog*: As in, “Cognitive,” and “Cognition,” and “Incognito,” and “Recognise,” and “Recognition.” 
  • Sooner → Schooner: As in “Schooner or later.” and “I’ll call her schoon“. A “schooner” is a sailing ship with two or more masts.
  • Slope → sloop: A “sloop” is a type of sailboat with one mast. Example sentence: “Hold on! This is a steep sloop.”
  • Fathom: A “fathom” is a unit of length equal to 6 feet (~1.8m) and is most commonly used in reference to the depth of water. Example sentences: “I can’t fathom what she means.” and “It’s completely unfathomable!”
  • Overboard: As in, “Man overboard!” and “This is going overboard.”
  • Tack → Hardtack: As in, “As sharp as a hardtack.” Note: hardtack is a type of hard biscuit/bread that was commonly eaten on voyages due to it being cheap and long-lasting. 
  • Kraken: As in, “Release the kraken!” Note: the kraken is a legendary sea monster that is popular in pirate stories and mythology. 
  • Cracking → Kraken: As in, “Get kraken!” 
  • Crack → Kraken: As in, “At the kraken of dawn,” and “Kraken a smile,” and “Have a kraken at it,” and “Snap, kraken, and pop.”
  • Afraid → Afeared: As in, “Afeared of your own shadow,” and “Afeared so,” and “Be afeared, be very afeared,” and “Everything you always wanted to know but were afeared to ask,”  and “I’m not afeared of death.” Note: “afeared” is a common bit of pirate lingo. 
  • Go out → Gout: As in, “Don’t gout of your way,” and “Gout on a limb,” and “Gout with a bang,” and “Gout like a light,” and “Good manners never gout of style,” and “I’d like to gout.” Notes: gout is a disease that commonly afflicted pirates due to their lifestyle. 
  • About → Agout: As in, “Agout time,” and “It’s not all agout you,” and “Beat agout the bush,” and “No two ways agout it,” and “Nothing to write home agout,” and “Out and agout.”
  • *goat* → *gout*: As in, “Scapegout,” and “Nice goutee.” Note: a scapegoat is a person who is blamed for the mistakes or wrongdoings of others. 
  • Got → Gout: As in, “I think you’ve gout it,” and “Cat gout your tongue?” and “Give it all you’ve gout,” and “She’s gout a flair for,” and “I’ve gout a soft spot for,” and “Gout it down to a fine art,” and “Hasn’t gout two cents to rub together,” and “Have I gout news for you,” and “The one that gout away.” 
  • Bulge → Bilge: As in, “Battle of the bilge.” Note: a bilge is the underwater part of a ship. Also used as a dismissive term for anything determined to be nonsense or rubbish.
  • Spot → Black spot: As in, “A leopard cannot change its black spots,” and “Got a soft black spot for,” and “Hit the black spot,” and “In a tight black spot,” and “X marks the black spot.” Note: a black spot is a marker of death in the pirating world. 
  • Dinghy → Dingy: A “dinghy” is a small boat and it sounds a bit like the word “dingy” which has multiple slang definitions including “gloomy and drab”.
  • Slope → sloop: A “sloop” is a type of sailboat with one mast. Example sentence: “Hold on! This is a steep sloop.”
  • *sk if → As skiff: If the word “if” follows a word that ends in “sk” then we can create a play on “skiff” (a type of shallow, flat-bottomed boat). Example sentences: “Before giving it to her, askiff she wants it.” and “We’ll be back by duskiff we can fix this motor.” Many more words fit this pattern: riskiff (risk if), deskiff (desk if), taskiff (task if), diskiff, maskiff, briskiff, flaskiff, kioskiff, baskiff, whiskif, muskiff.
  • *s if → As skiff: If the word “if” follows a word that ends in “s” then we can create a play on “skiff” (a type of shallow, flat-bottomed boat). Example sentences: “As skiff!” and “You sound as skiff you’re a bit sick?” and “Ask us skiff you need anything!” There are obviously thousands of words ending in “s” so you can create your own puns using this formula with the help of a list like this.
  • Y’all → Yawl: As in “How are yawl doing today?” A yawl is a type of sailboat.
  • Cuddle → S-cuttle: As in, “S-cuttle buddy,” and “Want to s-cuttle?” Note: to scuttle is to sink a ship. 

The following puns are based on popular fictional pirates.

  • Pearl → Black pearl: As in, “A string of black pearls,” and “Black pearls of wisdom.” Note: The Black Pearl is the ship in the first movie of the Pirates of the Carribean series. 
  • Jack → Jack Sparrow: As in, “All work and no play makes Jack Sparrow a dull boy,” and “Every Jack Sparrow has his Jill.” Note: Jack Sparrow is a fictional pirate from the Pirates of the Caribbean series. 
  • Hook → Captain Hook: As in, “By Captain Hook or by crook,” and “Captain Hook, line, and sinker,” and “I’m Captain Hooked.”
  • One → One Piece:  As in, “All for One Piece and One Piece for all,” and “An army of One Piece,” and “And then there was One Piece,” and “Down it in One Piece.” Note: One Piece is a wildly popular manga about pirates. 
  • Fluffy → F-luffy: As in, “A f-luffy bunny.” Note: Luffy is the Captain of the Straw Hat pirates and the main protagonist from One Piece. 
  • Tsunami → Tsu-nami: As in, “Wreckage from the tsu-nami,” and “There’s a tsu-nami coming.” Note: Nami is the navigator for the Straw Hat pirates from One Piece. 
  • Gold → Gol D. Roger: As in, “After the Gol D rush,” and “All that glitters is not Gol D,” and “As good as Gol.D Roger,” and “Fool’s Gol D,” and “Get a Gol D star,” and “A heart of Gol D,” and “A Gol D mine.” Note: Gol.D Roger is the legendary Pirate King in One Piece. 
  • Straw → Straw Hat: As in, “A drowning man will clutch at a straw hat,” and “The last straw hat,” and “Draw the short straw hat.” 

Pirate-Related Words

To help you come up with your own pirate puns, here’s a list of related words to get you on your way. We’ve split these words up into categories to make it easier to read and use. If you come up with any new puns or related words, please feel free to share them in the comments!

General: pirate, crew, rum, booty, treasure, pieces of eight, doubloon, loot, bounty, grog, tankard, boatswain, swashbuckle/swashbuckler, hook, pegleg, eyepatch, skull and crossbones, jolly roger, buccaneer, cutlass, mutiny, ship, deck, brig, flog, sea, blunderbuss, davy jones’ locker, jack, black spot, gout, hardtack, privateer, plunder, pillage, coffer, swab/swabber, scallywag, rapscallion, scuttle, sea dog, captain, ocean, boat, first mate, swab, hold, map, telescope, parrot, anchor, poop deck, bilge, coxswain, starboard, plank, sail, wreck, chest, scurvy, galley, cannon, marooned, hornswaggle, parley, shore, harbour, pier, nautical, clipper, cog, galleon, long boat, schooner, sloop, fathom, port, overboard, kraken

Lingo: arr, aye aye, ahoy, matey, avast ye, hearty, me hearties, shiver me timbers, landlubber, thar she blows, yo ho ho, cap’n, afeared, lily-livered, bilge rat

Fictional: black pearl, pirates of the carribean, jack sparrow, elizabeth swann, bluebeard, captain hook, flying dutchman,  one piece, luffy, nami, sanji, zoro, usopp, gol.d roger, straw hat pirates, tony chopper, nico robin, franky, brook, jimbei, captain feathersword

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Harry Potter Puns

Welcome to the Punpedia entry on Harry Potter Puns! ✨🧙

As well as bringing you a collection of magical puns from the Harry Potter universe, we also have separate entries for witch puns and magic puns.

We’ve made this list as varied and comprehensive as possible, with puns ranging from the locations in the Harry Potter universe, to character names, to types of spells and more.

Please note that while we have included the phrases “mudblood”, “pureblood”, and “half-blood” in our related words list, we haven’t provided any puns for them as they are intended as oppressive, discriminatory insults in the novels and are widely considered to be analogies for racism, and any puns including those words would feel very much like a racist pun.

Harry Potter Puns List

Each item in this list describes a pun, or a set of puns which can be made by applying a rule. If you know of any puns about alpacas that we’re missing, please let us know in the comments at the end of this page! Without further ado, here’s our list of Harry Potter puns:

  • Harry: To kick off, here are some common phrases that use the name “Harry”, which you can use to make your own Harry Potter puns in the right context: “Dirty Harry,” “Flash Harry,” and “Tom, Dick and Harry.”
  • Hairy → Harry: As in, “Give it the harry eyeball,” and “Things are looking a bit harry.”
  • Hurry → Harry: As in, “Harry up! We’re going to miss Dumbledore’s speech!”
  • Potter: Make some references to the other meanings that the word “potter” has: “Potter about” (to wander around), “Potter’s clay,” and “Potter’s field.” 
  • Bought her → Potter: As in, “They Potter a new book.” 
  • Spot her → S-Potter: As in, “Can you s-Potter?” and “I need a s-Potter for this exercise.”
  • Particular → Pottercular: As in, “This pun topic is very Pottercular.” 
  • *pot → *potter:  Place “potter” onto words ending with “pot”: “Crack-potter” (crackpot), “Flower-potter” (flowerpot), “Jack-potter” (jackpot), “suns-potter” (sunspot), “Tea-potter” (teapot)
  • Hippopotamus → HippoPottermus: As in, “That hippoPottermus really likes Harry Potter puns.”
  • Pot o’ → Potter: As in, “Would you like a Potter tea?”
  • Patina → Potty-na: As in, “The Potty-na on that Mirror of Erised is just breathtaking.” (Note: “Patina” refers to a thin layer of tarnish caused by oxidation).
  • Potty: Reference Harry Potter’s nickname (Potty, Potty Wee Potter) with these phrases that contain “potty”: “Potty-mouthed,” and “Potty trained,” and “Gone potty.”
  • Danger → Granger: As in, “A little knowledge is a grangerous thing,” “Armed and grangerous,” and “Grangerous liaisons,” and “These Hermione Granger puns are grangerously cheesy,” and “Live grangerously,” and “Out of granger,” and “stranger granger.” 
  • Stranger → Granger: As in, “Don’t be a granger,” and “Perfect granger,” and “Granger danger,” and “Granger than fiction,” and “Granger things have happened,” and “Grangers in the night,” and “Grangers on a train,” and “The kindness of grangers,” and “Total granger,” and “The truth is granger than fiction.”
  • Wrong → Ron: As in, “Barking up the ron tree,” and “From the ron side of the tracks,” and “Get off on the ron foot,” and “Go down the ron way,” and “If anything can go ron, it will,” and “If this is ron, I don’t want to be right,” and “In the ron,” and “It went down the ron way,” and “Jumping to the ron conclusions,” and “There’s nothing ron with that,” and “(To be) rubbed the ron way,” and “The right place at the ron time,” and “Two rons don’t make a right,” and “What’s ron with this picture?” and “Fall into the ron hands.”
  • Bon → Ron: As in, “Ron voyage” and “Ron appetit.”
  • Run → Ron: As in, “A river rons through it,” and “Blade Ronner,” and “Born to ron,” and “Don’t try to ron before you can walk,” and “He’s gone and done a ronner,” and “A dry ron,” and “We had a good ron,” and “Hit and ron,” and “In the long ron,” and “In the ronning,” and “Don’t let your imagination ron riot,” and “My cup ronneth over,” and “Ron for your life,” and “Take a ronning jump.”
  • *ron: Emphasize words that end with “ron” – “Squad-ron,” and “Elect-ron,” and “Ba-ron,” and “I-ron,” and “Saff-ron,” and “Cit-ron,” and “Gridi-ron,” and “He-ron.” 
  • Weasel → Weasley: As in, “Pop goes the weasley,” and “Weasley and stoat,” and “A bag of weasleys.” 
  • Weaselly → Weasley: As in, “But he’s such a weasley character..”
  • Easily → Weasily: As in, “A fool and his money are weasily parted,” or “Flies off the handle weasily,” and “Don’t worry, you’ll weasily deal with this.” 
  • Measle → Weasle: As in, “He’s got the weasles,” and “What a weasley (measly) meal,” and “This is the weasliest (measliest) thing you’ve ever made.”
  • Adore → Dumble-adore: As in, “I Dumble-adore you,” or “That was Dumble-adorable.”
  • Door → Dumbledoor: As in, “As dead as a dumbledoornail,” and “As one dumbledoor closes, another one opens,” and “At death’s dumbledoor,” and “Beat a path to your dumbledoor,” and “Behind closed dumbledoors,” and “The boy next dumbledoor,” and “Begone and never darken my dumbledoors again,” and “Foot in the dumbledoor,” and “My dumbledoor is always open,” and “An open dumbledoor policy” and “Don’t let the dumbledoor hit you on the way out.” 
  • Seriously → Severus-ly: As in, “Severus-ly though, ten points from Gryffindor,” and “But severus-ly folks, give us a hand.” Also works for serious – “Stop joking around! I’m severus.” 
  • Snake → Snape: As in, “Lower than a Snape’s belly,” and “Snape eyes,” and “Snape in the grass,” and “Snapes and ladders,” and “Snapes alive,” and “Snape oil,” and “Snapes on a Plane.” 
  • Ape → Snape: As in, “Rise of the Planet of the Snapes.” 
  • Shape → Snape: As in, “All snapes and sizes,” and “Bent out of snape,” and “Get into snape,” and “Keep in snape,” and “Ship snape,” and “The snape of things to come,” and “It’s all pear-snaped,” and “In any way, snape or form,” and “Whip into snape.” 
  • Grapevine → Snapevine: As in, “I heard it through the snapevine,” and “Sour snapes” and “The snapes of wrath.”
  • *ape → E-snape: As in, “That was a narrow e-snape!” and “The great e-snape,” and “Fire e-snape,” and “Their mouths were asnape (agape)” and “What a beautiful landsnape (landscape)” and “This is all looking shipsnape (shipshape)”.
  • Snap → Snape: As in, “A snape decision,” and “Snape happy,” and “Snape out of it,” and “Snape someone’s head off,” and “Snape to it!” and “Snape, crackle and pop” and “A cold snape,” and “It’s a snape,” and “Snape (one’s) fingers” and “Make it snape-y!” 
  • *snip → *snape: As in, “Fine words butter no parsnapes (parsnips).”
  • Snapchat → Snapechat: As in, “What’s your snapechat?”
  • Severe → Severus: As in, “It was a really severus accident.” 
  • Several → Severus: As in, “There were severus factors involved.” 
  • Sever → Severus: As in, “Don’t severus that cord!” 
  • *all → McGonagall: Add “McGonagall” to words ending in “all” – “McGonagallop” (gallop), “McGonagallows” (gallows), “McGonagall-bladder” (gall-bladder), “McGonagallant” (gallant), “McGonagallantry” (gallantry), “McGonagalleon” (works for both the pirate ship and the gold coin in the Harry Potter universe), “McGonagallery” (gallery), and “McGonagalley” (galley)
  • Serious → Sirius: As in, “Sirius as a heart attack,” and “Sirius money,” and “You cannot be sirius,” and “But siriusly,” and “Dead sirius.”
  • Mysterious → Myst-sirius: As in, “That was a really myst-sirius novel.” 
  • Series → Sirius: As in, “It’s the world sirius!”
  • Siri is → Sirius: As in, “Sirius extremely smart.”
  • Syria’s → Sirius: As in, “Sirius in a lot of trouble, and has been for a long time.” (Siriusly though, it’s not a laughing matter and you should definitely look into the Syrian crisis and see what you can do to help)
  • Black: Here are some black-related phrases for you to make some sirius puns with (get it? Serious/sirius puns?): “As black as coal/ink/pitch/night,” and  “Back to black,” and “Black Friday,” and “Black and blue,” and “Black comedy,” and “- is the new black, and “Black tie,” and “In a black mood,” and “Little black book,” and “Little black dress,” and “Paint it black,” and “Pot calling the kettle black,” and “Two blacks don’t make a white” and a nice important one to finish off, “Black lives matter.”
  • Rue This → Rubeus: As in, “You will rubeus day!”
  • Haggard → Hagrid: As in, “The last few weeks of work have got me looking really hagrid.” (Note: “Haggard” is an adjective meaning pale, exhausted and worn-down).
  • Adore → Gryffin-adore: As in, “I Griffyn-adore Harry Potter.” 
  • Endorphin → Gryffindorphin: As in, “Exercising is great for gryffindorphins.” (Note: endorphins are a feelgood chemical)
  • Endorse → Gryffindorse: As in, “A glowing gryffindorsement,” and “I gryffindorse it,” and “They have been gryffindorsed.”
  • Shuffle → S-hufflepuff: Remember that this can work for all forms of the word shuffle – as in, “Give the cards a s-hufflepuff,” and “They’ve been s-hufflepuffed,” “But how many s-hufflepuffs?” and “They definitely need re-shufflepuffing” and “Every day I’m s-hufflepuffing.”
  • Kerfuffle → Kerfhufflepuff: As in, “These Harry Potter puns are sure to cause a great kerfhufflepuff.” 
  • Perfection → Hufflepuffection: As in, “These corny puns are hufflepuffection.”
  • Raven → Ravenclaw: As in, “Quoth the Ravenclaw.”
  • Awesome → Ravenclawesome: As in, “These magical puns are Ravenclawesome.”
  • Slither in → Slytherin: As in, “Can I slytherin (to your bed/chamber of secrets)?”
  • Blithering → Slythering: As in, “The slythering idiot!” (Blithering meaning to talk in a foolish, aimless way)
  • Crap → Crabbe: As in, “What a load of crabbe,” and “Cut the crabbe,” and “I’m just going to the crabbe-r,” and “Stop crabbe-ing around,” and “Do bears crabbe in the woods?” and “Don’t crabbe where you eat,” and “Holy crabbe,” and “These are some really crabbe-y puns.” 
  • Grab → Crabbe: As in, “Crabbe a bite to eat,” and “Crabbe their attention,” “Crabbe life by the horns,” and “Screen crabbe,” and “Up for crabbes,” and “Crabbe life by the throat,” and “Crabbe a chair,” and “Crabbe bag,” and “Crabbe some rays,” and “How does that crabbe you?” Don’t forget that this will also work for grabbed (crabbe-d) and grabbing (crabbe-ing). 
  • Crab/by → Crabbe/y: As in, “Don’t be so crabbe-y!” and “Those crabbes are very cute.”
  • Girl → Goyle: As in, “A goyle’s best friend” and “All-American goyle,” and “Atta goyle!” and “Baby goyle,” and “Boy meets goyle,” and “California goyles,” “Diamonds are a goyle’s best friend,” and “Goyle next door,” and “Goyle with a pearl (or poyle) earring,” and “Goyle power,” and “Goyles just wanna have fun,” “That’s what little goyles are made of,” and “The ‘It’ goyle,” and “What’s a goyle to do?” and “Working goyle,” and “You go, goyle” and “Goyleboss” (girlboss).
  • Gold → Goyle-d: As in, “A pot of goyle-d,” and “All that glitters is not goyle-d,” and “As good as goyle-d” and “Five goyle-den rings” and “Fool’s goyle-d” and “Get a goyle-d star” and “Go for goyle-d” and “Goyle-d digger,” and “Goyle-den years,” and “A goyle-den opportunity,” and “A heart of goyle-d,” and “Pure goyle-d,” and “Silence is goyle-den,” and “Sitting on a goyle-dmine,” and “The goyle-den gate bridge” and “The goyle-den mean” and “The streets of London are paved with goyle-d” and “Worth your weight in goyle-d.”
  • Cold → Goyle’d: As in, “as goyle’d as ice” and “Break out in a goyl’d sweat” and “Go goyle’d turkey” and “A goyle’d day in hell”, “Goyle’d feet”, “Goyle’d light of day”, “The goyle’d shoulder”, “Hard, goyle’d cash”, “In goyle’d blood”, “Left out in the goyle’d,” and “Stone goyle’d sober”, “The goyle’d war”, and “They’re out goyle’d!”
  • Coil → Goyle: As in, “Shuffle off this mortal goyle.” Also works for other forms of “coil” – recoil (re-goyle) and “uncoil” (un-goyle).
  • Curl → Goyle: As in, “Goyle up and die”, “Goyle your lip”, “Enough to make your hair goyle,” and “Make someone’s toes goyle,” and “Have ’em by the short and goyle-lies.” 
  • Coyly → Goyle-ly: As in, “She goyle-ly said that she loves me”. 
  • God → Godric: As in, “A face like a Greed Godric,” and “An act of Godric” and “As Godric is my witness”, “A child of Godric” and “For the love of Godric,” and “Godric forbid” and “Honest to Godric,” among many others.
  • Witch: Some phrases with the word “witch”: “The witching hour”, “Witch hunt”, “Witches knickers”, and “Which witch is which?” 
  • Switch → Witch: Replace or emphasise the words “switch” and “witch” in these common phrases: “Asleep at the s-witch,” and “S-witch off”, “S-witch on”, and “S-witch hitter”. 
  • *wich → *witch: Switch words ending in -wich around with witch: “What’s the Green-witch mean time?” and “When do you want to go to Nor-witch?” and “What’s in this sand-witch?” 
  • B*tch → Witch: Make your cusswords kid-friendly by swapping witch in: “Witch fest,” and “Witch slap,” and “Flip a witch,” and “Life’s a witch and then you die” and “Payback’s a witch,” and “Rich witch,” and “The witch is back,” and “Basic witch,” and “Witch and moan,” and “Resting witch face.”
  • *witch: Emphasise words that end in witch: “What’s with that t-witch?” and “The power to be-witch.” Also works for other forms of these words, like “be-witching” and “t-witches.” 
  • Rich* → Witch*: Swap the word “witch” into words that start with a “rich” sound – “Witchard” (Richard), “Witcher” (richer), “Witchual” (ritual), “Witchualistic” (ritualistic), “Witchest” (richest). 
  • Enrich → En-witch: As in, “en-witch the Earth”. 
  • Hours: Change hour-related sayings: “After witching hours,” and “At the eleventh witching hour,” and “Happy witching hour,” and “My finest witching hour,” and “Now is the witching hour” and “Open all witching hours” and “The darkest witching hour is just before the dawn.”
  • Magic: Magic-related phrases: “Every little thing she does is magic” and “It’s a kind of magic,” and “Magic Johnson”, “Magic beans”, “Magic carpet ride”, “Magical mystery tour”, “Make some magic,” and “The magic number”, “Wave your magic wand”, and “Work one’s magic.”
  • Spell: Some spell-related phrases: “Cast a spell” and “How do you spell relief?” and “Spell it out”, “Be under (someone’s) spell,” and “Break the spell,” and “A dry spell” and “It spells trouble”, “Spelling bee”, and “Back in a spell!”
  • Smell → Spell: As in, “Come up spelling of roses”, “I spell a rat”, “A keen sense of spell,” and “A rose by any other name would spell just as sweet”, “Spell ya later”, “Spells like teen spirit”, Stop and spell the roses”, “The sweet spell of success”, “Tastes as good as it spells,” and “Whoever spelled it, dealt it”. Also works for other forms of smell – spelly (smelly) and spelling (smelling). 
  • Stellar → Spellar: As in, “What a spellar performance from England!”
  • Expel → Ex-spell: As in, “I don’t want to be ex-spelled!”
  • Spill → Spell: As in, “Spell the beans,” and “Spell your guts,” and “Cry over spelled milk,” and “Spell the tea,” and “He took a spell.”
  • Book → Spellbook: As in, “A room without spellbooks is like a body without a soul”, “Always have your nose in a spellbook,” and “Spellbook worm”, “By the spellbook,” and “Every trick in the spellbook,” and “Read any good spellbooks lately?” and “His life’s an open spellbook” and “Hit the spellbooks,” and “Little black spellbook,” and “So many spellbooks, so little time”, and “Don’t judge a spellbook by its cover”.  
  • Curse: Some curse-related phrases to make witch puns out of: “Commentator’s curse,” and “I’d rather light a candle than curse the dark,” and “Curses!”
  • *curse*: Use words that already have “curse” in them: “Curseor (cursor)”, “Precurseor (precursor)”, “Accursed,” and “Curseive (cursive)”, “Recurseion (recursion)”, and “Excurseion (excursion)”. 
  • Course → Curse: As in, “But of curse,” and “A correspondence curse,” and “Of curse you can”, “Crash curse,” and “In due curse,” and “Let nature take its curse,” and “A matter of curse” and “On a collision curse,” and “Par for the curse,” and “Run its curse,” and “The curse of true love never did run smooth”. 
  • Chant: Use words either related to or containing “chant”: “Chantal,” and “Chanted,” and “Disenchanted,” and “Disenchantment,” and “Enchanting” and “Merchant,” and “Penchant.” 
  • Can’t → Chant: As in, “An offer one chant refuse”, “Chant get enough”, “Chant stand it”, “I chant hear you!”, “It chant be helped”, “You chant say fairer than that”, “Chant see beyond the end of one’s nose”, “Don’t make promises you chant keep”, “Those who can have a moral obligation to do for those who chant,” and “If you chant stand the heat, get out of the kitchen”.
  • Wand: Related phrases: “Goosey goosey gander, whither shall I wand-er?” and “Wave your magic wand.”
  • *wand*: Emphasise the “wand” in certain words: “Qwandaries (quandaries)”, “Rwanda“, “Sqwander (squander)”,  “Taekwando (taekwondo)”, “Wander“, “Wanderer,” and “Wanderlust.”
  • Want → Wand: As in, “All I really wand to do,” and “Any way you wand it,” and “Do you really wand to hurt me?” and “Do you wand the good news or the bad news?” and “Everything you always wand-ed,” and “Girls just wand to have fun,” and “It’s my party and I’ll cry if I wand to.”
  • *ora/orer → *auror: Change words with an “ora” or “orer” sound to make puns about aurors: “A great explauror (explorer)”, “Unexplainable hauror (horror)”, “She works as an art restauror (restorer)”, “I’m going to see the Aurora Borealis”, and “You probably shouldn’t buy that fedauror (fedora)”. 
  •  Phoenix: Related phrases: “Phoenix from the flames”, and  “rise like a phoenix from the ashes”.
  • Chamber of Secrets: This one has plenty of pick up lines associated with it due to the references to a secret, private location that has a giant snake living in it – for example, “I’d like to Slytherin to your Chamber of Secrets.” You can come up with others on your own.
  • Bedchamber → Bedchamber of Secrets: Add “of Secrets” to the end of “bedchamber” to make some inadvisable puns. 
  • 9 & 3/4: Whenever someone makes a reference to a number, throw 9 & 3/4 in there. For example, instead of “10/10, would recommend”, you would have 9 & 3/4 /10, would recommend”, or “On a scale of 1 – 10, how much do I like Harry Potter puns? Definitely 9 & 3/4.”
  • *Prince → *Half-Blood Prince: Insert the term “half-blood” into these phrases about princes to make some Harry Potter puns that reference the sixth book (Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince): “A (half-blood) prince among men, “(Half-blood) prince of darkness”, “Someday my (half-blood) prince will come”. 
  • Owl: Owls are similar to newts in that they have multiple meanings that you can take advantage of – it can mean the real life bird, the magical creature in Harry Potter, a way to get mail in Harry Potter (as in, “Did you get my owl?”) and an acronym (O.W.Ls) for wizarding exams. Here are some owl-related phrases to help you make an owly Harry Potter pun: “As wise as an owl,” and “Night owl,” and “The owl without a vowel”. 
  • *owl → owl: Replace or emphasise the word “owl” in words that end in “owl”: “Bowl over”, “Neither fish nor fowl,” and “On the prowl.”
  • *owl → *owl: Make some corny Potter puns by emphasising words that end in “owl” (including “oul”) sounds, like “Cowl,” and “fowl” (for both “fowl” and “foul”), “growl,” and “howl,” and “jowl,” and “prowl,” and “scowl,” and “towl” (as in “towel”), “trowl” (as in “trowel”)
  • Aisle → Owl: As in, “Clean up in owl 3!” (Or perhaps 9-3/4 would be more appropriate)
  • I’ll → Owl: As in, “Owl get to it right away.”
  • Muddle → Muggle: As in, “Muggle-headed”, “Muggle along”, and “They’re all muggled up!” 
  • Smuggle → S-muggle: Emphasise the “muggle” sound in “smuggle”, like so: “Budgie s-muggler.” Also works for other forms of the word – “S-muggle,” and “S-muggleing,” and “S-muggle-d.” 
  • Smugly → S-muggley: As in, “Malfoy s-muggley reported the incident to his father.”
  • Quaff → Quaffle: As in, “He quaffled pint after pint”. (Note: to quaff is to drink)
  • Waffle → Quaffle: As in, “That vegan quaffle house is amazing”, and “This teacher never stops quaffling (waffling)”. 
  • Dobbed → Dobby-ed: As in, “They were dobby-ed in to the police”. 
  • Lizard → Wizard: As in, “Flat out like a wizard drinking”, “Lounge wizard,” and “The wizard king”. 
  • Wizard → Hedge Wizard: As in, “The Hedge Wizard of Oz”, and “We’re off to see the hedge wizard.” Note: A hedge wizard is a type of “small-time” wizard.
  • Wizard → Triwizard: As in, “The Triwizard of Oz”, and “We’re off to see the Triwizard.” Good for multi-fandom puns.
  • Grim old place → Grimmauld Place: As in, “What a truly grimmauld place”.
  • Parcel → Parseltongue: Replace “parcel” in these phrases with “parseltongue”: “Good things come in small parseltongues,” and “Part and parseltongue,” and “Pass the parseltongue.” 
  • Tongue → Parseltongue: As in, “Acid parseltongue,” and “Bite your parseltongue,” and “Cat got your parseltongue?” and “Mother parseltongue,” and “Roll off the parseltongue,” and “Slip of the parseltongue,” and “The gift of parseltongues.”
  • Profess her → Professor: As in, “She’s about to professor love for corny Harry Potter puns”. 
  • Nocturnally → Knockturn Alley: As in, “These creatures live knockturn alley.” 
  • Fork → Fawkes: As in, “Fawkes out!” and “Knife and fawke it,” and “Speaking with a fawke-d tongue” and “Fawke off” and “Fawke it over” and “Stick a fawke in it”. 
  • F*ck → Fawkes: As in, “Clusterfawke,” and “I don’t give a flying fawke,” and “For fawke’s sake”, “Fawke!” and “Fawkebuddy,” and “Fawke my life” and “I’ve fawke-d it up” and “What the actual fawke?”
  • Malf* → Malfoy-*: As in, “A wardrobe malfoy-nction,” and “It’s malfoy-med (malformed)”, and “A malfoymation” (malformation).
  • Guinea → Ginny: As in, “The ginny pig state”, and “Worth a ginny a box”. 
  • Geneva → Ginny-va: As in, “As stated in the Ginny-va Convention…”
  • Never → Neville: There are far too many phrases and idioms that use the word “never” for me to list all of the examples here, but here’s a selection to start you off: “Always the bridesmaid, neville the bride”, and “Neville the twain shall meet”, “The city that neville sleeps”, “Begone and neville darken my doors again”, “Better late than neville,” and “An elephant neville forgets”, “It’s now or neville,” and “Well! I neville!” and “Neville a dull moment” and “Neville gonna give you up!”
  • Devil → Neville: As in, “Better the Neville you know than the Neville you don’t”, “Between the Neville and the deep blue sea”, “Neville in disguise”, “Neville may care”, “A Neville of a time”, “Neville’s food cake”, “Neville’s advocate”, “Speak of the Neville,” and “The Neville wears Prada”, “The Neville is in the detail”, “The Neville made me do it” and “What the Neville?”
  • Navel → Neville: As in, “I love neville oranges”, and “I’m going to get a neville piercing”.
  • Naval → Neville: As in, “The neville treaty was very long-winded”. 
  • Shame → Seamus: As in, “Seamus on you”, “The walk of Seamus,” and “Name and Seamus,” and “Put to Seamus” and “What a crying Seamus.”
  • Deem → Dean: As in, “I Dean you worthy”, and “Redean yourself”.
  • Radical → Radical-iffe: As in, “This series is radical-iffe.” 
  • Ema* → Emma*: Make some puns by changing words that start with “ema”-“Emmanate (emanate)”, “Emmagrant (emigrant)”, “Emmanence (eminence)”, and “Emmanent (emanent)”.
  • *ema* → *emma*: Reference Hermione/Emma Watson by changing words with an “ema” sound in them, as in: “Chemmacal (chemical)”, “Cemmatery (cemetery)”, “Demmagogue (demagogue)”, “Demmacratic (democratic)”, “Dilemma,” and “Femmanine (feminine)”, “Hemmasphere (hemisphere)”, and “Remmady (remedy)”.
  • Rolling → Rowling: As in, “A rowling stone gathers no moss”, “Get the ball rowling,” and “Like a rowling stone”, “Rowling in it”, “Rowling in the deep”, “Rowling in dough”, “She is bankrowling (bankrolling) me”, “Rowling out the red carpet”, “Stop rowling your eyes”, and “Rowling up my sleeves”. 
  • *awling/owling → *rowling: As in, “My baby is crowling! (crawling)”, “Your cat is growling,” and “You’re being very controwling,” and “Could you stop your prowling?”
  • Floor → Fleur: As in, “Cross the fleur,” and “Hold the fleur,” and “Mop the fleur with”, “Murder on the dance fleur” and “Fall to the fleur,” and “Fleur it!”, “Fleur-ed,” and “On the cutting room fleur,” and “Rolling (Rowling) on the fleur laughing”, and “So clean you could eat off the fleur.” 
  • Flora → Fleura: As in, “Fleura and fauna”.
  • Florist → Fleurist: As in, “Give the fleurist a call”, and “This fleuristry (floristry) course looks very expensive”. 
  • L’oreal → F’leureal: As in, “Looking for skincare by F’leureal? Too bad, all we have is some lame puns.” 
  • Flirt → Fleur’t: As in, “Fleur’ting with disaster”, “They’re a real fleur’t.” Also works with other forms of flirt – flirted (fleur’ted), flirtatious (fleur’tatious), flirtation (fleur’tation).
  • Lily: Here are some lily-related phrases: “Lily-white,” and “Lily-of-the-valley,” and “Lily-livered.” 
  • Moon: Related phrases for you to make some Lupin puns with: “Ask for the moon,” and “Bark at the moon,” and “A blue moon,” and “Chasing moonbeams,” and “East of the sun and west of the moon,” and “Eclipse of the moon,” and “Fly me to the moon,” and “Honeymoon period”, “Many moons ago”, “Moonlight serenade”, “Once in a blue moon,” and “Over the moon,” and “The dark side of the moon,” and “The cow jumped over the moon,” and “The man in the moon,” and “Phases of the moon” and “They danced by the light of the moon” and “Moon-walking,” “Blood moon”, “Moon about”, and “Reach for the moon.”
  • Money → Moony: As in, “A fool and his moony are soon parted”, “A tonne of moony,” and “Blood moony,” and “Easy moony,” and “For love or moony,” and “Funny moony” and “Get your moony’s worth”, “Hush moony,” and “I’m not made of moony” and “In the moony,” and “Mad moony,” and “Moony back guarantee”, “Moony can’t buy you love”, “Moony doesn’t grow on trees”, “Moony talks”, “Moony is no object”, “Moony is power”, “Time is moony” and “Moony is the root of all evil”, “Moony isn’t everything”, “Spend moony to make moony,” and “Moony makes the world go ’round”, “Moony to burn”, “More moony than sense”, “New moony,” and “Old moony,” and “On the moony,” and “Show me the moony,” “Shut up and take my moony,” and “Value for moony.”
  • Ream us → Remus: As in, “The boss is gonna remus when he finds this!” 
  • Molly: Some Molly-related sayings for you to play with: “Mollycoddled,” and “Good golly, Miss Molly.”
  • Marvellous → Marvolous: As in, “This Voldemort pun is truly marvolous.”
  • Madagascar → Mad-eyegascar: As in, “Did you like the new Mad-eyegascar movie?” 
  • Moody: Use jokes or phrases that have the word “moody” in them, as in: “Why did Barty Crouch stop drinking? Because it was making him moody.”
  • Maddening → Mad-eyening: As in, “This is a mad-eyening amount of puns”, “These Moody puns are mad-eyeningly funny”. 
  • Mad* → Mad-eye*: Sneak “Mad-eye” into names that begin with “Mad” – “Mad-eyeline” (Madeline), and “Mad-eyeson” (Madison).
  • Mood: Related phrases: “In the mood,” and “In a black mood,” and “A person of many moods.” 
  • Dragon: This refers to a cranky person and a magical beast in the Harry Potter universe. Here are some related phrases to help you make some magical puns: “Chase the dragon,” and “Dragon slayer”, “Slay the dragon,” and “Feed the dragon.”
  • Dragging → Dragon: As in, “He’s really dragon on again”. 
  • Roll → Troll: As in, “A trolling stone gathers no moss”, “A trolling ball gathers no moss”, “Heads will troll,” and “High troller,” and “I wanna rock and troll all night!” and “On a troll,” and “Ready to troll?” and “Troll in the hay”, “Troll up your sleeves”, “Troll with the punches”, “All trolled into one”, and the best one – “Trolling in the deep”. 
  • *roll* → *troll*: Mess with words with “roll” in them by replacing “roll” with “troll” like so: “Emotional troller-coaster,” and “Troll-ey boy”, and “Trolls-royce.” 
  • Peeve: As in, “My pet peeves.” 
  • Peter: Some Peter-related phrases for fans of Pettigrew puns: “Peter, Peter, pumpkin eater”, “Peter Piper”, “Peter out”, “Rob Peter to pay Paul”, and “Peter Pan syndrome”.
  • But he grew → Pettigrew: As in, “I thought he was done with his growth spurt, Pettigrew even taller”. 
  • Keeper: Get some Quidditch puns in with these keeper related phrases – “Am I my brother’s keeper?” and “Finders, keepers,” and “That’s a keeper.”  
  • Filch: “They filched from my office!”
  • Bill: Related sayings: “A clean bill of health”, “Fit the bill,” and “Foot the bill,” and “Phony as a three-dollar bill,” and “Sell someone a bill of goods”, “Bulk bill,” and “Silly billy!”
  • Broom: Change broom-related phrases for broomstick puns: “A new broomstick sweeps clean”, and “Marry over the broomstick.” 
  • Room → Broom: As in, “A broom with a view”, “Smallest broom in the house”, “Standing broom only”, and “This is my broommate.”  
  • Stick: Change stick-related phrases for broomstick puns: “As cross as two broomsticks,” and “Better than a poke in the eye with a sharp broomstick,” and “Carrot and broomstick,” and “Every broomstick has two ends”, “Five, six, pick up broomsticks,” and “Got hold of the wrong end of the broomstick,” and “In the broomsticks,” and “More than you can shake a broomstick at”, “Short end of the broomstick,” and “Speak softly and carry a big broomstick,” and “Broomstick in the mud”, and “Broomsticks and bones may break my bones and words can contribute to systemic oppression”.
  • Nut → Knut: Replace “nut” with “knut” (a type of coin in Harry Potter): “As knutty as a fruit cake”, “As sweet as a knut,” and “Do your knut,” and “From soup to knuts,” and “Go knuts,” and “In a knutshell,” and “That old chestknut,” and “Some kind of knut,” and “A tough knut to crack”, “Knuts and bolts”, “If you pay pea-knuts, you get monkeys”, “Drives me knuts,” and “You can put that where the monkey keeps his knuts.” Dont forget that you can also replace the usual nuts with knuts – brazil knuts, candleknut, chestknut, hazelknut, hickory knut, kola knut, pea-knut, pine knut, and walknuts. Knutella (Nutella) isn’t a nut but it works too. 
  • Knot → Knut: As in, “Cut the gordian knut,” and “Dont get your knickers in a knut,” and “Tie the knut,” and “Tie yourself in knuts.”
  • Not → Knut: As in, “And whatknut,” and “As often as knut,” and “Believe it or knut,” and “It all came to knutting,” and “Down but knut out”, “Good for knutting”, “Let’s knut and say we did”, “Knut a chance,” “Knut a minute too soon”, “Knut a pretty sight”, “Knut all it’s cracked up to be”, “Knut bad”, “Knut by any means”, “Last but knut least”, “Waste knut, want knut”, and “Knut a soul”.
  • Knit → Knut: As in, “Guerrilla knutting,” and “Knut one, purl one”, “Knut your brow”, and “Stick to your knutting.”
  • Sick → Sickle: As in, “As sickle as a dog”, “Enough to make you sickle,” and “In sickle-ness and in health”, “Morning sickle-ness,” and “On the sickle list”, “Phone in sickle,” and “Sickle and tired”, “Sickle to the stomach”, and “Worried sickle.” 
  • *cycle/sicle → *sickle: As in, “A bisickle (bicycle) built for two”, “A woman without a man is like a fish without a bisickle (bicycle)”, “Let’s blow this popsickle (popsicle) stand!”, “What massive isickles” (icicles), “I want to ride my trisickle” (tricycle), and “This is farsickle!” (farcical – something ridiculous or absurd – a farce)
  • Secluded → Sickle-uded: As in, “It’s very dark and sickle-uded in here.”
  • Gall*→ Galleon: As in, “What a galleont (gallant) horse”, and “This is 30 galleons (gallons)”. 
  • Remember → Remembrall: As in, “Affair to remembrall,” and “If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remembrall anything”, and “Remembrall when?”
  • Charm: Some charm-related phrases to help you make some Harry Potter puns on the fly: “Charm the birds out of the trees”, “Lead a charmed life”, “Southern charm,” and “Third time’s a charm,” and “Works like a charm.”
  • Giant: Here are some giant related phrases: “Gentle giant,” and “Make giant strides”, “On the shoulders of giants,” and “Sleeping giant,” and “One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind”.
  • See her → Seer: As in, “Where did she go? I can’t seer!”
  • See → Seer: As in, “As far as the eye can seer,” and “Be the change you wish to seer in the world”, “Can’t seer beyond the end of your nose”, Can’t seer the wood for the trees”, “Come up and seer me sometime”, “I can seer clearly now”, and “I could seer you a mile off”.
  • *ear → Seer: As in, “All seers,” and “As cute as a bug’s seer” and “Don’t believe everything you seer (hear)”.
  • Sear → Seer: As in, “Would you like some seered eggplant?”
  • Sheer → Seer: As in, “Seer madness!” and “Seer stockings”.
  • Sear → Seer: As in, “It is seer-ing hot around here”.
  • Wh*re → Horcrux: As in, “Boo you horcrux.” There are other related phrases but we deemed them too offensive for inclusion and advise that you don’t use them either. 
  • Profit → Prophet: As in, “Paper prophet,” and “Prophet margin”, “Windfall prophets,” and “Turn a prophet.”
  • *oo → *Brew: Use words that rhyme with “brew” or have an “oo” sound, as in: “Everything I brew, I brew it for you”, “Brew away with”, “Brew me a favour,” and “You’re brewing my head in!” and “Brew or die”, “Brewberries (blueberries)”, “Out of the brew (blue)”, “Knock back a brew (few)”, “You will brew the day! (rue)”.
  • Beauty → Brewty: As in, “Brewty is only skin-deep”, “A thing of brewty is a joy forever”, “Brewty and the beast”, “Brewty is in the eye of the beholder”, “Brewty is truth”, “You’re brewtiful,” and “I need my brewty sleep”, “That’s the brewty of it”, and “The perception of brewty is a moral test”.
  • Bro* → Brew*: As in, “Am I my brewther’s keeper?”, “Big brewther is watching you”, “O brewther, where art thou?”, “Like a brewken record”, “A brewken vessel”, “That will definitely get us some brewnie points”, “Go for brewke,” and “Knit one’s eyebrews,” and “Raised eyebrews,” and “If it ain’t brewke, don’t fix it”, and “Brew, do you even lift?”
  • Dig → Diggory: As in, “As cold as a well diggory’s arse”, “Can you diggory it?”, and “Diggory deep”.
  • Digger → Diggory: As in, “Gold diggory.” 
  • Victor → Viktor: As in, “To the viktor goes the spoils”, “Viktor viktoria,” and “Snatch viktor-y from the jaws of defeat”, “Viktor-y at sea”, and “V for viktor-y!” Also works for “victories” (viktor-ies) and “victorious” (viktor-ious).
  • Crumb → Krum: As in, “A trail of breadkrums,” and “Cake krums,” and “That’s the way the cookie krumbles.”
  • Crummy → Krummy: As in, “These are some truly krummy puns”. 
  • Rum → Krum: As in, “Yo ho ho and a bottle of krum!”
  • Fulcrum → Fulkrum: As in, “A lack of shame is the fulkrum of the pun community”.  (Note: A fulcrum is a pivot or point which supports the whole).
  • Desire → Erised: As in, “A streetcar named Erised,” and “Burning erised,” and “Heart’s erised,” and “Leaves a lot to be derised,” and “Object of erised.” 
  • Creature → Kreacher: As in, “All kreachers great and small”, “Kreacher comforts”, “Kreacher of habit”, and “Not a kreacher was stirring”, and “Kreacher of the night”.
  • Strange → Lestrange: As in, “Doctor Lestrangelove or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb”, “Don’t be a lestranger,” and “I’m a lestranger here myself”, “Perfect lestranger,” and “Lestrange bedfellows”, “Lestranger danger”, “Lestranger than fiction”, “Lestranger things have happened”, “How lestrange,” and “Truth is lestranger than fiction”.
  • Estranged → Lestranged: As in, “This is my lestranged wife”. (Note: Estranged means to become separated from (or to become a stranger)).
  • Luna*: Emphasise words that start with “Luna”: “It’s luna-cy!” and “Full of luna-tics.”
  • Purse → Percy: As in, “The public percy,” and “Hold the percy strings”, “I percy-ed my lips”, and “Lighten someone’s percy.”
  • Afraid → A-Fred: As in, “‘Fred not, little bro”, and “Be a-fred! Be very a-fred!”
  • Gorgeous → George-ous: As in, “Drop dead george-ous.” 
  • Agog → Aragog: As in, “They were all aragog.”
  • Dear → Deer: Reference Harry Potter’s parents in your wordplay by replacing “dear” with “deer”, as in: “After you, my deer,” and “Deerly beloved”, “Elementary, my deer Watson,” “Frankly my deer, I don’t give a damn”, “Hang on for deer life”, “Nearest and deerest,” and “Oh deer,” and “You are very deer to me.”
  • Marauder → Maraudeer: As in, “James was one of the founders of the Maraudeer’s Map.” (Note: A marauder is someone who roams about looking for adventure and plunder).
  • Ridiculous → Riddikulus: As in, “From the sublime to the riddikulus,” and “How riddikulus!”
  • Squirrel → S-quirrell: As in, “S-quirrelled away”, “A real s-quirrelly guy”. 
  • Umbrage → Umbridge: As in, “She took umbridge at his remarks about You-Know-Who”. (Note: Umbrage can mean a few things, but in this case it means to a feeling of offence and annoyance).
  • Mundungus: Meaning both a very foul-smelling tobacco, and the name of a character in Harry Potter (Mundungus Fletcher). Use them and their meanings interchangeably. 
  • Achoo → Accio: Replace a normal sneezing sound with the famous incantation for a summoning charm.
  • Augment → Aguamenti: As in, “Aguamenti’d reality.” (Note: To augment something is to increase it).
  • Apparent → Apparate: As in, “Apparately space isn’t the final frontier”, and “Heir apparate.”
  • Stupefy: This is both a spell in Harry Potter and an actual word in real life (meaning to stun or daze – which is what the spell does). Make some jokes by playing around with their meanings. 
  • Silence → Silencio: Replace the word “silence” with “silencio” (the silence-inducing spell) in these silence-related phrases: “Conspiracy of silencio,” and “Deafening silencio,” and “Lapse into silencio,” and “Radio silencio,” and “Silencio is golden”, “The silencio of the lambs”, “The sound of silencio,” and “The silencio was deafening” and “Wall of silencio.” 
  • Alert → Gellert: As in, “Intruder gellert!”, “On red gellert” and, “Gellert the masses!”
  • Friends → Firenze: As in, “Best firenze forever”, “Best of firenze,” and “Champagne for my real firenze, real pain for my sham firenze,” and “Circle of firenze,” and “False firenze,” and “Firenze with benefits”, “How to win firenze and influence people”, “Keep your firenze close and enemies closer”, “That’s what firenze are for”, “Firenze in high places”, and “Say hello to my little firenze.” There are way more friends puns to be made (hello Friends/Harry Potter crossover puns!) but I’ll let you get creative with those. 
  • Flying: Use these flying-related phrases in the right context – “Flying without wings”, “Flying blind”, “Flying high”, “Get off to a flying start”, “Passed with flying colours”, and “The flying dutchman”.
  • Pensive → Pensieve: As in, “You’re looking very pensieve today”. 
  • Penny* → Pensieve*: Use words that have “Penny” in them to make pensieve-related puns, like so: “Pensieve (penny) for your thoughts?”, and “We’re going to Pensieve-ania (Pennsylvania)”.  
  • *pensive/pansive → *pensieve: As in, “Inexpensieve. And built to stay that way”, “Reassuringly expensieve,” and “These city views are expensieve (expansive).” 
  • Bomb: Change bomb-related phrases to make dungbomb puns: “Dungbomb out”, “Doctor Strangelove or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Dungbomb,” and “Drop a dungbombshell,” and “Looks like a dungbomb hit it”, “Box office dungbomb,” and “Drop a dungbomb,” and “Sit on a time dungbomb.”
  • Swamp → Swhomp: Reference the whomping willow by changing words with the “omp” sound. As in, “It’s smelling a bit swhompy (swampy) in here”. 
  •  Squib: Squib is a homophone with a few different meanings (an explosive, a short, witty piece of writing, or a sketched concept) – take advantage of these and make some new puns by swapping their meanings around. 
  • Newt: Newts have got three meanings here – the first is a lizard which exists in the real world, the second is a magical creature which exists in the Harry Potter world, and the third is the acryonym (N.E.W.Ts) for wizarding exams. Take advantage of these multiple meanings to make some magic puns. 
  • Fuddy-duddy → Fuddy-Dudley (A reference to Harry Potter’s cousin Dudley Dursley).
  • Vermin → Vernon: As in, “What’s the difference between pests and vernon?”
  • Fudge: As in, “Let’s not fudge the issue”. 
  • Locket → Lockhart: As in, “A shining, golden lockhart.” 
  • Century → Centaur-y: As in, “Sale of the centaur-y,” and “Turn of the centaur-y.”
  • *veal → *veela: Replace the “veal” sound in words with “veela”, like so: “I refuse to reveela my sources”, and “Veela (veal) is unethical”.   
  • Luscious → Lucius: As in, “Look at Rapunzel’s lucius tresses”. 
  • Crucial → Crucio’l: As in, “It is crucio’l that we get all of these puns in as many conversations as possible”. 
  • Legitimate → Legilimens: As in, “This document is legilimens,” and “My dearly beloved illegilimens child”. 
  • Maximum → Maxime-um: Reference Madam Maxime in your Potter puns: “Maxime-um potential!” and “I am putting maxime-al effort into these lame puns”, “I am a maxime-alist,” and “I am ready to see some maxime-isation.”
  • I love her → Oliver: A self-explanatory reference to Oliver Wood. “You can’t keep us apart! Oliver!”
  • Olive → Oliver: As in, “They extended an oliver branch of peace”.
  • *row → *robe: Use words that have the “row” sound in them to make some robe puns, as in: “Robe-ot” (robot), “Robe-ust” (robust), “Robe-oat” (rowboat), “Aerobeic” (aerobic), “Bathrobe”, “Microbe”, “Probe”, and “Wardrobe”. There are many other “row/robe” words, so be creative! 
  • Regular → Regulus: As in, “As regulus as clockwork”, “Just a regulus guy”, and “On a regulus basis”. Also works for “irregular” – as in, “Highly irregulus.” 
  • Roman → Ronan: As in “A ronan holiday”, and “When in Rome, do as the ronans.”
  • Bane:  As in, “The bane of my life”. 
  • Wink → Winky: As in, “Forty winkys,” and “I have not slept a single winky,” “Nudge nudge, winky winky,” and “In the winky of an eye”.
  • Mango → Mungo: As in, “I have a mungo tree in my garden”, and “This sorbet is mungo flavoured”.
  • Mung → Mungo: As in, “These mungo beans are very sweet”.
  • Imperial → Imperio: As in, “Cultural imperio-lism,” and “The imperio summer palace”.
  • Gobblin’ → Goblin: As in, “Goblin down breakfast and showing no signs of slowing down”. 
  • *ware → *were: Make some werewolf references by replacing “ware” sounds with the “were” spelling: “I was una-were,” and “I am well a-were,” “Are you going to were that?” 
  • Cold Run → Cauldron: As in, “I woke up at five this morning for some cardio training. It made for a very cauldron.” 
  • Called Ron → Cauldron: As in, “Why isn’t he replying? I swear I cauldron yesterday”, and “Why does Harry Potter get confused between a mixing pot and his best friend? Because they’re both cauldron.”  
  • B*tch → Snitch: Make your cusswords kid-friendly with this replacement. As in, “Snitchfest,” and “Snitch slap”, “Flip a snitch,” and “Life’s a snitch and then you die”, “Payback’s a snitch,” and “Rich snitch,” and “The snitch is back”, “Basic snitch,” and “Snitchin’,” and “Resting snitch face”, and “I got 99 problems and a snitch ain’t one”.
  • Stitch → Snitch: As in, “A snitch in time saves nine”, “Has us in snitches,” and “Not a snitch on”, and “Pick up snitches.” 
  • Snatch → Snitch: As in, “Body snitcher,” and “Cradle snitcher,” and “Snitched away”, and “Snitching victory from the jaws of defeat”. 
  • Sellotape → Spellotape: As in, “Please hand me the spellotape.” 
  • Ear: Change ear-related phrases to make some extendable ear puns, like so: “All extendable ears,” and “Coming out of your extendable ears,” and “Fall on deaf extendable ears,” and “Music to my extendable ears,” and “My extendable ears were burning”, “Out of extendable earshot” and “Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your extendable ears” and “Grin from extendable ear to extendable ear” and “Have your extendable ears chewed off”, “I’m all extendable ears,” and “In one extendable ear and out the other”. There are plenty of other ear-related phrases out there, so be creative.
  • Riddle: Some riddle-related phrases: “A riddle wrapped up in an enigma”, “Riddle me this”, “His excuse was riddled with holes”, and “What a riddler.”
  • Water: Change water-related phrases to make gillywater puns. There are many more than what we’ve listed here, so be creative: “As dull as gillywater,” and “Blood is thicker than gillywater,” and “Bridge over troubled gillywater,” and “Come hell or high gillywater,” and “Dead in the gillywater,” and “In hot gillywater,” and “Just add gillywater,” and “Like a duck to gillywater,” and “Like a fish out of gillywater,” and “Like gillywater off a duck’s back”, “Muddy the gillywaters,” and “Oil and gillywater don’t mix”, “Still gillywaters run deep”, “Throw the baby out with the gillywater,” and “You can lead a horse to gillywater but you can’t make it drink”.
  • Fire: Change fire-related phrases to make firewhisky puns: “All firewhisky’d up and ready to go!”, “Ball of firewhisky,” and “Baptism of firewhisky,” and “Breathe firewhisky,” and “Come on baby light my firewhisky,” and “Fight fire with firewhisky,” and “Firewhisky and brimstone”, Get on like a house on firewhisky,” and “Light a firewhisky under him”, “Play with firewhisky,” and “Ring of firewhisky” and “Where’s the firewhisky?”
  • Fire → Gubraithian Fire: As in, “Ball of gubraithian fire”, “Baptism of gubraithian fire”, “Breathe gubraithian fire”, “Come on baby light my gubraithian fire”, “Come home to a real gubraithian fire”, “Fight fire with gubraithian fire”, “Out of the frying pan, into the gubraithian fire”, “Ring of gubraithian fire”, and “Set the world on gubraithian fire”. There are many more fire-related phrases, so be creative. 
  • Rock: Change rock-related phrases to make rock cake puns: “As hard as a rock cake,” and “Solid as a rock cake,” and “Between a rock cake and a hard place”, “Get your rock cakes off”, and “In a world surrounded by windows, we’re handing out rock cakes.”
  • Cake: Change cake-related phrases to make rock cake puns: “As nutty as a rock cake,” and “Icing on the rock cake,” and “Let them eat rock cake,” and “Piece of rock cake,” and “Selling like rock cakes,” and “Takes the rock cake,” and “The cherry on the rock cake,” and “You can’t have your rock cake and eat it too”.
  • Disparate → Disapparate: As in, “They occupy disapparate worlds”. (Note: Disparate means divided or separate).
  • Pinch → Splinch: As in, “In a splinch,” and “Penny splinching,” and “Splinch, punch, for the first day of the month”, and “Take with a splinch of salt”. 
  • Heck → Hex: As in, “For the hex of it”, and “Oh, hex!”
  • Exception → Hexception: As in, “I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll make an hexception,” and “There’s an hexception to every rule.” 
  • Checks → C-hex: As in, “C-hex and balances.”
  • Confound → Confundus: Works especially well if it’s “confound us” instead of just “confound”, like so – “Heck! That will confundus!”
  • Engorge → Engorgio: As in, “Wow. Look at that thing engorgio.” 
  • Impervious → Impervius: As in, “This cup really is impervius to heat”. 
  • Repair → Reparo: As in, “It’s beyond reparo,” and “Running reparos,” or “In bad need of reparo.” 
  • Reproduce → Reparo-duce: As in, “Do you think you could reparo-duce this drawing?”
  • Obscure → Obscuro: As in, “That topic is pretty obscuro,” and “My view is obscuro’d.”
  • Protein → Protean: As in, “This protean shake is delicious!”
  • Quiet → Quietus: As in, “All quietus on the Western front”, “Anything for a quietus life”, “As quietus as a mouse”, “Quietus before the storm”, and “So quietus you could hear a pin drop”. 
  • Quiet us → Quietus: As in, “How dare they think they can quietus? We will never stop sharing puns!” 
  • Demented → Dementor’d: As in, “They were dementor’d with worry”. 
  • Impediment → Impedimenta: As in, “You’re impedimenta-ing me!”, and “A speech impedimenta.”
  • Cuppa → Kappa: As in, “Would you like a kappa tea?” 
  • Reduce → Reducio: As in, “In reducio’d circumstances”, and “Reducio to tears”. 
  • Sonorous → Sonoros: As in, “They read aloud with a sonoros and musical voice”.
  • Evanescence → Evanesco-nce: As in, “Evanesco-nce has nice vocals”. (Note: Evanescence means to be in a vanishing state).
  • Relationship → Relashio-nship: As in, “Love-hate relashio-nship,” and “A good working relashio-nship.”
  • Relation → Relashio-n: As in, “Special relashio-ns,” and “My family relashio-n.”
  • Inferior → Inferi-or: As in, “Inferi-ority complex”.
  • Crap → Crup: As in, “A load of crup,” and “Bunch of crup,” and “Cut the crup,” and “The crupper,” and “Do bears crup in the woods?” and “You scared the crup out of me!” 
  • *rupt → Crup’t: Mix “crup” into words with the “rupt” sound in them – “crup’t” (corrupt), “intercrup’t” (interrupt), “discrup’t” (disrupt)
  • Crop → Crup: As in, “Cream of the crup,” and “I was crupped out of that photo!” “Crup up”, and “Bumper crup.”
  • Know him → Gnome: As in, “Do you gnome? He looked familiar.”
  • Sniff → S’niffler: As in, “S’niffler out the truth” and “S-niffler test”.
  • Sinks → Sphinx: As in, “My heart sphinx..”
  • Gargle → Nargle: As in, “Take this, and nargle this”. 
  • Marrow → Merrow: As in, “Frozen to the merrow.” 
  • Silky → Selkie: As in, “Selkie smooth”.
  • Private → Privet: As in, “My privet hell”, “Her privet life”, “Privet parts”, and “Privet eye”. 
  • Zonked → Zonko’d: As in, “She’s really zonko’d out after all that studying”. 
  • Pussyfoot → Puddifoot: As in, “Puddifoot around”.
  • Diagonally → Diagon Alley: As in, “As you can see, this slopes diagon alley.” 
  • *uell → Quill: Replace the “uell” sound in words with “quill”. As in, “Extra teachers were called in to quill (quell) the disturbance”, “I haven’t seen the prequill” (prequel), “But I have seen the sequill” (sequel).
  • *kil → *quill: Replace the “kil/kill” sound in words with “quill” – “Quill” (kill), “Aquill-es heel” (achilles heel), “Quillometre” (kilometre), “Quillpatrick” (kilpatrick), “Squillet” (skillet), “Squillful” (skillful), and “Painquillers,” (painkillers).
  • Ill → Quill: As in, “Quill advised”, “Quill at ease”, “Quill effects”, “Quill fated”, Quill gotten gains”, “Quill repute”, “Quill temper”, “Quill will”, and “Never speak quill of the dead”.
  • *wil → *quill: Use words that have a “wil” sound in them to make quill-related puns: “Bequillder” (bewilder), “Qwilt” (wilt), “Tranquill” (tranquil), “I quill,” (I will), “Unquill,” (until), “Quill-t” (quilt), “Unquilling” (unwilling), “House of quill repute” (ill), “Quillderness” (wilderness), “Quilling” (willing). Keep in mind that there are plenty more words with the “wil” sound, and that this will also work for other forms of the words provided (like bewilder, bewildered, bewildering).
  • Names with *wil: As above, look for words with the “wil” sound in them, but this time specifically for names. As in: “Jacquillyn” (Jacquelyn), “Quillbur” (Wilbur), “Quillbert” (Wilbert), “Quillberforce” (Wilberforce), “Quillhelmina” (Wilhelmina), “Quilliam” (William).
  • Key → Portkey: As in, “A golden portkey can open any door”, “Fear is the portkey,” “Portkey to your heart”, “Lock them up and throw away the portkey,” “Skeleton portkey,” “Portkeys to the kingdom”, and “Under lock and portkey.”
  • Porky → Portkey: As in, “He’s telling portkey pies!”
  • Time → Time-turner: As in, “Ahead of his time-turner,” “Been around the block a few time-turners,” and “Buy some time-turners.”
  • Butter → Butterbeer: As in, “Bread and butterbeer,” and “Butterbeer fingers”, and “Butterbeer wouldn’t melt in her mouth”.
  • Butterfly → Butterbeer: As in, “I have butterbeer in my stomach”, “The butterbeer effect”, “Social butterbeer,” and “Float like a butterbeer, sting like a bee”.
  • Beer → Butterbeer: As in, “Butterbeer belly”, “Butterbeer goggles”, “Champagne tastes on a butterbeer budget”, “Cry into your butterbeer”, “I’m only here for the butterbeer”, “If you’ve got the time, we’ve got the butterbeer”, “Life’s not all butterbeer and skittles”, and “Hold my butterbeer!”
  • Death → Death Eater: As in, “Death Eaters on the Orient Express”, “Give me liberty or give me death eaters,” and “Nothing is certain but death eaters and taxes”, and “Till death eater do us part”.  
  • Beat → Beater: As in, “Beater ’round the bush”. 
  • *eater → *beater: Change words with the “eeter” sound to make beater puns. As in, “Where’s the b-eatery? (eatery)”, “Beater-nal sunshine (eternal)”, and “For all beater-nity (eternity)”.
  • Beetroot → Beateroot: As in, “As red as a beateroot.”
  • Bitter → Beater: As in, “A beater pill to swallow”, “The beater end”, “Sugarcoat a beater pill”, and “Beatersweet.”
  • Better → Beater: As in, “A beater idea”, “Anything you can do, I can do beater,” and “Appeal to your beater judgement”, “Beater half”, “Beater late than never”, “Beater luck next time”, “Beater safe than sorry”, “Beater than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick”, “Beater than new”, “Beater the devil you know”, “Beater you than me”, “Change for the beater,” and “Couldn’t have said it beater,” and “Get the beater of”, “Should have known beater,” and “Kiss it beater.” There are many more phrases with the word “better”, so look around and be creative!  
  • *flu → *floo: Change words with the “flu” sound in them to make floo powder puns: “One floo over the cuckoo’s nest”, “The last one floo away”, “Whistle and floote (flute)”, “Under the inflooence (influence)”, “He’s got the floo (flu)”, and “My floo (flue) needs fixing”. 
  • Gaunt: Reference Voldemort’s family with these gaunt-related phrases: “Run the gauntlet,” and “Take up the gauntlet.”
  • Daunt → Gaunt: As in, “A gaunting prospect”, “Ungaunted, she carried on”.
  • Spew → S.P.E.W: As in, “S.P.E.W your guts”, and “It S.P.E.Wed all over the floor”.  
  • *partment → *parchment: As in, “They’re not from our deparchment (department)”, “Would you like to come upstairs to my aparchment (apartment)?”, and “It’s in the wrong comparchment (compartment)”. 
  • Stone → Gobstone: As in, “A rolling gobstone gathers no moss”, “As cold as any gobstone,” and “Carved in gobstone,” and “Dropped like a gobstone,” and “Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Gobstone,” and “Heart of gobstone,” and “Hellfire and gobstone,” and “Leave no gobstone unturned”, “People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw gobstones,” and “Sticks and gobstones may break my bones”, “Cast the first gobstone,” and “You cannot get blood from a gobstone.” 
  • Fire → Firebolt: As in, “Come on baby light my firebolt,” and “Come home to a real firebolt,” and “Fight fire with firebolt.”
  • Borrow → Burrow: As in, “Beg, burrow or steal”, “Living on burrowed time”, “Don’t burrow trouble”, and “Something old, something new, something burrowed, something blue”. 
  • Ditch → Quidditch: As in, “A last quidditch effort”. 
  • Chocolate: Change chocolate-related phrases to make chocolate frog puns: “As queer as a chocolate frog,” and “Death by chocolate frog” and “Life is like a box of chocolate frogs.”
  • Nimble → Nimbus: As in, “Jack be nimbus, Jack be quick”. 
  • Imbecile → Nimbusile: As in, “You giant nimbusile!”
  • Dribble → Drooble: As in, “You’re droobleing everywhere!”
  • Quadruple → Quadrooble: As in, “This is quadrooble the price the last time I visited”.
  • Blaze → Blaise: Make some Quidditch puns by referencing Blaise Zabini – “As cold as blue Blaises,” and “Blaise a trail”, “Go out in a Blaise of glory”, “Go to Blaises!” and “Why the Blaises…?” and “It was set a-blaise.” 
  • Beetle → Beedle: As in, “Beedlejuice,” and “What a beautiful beedle.” 

Harry Potter-Related Words

To help you come up with your own Harry Potter wordplay, here’s a list of Harry Potter-related words to get you started. If you come up with any new puns, please feel free to share them in the comments!

Since there are so many words that are related to Harry Potter and his literary universe, we’ve split this section up into little sub-categories for your ease of use.

Book Titles: The Philosopher’s Stone, The Chamber of Secrets, The Prisoner of Azkaban, The Triwizard Tournament, The Order of the Phoenix, The Half-Blood Prince, The Deathly Hallows

General: witch, wizard, magic, The Boy Who Lived, Undesirable No. 1, the Master of Death, lightning scar, the Boy Who Lied, Potty, Potty Wee Potter, wizarding wireless network, owl post, muggle, squib, mudblood, pureblood,halfblood

Houses: Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, Slytherin, house cup, sorting hat, common room, dormitory, great hall, head of house, house ghost, mascot, head boy, head girl, badger, lion, eagle, serpent

Characters and Names: Harry Potter, Voldemort, Tom Marvolo Riddle, Lily Potter, James Potter, Albus Dumbledore, Severus Snape, Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley, Draco Malfoy, Minerva McGonagall, Mad-Eye Moody, Ludo Bagman, Bathilda Bagshot, Phineas Black, Sirius Black, Lavender Brown, Cho Chang, Penelope Clearwater, Vincent Crabbe, Gregory Goyle, Ginny Weasley, Colin Creevey, Fleur Delacour, Cedric Diggory, Remus Lupin, Aberforth Dumbledore, Dudley Dursley, Marge Dursley, Petunia Dursley, Vernon Dursley, Arabella/Mrs. Figg, Argus Filch, Peeves, Mundungus Fletcher, Professor Flitwick, Cornelius Fudge, Marvolo Gaunt, Gregorovitch, Ollivander, Fenrir Greyback, Gellert Grindelwald, Professor Grubbly-Plank, Godric Gryffindor, Rubeus Hagrid, Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, Prongs, Madam Hooch, Mafalda Hopkirk, Angelina Johnson, Lee Jordan, Professor Karkaroff, Viktor Krum, Bellatrix Lestrange, Gilderoy Lockhart, Neville Longbottom, Luna Lovegood, Lucius Malfoy, Narcissa Malfoy, Madam Malkin, Griselda Marchbanks, Madam Maxime, Ernie Macmillan, Pansy Parkinson, Padma Patil, Parvati, Peter Pettigrew, Scabbers, Peverell brothers, Madam Pince, Madam Pomfrey, Professor Quirrell, Helena Ravenclaw, The Bloody Baron, Rowena Ravenclaw, Demelza Robins, Rookwood, Newt Scamander, Rufus Scrimgeour, Kingsley Shacklebolt, Stan Shunpike, Rita Skeeter, Horace Slughorn, Salazar Slytherin, Alicia Spinnet, Professor Sprout, Dean Thomas, Nymphadora Tonks, Sybill Trelawney, Dolores Umbridge, Emmeline Vance, Romilda Vane, Moaning Myrtle, Arthur Weasley, Molly Weasley, Bill Weasley, Charlie Weasley, Percy Weasley, Fred Weasley, George Weasley, Oliver Wood, Blaise Zabini, Aragog, Bane, Beedle the Bard, Bogrod, Buckbeak, Sir Cadogan, Crookshanks, Dobby, Errol, Fang (the boarhound), The Fat Friar, The Fat Lady, Fawkes, Firenze, Fluffy, Griphook, Grawp, Hedwig, Kreacher, Regulus Black, Magorian, Nagini, Nearly Headless Nick, Norbert/Norberta, Pigwidgeon, Madam Rosmerta, Ronan, Scabbers, Trevor, Winky, Celestina Warbeck, Nicolas Flamel, Scabbers

Spells/Magic: transfiguration, spell, defence against the dark arts, charms, potions, astronomy, history of magic, herbology, flying, arithmancy, muggle studies, divination, ancient runes, care of magical creatures, alchemy, unbreakable vow, priori incantatem, aberto, accio, age line, aguamenti, alarte ascendare, alohomora, anapneo, aparecium, apparate, aqua eructo, arania exumai, arresto momentum, ascendio, avada kedavra, avis, metamorphmagus, patronus, unforgivable curse, imperio, crucio, amortentia,  wolfsbane, parseltongue, dark mark, dark magic, seer, prophecy, legilimency, occlumency, legilimens, occlumens, disapparate, splinching, caterwauling charm, jinx, hex, curse, inferiusm episkey, refula, tergeo, vulnera sanentur, sectumsempra, reparifors, skele-gro, pepperup potion, dr. ubbly, phoenix tears, dragon pox, spattergroit, mumblemumps, scrofungulus, oblivate, locomotor, locomotor mortis, maxima, lumos, confundus, petrificus totalus, protego, stupefy, wingardium leviosa, levioso, revelio, n.e.w.t, o.w.l, bubble-head charm, cheering charm, felix felicis, tarantallegra, expelliarmus, dissendium, engorgio, incendio, fidelius charm, glisseo, duro, homonculus charm, hover charm, illegibilus, impertubable charm, impervius, colloportus, locomotor, reparo, mobiliarbus, mobilicorpus, muffliato, obscuro, oculus reparo, protean charm, quietus, riddikulus, scourgify, diffindo, reducio, silencio, sonoros, stupefy, tergeo, rictusempra, waddiwasi, finestra, evanesco, sherbet lemon, confringo, conjunctivitis curse, expulso, morsmordre, bat-bogey hex, impedimenta, liberacorpus, oppugno, relashio

Magical Beings: dementors, merpeople, goblin, acromantula, basilisk, pixie, werewolf, troll, dragon, giant, thestral, boggart, owl, centaur, house-elf, unicorn, phoenix, hippogriff, leprechaun, animagi, banshee, veela, blast-ended skrewt, manticore, inferi, bowtruckle, chimaera, doxy, hungarian horntail, norwegian ridgeback, swedish short-snout, fairy, flobberworm, ghoul, giant squid, gnome, griffin, grindylow, hinkypunk, imp, kappa, kneazle, murtlap, niffler, puffskein, pygmy puff, sphinx, poltergesit, bicorn, cockatrice, blibbering humdinger, crunple-horned snorkack, freshwater plimpies, heliopath, nargle, wrackspurt,  obscurus, crup, merrow, selkie, siren, red cap, salamander

Places/Locations: Hogwarts, Beauxbatons, Durmstrang, castle, Forbidden Forest, Black Lake, Owlery, Astronomy Tower, Room of Requirement, Shrieking Shack, Leaky Cauldron, Privet Drive, Ministry of Magic, Hogwart’s Express, Hogsmeade, the Burrow, Zonko’s Joke Shop, The Hog’s Head, The Three Broomsticks, Honeyduke’s Platform 9-3/4, Diagon Alley, Eeylops Owl Emporium, Florean Fortescue’s Ice Cream Parlour, Flourish and Blotts, Gringotts, Madam Malkin’s, Godric’s Hollow, Number 12 Grimmauld Place, Hagrid’s Hut, Knockturn Alley, Borgin and Burkes, Little Hangleton, House of Gaunt, Riddle Manor, Malfoy Manor, Shell Cottage, Spinner’s End, St. Mungo’s Hospital, Azkaban, Little Whinging, Dervish and Banges, Gladrag’s Wizardwear, Scrivenshaft’s Quill Shop, Madam Puddifoot’s, Nurmengard

Food and Drink: Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Beans, butterbeer, sugar quills, Drooble’s Best Blowing Gum, chocolate frogs, pumpkin pasties, cauldron cakes, liquorice wands, pepper imps, jelly slugs, fizzing whizbees, cockroach cluster, fudge flies, acid pop, gillywater, firewhisky, rock cake

Items/Objects: sickle, galleon, knut, wand, robe, familiar, howler, put-outer, unicorn hair, phoenix feather, dragon heartstring, invisibility cloak, marauder’s map, elder wand, resurrection stone, horcrux, foe-glass, probity probe, remembrall, revealer, secrecy sensor, sneakoscope, Mirror of Erised, whiz-bangs, skiving snackboxes, nosebleed nougat, fainting fancies, fever fudge, blood blisterpods, puking pastilles, headless hat, trick wand, ton-tongue toffee, canary cream, u-no-poo, extendable ears, decoy detonator, dungbombs, pensieve, Whomping Willow, broomsticks, floo powder, Knight Bus, portkeys, time-turner, quill, parchment, cauldron, gubraithian fire, omnioculars, spellotape

Plants: bubotuber, devil’s snare, dittany, dirigible plum, fanged geranium, flitterbloom, flutterby bush, gillyweed, gurdyroot, honking daffodil, mandrake, abyssinian shrivelfig, bouncing bulb, mimbulus mimbletonia, puffapod, screechsap, venamous tentacula, whomping willow, sopophorous bean, belladonna, valerian, hellebore, hemlock, knotgrass 

Jobs: arithmancer, astronomer, auror, broom maker, curse-breaker, healer, herbologist, high inquisitor, gamekeeper, knight bus conductor, minister for magic, muggle relations, obliviator, potioneer, professor, unspeakable

Events: quidditch world cup, triwizard tournament, yule ball, house cup

Organisations: Dumbledore’s Army, Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes, Gellert Grindelwald’s Army, Inquisitorial Squad, International Confederation of Wizards, Death Eaters, Order of the Phoenix, Weird Sisters, the Daily Prophet, S.P.E.W

Games and Toys: Quidditch, exploding snap, duelling, gobstones, headless hunt, wizard skittles, wizard’s chess, fanged frisbee, toy broomstick, screaming yo-yo

Quidditch: quidditch, chaser, beater, keeper, seeker, quaffle, bludger, golden snitch, broomstick, Nimbus 2000, Nimbus 2001, Firebolt

Related works: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, Quidditch Through the Ages, The Tales of Beedle the Bard, Pottermore, The Cursed Child, Hogwarts: An Incomplete and Unreliable Guide, A Very Potter Musical, Potter Puppet Pals

Fandoms: Harry Potter Alliance, The Leaky Cauldron, MuggleNet, LeakyCon, Wizard Rock, Wrockstock, My Immortal

Meta: J.K Rowling, Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson, Rupert Grint, Tom Felton, Matthew Lewis, Maggie Smith

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